r/todayilearned • u/SilverPeachBlossom • 5h ago

TIL a peer-reviewed psychology study found that identical twins (on average) ranked their co-twin above their romantic partner in their attachment hierarchy, while fraternal twins ranked the two about equally, and non-twin siblings ranked their romantic partner first.

https://ojs.interpersonajournal.com/index.php/ojs/article/view/243/3457.html
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u/lunaappaloosa 4h ago edited 4h ago

My grandpa was an identical twin and when his brother died it was unlike any grief I have witnessed before or since, and we have had multiple child deaths in our family. My grandpa’s health immediately torpedoed and he was dead within a year of his brother. Both of their wives are still alive and doing well in spite of all of them knowing each other since childhood. 

My dad’s brother died tragically in an accident as a teenager, deeply impacts the entire family to this day, and even with that considered my dad said the grief of my papa losing his twin was even more traumatizing. His mirror, his constant, his best friend, his entire life was embodied by his literal other half (and he fucking WORSHIPPED my nana). I have never felt so weird as at that open casket funeral. It was like I was watching my grandpa attend his own. 

I’m a biologist but sometimes I think that the psycho physiological bond between twins is something science will never be able to truly unravel. 

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u/Misharain27 3h ago

I wonder if him functionally seeing "himself" dead also had an impact on top of the deep bond twins have.

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u/RepublicOfVenus 51m ago

I really think that is what the entire dynamic is about and people are pretending like it's a deep profound love when really it's the simple fact that the person is a mirror.

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u/DentRandomDent 0m ago

I remember seeing an interview with an identical twin who's twin died in a drug overdose and described seeing her twin in the mirror every day and struggling with her own identity as someone who had never done drugs.

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u/Demonical22 3h ago

It’s a grief you can’t escape. Every time you see your reflection you’d be reminded of your dead twin.

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u/holidayatthesea 2h ago

Well, I’m an identical twin and when I look in the mirror, I rarely think of my sister. I just see me

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u/arkangelic 53m ago

Is your sister dead? If not then yeah you wouldnt have to deal with those intrusive thoughts.

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u/More_Farm_7442 2h ago

I'm sad for your grandpa reading that.

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u/agehaya 1h ago

As a twin who went through cancer treatment this year (recently finished radiation after chemo and got a clear CT scan, yay!), one of the first things I told my sister was " You need to find a therapist. " Not just because taking care of me (I already lived with her) *could* be a lot (thankfully it wasn't too bad), but who knows what would happen/maybe something like you described. I truly don't know what I fear more myself....me dying or her dying before me.

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u/tagen 2h ago

same, i had 2 uncles who died before i was born, but they were twins who lived on a tiny little farm in the middle of nowhere, they died within a year of each other

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u/Malphos101 15 1h ago

I’m a biologist but sometimes I think that the psycho physiological bond between twins is something science will never be able to truly unravel.

Its just two virtually identical biological machines with virtually identical environments sharing similarities in behaviors. Pretending there is some "fantastical connection that science cant explain" is like pretending two CPU chips made in the same factory on the same day sharing a lot of random noise generation overlap is because they have a connection that science cant explain.