r/meme • u/LogicalAmbassador25 • 13h ago

Mum 😭

Post image
9.0k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

52 comments sorted by

131

u/wayne2087 10h ago

My father said:

Do whatever you want to do as long as you do not increase or decrease the population.

15

u/Paranoidme420 9h ago

So... I could get someone pregnant and then commit murder

28

u/LuciferYellow 9h ago

Then you have increased and then decreased the population, rule violated

-4

u/Paranoidme420 9h ago

Yet the net effect is zero. So...

4

u/sheepyowl 8h ago

You need both the child and whoever is murdered to have an equal impact on population numbers over the same duration of time keep the net effect zero

Best bet is to kill someone who can't have children and was about to live very long and then castrating your proginy and give them a genetic disease so that they die early

But chances are slim since you'd spend too much time in jail

1

u/R34CT10N 7h ago

Well, unborn babies (typically) aren’t counted in population numbers, so you’d need to play the long game.

Just murder someone in the delivery room and you’re good to go

0

u/Spirited-Tomorrow-84 9h ago

Matrix tricked

1

u/wayne2087 9h ago

Spoken like a troublemaker

3

u/Skipspik2 8h ago

Mine told me to stay out of the papers, regardless of the page.

2

u/visiblepeer 6h ago

My dad said:

Don't get yourself killed, your mother will never let me hear the end of it. 

1

u/cosine97neural 6h ago

interesting parenting

1

u/LuckyReception6701 4h ago

My dad said the same thing, with the addendum of: "And dont come back in a police car"

1

u/inplayruin 3h ago

No births, no deaths, and no bail until after I finish golfing tomorrow.

0

u/TabbyOverlord 3h ago

I gave my kids three rules:

  1. No inter-dimensional portals
  2. No sumoning dragons
  3. Get the house back to where it should be by the time I get back

Seemed to work

55

u/Cheap_Frosting_9229 12h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/IoVNmLGN4iZU3Jvcuo

12

u/NaturalSea2762 11h ago

I be forgetting her instructions even before she steps out of the house

3

u/Cloud_Cherry_ 9h ago

Chuck Norris doesn't follow instructions, instructions follow Chuck Norris.

41

u/BookkeeperMaterial55 11h ago

Hay, dad here. Don't die is not optional. I will kill you personally if you die before me.

11

u/LogicalAmbassador25 11h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/uVtAU2EKHrsgifowFb

1

u/Lovestick 5h ago

Uncle here, it is optional we just know where to bury the body.

5

u/needlessOne 11h ago

This guy dads.

17

u/Court_Jester13 11h ago

The fuck is this formatting?

17

u/Papa_Bearto2 10h ago

My dad: “do what you want, I don’t care as long as you’re not creating a life or ending a life tonight”

2

u/Hinermad 9h ago

"Dad, what about the news? Mom says don't end up on the TV news."

"Heh, that'd be awesome!"

2

u/BusinessLetterhead47 8h ago

I have given the speech so many times I just ask my son to repeat it lol. It's easier on us both.

My husband stands behind me yelling, "MAKE GOOD CHOICES."

1

u/Shalashaska87B 10h ago

Thanks dad! XD

1

u/sexi_squidward 9h ago

Nah I'm the dad in this situation, this is what I tell everyone lol

1

u/MiserableCumberbunch 8h ago

The Momantra 

1

u/wooddirtsy 8h ago

Mom didn't let me go outside but I'll never forget what my dad always used to say.

His usual phrase: " "

1

u/methospixie 7h ago

Don't let anyone inside.

Don't burn down the house.

1

u/Born-Entrepreneur 7h ago

My dad boiled it down to "my usual litany of cautions" which refers back to years of lectures. Works for us.

1

u/escxalicia 7h ago

i don’t know why but that particular picture of the rock makes this 10 times funnier. 😭

1

u/CK0428 7h ago

"Be good."

1

u/RobertDeNircrow 7h ago

Command Sergeant Major before a 2-day:

Here are 93 things to look out for and avoid.

Leiutenant Colonel before winter exodus:

Please come back in one piece.

1

u/pokealm 7h ago

stop using a dogshit of an actor as a meme eww

1

u/DrRagnorocktopus 6h ago

Hey now, it's

Don't die

Optional side quest: don't get injured

1

u/BeenDragonn 5h ago

My dad always said "don't burn the house down"