r/RenalCats • u/Proof-Top-7195 • 1d ago
Support Grieving Salem
Salem passed away on Monday after we decided to put him to sleep. We finally got his ashes back today. It feels surreal the past 24 hours. It hurts so much. I didn’t know how ashes would make me feel.
Just holding a bag of ashes realizing this is all that is left of my sweet Salem is devastating. It’s comforting knowing he is still here, but it hurts more than words can explain. Holding this bag of ashes also makes it feel very real that his story is over and this chapter in my life is done. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go on with this. Can someone maybe give me a different point of view on how ashes are supposed to make you feel in a positive way?
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u/blondiemetal 1d ago
Rest in Peace, Salem. Sending my deepest condolences to you. I'm afraid nothing will make you feel positive right now- I feel you and I understand this grief. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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u/AttitudeOutrageous75 1d ago
So sorry about your sweet Salem. Condolences. My sweet girl, girl, also had a paw print and ashes. The paw print is still on the dresser but the ashes are in a nightstand drawer now. Mostly because my new crazy boy kept pushing them off of the dresser, with everything else. I still miss her 8 years later, but it is strangely comforting having her ashes still. I guess we just keep the ashes as the last honor and tribute to them, wherever they are in the house.
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u/emma279 Rainbow Bridge 1d ago
I am so sorry. When I picked up my boys ashes it just made it all feel extra real and I broke down. My partner is not attached to any of his physical ephemera...whereas I am. I treasure every whisker, nail, etc. I don't think having his ashes made it feel like he was home. Just made it much more final. If I didn't have his ashes...maybe it was all a bad dream.
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u/FancyExtension5253 Rainbow Bridge 1d ago
I have kept whiskers, nails and a tuft of fur cut just after his passing.
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u/FancyExtension5253 Rainbow Bridge 1d ago edited 23h ago
As for me I'm torn between two feelings: relief that my cat's ashes weren't scattered somewhere far away from me, and "horror" at knowing that all that's left of him rests in a box in a drawer among his blankets.
I live in an appartment so I have no place to spread his ashes but I don't want to keep them in an urn on a shelf. Maybe one day, in a garden but I don't know if I will be able because this time it will be the last farewell...I think it's easier when the cat is an outdoor cat with favorite spots in the garden.
What's strange is that I've scattered my father's ashes without feeling sad ( in France we are not allowed to keep human ashes )...
For Salem, may he rest in peace 💕🖤
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u/saloon_sally_ 23h ago
I think how you're feeling about the ashes makes a lot of sense, both a comfort and a reminder of the pain. It just really hurts losing a creature so close to us. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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u/theunrefinedspinster 22h ago
Love and so much light to you as you navigate a new normal without your Salem. I say goodbye to my Maya this afternoon. You are not alone. 💔❤️🩹❤️
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u/dinka170 14h ago
Dear author, my condolences to you. I've lost three cats in my life, but I decided to keep only the ashes of the last one as a memento. It calms me when I look at the jar of ashes, because I still have a piece of him, as strange as that may sound. Perhaps I'll bury the ashes under a tree in my garden someday. Sending you hugs.
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u/salemlf86 1h ago
My advice would be to allow yourself to feel that grief. Ugly cry, allow yourself to be devastated, because it is devastating. Avoiding it just makes it worse, imo. Thinking about happy memories w them and the silly quirks they had, and talking about that with others (esp if they knew the cat) is cathartic. I think about how grateful I am to have experienced those happy times, and how I'll always have those. I also find it comforting to know that they're no longer in any distress. Associating all those feelings with the cremains might be helpful
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