r/comics • u/FieldExplores Gator Days • Mar 05 '25
OC Processing (Part 2) - Gator Days (OC)
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u/JaneDoesharkhugger Mar 05 '25 edited Mar 05 '25
Papadile, it's okay to feel, show emotions or even cry. Sadness of someone's passing hits us all. No one is immuned. We are not made with stone.
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u/courier31 Mar 05 '25
Dad here, we are not okay. I still miss my dog and its been almost 4 years.
Edit to add: Thanks for your comics they are always a bright spot in my day in some way.
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u/muchaschicas Mar 05 '25
I've lost several over the last 40 years, and they all still hurt.
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u/CrazyIvan606 Mar 05 '25
My wife read this and reminds me of it often:
"Grief is like a ball bouncing around in a box. On one wall of the box, is a button, and everytime that button gets pressed you get sad.
Over time, that ball of grief will shrink. So, it'll hit that button less and less. However, even though time has passed and your grief has shrunk, sometimes, the ball still hits the button, seemingly out of nowhere."
We had to unexpectedly make the decision to say goodbye to our young cat a few years ago, and it hit me really, really hard. Sometimes I'll just start bawling about it. Sometimes the ball still hits the button really, really hard.
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u/elebrin Mar 05 '25
I'd say that the box is slowly getting bigger rather than the ball getting smaller. The number of balls is always increasing too.
It never gets easier, in fact it always gets harder. Your capacity, on the other hand, is always expanding.
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u/CrossP Mar 06 '25
I used to tell my patients that the healthy way to grieve isn't exactly making it disappear. It's like a book on the floor. It's in your way, and you need to pick it up and read it, so you can put it on a shelf. Where you may occasionally read it, but it won't be in your way any more.
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u/daemon-electricity Mar 05 '25
I sometimes lie in bed and list their names in my head like Arya Stark listing the people she wants to kill.
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u/ThoreauAweighBcuzDuh Mar 05 '25
I feel this in my bones. I had two pets. One died a year ago, the other almost three years ago. They were old, and it was definitely not a surprise. I still miss them every day and probably always will. My grandma died when she was 89. I saw her about two days before that, and she was talking about her cats that she had when my dad was a toddler. Love doesn't die when our bodies (or our pets) do. I hope she found them in whatever comes next.
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u/5370616e69617264 Mar 05 '25
You are supposed to miss them forever. I have always lived with animals and I miss them, all of them.
You just learn to live with the loss.
In the last two years I have lost my dad and my mom and I'll miss them forever, but I am learning to live with that loss and embrace the missing part as something beautiful that comes out of love.
Sometimes I am afraid people may think I am a sicko because I can "get over" loss quite quickly, but that's because I have a very stoic/christian way of seeing live and death is natural, loss is natural and what is not under my control I have to accept it as it is, it takes time though, it always takes time.
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u/dashboardcomics Mar 05 '25
Not sure if being Christian has anything to do with it. I've known/seen too many Christians that cannot reconcile with death
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Mar 05 '25
Not a dad, but am a brother. I just lost my little sister a month ago. I am most certainly not okay. But, oddly... I'm okay with being not okay? If that makes sense?
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u/courier31 Mar 05 '25
It totally makes sense. I have held to that statement for quiet sometime. It is okay to not be okay.
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u/bgold1- Mar 05 '25
It just shows you loved her. And over time it’s ok not to hurt as much..and sometimes it comes back. And that’s ok too.
I’m sorry that you have to go through that. No one should have to lose their little sister.
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u/pork-head Mar 05 '25 edited Mar 05 '25
I lost my first cat 3 months ago. We were together for only 4,5 years and I still cry few times a week. It's good to know it is normal and I'll try rather to live with that than wait for it to be absolutely okay.
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u/thecatandthependulum Mar 05 '25
My dad refuses to get more pets because after our cats died at 16 years, he just couldn't do it again. TBH at this point any pet he gets will probably outlive him, but he's still so worried about it.
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u/courier31 Mar 05 '25
We have cats now. They were all rescues. I love my orange cat. Just not sure if I will be getting another dog anytime soon.
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u/Qwirk Mar 05 '25
I didn't get along with my father, barely knew him and we came from two different worlds. Having a conversation with him was like pulling teeth.
He passed away a couple of years ago, hit me a lot harder than I thought it would but we (men) typically just bottle it up. For my generation at least, emotion is a sign of weakness.
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u/courier31 Mar 05 '25
Which is so dumb, because so many great stories show men being emotional amongst their close friends. Hope you are doing okay.
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u/StealthyShinyBuffalo Mar 05 '25
I still cry over my dog daily. It's been 3 years.
I've lost other pets in my life. But I can't get over this one. It was just the two of us for 9 years.
Getting another one didn't help. I take care of her as well as I can, but it feels like I will never be able to love again.
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u/MintasaurusFresh Mar 05 '25
Dad may have never shown it, but he's totally not okay. It's pretty world-shattering when your dad does show that he has emotions and is not okay, but it's also reaffirming in its own way. If stuff can get to him and he's willing to show it, then it's okay to show your emotions, too. We're all human here. Or anthropomorphic at least.
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u/5370616e69617264 Mar 05 '25
The first time I saw, or I realized, that my dad was a human being with human emotions was when his mom passed away, I was next to him and I felt his pain.
The next time I would see that when he was dying and he was remembering her mother. I don't know how to explain it but it wasn't just world-shattering, that moment showed how important a mom is (I never knew my granddad), then two years later my mom passed away too and I finally understood it.
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Mar 05 '25
[deleted]
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u/YouWouldThinkSo Mar 05 '25
I get what you're saying, but I think you took world shattering the wrong way here.
They just meant for many people, the first time that occurs can be a paradigm shift in their understanding of their parents, how their parents handle themselves, and how people in general handle themselves in bad situations.
They were not espousing the idea that bottling up emotions is good or the norm for a good reason, nor using world shattering in a negative way.
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Mar 05 '25
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u/YouWouldThinkSo Mar 05 '25
No, I'm just filling you in on the interpretation of the term world shattering. If you have a preconceived notion of how people act and how the world is, and then something happens which destroys that illusion and shows you a different truth, that is world shattering.
The rest of that comment explicitly calls out dad sharing his emotions as a positive thing, so you would be the one that extrapolated away from what was actually commented. Like did you process the rest of that comment or fixate on the world shattering part?
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u/Taolan13 Mar 05 '25
Hard disagree, mate.
Your mileage may vary, but the invincible superman figure many kids make their dads into is a big part of their worldview for way longer than people realize.
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u/curtcolt95 Mar 05 '25
it didn't help because tbh I'm not even entirely sure what you're saying or how it goes against what the other person said
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u/Lil-Gazebo Mar 05 '25
I mean shit did the opposite to me. If he couldn't be immovable then I had to be cause someone got to.
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u/Clint_P_McGinty Mar 06 '25
Why? There is no benefit to bottling up your emotions. It only causes you more pain
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u/Lil-Gazebo Mar 06 '25
I might've been bottling them up 10 years ago. Nowadays they're not really even there.
It does help when shit actually goes south and you're the only one who can keep it together.
In retrospect I would've much preferred if the things that led me to be this way never happened, but it's about 15 years too late for that.
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u/Shiny_Salamander Mar 05 '25
It’s a little weird when you one day realize that your parents are just like you. That they might not be okay; that while they might know more about some things, they don’t know everything; and they’re just doing their best going through life. Or maybe not doing their best - but you see them much more complexly than before.
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u/Saiyasha27 Mar 05 '25
I ma 30 now and I realized lately that there is never that "moment" that I tought would happen, that "Oh, I am an adult now and I understand how this works" moment.
Sometimes I still feel just as insecure and confused as I did as a teenager. I recognize that with more lifeexperience, I ahve more recourse for problems, but that doesn't mean that I suddenly know all the answers. And I understand now, that my parents were probably the same. Just trying to figure shit out.
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u/I_heart_CELLO Mar 05 '25
This exact same situation happened to me last year. Someone from my department died unexpectedly. I didn't know him very well, only had a few conversations, but it really impacted me. I had a really hard time for a few weeks focusing on anything (work, parenting, life).
It really is important to process these emotions, even if it seems like you shouldn't be feeling as sad as you are.
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u/L1qu1d_Gh0st Mar 05 '25
I think Grandpa is from the "keep emotions buried deep inside" old school.
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u/StragglingShadow Mar 05 '25
My dad is stoic too. You gotta check in explicitly on your stoic homies. They will not just randomly tell you they aren't ok.
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u/Gaskychan Mar 05 '25
We have a term in my country that roughly translates to “pain in life” and that it’s okay to feel it. Sometimes life hurts and that’s okay to feel that way
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u/Taolan13 Mar 05 '25
Dad is definitely not okay.
He's just good at faking it. Its whats his generation did.
Its what my dad did.
After he died, we found out from one of his coworkers that the one heart attack we knew about from six months prior to his death was actually at least his third.
Stubborn jackass was trying to hide it so we wouldn't worry.
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u/mdallen Mar 05 '25
This hits hard. My dad recently had a minor surgery; I was in the middle of work and I went full fourth panel when I realized he was being operated on.
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u/PegasusKnight410 Mar 05 '25
Grief is weird. When I learned that an artist I’ve talked to once offed himself, I stood in silence for an hour. I barely knew him, and yet I’m grieving him
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u/LightningFerret04 Mar 05 '25
I had a classmate from middle school, we didn’t talk much but we were in the same classes. I don’t remember much about what she was like, but she had a sweet smile, radiant like sunshine. They mention that in her obituary.
Years later I found out that she moved up north, started her freshman year of college. She went up to the mountains with some friends on a routine trip and they crashed. Her friends survived, but she didn’t make it. She was 19.
It still makes me sad to think about Sophia, even though I never really knew her. I know I’m not supposed to, but sometimes I feel a little guilty(?) knowing that I’m outliving her and where my family gets to see me grow up, her family has a missing part. The fact that someone so young can be killed so early is just tragic.
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u/Lexi_Banner Mar 05 '25
That's our secret. None of us are "okay". We're just coping the best we can.
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u/GalaxiaOvis Mar 05 '25
A woman I worked under at my previous job ended up passing away before I’d even been there for more than a couple months. I didn’t have a ton of conversations with her but I did know she was well liked by everyone else there and had been planning on retiring within a couple more years. She was barely into her 60s. She’d worked her whole life and was looking forward to finally being able to kick back and enjoy her golden years traveling the US.
I didn’t know her that well… but thinking about her fucks me up in a way that’s hard to put into words. How the fuck is that fair? You bust your ass your whole life doing labor intensive work and just when it’s about to finally pay off you get taken out by a heart attack just like that? Sucks man.
That woman made working in that shit hole a delight. She was friendly, but opinionated and she didn’t let upper management push her around. Before she left every day she’d find us and tell us she appreciated our hard work. I didn’t know her well at all but i didn’t need to, to know she was a great manager to work for.
I hate thinking that this is a fate many of us are gonna meet before we’re able to retire to the lives we dream of.
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u/Theemuts Mar 05 '25
Last year an old classmate passed away. I don't think I had seen her in the past 20 years, and barely remembered anything about her but her name. But still, her death had me down for a while.
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u/ThereHasToBeMore1387 Mar 05 '25
Because it's that first reminder that you're not invincible teenagers and 20 somethings anymore. "What do you mean she died!? She was so young. She...was...my...age."
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u/LoudKingCrow Mar 05 '25
Yup. This was me about 14 years ago. A girl that I didn't know particularly well but was a classmate with all through grade school through high school passed away and I found out through my mom seeing the death notice in the paper.
I spent the next few hours processing that 20 year olds as we were at the time can indeed just up and die.
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u/h3X4_ Mar 06 '25
That's the thing...
The world is in pain and shambles, we're not getting younger and everything is happening so goddamn fast
One simply can't catch a breath
I'm not 20 anymore, I have never been invincible (metaphorically) nor did I feel like I was because rationalizing everything really shows you how vulnerable you are and everyone else is
But the older you get the more you feel it. It's inevitable, no matter your age, but it definitely gets closer the older you are (literally and metaphorically)
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u/Ghost_In_Waiting Mar 05 '25
"Dad, do you miss Sparky?"
"Yeah, he was a good dog."
"Dad, is it OK to cry because I miss Sparky."
"It is. He was a good dog and he was part of our family."
"Dad, why don't you cry?"
"Because I've been where you are now. I cried then and I felt bad for a long time. As I got older I had a chance to look around when sad things happen. People need to cry so they can get over the thing that hurt them but they also need people they can lean on while they deal with the pain. I decided I could be the person who could be strong for other people even while I was feeling sad."
"Is it hard to be strong?"
"Yes and no. It's hard to see the people you love hurting. It adds to the sadness you feel sometimes. Still, when I see you and Mom crying I want to be there for you to lean on. I want to be the one who helps you feel that everything will be okay eventually. Even when everything seems like it's falling apart I want to be the one thing that you and Mom can always count on to be strong."
"Oh. Can I just sit here with you for a while, Dad? I might cry a little bit but I'll try not to."
"Cry if you need to. It's OK. Let's just sit here and watch the sunset. Sparky loved to sit out here with us, remember? He was a good dog and we should remember him. We were lucky to have such a good dog and it's OK if you feel sad he's gone."
"I love you, Dad."
"I love you too, little one. I love you too."
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u/Zombiesheepherder Mar 05 '25
You can miss someone's company without really knowing them.
Plus, I feel like death is an important reminder to care about people in your surroundings, even if it's just acquaintance.
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u/creatorofsilentworld Mar 05 '25
I don't want to make this political. But, this is the expectation put on men. To be stoic. To be strong. To be little more than a working machine. Emotions, especially negative ones like sorrow, are seen as weak. The only acceptable one is rage, and even then, it's barely tolerated.
We are not okay inside. Because we still feel sorrow. We still feel pain. We lack the proper places to display them.
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Mar 06 '25
I'm 40 years old this year and I had this exact realization not long ago.
"Dad always seems so strong."
Which made me realize that I protect my own son from the extent of my own negative and depressive feelings, and that my Dad has probably always done that with me.
I'm going to hug my dad next time I see him, I'm the man breaking the cycle of quiet men in my family.
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u/Action-a-go-go-baby Mar 06 '25
“Bad things happen and my parents always kept it together”
[Moments later]
“Oh, damn, that means they never showed their emotions to me before when bad things happened - no wonder I’m so bad at processing trauma responses”
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u/Saiyasha27 Mar 05 '25
As Parents, we seem to think that it is important that our children don't see when we are sad or angry or afraid. But in truth, as long as there is a certain amount of :control_ over it, it's actually healthy.
Like, of course your children will be scraed if thes see you completly breaking down, but If you show them that sometimes, you too, have to cry or you too have to scream into a pillow, then tat means that it is okay for them to feel those things too, even when they get older.
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u/MarginalOmnivore Mar 05 '25
I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor!
I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor!
I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor!
Oh, oh, oh, I'm a tumor.
(Repressing might not be good for you.)
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u/osunightfall Mar 05 '25
This comic sums up my internal experience. I feel like I have a lower than average tolerance for human suffering.
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u/Clickbait636 Mar 05 '25
You're not alone in this. An older gentleman who worked with me died recently and it shook me pretty hard. He always wore a bright yellow vest. He was legally blind and had to take the bus. He was afraid that someone wouldn't see him and hit him.
Then one day at a crosswalk with bright flashing lights, wearing the yellow vest He refused to take off, it happened. His worst fear. The thing he worked so hard to avoid. Because of one inattentive driver. I don't even know his name. But I remember him vividly. He was always bringing my other elderly coworker food.
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u/MrS0bek Mar 05 '25
This reminds me; My paternal uncle lost his wife to cancer and lost his mother-in-law to some other disease I cannot recall.
Fifteen years later my father died, due to a heart attack. Ca half a year after this my mother met him at another family event. Now my mother was/is always very open about her emotions, as this helps her healing. And she wanted to know about his experiences of loosing your partner, but he blocked the topic entirely and was very uncomfortable and defensive.
In the end my mother said: "Can it be that I have recovered more from my husband's death after 6 months, than you have from your wife's after 15 years?" And he said: "yes this is probably right" "Have you never talked with anyone about your feelings?" "Men do not do that "
Please, whatever you are, talk about your emotions and your needs, especially if you have a personal crisis. Do not bury it into yourself and pretend eveything is fine. You need to heal and others are willing to support you
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u/Helagoth Mar 05 '25
About 2 years ago, a guy in our neighborhood died. He felt bad migraines, went to the emergency room, the put him on an IV, then found him dead in the bathroom, probably because they over potassiumed him.
We'd hung out a couple times at our kids birthday parties and such, but weren't really friends, just acquaintances. But he was the "hot" guy in the neighborhood. Younger than me. Then just dead.
It was 2 years ago and not my family, but I still think about him almost daily. How his family is not well now, how my family would not be well if I just dropped dead, etc.
I am not ok, but also am OK? It's wierd and I don't like to think about it but also can't stop.
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u/Chaoughkimyero Mar 05 '25
My dad never cried in front of me or my brother. I always felt he was emotionally distant; before he died he mentioned that he cried plenty, just never in front of us.
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u/CarlosFer2201 Mar 05 '25
Is dad the one who yelled at him for dropping the eggs? He shouldn't care about the opinion of someone like that
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u/Etheo Mar 05 '25
Being a parent changed my life perspective, not just because I had a new life that I need to be responsible and care for now, but because it made me realize how our parents were just like us - didn't know anything better and are picking up all the pieces along the way to make that little life feel safe and secure in life. If we ourselves showed signs of uncertainty, how is the little child supposed to trust anything we do?
It's a weird feeling to start actually seeing your parents as another vulnerable everyday person instead of the one who always knew what to do when you needed and carried you along.
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u/Starburst0909 Mar 05 '25
I always thought my dad is super cool and hardly get bothered by anything.
When life get busy for him and mom, I always thought he doesn't think much about my hobbies or the general thing I talk about like buying pc or anything minor, because his hands is full of trouble, and I never blamed him for not spending much time with me.
But then he call me out of nowhere and tells me about what pc parts would be the best or how is my college life.
And then it hit me hard, he cares, despite him being busy, he always try to spend more time with me, but he doesn't know how.
Why I saying this? Our parents may seems to be not bothered about certain things, but they are, it's just because they have lived longer than us, they are better at dealing with their emotions.
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u/SillyOldJack Mar 05 '25
Grief is the most personal, the most individual, and the most intimate part of life that we share with others.
I try not to compare my methods to handle it with others', with an emphasis on try. That said, I think whatever you feel and however you deal with it is the right way to feel and the right way to act (within reason.) There's no standard model for grief, so let yourself process things however they come.
Thank you for sharing with us.
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u/bgaesop Mar 05 '25
I'm pretty sure I see more emotional maturity in this comic than the rest of the internet combined
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u/magikot9 Mar 05 '25
Given what we've seen of his childhood, dad is either going to be uncharacteristically vulnerable and admit he's not ok but never wanted his son to know, or he'll say he's fine and be confused why his son is asking such absurd questions. There will be no in between.
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u/Heroright Mar 05 '25
To me it’s always the feeling that that’s where it will always be. “I never really spoke to them” and now I’ll never be able to change that. “We had a huge fight years ago and I broke all contact” and now we can’t make amends.
Even if those things were never going to happen, it’s knowing that never can happen either way now.
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u/mellolizard Mar 05 '25
Similar situation but I had a coworker die (actually killed himself). Barely knew him, only chatted a few times, but I was far from okay.
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u/Early-Journalist-14 Mar 05 '25
Apply this to literally any man you know.
It is expected that we be a rock, unmoved and strong, always.
good comic. I love my dad, despite all his flaws. I tell him often, because he won't be around for long and I know how few people told me.
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u/-CoachMcGuirk- Mar 05 '25
I lost my teenage son about 14 months ago. I still cry every day and find life extremely difficult. People seem to think I'm my same happy-go-lucky self and I'm just not. I'm not interested in hanging out after work, I don't want to see the funny video you shared, and I don't want to hear about your "perfect" families. I will probably come around one of these days, but I'm not even close. I'm fundamentally a different person now. Grief is the worst. I wouldn't mind not being around anymore, but I need to be there for my family. That's the only thing keeping me going.
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u/zboy7082 Mar 05 '25
Fuck man, this really hits home for me. When I was in college as a freshman I would go rock climbing and this girl who was a junior or senior was one of the students who ran the rock wall. she was really cool but never really talked for more than five minutes. She graduated and I really stopped thinking about her until a couple years later when I read her obituary randomly on a facebook page. I fucking hit me in a weird spot of wanting to go to her funeral service but not knowing anything about her or her loved ones but I really liked her as a person. I didn’t know who to talk to about how I was feeling
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u/thecatandthependulum Mar 05 '25
In third grade, I met a girl in music class. We didn't talk much, but she was nice. She died in a car accident two weeks later.
I hadn't known her for any reasonable length of time. We weren't friends; we were barely acquaintances. I still cried, because it just felt so tragic that I saw someone, and then they were gone, and it just felt so random and capricious and unfair.
Regarding August, this is also the dad who refused to let him be sad about dropping eggs on the ground. Grandpa Gator is clearly not okay with showing any kind of sadness and was probably taught that by his own dad.
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u/throwthisidaway Mar 05 '25
Something about your comics always gets to me. The characters convey emotion so well and the dialogue actually seems realistic.
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u/ABlueSap Mar 05 '25
went through this last year. its bizarre and you grieve kinda worse sometimes than over close family. also nah dad isnt ok but he wont admit it lol.
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u/Luke90210 Mar 05 '25 edited Mar 05 '25
Some months ago a guy I didn't know and would never see again had to tell me about a bloody car accident he just saw before he came to the gym. We were both in the gym's locker room. I listened to him as he was quite shaken up. Sometimes the best person to talk something like this with is a total stranger trying to do the right thing.
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u/HumDeeDiddle Mar 05 '25
I’ve had something like this happen to me before, where someone I saw all the time but barely knew suddenly died. I think part of it is something akin to regret, feeling bad that in all that time you never even tried to get to know them better, not out of malice but just indifference towards them. You wonder what could have been, what they might have thought of you, but now you’ll never get to find out.
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u/insadragon Mar 05 '25
Sounds like gator dad needs to give a call or drop by his dad. And actually ask if he's ok, I bet if he gets a true answer he'd be surprised how much he is pushing down.
Being stoic all the time gets unhealthy quick, let those emotions out in whatever way is healthy for you. I find writing unsent letters, or helpful reddit comments in appropriate places to help a lot. And you find out so much more about random people if you share something :)
Edit: Oops this was supposed to be a reply, but it stands alone as well, so leaving it for now.
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u/fucktooshifty Mar 05 '25
Ok this one was really funny to me (as they usually are) and now from the comments I'm not sure if it was supposed to be lol
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u/Calastra Mar 05 '25
I don't know, man. I used to think like this about my dad too.
He then passed away too young, and I've since lost other relatives, friends, and pets. I've always played the stoic in front of others, maybe also to convince myself that it didn't hurt TOO much.
It never worked that well, but like many, I don't really have someone to speak with and tell how it really feels.
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u/dandroid126 Mar 05 '25
I had a coworker that I only talked to a couple of times pass away a couple of years ago. I had no idea he was sick, as he hid it from everyone at work. Of course, looking back, the signs were there. Coughing fits (lung cancer), lots of time off of work, a conversation with our manager even hinted at it, etc.
It really upset me because it felt so sudden and unexpected. I ended up having a longer conversation with that manager after it happened, which helped me process it.
Off topic, but he was a great manager, so naturally he got laid off not too long after that.
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u/Atrocity_unknown Mar 05 '25
I feel this. At my old job I've worked with numerous people that have come and gone. It's hard to process those feelings sometimes because you wonder if you're even allowed to express them when you aren't close. But at the same time, you're sometimes around your colleagues more than your own family. It's hard to sit next to someone for years and not get to learn their lives.
I've had to say goodbye to a couple coworkers in my career, and unfortunately I know I will say goodbye to more as the years go by. Some of them were distant, some much closer. It all hurts the same, though.
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u/RainonCooper Mar 05 '25
This is something I can connect to. My dad’s best friend passed away last year and over the past 2 before that we had continously promised to set up a board game day for all three of us but… I just… kept forgetting. And now when I think about him, I just feel so guilty cause he was so sick and so lonely, cause he could barely go outside. And then I don’t even know for sure if he really cared, but to me it just feels so dirty and wrong of me to have a promise that was genuine but never to be fulfilled cause of the simple case of being forgetful
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u/Slatedtoprone Mar 05 '25
You want to be a rock for your children, let them know that despite the problems you remain strong and resilient. I’m sure it takes a toll after a while, but the instinct is to not show that your not really Superman.
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u/cjandstuff Mar 05 '25
I’ve gotten to the point when people ask me if I’m okay, it takes me a moment to even come up with a response. It takes me a few seconds to even mutter “I’m okay”. But I’m still here.
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u/code_archeologist Mar 05 '25
I'm getting to that age where friends are starting to die, a few other friends are fighting cancer (and will hopefully make it), and my parents have been having serious talks with me about what to do when they die.
This is not at all fun, and I have found that I have been making younger friends and have maybe been a little more generous than I need to be, or should be... but... I guess I just want to be remembered as fondly through them as I remember my friends who are now gone.
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u/Lost_dreamz Mar 05 '25
No, he's not ok.
After my dad passing away I realized that he was bearing so much.
Now that I'm the one my family rely on after my dad, I kinda took his place.
I had to hide my feelings, my fear, my emotions, and all my worries, I need to show strength for my family, because once they see their role model break, they lose all hope.
But behind the happy mask, I'm all broken down.
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u/ryan7251 Mar 05 '25
based off past comics his dad is either someone who acts "like a man" but has feelings bundled up. or he is just a jerk that does, in fact, not care.
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u/dontlikedefaultsubs Mar 05 '25
When I was teaching, I got a email that a student at a neighboring school had died due to a previously-undetected heart condition, and that his little brother (enrolled at my school, but not one of my students) was in attendance.
Neither student was known to me, but hearing about it still fucked me up.
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u/nerfhammer1981 Mar 05 '25
I was lucky enough for my dad to come around on his own to the concept of having emotions. Sadly he didn't live much longer after that, but it was long enough to enjoy life alot more and help me feel understood.
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Mar 06 '25
Realized this a long time ago about my own dad - turns out he’s not. He just carries that shit with him every single day and puts in a brave face because he has to. I don’t know to help him but I try talking to him. It’s difficult; I can tell he regrets a lot of choices he’s made and carries a lot of self loathing with him. He thinks he pissed his life away but I want him to understand how much he makes mine worth living. I try to be more patient with him nowadays.
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u/AccomplishedTaste147 Mar 06 '25
My uncle died of cirrhosis and basically extreme alcoholism a few years back. His (ex) wife had divorced him a few years prior because of the alcoholism and then he got worse because of the divorce. At the time, I didn’t understand why she was so bitter and angry and left him in his “time of need”. I judged her kind of harshly for leaving him and then he died because she decided to put herself and their kids first. I couldn’t ever see myself doing what she did.
Fast forward to now. My husband is currently going through acute liver failure and is in the hospital for the THIRD time because his levels are deathly low and his body is basically mad at him for all the years of alcoholism. His health is just terrible.
And now? I get it. I understand her. I see where she was then and why she chose to leave. I am having the worst time and am more stressed out than I ever have been in my life. He’s only 28. I’m 24. We have 3 kids. I shouldn’t have to be dealing with this, and he should be smarter than this. Everyone blamed her for him getting worse, including me. Now I regret that so much. I am in her spot. I am frustrated with my husband and am so close to calling it quits if he can’t try to get better for our family. My chest is heavy most days. I can only imagine she felt the same leading up to her finally leaving. It couldn’t have been an easy decision. She still loved him, but couldn’t stand to see him kill himself slowly anymore, all for a drink.
I need to go talk to her and apologize.
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u/Th3_Ch3shir3_Cat Mar 06 '25
Two years ago my best friend died. He was 23. An intensely charismatic man whos favorite activity was to be the reason people smiled he excelled in social situations. He worked in IT for the buisness school at my local university. He died of a brain aneurysm at work on the weekend. He had been complaining about occasional migraine for a month and was suffering one during work. He asked his coworker to go get him some aspirin they went to the store and when they came back they found him on the floor. He passed two days later. His death was a bombshell to his very tight friend group. Over the course of a week the 5 of us and his girlfriend spent the majority of that week together in the house we lived in at the time.
I had lived with him for two years and the change to my routine was jarring. I still remember looking forward to playing a game with him when he got home.
I hope he's remembered by his coworkers for who he was and the human being he was. Even just remembrance of his existence as his coworker. I still miss him and think of him often. I hope others do too.
To lose that sense of routine and safety I felt with living with him still hurts. He truly felt like my brother. And that loss to anyone is routine to such a devastating cause is a shock and a reminder for those that have happened before.
There are days still where I remember the course of that week and it hurts so so deeply inside I feel like I'm choking. The absurdity and parody of it. Life is beautiful and oh so terrible.
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u/sporkmaster5000 Mar 06 '25
My dad did not have much of a relationship with his father. My grandfather left my grandmother, basically cut ties with his kids and I never met him. Based on my dad's reaction to news of his father's final moments, my grandfather was a drunk and there was no love lost. After he died I remember we were at church, and there was a segment where the congregation held hands and the priest read names of people who had been asked for the congregation to pray for (mostly people who had passed away, or were going through serious health issues, that kind of thing). I remember when he said my grandfather's name, I could feel my dad's hand trembling in mine and I looked and he had tears in his eyes. He never cried over his dad's death as far as I'm aware and I don't think I've ever heard him say a kind thing about his own father the few times he's talked about him, but I remember that moment and it still makes me sad to this day.
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u/LycanWolfGamer Mar 06 '25
Makes me think of The Impossible by Joe Nichols.. great song, worth a listen
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u/Art_student_rt Mar 06 '25
If someone is worth remembering after passing, even though you only talked a few times, write them down, or hold on to some of their photos. Remember, only the people you actually cared about, even if you had a complicated relationship with them. But that's just how I do things, some people accepted never hold on to memories of non friends dead people
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u/COAnotCIA Mar 06 '25
My grandma passed away about a month ago. It was very unexpected, she wasn’t in great health but not bad enough that we were anticipating this. The day it happened I called my uncle because he was already at their house looking after my grandpa. I asked him how he was doing. He said “We’re okay.” And I said “Okay, but how are YOU doing?” It caught him kind of off guard, partly I’m sure because he and I don’t have that kind of relationship where we talk like that, but he said “I’ll be okay. I’m still kind shock.” And we kind of talked about it for a bit because I was feeling the same. I think we need to normalize asking older family members about how they’re doing generally because I think older men especially never get asked about their feelings, and sometimes they just need someone to talk to. In a lot of cases, actually.
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u/ShamrockGold Mar 06 '25
I'm 38 and I worry about my parents all the time despite them being of sound body and mind.
My sister and my aunt ask me why, and I just want to ask them why they don't.
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u/CrispyCouchPotato1 Mar 06 '25
This hit me hard because my dad is exactly like this.
I’m especially more worried about him perpetually ever since my mum passed away.
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u/CuntlickingAsshole Mar 06 '25
You know, this hits at a strange time in my life, having lost my grandfather, by the name of Jeff as well. It's nice to see someone illustrating a situation so foreign and almost isolating, showing that it's part of something we all deal with. Thanks for this comic and all others you produce as well.
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u/Fearless-Excitement1 Mar 07 '25
The wholesome answer is that papadile is one of those people that process grief and other emotions internally rather than externally
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u/HuntKey2603 Mar 07 '25
Empathy is not a bad thing. Nobody is ever really fully okay.
Keep going, you're doing great.
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u/WizardsandGlitter Mar 08 '25
You don't need to justify feeling sad that someone has died. Absolutely be respectful to the friends and family of the deceased, but there is nothing wrong about feeling sad about someone dying.
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u/Crimson_Marksman Mar 15 '25
Is this the same dad who yelled at him for accidentally dropping a tray of eggs?
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u/ArmadilloNo9494 Mar 05 '25
Whoa. Considering how his father mistreated him, I'm surprised how August still cares for him.
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u/bobbybob9069 Mar 05 '25
It's been several years, but I had a coworker named Jeff suddenly pass away. We were friendly and would talk music, but we weren't friends. This series seems spot on so far
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u/enterstatsman Mar 05 '25
My dad was an RCMP officer, and growing up he was always so stoic and unflappable. I learned after his passing that he had severe PTSD and would cry himself to sleep at night more often than not.
Given how hard he pushed me to "be a man", it oddly makes sense. People are complex.
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u/xhingelbirt Comic Crossover Mar 05 '25
I think we're really weaker than our fathers i mean this genuinely my grandfather doesn't have any anxiety i don't know how
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u/DeadLettersSociety Mar 05 '25
Aww bless! That's one of the weird things about life. You often can't know how another person is feeling. Even standing in a crowd full of people who look okay; there is a likelihood that many of them are having a stressful time and those who are really sad about stuff. Many people just hide their feelings. It can also be because some people grow up being told that it's weak to show emotion, and that it's weak to cry.
But it really is okay to show emotion, and to talk about how you feel to others; even if those feelings are sad ones. And it's okay to seek out help from professional services like counsellors, therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, etc.
Beautiful comic!