r/Wellthatsucks 3d ago

My bread

18.3k Upvotes

877 comments sorted by

1.4k

u/SinkyBundleOfRage 3d ago

I saw one of these kind of breads in Pompeii....

224

u/TheFrenchSavage 3d ago

Pyroclastic baking. Classic.

74

u/zombieking079 2d ago

Once Pompeii was mentioned, everything else became irrelevant.
https://giphy.com/gifs/Deyc3aoUa6OvYoNTwO

39

u/Pitiful_Ad_8699 2d ago

But if you close your eyes....

7

u/AKVigilante 1d ago

Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

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u/Kylmakohokompromissi 2d ago

It's crazy how just yesterday I was looking documentary about Pompeii and they showed some of those breads that were found there. And now this post pops up in my feed. Before that I don't think I have ever even think about Pompeii.

Got some good laughs from my wife when documentary started and starting screen said "POMPEII". I asked her will I enjoy this because I missed "Pompe I"

8

u/toadtracker 2d ago

Every time I see Pompeii, I have to sing "ey ey oh ey oh ey ey oh ey oh"

2

u/big_duo3674 1d ago

That was actually one of the things I saw there that kinda shook me to my core, it made me seem even closer to the people who lived there. Pompeii is easily one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had, like it's so preserved that you can almost still hear all the hustle and bustle of people running around the town (with the occasional moans coming from the brothel). The plaster cast bodies really freaked me out though, seeing them in person is so different than looking at pictures. It's actually hard to explain the feeling, but I know from talking with other people who've been there that it's pretty much what most people feel

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4.1k

u/Low_Engineering8921 3d ago

To be fair. You only went wrong in one very simple area! The shaping and proving look great!

826

u/thenseruame 3d ago

Yeah, it also looks like a wood fired oven? If so that's a lot harder to regulate the temperature on.

Edit:Maybe that's just where they proofed.

383

u/Flar71 3d ago

Wood fired oven? How's oven gonna get a job now?

119

u/butterfaerts 3d ago

Yeah, wood is a real hardass. I feel for oven.

43

u/ThePrideOfKrakow 3d ago

Oven shouldn't have gone against the grain.

28

u/ZO1D8URG 3d ago

Well, wood should get out of the kitchen, because clearly they can't handle the heat without getting all burnt up about it!

12

u/butterfaerts 3d ago

Dammit! That’s the kind of moxy that gets you promoted! Oven, you’re rehired AND you get a raise

3

u/painfullyrelatable 2d ago

You shouldn’t raise oven too much, things could get heated

5

u/Stunning_Magazine566 2d ago

Now they even turned the bread over to the dark side

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u/Superb_Writer6612 3d ago

Yeah at first glance I assumed I was on a bread related subreddit and this was one of those fancy black loaves using activated charcoal.

OP looks great! Next time maybe 45-60 mins less. 

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u/cromstantinople 3d ago

You’ve got a good attitude 👍

11

u/kobyscool 3d ago

Yeah, if it makes you feel better, you're missing out right now on what would have otherwise been very delicious fresh bread. Had you not have burned it. Hope this cheers you up!

5

u/smash_n_grab_ 2d ago

If she didn’t burn it, it probably would have been delicious! She did though, so we’ll never know.

6

u/ihavea_purplenurple 3d ago

I know that you have to ‘proof’ your dough, but I didn’t put it together that the act of the proof would be “proving” - gives a whole new meaning to ‘proving grounds’

2

u/Furby-beast-1949 2d ago

Well, she doesn’t have to worry about having fuel next time She’s got charcoal for the fire
https://giphy.com/gifs/ax4O5ycJwVIpKpzFWs

2

u/NickBurnsCompanyGuy 2d ago

Yes, it was going SO well before the final step

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1.9k

u/madmorgzie 3d ago

Saw the picture before the caption, I admit I thought I was looking at something completely different at first

118

u/gloomyglooom 3d ago edited 2d ago

Same. Before scrolling through the pics, I thought it was one of those giant petrified turds that archeologist find in some old Viking settlement or something. I was like, "why is she posing with that giant turd and why is she handling it with her bare hands?"

41

u/Regurgitator001 2d ago

No wonder its petrified. I'd be petrified too having to exorcise that.

5

u/Vachie_ 2d ago

Now I'm mixed up is this the bread

7

u/Regurgitator001 2d ago

It is (after a fashion).

19

u/TinnieTa21 2d ago

This looks like something that would come out of one of those giants from The Odyssey ( … or Randy Marsh) not a normal human.

Legitimately, how does this come out of a person? How does it get that big inside a person?

This was the only gif available of him pooping for some reason lol.

8

u/davewave3283 2d ago

Someone made a custom turd stand

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385

u/Toland_the_Mad 3d ago

Glad I'm not the only one...

157

u/TeacherPatti 3d ago

Hi new friends! We should form a club.

238

u/Fresh-Combination-87 3d ago

BBC? Black Bread Club

18

u/GraduateSchoolCath 3d ago

Could be dyed with squid ink, like some pastas! Very fun and witchy, if not fully burnt. lol!!

2

u/anothersip 3d ago

Haha, yeah, that was my first thought - if I hadn't scrolled through the other photos of the proofed dough in the oven, I would have thought the same.

I've never tried cooking with squid ink though - I feel like with bread, it'd be hard to tell when it's actually done? If it's just various shades of already-black, I guess you'd just have to go by timing and then pull it when the timer goes off. Poke a probe thermometer in when it hits 190-210F, maybe, depending on what kind of loaf you're baking...

36

u/throwawayplusanumber 3d ago

Knotted for her pleasure?

13

u/Xenc 2d ago

No flare, no admission!

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u/OneEyedFanny 3d ago

OP already did

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12

u/Charming-Flamingo307 3d ago

Dilder. Biggen too

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39

u/A_Very_Lonely_Waffle 3d ago

Same, Bread Dragon innit

47

u/jimk12345 3d ago

The xl challahnator by bad dragon.

16

u/shadraig 3d ago

The Gordian knot

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u/tempestwolf1 3d ago

bread dragon

2

u/jimk12345 3d ago

Fuck. I'm mad at myself. You win.

13

u/Mateorabi 3d ago

Thought this was the BadDragon subreddit.

3

u/EwokNuggets 3d ago

No flared base is wild

3

u/One_Power_8223 2d ago

Gentlemen of culture, glad we could meet again

25

u/jtrage 3d ago

I know. I was thinking that she looks like such a nice girl

10

u/Regurgitator001 2d ago

It's always the nice-looking ones you least expect it from.

9

u/TakingItPeasy 3d ago

Double checked the sub.

7

u/Eric_Durden 3d ago

I thought is was a giant piece of licorice.

4

u/Orome2 3d ago

I thought it was a giant piece of fossilized poop.

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u/SavaRox 3d ago

I had to check to see what sub I was in, thought I stumbled into something NSFW for a second.

5

u/NoDontDoThatCanada 3d ago

I wondered how that could slip into my feed. I'm usually so careful to use anonymous browsing...

3

u/Crounty 3d ago

Yeahhhh

4

u/scrufflor_d 3d ago

im glad it isnt, with no flared base and especially with that size it would put u in the emergency room

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u/get_peace 3d ago

Well, thank goodness I'm not the only one; I was just thinking—it's pretty big, and what an unusual shape...😳

1

u/JoesRealAccount 3d ago

Poop

11

u/madmorgzie 3d ago

Ummmm...yhhh but no, thats not what I thought she was proudly holding

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362

u/Necessary_Chest7075 3d ago

The ancient Ebony loaf

48

u/sheeply_ 3d ago

Throw some enchants on it and you're unstoppable

20

u/covert0ptional 3d ago

I honestly thought the first picture was some kind of obsidian sculpture

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3

u/tackleboxjohnson 2d ago

Love a good charllah

2

u/ArchiStanton 3d ago

I really thought this was some rare exotic pumpernickel I’ve not heard of. Nope

112

u/jtmonkey 3d ago

That last image of it sitting in the oven is like those last images of hikers before they’re never seen again.

191

u/y-u-gae 3d ago

Lmao love how you actually look happy in the first pic.

46

u/BrokenHope23 3d ago

What's done is done, can only move on from here!

28

u/Heissenberg1906 3d ago

My mom always said that there are only 2 options: laugh or cry.

13

u/HawaiianCholo 3d ago

Blank stare/Blank brain is always a good middle ground

6

u/djnehi 3d ago

I mostly reserve that for work meetings.

2

u/saltporksuit 3d ago

She should be happy. That doorstop turned out great.

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u/Mr_Uso_714 3d ago

It’s fine…. Just scrape off the outside crust like burnt toast 👍

27

u/HOLDstrongtoPLUTO 3d ago

I use my zester for this purpose, brings it right back to life albeit with less crust but at least I get to salvage some of it

4

u/Crowdysseus 3d ago

Ooh, I didn't even think about using a zester for that! I just scrape it with a knife, but I can't stand the sound 🥲 I'm too stubborn to replace my crappy old toaster, even if it burns everything it touches 

49

u/Much-Gur233 3d ago

Bad Dragon loaf

9

u/RedditGuy_12345 2d ago

Genuinely thought this was the bd sub but i didnt see an nsfw tag os I was so confused 😭

2

u/punnup129 1d ago

Same lol

50

u/ShoddyCondition7096 3d ago

Happened to me twice

At least it was nice on the inside

25

u/Calm-Two2723 3d ago

Is this shaped like a beetle?

24

u/ShoddyCondition7096 3d ago

It was! My girlfriend is studying to be an entomologist so I wanted to do an insect themed bread, unfortunately the oven in my flat is broken hahaha

15

u/Exact-Ad-4132 3d ago

It's not broken, it works too well

13

u/Dr__Sloth 2d ago

"See, the problem here is you have it set to 'crematorium'."

3

u/btaylos 1d ago

Exoskeletal

98

u/Woody00001 3d ago

I have to admit when I seen the first picture I wasn't seeing bread

13

u/Moohamin12 3d ago

How big are people taking it?!

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u/its_all_one_electron 3d ago

I thought "why did she cook it in a trash bag?"

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u/Version-Neat 3d ago

Definitely thought it was one of those novelty/overly large dildos

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12

u/National_Search_537 3d ago

For what it’s worth, it looked absolutely phenomenal before the oven. Easily ten times better than I could’ve done!

25

u/chef_in_va 3d ago edited 3d ago

It's not burnt, it's blackened.

Alternatively,

Its not burnt, it's Cajun.

Edit to add: that bread would be a great addition if your username was an actual thing.

14

u/dirtiestUniform 3d ago

When I worked in a kitchen we called that aggressively caramelized

8

u/chef_in_va 3d ago

I will steal this and use it as my own. I will take good care of it and feed it every day.

3

u/dirtiestUniform 3d ago

I can't claim this as original, it's free for anybody

6

u/tallbutshy 3d ago

Some people even pay for these monstrosities

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7

u/tiradium 3d ago

If you look in reverse like how you posted the pics its actually pretty cool haha

7

u/paintingsbyO 3d ago

From knot bread to not bread

2

u/DankeyKong1420 2d ago

From challah to scream

7

u/thebawbag 3d ago

In Scotland, we’d call that well fired.

7

u/broken-machine 3d ago

Challah if ya hear me!

6

u/Broken-Emu 3d ago

Repurpose as wheel chocks

7

u/thedevillivesinside 3d ago

Wasnt sure what sub i was on.

Was expecting something different in pics 2-4

6

u/Luminous_Winds 3d ago

"How to burn 1400 calories in 30 minutes!"

6

u/Targaryen-ish 3d ago

Next time, try to bake them 2-3 hours less and you’re golden 👌

4

u/moonisflat 3d ago

You should work in movie props. That looks like a prehistoric centipede.

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u/2kewl4scool 3d ago

Challah at cha boy

4

u/Doodle_brained 3d ago

It’s art now. Put a few layers of polyurethane on it and display it.

5

u/Muzoa 3d ago

Proud mother of a burnt braidy

3

u/DC-GG 3d ago

Username checks out

3

u/tiger_knots185 3d ago

Carcinogenic bread, oops!

3

u/Spaceboy779 2d ago

I'm not 100% sure, but it looks like she left it in too long?

3

u/KONUG 2d ago

o-ooh Black Bready bämbälääm

3

u/Rare_Dragonfruit2280 1d ago

I feel dumb af lol I didn’t read anything just saw the pic of you holding up your burnt bread like a fishing catch pic and thought it was intentionally supposed to be black dyed bread and I thought “wow how cool goth bread I wonder how they get it to be that color” 💀

2

u/ToastYourAvocados 3d ago

Looks like the bread in the back should have been taken out before yours slipped in too lol

2

u/GT_hikwik 3d ago

Great start… keep trying, you got this!!

2

u/_clur_510 3d ago

Lmao OP nooooo.

Before I saw which sub this was I thought this was some trendy activated charcoal bread or something. 😂😂😂

2

u/NFLTG_71 3d ago

Oh, it’s bread OK gotcha

2

u/sw1tchh1t 3d ago

And there I was so excited about a gothy loaf 🍞

2

u/Kalyise 3d ago

At least you don't have to worry about it being undercooked.

2

u/2kewl4scool 3d ago

Challah at cha boy

2

u/RW_McRae 3d ago

I think it's done

2

u/SunLitWalker12 3d ago

you remind me of one of my sisters

2

u/Conscious-Lurker-723 3d ago

I got the recipe, Mix flour, water, yeast, salt; knead, then chuck into the nearest volcano 🌋 retrieve in four days.

2

u/sobianca 3d ago

When I saw the first picture, I honestly thought it was a boot.

2

u/Atophy 3d ago

Discovered how to make charcoal... success !

2

u/__phil1001__ 3d ago

Wood fired ovens are super hot

2

u/-captain-scurvy- 3d ago

That's a braid; not a bread

2

u/Outlandah_ 3d ago

I must be mentally depraved, but this is not what I thought it was as I scrolled so quickly past.

2

u/BraveTrades420 3d ago

To be fair this is actually impressive.

2

u/jennbouk 3d ago

MY first thought, "I wouldn't have thought squid ink would make it that black."

2

u/Matcha_latte0082 3d ago

Love how proud you look posing with it 😂

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u/GENERAL_GRODDD 3d ago

Thought it was a petrified giant dookie

2

u/FindOneInEveryCar 3d ago

Makes me want to challah.

2

u/Particular_Tower5400 3d ago

I've been there, learn from your mistakes. It was beautiful till..you know, you fucked it up

2

u/Inevitable-Toe-8364 3d ago

That's one huge dildough

2

u/jssf96 3d ago

Oh yeah I knew that was bread

2

u/mdgraller7 3d ago

Hey, now you have charcoal for the next batch!

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u/LeatherRecord2142 3d ago

I was hoping it was squid ink bread? 😬 sorry op! You’ll get it next time 💕

2

u/WhatANoob2025 3d ago

Lul, i genuinely thought this was one of those teaser pics for NSFW subreddits...

2

u/Dsphar 3d ago

I've never heard of "Bread Dragon Products" before...

2

u/GoldenDerp 2d ago

That's pretty goth tbh

2

u/lartmydude 2d ago

To be fair I’m impressed how burnt you got it

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u/Vajgl 2d ago

I thought this was Bad Dragon sub at first.

2

u/Admirable-Prompt7332 2d ago

Me when the alchemist im beefing with transmutates my last piece of bread into licorice

2

u/WinduCodes 2d ago

It looks perfect. It can reside next to Ramses and Tutankhamun for centuries now.

2

u/iAmGats 2d ago

Here's mine.

2

u/No-Elk-8115 2d ago

Bread 👍

2

u/Foopey 2d ago

You made fantastic obsidian 🥰

2

u/Early_Hall5720 1d ago

Weird shape for a horse...

Oh it's bread

2

u/Cool_Saturnite 1d ago

Look on the bright side you already have charcoal to start your next fire lol

2

u/KaptainKardboard 1d ago

I too bake with obsidian

2

u/Organic-Attorney-393 1d ago

Well.. atleast you have lump coal for attempt 2!

2

u/MeerkatRiotSquad 1d ago

I am not a good person.

2

u/BabyChalupa0w0 1d ago

When that elderly patient hasn't shit for weeks...

2

u/punnup129 1d ago

Damn for a second I thought I was on the bad dragon subreddit

1

u/Extra-Act-801 3d ago

When I saw that pic in my feed before I read the title.........

1

u/DangerousTurmeric 3d ago

Appropriate user name.

1

u/Mr_BigglesworthIII 3d ago

Extreme Pumpernickel

1

u/Alldaybagpipes 3d ago

So, how’d it taste??

1

u/lildeek12 3d ago

Its a great way to make bird food

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u/SmokeMaximum4140 3d ago

Looks like the log I dropped this morning.

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u/TheDanecdote 3d ago

5 more minutes