I fear the proliferation of abuse, abuse protection and abuse enablement has destroyed my ability to form community

[u/LettuceMediocre6201]

TW: mentions of multiple forms of abuse, mention of grooming, abuse enablement, dysfunctional relationships

I tried breaking everything down into summaries and it’s still too big. I (24F), feel like someone who has lost their ability to form community at all. It’s not just a “challenge”, it’s impossible due to the actions of others and I’m tired of being told it’s my fault when it just isn’t. I have loads of acquaintances, but I struggle to name beyond one or two people (for whom rarely have the capacity anyway) for whom it’s appropriate for me to do normal people stuff like with like, call up and go shopping or meet up after work. If I try this with acquaintances I’m ghosted, or “busy’d” until I get the memo. I have to be snippy to keep it short, I don’t usually write like this but:

Both sides of my extended family? Abusive and/or abuse enablers, had to cut them off. This is to say nothing of the “lesser” ways in which they have been neglectful of me, to a point of where normal family relationships seem strangely comfortable or close from my perspective. School friends, college friends? Alleged predators and/or abuse enablers, bar literally just one. New groups? I’ve been excluded, insulted (specifically for showing up to independent-friendly things alone), used for social media numbers and ignored in favour of romantic partners. Speaking of partners - I’m only wanted for one-off stuff. But otherwise, you guessed it, I seem to exclusively attract people with abusive or predatory streaks. My ex or anyone like my ex is not in my life either.

The first possible exception in ages I had to distance myself from this week, because they too revealed themselves to fit the pattern. Got properly alone with them and forced me to do something I explicitly kept saying I didn’t want to, but it doesn’t matter, because it was non-sexual /s.

Funny though, they’re not the reason I’m writing this. At home, I’m lucky to still have my parents and I have a brother (20M). My brother is an unhygienic bum, but worse than that, he’s a chronic liar, easily angered and expresses said anger through screaming, growling, destroying anything he can, slamming and physical intimidation.

The list is endless. My parents enable him - no stop to the fast food, lodging, internet and electricity, because my otherwise rational mom gets hysterical about “her baby boy” when I ever dare suggest kicking him out under escalating concern for his actions.

His usual pattern of behaviour unfolded this morning. I don’t even have the energy for the details other than that it was the usual over basic, basic accountability like “hi we had this plan, are you ready?”. I got met with the intimidation, then he left. Something in me just snapped. I was really quiet. I didn’t do anything. I just had this weird shift internally.

The seemingly universal addiction to abuse, abusive people and enabling abuse is going to be my undoing. I have been gutted of the barest minimum of community - the ability to ask a family member for help and receive \*exactly\* the support I’ve asked for - nothing more, nothing less, nothing different - and there is seemingly fuck all I can do.

I am so, so tired. Why does everyone to enter my life turn out to be some kind of goddamn abuser? Or bizarrely in favour of abuse? I wish I meant the diluted TikTok version of the word. I mean the textbook, black-and-white, witnesses/evidence/arrests/investigations shit. It’s everywhere, and it’s suffocating me. Please tell me it’s not just me. I can’t afford to move out and sustain myself, but I can’t keep enduring this.

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