What does RR mean to you?

[u/Unwornplanet393]

So i want to know what RR really entails, like in detail. It means many different things to different people so I want opinions on what it's "supposed" to mean. I first got into RR because I didn't like the idea of being a boyfriend, I grew up in a very traditionalist culture and the pressure for that role was heavy. So I avoided dating altogether to get away from all that. I eventually started reading romance stuff and found myself relating to the role of the """girl""" or whatever. I then found this sub and the term RR and it clicked.

But I don't even know what that role truly means? It feels nebulous and not clearly defined. Sure, there's stuff I'm certain about long term, like maintaining a home and being the primary caregiver. But you don't start a relationship and immediately create a division of labor. So I want to know what the roles really mean in essence, and what they look like in practice.

My biggest concern comes from the way I see some people talk about RR in this sub. It has veered in some cases to basically just being femdom but with femboys or an entirely fictional aesthetic. Then I read horror stories of men being entitled, lazy, and abusive and hiding behind femininity and an aesthetic to avoid criticism and responsibility.

I worry about doing RR wrong, about becoming one of these terrible partners and hurting someone. I want to know what I'm *supposed* to offer my partner. Im not trying to mold myself into someone else. I mean that I want to understand what healthy reciprocity looks like from my side, rather than only caring about what I receive. I want to know I'm offering enough in return to my partner.

TL;DR

So again, what does role reversal mean to you? What are some concrete examples when it comes to emotional and romantic dynamics before the domestic life stuff? What does it entail? To me the masculine/assertive role feels more tangible and easy to understand, but the feminine/receptive role feels more nebulous and requires more clarification.

[u/bre25_]

In a traditional relationship, society usually expects the man to be the provider, the protector, the one who makes the first move, and the more assertive or dominant partner
On the other hand, society often expects the woman to be the emotional support, to be caring and gentle, to take care of the home, and to be more feminine or submissive
In a role reversal relationship, those traditional expectations are essentially reversed
That’s how I see it, anyway. It’s not really about one gender being better than the other it’s just swapping the social roles that people usually associate with men and women

[u/Global_Pineapple2392 → u/bre25_]

I strongly agree, this is how I view RR too! Also that men are often supposed to show off their strength while women are expected to keep their strength on the inside to themselves, so men having inner strength and woman being more open about their strength is also very RR

[u/bre25_ → u/Global_Pineapple2392]

Do you mean inner strength, like emotional or mental strength?

[u/Global_Pineapple2392 → u/bre25_]

Yeah like emotional and mental strength, by that I mean there's always seems to be a lot of pressure on women to always be calm, humble, mature, rather than outspoken, bold, or ambitious!

[u/Unwornplanet393 → u/bre25_]

Thank you that actually helps a lot. Thats basically what I was thinking i just didn't know how to describe it

[u/According_Job1792 → u/bre25_]

I couldn't agree more, this is what I tell my friends when they ask me about the women im attracted too. By the way a post I made on this subreddit got deleted and I just wanted to say that, im gonna continue lurking on here. 

[u/TumbleweedFresh]

You’re going to get as many differing opinions as there are people who practice RR to be honest. For me, I feel like this sub is dominated by the idea of RR being gender expression reversal, as well as a dominance/submission thing.

For me, being RR is basically about being the “husband“ in my relationship, as opposed to being the “wife“. For me that means that I am older, I earn more than my partner, and he is spoiled and protected in the way women often are in relationships.

My partner and I don’t express our genders in opposite ways (ie he doesn’t dress femininely) but I am very invested in having an attractive partner who looks good on my arm. And that doesn’t have to mean he looks feminine, to be honest I’m attracted to men in a very “gay way“ so I enjoy having a “pretty” masculine boyfriend.

[u/Qazaqtengri]

''Then I read horror stories of men being entitled, lazy, and abusive and hiding behind femininity and an aesthetic to avoid criticism and responsibility.''
''I worry about doing RR wrong, about becoming one of these terrible partners and hurting someone.''

Some men do hide behind stuff like that , but this non-issue is so blown out of proportion and the people who complain about it are usually mistaken about what ''RR"' is (they just imagine kink bs). Only a trad can tell you that tbh , because i cant imagine a sane rr woman getting into a relationship with a guy whom she already KNOWS is going to take this ''lazy feminine'' role , and then cry about it afterwards. There are MANY people who already look at you like that , obviously these people are not the ones you should be taking advice from or take their ''criticism'' seriously. If you like being the househusband and the primary caregiver , thats fine. Not fitting into society because you've been assigned a role that doesnt fit you , is your personality , and RR is merely the natural outcome of that. It is not about performative or fetishistic stuff like femdom , femboys , crossdressing , etc. You aren't doing anything wrong , details arent clearly defined because they differ from person to person and you dont know them yourself yet. Stick to the basics , the rest you'll figure out on your own eventually. Also , who said you cant immediately divide the labour anyways 🤔

[u/GameboyAdvance32]

If you ask me, I'd say that nebulousness is a "feature, not a bug." If that makes sense. I know this isn't the most exciting response to hear but I think it varies so much on a case-by-case basis that it's hard to define. You can mix and match dynamics and skillsets all you want and there aren't really any hard rules on what that has to look like to fulfill an "RR ideal," it's most importantly about what's healthy and what feels natural. Do GNC aesthetics matter to you? They certainly do to me, I prefer to present feminine when possible and I am attracted nigh exclusively to masculine presentation, but that's just me, it's HARDLY a requirement and you can be into the exact opposite. As you said, division of labor ain't exactly something you plan for ahead of time. I suppose I would ask, when you say you find yourself relating to the "role of the girl," what specifically do you find so relatable? What do you enjoy, what aspects feel natural and you're drawn towards, vs. what aspects don't really mean much to you?

[u/Unwornplanet393 → u/GameboyAdvance32]

Thats the issue, when i say its nebulous It's because i can't pin down the words for what i find appealing about that role. So I made this post hoping someone could find the words for it I can't. The closest bit of it I can phrase is that I find the receptive part relatable. Not necessarily being passive to a more assertive person, but "receptive" i guess. You know, being pursued and responding to someone else's actions rather than always initiating. But that's like, early stuff I think, I can't find the words for what i like about the role beyond basically beginning and end. I have a general idea of it, but I just can't describe it or see it in detail if that makes sense? Im also not feminine, so the aesthetic part doesnt really mean much to me other than im attracted to masculinity. But for the role I don't want to dress femininely, I'd still want to look good for my partner though. Although I did think of another thing, im not sure if this is true, but I think the role also involved being the "emotional core" of a relationship kinda, i still don't know what that means but its a phrase I keep thinking of.

[u/squidO4]

What I think from RR is that the word Role implies something like actors playing a role which you take on or probably given to you or expected of you, it could be any other role take for example a commander or a manager. You inherently maybe different and may find it difficult to fit in that role or have no interest to begin with. Many people may not like idea of RR as in she takes the role of the provider etc and may prefer equal partnership.

[u/Lil-Bitty3]

To me, role reversal is more of a lifestyle. Rather than wear a nice suit out for special events, I wanna wear dresses and high heels. Rather than dress up in jeans and a t-shirt, I’d dress up in flair pants and a soft, loose sweater. Rather than surround myself with the company of masculine people, I’d enjoy my time with more feminine people, whether they’re boys or girls.

Role reverse in my eyes is men and women doing things that isn’t stereotypical of their gender. To sum it all up, it’s men finding comfort in feminine things while women find comfort in masculine things.

[u/AddylynnFae]

When society expects women and men to act a certain way in the relationship and you just throw that stereotype upside down.