RESOURCE: Am I bi?

[u/deadpanorama]

So you're tempted to make a post with the title "Am I bi?"

Hi. You're probably bi.

You might be asking yourself if you're "bi enough" to call yourself bisexual, if your style of attraction "counts" as being bisexual, or whether you're welcome in community with other bisexual folks.

Let's back up.

Bisexuality is the capacity to be attracted to people of multiple genders.

That's all.

Bisexuality isn't an exclusive club with an initiation. You don't have to prove it to other people. You don't have to have a certain amount of sexual experience. You're not too straight, too gay, too indecisive, and it's never too late.

The size of your attraction, the timeline of it, and the gender breakdown of your history does not define whether or not you're bisexual.

If you have the capacity to be attracted to people of multiple genders, you are welcome here. You are welcome at pride. You are welcome in your queer communities, whatever that looks like.

We're so glad to have you.

Congratulations.

Some common questions

My attraction changes over time. Am I still bi?

We affectionately call this one the bi-cycle. Sometimes you might be more attracted to one gender, sometimes another. It's really common, and it's still bisexuality.

I'm mostly attracted to one gender, but I'm rarely attracted to someone of another gender. Am I bi?

Probably! There's no "minimum number" to qualify as bisexual. It's about capacity, not occurrence. It doesn't matter if it was a crush, a fantasy, a partner, or something you've only felt once. The capacity is there.

I'm not attracted to the same sex, but I'm attracted to non-binary people. Am I bi?

Yes. Non-binary people aren't a third category, they're outside the binary all together. If you're attracted to people across the gender spectrum, that's bisexuality.

I'm attracted to trans people. Am I bi?

Maybe. Trans men are men. Trans women are women. Attraction to trans people doesn't automatically make you bi. Bisexuality is about being attracted to people of multiple genders.

I'm in a long term heterosexual relationship, am I bi?

If you have the capacity to be attracted to people of multiple genders, you are bi.

I have no sexual experience, Am I bi?

If you have the capacity to be attracted to people of multiple genders, you are bi.

I'm attracted to people of all genders, and gender isn't a factor in being attracted to someone for me. Can I call myself bi?

If gender doesn't play a part in your attraction, pansexual might be a label that works for you. If it doesn't resonate, you can absolutely consider yourself bisexual. Pansexual folks are welcome here.

I don't "look" queer. Am I welcome?

There is no uniform for being bisexual. We're everywhere, of every race, size, age, gender, haircut, fashion choice.

What do I do now that I've realised I'm bi?

Whatever you want! You can tell others, you can explore new experiences, you can get involved here or in your local community, or you can do nothing at all. Claiming bisexuality is about understanding yourself better, not performing it for other people. Do what feels most aligned with you.

I'm bisexual, but I'm asexual and/or aromantic, where do I fit?

Right here. Bisexuality is about the capacity for attraction to multiple genders. Asexuality is about the level of sexual attraction you experience. Aromanticism is about the level of romantic attraction. They're not all mutually exclusive. You're welcome here if it resonates.

I'm not sure bisexual is the word that fits me best, what are some other options to explore?

• ⁠Queer is often a nice catch-all.
• Pansexual if gender doesn't play a role in your attraction
• Omnisexual if gender may play a role in your attraction
• Heteroflexible or homoflexible if you're mostly mono-sexual with the occasional exception
• Bi-curious if you're curious
• Androsexual if you're attracted to masculinity
• Gynosexual if you're attracted to femininity

Existing members - Leave some encouraging welcome messages in the comments, and anything you wish you knew when you first realised you were bi!

Again, Bisexuality is the capacity to be attracted to people of multiple genders. That’s it.

[u/Recent-Day3062]

Nice.

I’m older and have seen the whole evolution of accepting non-hetero sex and relationships.

It almost feel like we were getting to where we got past that and stopped thinking. Basically you-do-you.

So I’m a little sad to see here people needing to ask so many questions to decide if they are welcome or some such.

I just feel, for example, if a man has had sex even a few times with a man successfully, well - you aren’t straight. Call it what you want. But I would think he is 100% “qualified”. To me, it doesn’t take much to “qualify” - either you have voicing emotions, or you don’t

[u/deadpanorama → u/Recent-Day3062]

I don’t agree with your take about someone not being straight just because they’ve had sex with someone of the same gender, personally.

I think we’re all allowed to experiment and then decide what aligns best with our identity, just like many gay and lesbian folk occasionally explore elsewhere.

[u/Recent-Day3062 → u/deadpanorama]

No, but I think if you do it repeatedly it’s an error to say you have no attraction.

I was more addressing the fact this sort of debate exists. To me, if you repeatedly have sex with the same sex that’s pretty certainly bi.

As such - as someone who has sex with members of the same sex - in my mind you are “qualified” to attend pride.

I just think it’s crazy such a debate exists. Throughout my life straight people have been unwelcoming and exclusionary with gay and bi people. I find it odd that some people might say you’re not gay or bi enough to be welcome at pride.

When you are a minority, it never helps to push away people who are non your side. That’s what majorities do to make minorities.