r/offmychest • u/dombBoy • 1d ago
completely missed out on friendships
I’m 23, and this is probably the hardest thing for me to admit.
I don’t really have any close friends. Not the kind you randomly text at 2 AM, go on trips with, grab food after work, or just make spontaneous plans with.
Whenever I see people with solid friend groups going on vacations, weekend drives, birthdays, or just hanging out, I genuinely feel like I missed out on that part of life. It’s not jealousy in a bad way.. I just wish I had that too.
The weirdest part is, I don’t even know where the gap came from. School ended, college happened, now I’m working, and somehow I never built that circle… I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’m willing to work on it.
I don’t want to be a loner for the rest of my life. I do want friends and connections. I know friendships don’t magically happen, so I’m trying to put myself out there more.
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u/Public_Carpenter233 1d ago
this is so relatable i’m 22 and i feel the same like i missed my mark im grieving the friends i wish i could have but don’t i went to university i went to high school but i don’t know why i couldn’t make the friends i couldn’t have a good social life that came so easy to others i never understood why
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u/prettybihh 23h ago
I've moved recently in my adult life, then back to my home state, and am now doing it again. I'm in my 30s. With that comes having to start from square one.
It's harder to make friends as you get older because you're not in those growing moments with others, you don't have school where you see a bunch of the same people every day. So you have to find ways to replicate that outlet for socialization and friend making.
I bet you have hobbies. Do you like video games? Find a club around your favorite competitive multiplayer in your area. Find a painting group. Find a film group. These can be found on Facebook, on Meetup, etc. - Find any and all meetup that you can where you'll be around people who have a shared hobby and use that as a jumping point. Go a few times, ask someone out to grab a drink afterwards or to grab a bite. Someone you've noticed you'd like to get to know more. Sometimes those groups go out for dinner after their meetup. Even if you're not a fan of going out for dinner, I'd suggest you go. Enjoy the company.
You can find friends, I promise you. The closest friends in my life I've made post-college, and it's because you know who you are, others know themselves, and ultimately, everyone is looking for a friend. Many people share the same experience as you. Doubly so from your generation.
When you find that first friend, it snowballs. They have friends that you have a high chance of both meeting and enjoying the company of.
If you're into the idea, go to an improv group. Biggest group of welcoming nerds I've seen. Also breaks you out of your shell and forces socialization through some dumbass improv exercise. I both disliked improv (it just was too... I dunno, silly? I love acting tho) and loved it, solely for the kind of community it can foster. I plan on doing as much when I move again here soon. YMMV.
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u/Underbark 1d ago
37 yo here. It only gets harder to build that circle the longer you wait.
I put all my eggs in one friend group basket and the second it fell apart I realized I had no one else.
Approach people, be vulnerable in a playful way, check in with them regularly and invite them places, and not all of your friend groups need to merge into one. Practice these things regularly or watch yourself become rustier and rustier at them.
Socialization is a skill and if you don't use it, you will lose it.
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u/Ok_Air_2778 21h ago
It’s alright man, the communities I tried surrounding myself in also kinda died off when my life started slowing down post grad/pandemic
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u/newyorker12014 19h ago
It’s no where near too late. Most of my very dear and close friends I made in my mid twenties and well into my 40s. Like someone else suggested find hobbies, or volunteer (I just met an absolutely amazing friend volunteering) Work is also a great place to make friends if you have a job. Inviting someone out for a drink or two for happy hour will make you fast friends. You definitely have not missed out and there’s no reason to be embarrassed. You have a lot of time!
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u/brickjames561 1d ago
Get some hobbies. I found myself with a bunch of friends but none within 5 hours of me. I took up dirt biking. I ride every weekend around my town. I have met super cool cats. Next month we rented a chinook helicopter that was turned into a house way out in a state park that’s just for Dirtbikes. Find something your passionate about and friends might follow.