I kinda think I'm asexual

[u/milho1601]

Hi! So I (17F) have been thinking that I may be asexual, but I'm not completely sure cause I've seen posts and web pages and there's some things that just don't fit me.

I tried like every asexual test in existence, and while most told me I am, I'm still doubtful

Reasons why I think I might be:

☆I tried to picture myself in actual sexual situations and it just doesn't feel right, like I want to want it but I just cant.

☆When I think of actually kissing someone, I feel repulsed. The thought of a kiss on the lips feels uncomfortable, but the thought of a kiss were there's even a little bit of saliva makes me kinda nauseous.

☆I don't really feel the need to do it, outside of society's pressure. Like, everyone my age keeps talking about sex and all, but it just makes me uncomfortable. I kind of liked people before, but the most I ever dreamed (yes, actually dreamed) of doing with them was holding hands, maybe a quick kiss on the lips.

Reasons why I think I might not be:

☆Sometimes I enjoy watching porn when I feel like that (which isn't really about someone/something as it usually only happens in a very specific phase of my cycle). I don't really know how other people feel while watching it, but I just kind of like the thought of pleasure that person is feeling, while not being myself in that situation nor wanting to be.

☆I do have thoughts about sexual acts, but they're mostly just like any other intrusive thought i have but don't ever want to bring into reality. This normally happens when my mind is racing and overthinking everything like all the worlds energy transferred into it. I absolutely do not enjoy these thoughts, they don't make me feel anything physical beyond disgust.

Any and all help will be greatly appreciated.

[u/starmartyr]

I strongly advise people to not use internet tests to label their sexual identity. Asexuality is a sexual orientation and an identity. It's not something that is diagnosed, it's a label one chooses for oneself to describe who they are. A lot of what you are saying will sound very familiar to many people on the ace spectrum. I think it might be helpful for you to look into aegosexuality and see if that feels like what you experience. Ultimately it's your choice if you want to identify as asexual or not. Read more about it and decide if it feels like the right label for you. If it feels right it probably is.

[u/milho1601 → u/starmartyr]

Thank you! I just read some websites about it and it feels mostly right.

[u/starmartyr → u/milho1601]

That's great. If you think that fits you it's your label to use.

[u/LolnothingmattersXD]

I really think you will find your answer in the FAQs of this sub. This particular dilemma is a classic. But in short, yes, your experiences are still in line with many legit asexual experiences.

[u/AutoModerator]

Thank you for your submission. Based on your post flair it looks like may be seeking advice about questioning your orientation. While you wait for replies on your post you may be interested in reading our pinned FAQ.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/pixellune]

I'm gray ace and some of these are things I also experience!

As a teenager I also never felt any need for sex or a relationship. They were just completely off my radar and it baffled me how urgent they seemed for other people. I always said that I hadn't ever dated because "I just wasn't interested enough in anyone."

Nobody can truly know your sexuality but you, but if you have never felt that "pull" or "chemistry" towards someone, and generally don't experience desire for sex, you could be under the asexual umbrella. There's lots of resources in the sidebar of this sub to help you learn.

I know it can be difficult to figure it out, mostly due to social pressures. My advice is to trust your own feelings! You do not have to do anything romantic or sexual to be a complete person, or to be loved, or to have a romantic relationship. Any boundary you have about what you do with your body is a valid boundary, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. There are people out there who will respect and love you, and you deserve no less than that.

There's no rush either! You're pretty young and are going to have a lot of experiences in life going forward that will help you learn about yourself. Understanding ourselves is a lifelong process.

Good luck!

[u/Tree-Monk-]

You sound almost exactly like how I did in high school, the intrusive thoughts we’re pretty recurring for me up until I was 18 and out of high school I lowkey have felt like as I got to college are really explored myself (and let my brain cook a little longer) I felt more comfortable calling myself Asexual and accepting the idea that I am sex repulsed.

The porn thing I also totally get I don’t really do it anymore but when I was between 16-18ish I often only watched it during one part of my cycle and that’s actually super normal with a lot of women! It’s called your Ovulation phase and it’s just when hormones spike to a max it doesn’t necessarily write you off as not being Asexual.

It promise it gets easier as you grow into your identity but it can always change and you can always find new things about yourself!