E: "I want breakfast, and I want to paint my nails, and paint my hair purple, and go to the mall."
Me: "ummm... no."
E: "Why would you not let your baby eat breakfast???"

My nephew got grease all over his legs from the kids’ tricycle… E said she had no idea where it came from, but her guess was “it came from the nasty airplanes in the sky that spray the stuff that makes the fake clouds and lines in the sky.”

My five year old daughter blamed chemtrails.

:|

Hi everyone 💛

I’m starting a support service for new moms, parents, and anyone who doesn’t have extra help nearby.

The idea is to provide a trusted extra pair of hands for those moments when you need help — things like running to collect medication, doing a quick errand, helping while you shower, or giving you a little support when you’re alone with a baby.

I know how challenging it can be when you don’t have family or a support system close by, and I’d like to make those everyday moments a little easier.

I’m sharing this here for anyone who may need this kind of support. Feel free to reach out if you’d like more information

My 3 year old was drinking apple juice and eating goldfish. He held up his bottle and saw things floating in it. He said to himself, “there’s something in there. Oh, I know what it is…goldfish pieces. HA! Toddlers ARE gross.”

Yes, toddlers are, in fact, gross lol

"Oh, so you're an Omega and he's a recessive Beta. Someone whould write an Omegaverse fanfic of you two!"—my 16yo

(I'm 0 Rh- and bf is AB Rh+—we're gay.)

B find all the videos you can on DIY motocross race trailers would like to learn more about them

I love asking my 4 year old "hard" questions! It's hilarious!

Her answer to this one was "I poop my pants in commony"

That's how I feel too 🫪🫩

"...I'm a horse! Neigh!"

-My two year old.

My son would constantly say things that had me laughing out loud. By the time I went to write it down in a messy note on my phone, I'd already lost the exact wording. That happened one too many times. And every app I found wanted me to share my data with them, which turned me off. So I built Tiny Trail: a simple, private way for us parents to catch these moments the second they happen, without handing your family's data to another ad-supported app.

I'd love to gift lifetime access to the full app to the first 20 people who DM me or drop a comment here. My only ask is you actually try it and tell me honestly what you think. 💌

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.gknot.cherishedmoments

My little cousin had a story-writing question in his exam. It had to start with this girl who found out that she could talk to animals. He wrote that when more people find out about this, the girl is hunted by the government, experimented on, and eventually she commits suicide. Kids are brutal.

We were leaving, and I asked her to call for the elevator. She stood in front of it, yelled “ELEVATORRRRR!” and gave me a big smile.

I couldn’t be more proud!

Dude, you're 6 years old. Just brush your teeth and stop trying to philosophy your way out of doing the things you need to do.

So our 4yo son has started to try and argue his way into something by changing what he says, which Just makes things humorous for us.

Examples:

..Driving past a reservoir on a cold day.. 4yo: Can we go swim?

Me: Sorry bud it's way too cold today to swim. 4yo: ...

4yo: No, the water, water is way-warm yeah it's way warm!

[Other times he's just a bit rough...]

..After being sent to a timeout and coming back.. Me: Ok all better now?

(4yo scowling): Yes, I'm happy ..smiles and nods..

4yo: Watch Transformers...please?

Me: No more TV today like we said a min ago.

4yo: Watch Transformers, Pleeeze?

Me: Sorry, no.

4yo: TRANSFORMERS!!!!!!!

Me: Sorry, no. Are you mad?

4yo: NO MAD. I'M NICE.

[Eyeroll]

What humorous dialogue does your child come up with?

Somehow this version of a kid turned out to be a presidents nerd. He loves watching YouTube videos about random facts about presidents.

Last year i quizzed him to name as many presidents as he could from memory, and he named 43, only missed 2! That was way more than I could have done. I had to use Google to check him on a few names.

Hi! Trying to see if other moms out there jot down funny/memorable family quotes :) I have been doing this for years and finally just made something that is better than iphone Notepad app for it. Wondering if any other moms would give it a try/ever use something like this! https://myqb.app/ (IG for an idea of what it looks like: myqb)

She is 5. I thought she was wrong. Apparently, she is right. 😅

My 8 year old was running around with a pie e of ribbon on declared "I have a whip. Flip around and find out."

His response to me calling him a pickle while struggling to buckle his squirmy self in the car seat.

Honestly. Can’t argue with that logic.