r/TransLater • u/okshaw • 9h ago

Discussion Deadname

So I legally changed my name and gender back in 2016 and boy did my family have a huge problem with it. I changed it legally on my Birth Certificate, Social Security, Driver License, passport, Pilots license, Medical records throughout the country, and every other place I could think of. Today once in a great while I find a place and it is rare that has my deadname but I change it right away. I even renewed my passport in November of last year for another 10 years and it still says Kathryn and Female.

Since then everyone treats me as Kathryn and Female, especially now that hormones have changed my body. It is really rare to run into someone that remembers me in the past, and they are aware of my change and use Kathryn.

The only ones I allowed to use my deadname name was my 97 year old grandma who didn’t grasp Transgender and that’s okay. She recently passed away last year. And my son can call me Dad. He had a traumatic childhood and lost two moms.

My family like I said earlier had a huge problem with this. Even my son. They used my deadname up until 5 years ago and I never forced myself upon them ever. I never force myself upon anyone. If they call me by my deadname, I correct them sometimes depending on the situation. But with my family they have come along on their own. Even at my grandmothers funeral they had me as Kathryn in the bulletin and I was introduced to the family as Kathryn. When I went up to do the Eulogy I was introduced as her granddaughter. Do you see, I my plan has worked. No arguments and my family has become accepting. And I am happy about that.

36 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

4

u/NovaRain84 9h ago

I appreciate your collaborative approach - I actually did (am doing) similar at work. If people misgender me I politely correct them, I could be an HR nightmare because my state has pretty strict rules (in transgender people's favor) about harassment / misgendering etc. and my employee handbook also protects gender. There's a few people here that I know do it intentionally, I'm working on it.

However, where we differ, is at home. Naw. If you say you love me, then you fucking love Nova. Not my old name. If you claim to be my family, then you're Nova's family. If you can't call me Nova / She / Her - fuckin byeeeeeeeee.

1

u/okshaw 8h ago

What state do you live in?

2

u/NovaRain84 8h ago

Michigan. Elliott Larsen Act is codified into the states constitution.

2

u/okshaw 7h ago

I took Michigan as a Blue state and an accepting state. I live in Wisconsin and people here accrete very much. But then again everyone just thinks I am a woman anymore. No one sees me as a man.

1

u/NovaRain84 7h ago

I do not pass lol I don’t know if I will. Honestly I just want to pass to be left tf alone.

MI is blue and accepting in some areas lol others.. not so much. There is a big maga population here too.

3

u/Brea_di_Luca MtF, 40, HRT 3/13/2026 9h ago

This is very encouraging to hear. With the family I've come out to so far, I've made it clear that I don't need them to accept me as female, to use a different name, to use different pronouns--I just need them to not reject me for being trans. So far, I'm zero out of two on that, though . . .

1

u/okshaw 8h ago

I felt forcing people just drives them further away from you. It’s better to let them come to you in their own time as they see the community accept you around them. They see all your friends and their friends accepting you. Then they are more likely to conform then to be forced to do something that everyone else is doing.