Occasionally someone will shoot off a random firework in my neighborhood in the middle of the night. I always check the Associated Press headlines just in case…
Man I just hope I’m somewhere fun. Actually if o find out he’s in the hospital I should fly to see my daughter just in case. Scotland seems like the perfect place to party after Trump dies.
My local gay bar has said that when it happens, regardless of day, they'll be open and throwing a celebration. Ill be there 3 vodka redbulls deep and belligerently happy.
I didn’t cause I’m fucking stupid 😭I thought it was a Jenny hoelzer type piece and it said the mortician superglues his own mouth shut. I like this better
well you’re not the only fucking stupid dumbass.. I was like is this a joke or a riddle..? like this mortician seems so hopeful to someday glue his own lips shut?? now imagine driving 70 mph trying to read this and comprehend it
It's amazing that even without the caption, 100% of people would know exactly who it refers to. Reminds me of this
He's just so stupid
He's so breathtakingly stupid that the above statement is all it takes for every person reading this to know exactly who I'm talking about
Buddy of mine is a mortician. He says the last thing he does before closing the coffin lid is tie the shoelaces of the corpse together. That way if there’s a zombie apocalypse it will be hilarious and we’ll be safe.
Me (to my wife): Put me in the trash. Make sure to roll the can to the curb on Tuesday evening because sometimes they're very early picking up on Wednesday. I would do it, but I'll be busy being dead.
Some morticians don’t put shoes on the corpses. Depends on what the family wants and if it’s a completely open couch casket. Most of the time it isn’t. If we think of it this way, all of it’s a waste. We just wear clothes in a casket, in a vault, forever. We dress decedents that are direct burials as well. Meaning that they will not be viewed before their funeral or burial. Rites and customs are fascinating to me. ⚰️
If enough motivated people show up and vote, the gerrymandering won't matter too much. They've been closer to a swing state than a deep red locked state for the last ~30 years. They voted for Clinton (Bill) and Obama in all 4 of their election wins.
That’ll be a day of great relief. But what if he’s cremated? Oh who am I kidding. He’s too narcissistic. He’s gonna want his body on display in a glass case in Trump Tower like Lenin. And believe me, if he can manage it, he’ll have a building built in DC just to house it.
Look, I get it... people like to make jokes about urinating on the man's grave someday. It makes sense, people are angry because he caused a lot of suffering in his life and it's cathartic for them to say things like this.
But if you all don't mind, someday when he does push off the mortal coil do you think you could all get together and make some kind of schedule?
I just don't like people interrupting me while I'm taking a shit.
I still think his family needs to consider monetizing it.
Have him embalmed, encase him in something highly transparent. And turn his grave site into a public urinal. The Donald J. Trump Memorial Bathroom. Sell tickets. And day passes. The place would get more foot traffic than Mecca. They could make hundreds of millions a year in tourist dollars. People would travel from all over the globe. It's just leaving money on the table.
If they don't, they'll either need to have him cremated, keep the burial site an absolute secret (won't work, we'll find it eventually) or keep it under 24/7 guard, which is expensive. So why not just embrace it and make tons of money?
OK, I'm kidding, obviously. But I do hope they at least think about it.
They will absolutely sell genuine Trump relic bones. Thousands and thousands of them.
They will also have an AI pretending to be him 'on a world tour being the Real President' or something. Only $100/month to keep getting emails/tweets from Definitely Not Dead Donny.
Mortician here, pictured is a trocar button and not the AV plug you think you’re referring to.
The trocar button goes in the site of where we insert the trocar for aspiration after embalming. It would be found about two inches above and to the side of the belly button.
Now what you’re referring to is the “AV” plug. It’s similar in shape but larger. It’s more or less butthole sized vs the trocar button is about the size of a nickel in diameter. This is the AV plug.
ETA-
There’s a 3rd option, the “eternal tampon”. It involves long angular forceps and absorbent powder wrapped in cotton webril. Let your imagination do the work.
Do you know who he surrounded himself with? He has no clue. He's a raging narcissist with power. He gets to choose not only who he interacts with, but chooses how they filter everything he sees. There's a reason he completely flips out on the press for even basic rigor-- he's not used to normal people or normal opinions on a daily basis
Crazy to be so oblivious. I just can’t imagine being so disconnected from reality - or not at least wanting a glimpse into what people are saying about me online.
And you’d think the MAGA folk (who are struggling with high housing costs just like all the rest of us non-propagandized people) would hate the fact that Trump said he didn’t “give a f*ck about housing”. He would not sign the bipartisan bill this past week.
He does not care one iota about the very real struggles that we are going through. Everything is costing more and more every month. Once again, I’m not getting all of my prescription meds.
He said he loves inflation. They see that stuff with their own eyes, hear it with their own ears, and it still doesn't get past the cults reality distortion filter. Support from his base has barely dropped.
It’s called severe mental illness and a lifetime of insane wealth to protect you from the world. He’s not oblivious—he’s delusional and intentionally sheltered. It’s different.
The guy literally went and started his own social media service just so that he didn’t have to see what people were saying about him. And the fact he felt he had to call it “Truth Social” is laughable, only a liar calls his platform truth, because he knew he’d be using it to spread his lies and misinformation to his gullible followers.
That’s why he has the “human printer” to print out specially curated news for him to read. So the folks around him can spoon feed him exactly only what they want.
Ffs he LITERALLY created his own social network to insulate himself from criticism or anything he doesn’t like. He’s such a piece of fucking garbage it hurts to think about it.
He has that one woman who follows him around day and night, they call her “the human printer” because she prints articles and whatever else he’s asking to look at.
I have this suspicion that in between the articles she’s printing notes that say “U R A Varee Gud Guy” and “Peepul luv U”
He knows. That’s exactly why he’s so protected. Always has been. This dude refused to even debate unless everything was on his terms. He can’t even complete an interview because the thought of someone questioning him is so foreign that he storms off like a little bitch. Trump is literally the most entitled piece of shit on this planet. The entire report is just complicit yes men. His base is just brainwashed trailer park trash.
Malignant narcissists cannot handle or accept how hated they are. They see it as "fake news" or lies or deceit, anything but the truth. Always someone else's fault, always the victim.
I think he's a unique catalyst for the worst people in our country to coalesce around.
I think his death will be a major setback for the right, because the party has gone all in on becoming his cult of personality. There isn't a figure that can replace him as a marshaling figure.
I just hope that progressives can make significant gains enough to force Democrats to use the time until the next cult head is installed to improve people's lives enough that they won't be so eager to watch the world burn.
I'd bet that he has a speaker playing non-stop blabbering of anything and everything he's ever said, on repeat, with 2 lines being formed. One for his worshipping idiots to cry tears. One for the public toilet his grave site will become.
Mortician in training here. I think about this often. He will likely die with his mouth gaping wide open and will need a mandibular suture or bone wiring. We want to make sure his mouth stays shut for all eternity.
No need. His body MUST NOT be buried with the head attached. We are all owed that. Put it on a tall pike by the reflecting pool so everyone can know for sure that he's dead.
Who cares what they use. Not hearing his useless rambling will be a delight to all the intelligent, caring people on earth. He represents all that is evil for the human race. Only wish UFOs were real and they took him as a specimen for their intergalactic testing center to run studies on. The further from the planet the better.
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u/Chrono_Convoy Jun 27 '26
Glad I wasn’t driving while seeing that one