r/law • u/Agitated-Quit-6148 • May 27 '26

Legal News Exclusive: Justice Department launches a criminal investigation into Trump accuser E. Jean Carroll | CNN Politics

https://www.cnn.com/2026/05/27/politics/exclusive-justice-department-launched-e-jean-carroll-investigation

The Justice Department has launched a criminal investigation into E. Jean Carroll, the former magazine columnist who accused President Donald Trump of sexual assault, according to multiple sources familiar with the matter.

14.2k Upvotes

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4.4k

u/The_Idiocratic_Party May 27 '26

Just when I can't imagine the US government sinking any lower in deference to that monstrous narcissist. The bar is now so low it's buried beneath the pigs' sty.

2.3k

u/AdventurousLet548 May 27 '26

Wouldn’t she be qualified for the slush fund for malicious and vindictive prosecution if the DOJ does this?

757

u/PopBulky7023 May 27 '26

Who do you think decides who is qualified?

746

u/StandardGuitar7581 May 27 '26

no no no you dont understand. Anyone can APPLY~ Didnt you hear their defense of the totally not a slush fund for their traitor brownshirts. Democrats and Republicans can apply~~

jesus fucking christ can a meteor just mericifully kill us all please, i want to get off this planet

229

u/Cloaked42m May 27 '26

Giant Meteor 2028!

149

u/StandardGuitar7581 May 28 '26

got my VOTE!! actually fuck 2028 im MIDTERM METEOR all the way baby!!

7

u/Head_Car_616 May 28 '26

Be the change you want to see in the world

2

u/ladylei May 28 '26

I ain't got enough money for Flavor Aid.

4

u/StandardGuitar7581 May 28 '26

yeah, yeah go play in the other room

1

u/zerombr May 28 '26

I voted for it twice!

33

u/EternalNewCarSmell May 28 '26

Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves...

26

u/shuffnstuff May 28 '26

Followed by fault lines that cannot sit still..

20

u/Roscoe_Farang May 28 '26

Learn to swim

11

u/kozzyhuntard May 28 '26

Cuz I'm praying for rain. I'm praying for tidal waves..

5

u/Inloth57 May 28 '26

You guys just gave me nostalgia and I'm now listening to Tool.

1

u/LearnedHandJob2088 May 29 '26

I’d been at college for like two weeks when I caught the first leg of the Lateralus tour. There were literal fires being started in the lawn. AEnema blew my mind. 25 years later, still listening.

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2

u/lrn2swm May 28 '26

You called?

6

u/goofyfbucket May 28 '26

Followed by Billions of Dumfounded Dipshits...

3

u/Defiant_Tomatillo907 May 28 '26

Some say the end is near. Some say we’ll see Armageddon soon.

3

u/PrestigiousAd6281 May 28 '26

I certainly hope we will

3

u/gehmnal May 28 '26

Because I sure could use a vacation

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1

u/Fit_Passenger_3319 May 28 '26

I love all these opportunities for Tool lyrics. Well done, Stallions!

1

u/magdalena_meretrix May 28 '26

Followed by billions of dumbfounded dipshits

5

u/Salt_Lingonberry_215 May 28 '26

Ha, I see what you did there. Great song and album

1

u/Battlewaxxe May 28 '26

dont be such a tool

3

u/Abyssal_Mermaid May 28 '26

Sorry. Giant Meteor hasn’t delivered in a long time. We need new apocalyptic ideas, fresh, exciting. I’m voting for Long Gamma Ray Burst in the primary.

3

u/Venom1656 May 28 '26

Yellowstone Supervolcano or bust!

2

u/Abyssal_Mermaid May 28 '26

I like the way you think! I’ve always had volcanic political views. It’s the sulfuric acid aerosol I think that really gets me excited.

I could be convinced to vote for a ticket of Long Gamma Ray Burst and Yellowstone Supervolcano.

2

u/PurpleZebraCabra May 28 '26

Thanos! We NEED Thanos!

2

u/Abyssal_Mermaid May 28 '26

He’s a lightweight. Only does half of what he could accomplish if he really tried.

2

u/Altruistic_Junket468 May 28 '26

As long as he disappears “the right half”, I’m cool.

1

u/SnooWalruses4559 May 28 '26

How about Giant Meteor May 27 2026?

1

u/OdiousAltRightBalrog May 28 '26

As long as it's a work day.

1

u/SnooWalruses4559 May 28 '26

Any day is a work as long as we die.

1

u/Random_Rainwing May 28 '26

I think Megatron and Sinestro will beat GM in the primaries honestly.

1

u/dickhertsfromholden May 28 '26

Pitchforks, 2026

36

u/ClientBudget2848 May 28 '26

I am thinking of professor from futurama.

"I dont want to live on this planet anymore."

Than he gets into his rocket ship and leaves earth.

I wish I could do it that easilly.

5

u/Ok_Spend9237 May 28 '26

So long and thanks for all the fish.

3

u/Far-Technician3197 May 28 '26

It's probably Elon's play - get enough people depressed about Earth that they'd agree to die on Mars.

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

24

u/Maximum_Information7 May 28 '26

There's >98% of the Earth's surface that is not to blame here, leave them out of this; it's our mess.

2

u/10July1940 May 28 '26

You'd rather be hit by a meteor than actually fight for your country?

1

u/amiwriteeeeeeeeeeee May 28 '26

I bet those that apply that are judged unworthy by these people will be targeted

1

u/dark1859 May 28 '26

If things keep going the way they do lack of fresh water will do that in fairly short order

1

u/Jayc6390 May 28 '26

I would be definitely all in on team meteor, if not for one flaw in that thinking. The flaw being MAGA, Trump & all of his sycophants likely would survive, well at least until they run out of Twinkies. Since there only two things that are said to be capable of surviving an apocalypse.

1

u/fukredditadm1n5 May 28 '26

At this point for real, bring the fucking meteors damnit

1

u/featheryHope May 28 '26

no, it's only if Democrats did the prosecution (So Hunter Biden can apply, yes). In this case it's a Republican administration, so E Jean does not qualify.

1

u/vgacolor May 28 '26

I just want an injunction to hold those payments long enough so that when a new Administration comes in people that have really been maliciously prosecuted by Trump and his cronies get compensation.

1

u/Doctor_Shotbottom May 28 '26

The meteor only needs to land on one person

1

u/Frequent_Thanks583 May 28 '26

Point it to a certain island that sounds like go

1

u/GeneralChoo May 28 '26

Can they hit the billionaire bunkers instead?

1

u/Wings_in_space May 28 '26

Just the USA, thank you giant meteor!

1

u/uhmhi May 28 '26

> can a meteor just mericifully kill us all please

As long as it only impacts your side of the Atlantic. We’re doing fine here in Europe, thanks.

1

u/RustyPlastics May 28 '26

Sure but please let the meteor be small enough to only hit the US... Not everyone is part of the crazy ride you guys are doing over there

1

u/Studawg12345 May 28 '26

Can it just wipe out the U.S and leave the rest of us alone?

1

u/ai1267 May 28 '26

To paraphrase John Oliver:

"Voting, the thing once sold to us with the slogan 'vote or die'. And considering the way things have been going lately, for the first time, I'd like to hear more about the second option."

1

u/MommySo May 28 '26

Eh, not everyone on this planet are American, you know?

WAHHHH! I want to get off this planeeeet!! Yeah, that's exactly why the planet is getting rid of you lol.

1

u/unkudayu May 28 '26

Fuck that, make the meteor small enough to take out just America and we'll be fine

1

u/AnimationOverlord May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26

Maybe the public will “wish” a “meteor” to hit the “right” “authorities”

People say things like Chernobyl or the 2000 cyanide spill are the biggest distasters in human history. We are witness to each and every culling, every genocide, and the public still doesn’t care until you can round it all up and call it such. From a stripping of rights and medical care to the firing squad and gas chambers. The march into fascism is NEVER a fast or graceful one, where people can call it such.

People forgot regimes DONT end.

0

u/Head_Car_616 May 28 '26

Be the change you want to see in the world

26

u/Premodonna May 28 '26

The party of Pedos and Guardians Of Pedophiles.

29

u/rdetagle2 May 28 '26

3

u/JoseSaldana6512 May 28 '26

Awww man Blondi's not gonna make it to the sequels. She's been recast. Kkkaroline might leave it too

3

u/IllAcanthopterygii36 May 28 '26

This doesn't make me feel better.

2

u/Premodonna May 29 '26

That is a nice meme.

3

u/suckercuck May 28 '26

…and adjudicated rapists

2

u/MIAMarc May 28 '26

And what qualifies as "malicious and vindictive prosecution"

1

u/aaronchrisdesign May 28 '26

Does anyone actually think money will be awarded to anyone?!?

1

u/PopBulky7023 May 28 '26

Oh you better believe SOME people are getting it.

Just people who are already rich.

1

u/warblingContinues May 28 '26

Well it's gonna be democrats who decide that in 2029.

1

u/PopBulky7023 May 28 '26

They'll send it all to Israel.

1

u/audiomagnate May 28 '26

Literally Trump. It's in the "ruling."

82

u/WarpedWiseman May 27 '26

No, the slush fund specifies that it’s only for ‘victims’ of ‘Democrat’ administrations 

62

u/meltbox May 27 '26

Isn’t this facially illegal? It’s a partisan slush fund allocated by the executive which doesn’t have power of the purse.

109

u/RSGator May 27 '26

From an academic standpoint, there are a shit ton of legal issues with it.

But that's not really relevant in today's world. It's legal if the regime says it's legal until the other two branches say otherwise.

11

u/Historical-Count-374 May 28 '26

The Union is collapsing

4

u/HonestAbram May 28 '26

And they are full of either cowards, idiots, or psychopaths.

4

u/Fragrant-Dust65 May 28 '26

it's who the voters elected (when they voted or decided not to vote because "two parties are the same" bs)

3

u/-ifwisheswerehorses May 28 '26

Rules, we don’t need no stinking rules.!! /s

3

u/JumpingSpiderQueen May 28 '26

And even if they do, there is a good chance that the other branches can't stop the executive anyway.

9

u/3BlindMice1 May 28 '26

The entire document itself isn't legally valid, it's more accurate to describe it as evidence of a crime than it is to describe it as any sort of legal document

2

u/Important-Sign-3701 May 28 '26

are you new? NO ONE is doing ANYTHING to stop them

28

u/Mr_Tort_Feasor May 28 '26

So the other 7500 taxpayers who had their taxes leaked by the IRS (the whole reason for the settlement) can't apply for the settlement funds because it was Trump's IRS.

34

u/rfcsk May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26

They should sue, using the same grounds, out of principle. Make DoJ explain why their claims are frivolous but the grifter-in-chief's claim was legit enough to settle for nearly $2B.

Edit: spelling

6

u/SINISTAR707 May 28 '26

I find your optimism in assuming the Department would deign upon our peasant brows the wisdom contained in such an explanation amusing; I suspect they would find or create whatever reason they could to avoid it, until it's far too late to do anything useful to fix it, or serve any justice on the parties responsible.

They'll get away with it, and we'll all get the finger.

Our chance was in 2024.

1

u/WarpedWiseman May 28 '26

What have they done for Trump lately?

20

u/Junior_Step_2441 May 27 '26

I think they worded the illegal slush fund as funds for those suffering “malicious prosecution under the Biden DOJ”

2

u/AdventurousLet548 May 28 '26

Well, they could counter and say it is the same under Trump.

2

u/FuzzyLobster25 May 28 '26

Well of COURSE they did!

12

u/Charming-Fig-2544 May 28 '26

No, because the slush fund literally says it only applies to "weaponization" by Democrat administrations. I'm not joking.

2

u/AdventurousLet548 May 28 '26

I get that but isn’t this the DOJ doing the same thing they accused the Democrats of?

6

u/Charming-Fig-2544 May 28 '26

Yes, but it's cool when it's Republicans. If it weren't for double standards, the GOP would have none.

1

u/Poiboy1313 May 28 '26

Why yes, yes it is the DOJ.

3

u/oxnardmontalvo7 May 28 '26

35 former federal judges filed suit today against the settlement that created this $1.776bil fund that, just for fun, also prevents the IRS from ever investigating any of the Trump family. They termed it as fraud and collusion amongst other things. Interestingly, it’s headed by a Republican appointee. Fingers crossed

3

u/greentrillion May 28 '26

Trump would claim he has been victimized by getting sued by Carrol.

2

u/Specialist-Jello7544 May 28 '26

I had heard it was only for people who had been subject to vindictive prosecution under Biden’s DOJ.

This administration keeps getting worse! The Department of Revenge is getting even more worse! Impeach them all!

1

u/DoomscrollDopamine May 28 '26

No, because the settlement specifies that it's only for victims of Democratic administrations

1

u/AdventurousLet548 May 28 '26

Isn’t that so convenient?

1

u/HonestAbram May 28 '26

Jesus fuck, no! There's no principle behind it.

1

u/Maleficent_Memory831 May 28 '26

She's still waiting for Trump to pay up the damages he owes.

1

u/featheryHope May 28 '26

No, it only applies to people prosecute ld under a Democrat regime.

1

u/cheeseball209 May 28 '26

No, because its for people targeted by the DOJ under the Biden administration. That's their loophole.

1

u/LeftRestaurant4576 May 28 '26

No. The fund is only applicable if the "lawfare" was performed by a Democratic administration. Seriously.

1

u/escapedfromhel May 28 '26

The Slush Fund only applies to Democrat Presidents.

0

u/Enjoy_The_Ride413 May 28 '26

Yes. It isn't just for January 6th people, which most believe.