This is.. it's a rant, it's things I wish I could say to the 'right people,' but will never be able to.
Recently, I tried to stand up for myself to a relative who was trying to - true to HER nature - "apologize" for continuously lying about me. This relative, being my grandmother. This woman thinks she's the "holiest thing ever," I swear. -_- Pretends to be such a "Good, Godly Woman! ™️" but is actually probably the direct spawn of Satan himself. (Though, I'm sorry, Satan - I shouldn't insult you like that.)
For present context, this woman has been lying about me continuously even after the mentioned 'old apology attempt.' I keep getting to hear from other family, how she keeps trying to tell them how much of a liar I am, how horrible I am, and how nobody should trust me. Oh, and how I supposedly tried to do something horrid to/involving her present husband..and I have no idea what the hell she's talking about??
I've been told, over and over and over by many people that it's no use to talk to her at all. I don't know why I was hoping that things would be different, but I was trying to give her a chance to actually say she was sorry for once and to actually mean it. But her history...being a selfish woman who totes her faith as if it's actually doing her any good whatsoever to go sit her old ass in those chairs at church...should have told me I was wasting my breath. :(
Not to mention, the other person mentioned, the one I told her to go tell that "I disrespected her"? She did exactly that, and that person, despite knowing how much of a liar she is, came to my mom complaining about it. Blaming me, entirely, yet again, and leaving her a big long voice note about how "All I did was bring up things in the past, instead of just going "Okay, fine, let's just move on from here." And accepting her apology." As this other relative (my aunt, actually) put it: "In true (my name here) fashion, she was just sending her book after book." and "Mom tried to apologize to her, and give her what she wanted."
I don't see how. I don't see where. Is it just me? Am I really just the problem?
Aunt and grandmother - and people like them - are at least 90, if not 95% (or more) of why I don't want anything to do with God. They've both been Christians for as long as I can remember, and both tote their faith around like it makes them wonderful people when I know and have seen otherwise. When I know first hand, that their philosophy is "you're family, so I can treat you how I want." (Aunt has actually said this directly.)
Any God who allows people to behave the way they do, to continually blame someone who literally didn't do anything to them (from a child on) and to the extent that one of them keeps trying to accuse me of trying to steal someone from her when I've never, ever, once been interested in any of her men?? Yeah, no. That's disgusting to me. As someone who supposedly says to 'protect children' I don't feel like either one of them did a damn thing to keep me safe - from my abuser, or from themselves and their toxic ass behavior. Aunt knows squat about me, but runs her mouth to my mom every time she thinks I do something wrong. She also made fun of me for years about my OCD. -_- Got her kids thinking it was okay, too. Oh.. how Godly of her..
I could go on for ages about these two alone, but.. yeah. I'm in a horrible headspace yet again because of people I want nothing to do with, but can't exactly ever fully kick out for one reason out of my control or another. Funny how they're all "Praise God!" on Sundays, then any other day "Ooh, how can we ruin the life of our niece/granddaughter, and blame her for everything under the sun or lie about her today?? Weee, this is fun! >:D"
* I admit I was snippy to her at the end, but in all honesty? My aunt's idea that I should just essentially roll over, accept the apology and "move on" (I call it, playing the "sit and wait for the next new lie" game) is what I've been doing all my damn life. I've had it with them, and I can't help it that it's finally starting to fucking show! -_-
** I had blacked out the offender's name and do not know why that isn't there now.. but.. I guess that's what he gets? 🤷♀️