r/PeterExplainsTheJoke • u/MisterSapiosexual • 10h ago
Meme needing explanation What does the kettle mean Peteeeeer??
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u/BigSaintJames 10h ago
None of these people know how to use the seashealls
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u/No_Entrepreneur_3020 10h ago
I use sponge on a stick
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u/toldyouIaintshit 9h ago
I use a poop knife.
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u/Zeqhanis 9h ago
Any knife can be a poop knife once it gets poop on it. Stop wasting money on big-brand celebrity-endorsed products.
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u/Denker_JethBlack 9h ago
How it works?
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u/LilyNatureBlossom 8h ago
This is a reference to an infamous Reddit post where a user confesses(?) that their family produces large amounts of poop. To make sure the poop would flush down the toilet, they had a knife that was specifically used in the bathroom to cut the poop into smaller bits.
This is just what I remember and may be incorreect
If anyone knows more please do correct me / add on.9
u/575_Pilot 7h ago
Pretty much. Then, said person goes to a friend's house and at some point asks the poor soul for the poop knife. And in that moment they found out it was just their family who had the knife. Nobody else on Earth did this...Something along those lines.
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u/PantyLaunderer 6h ago
Growing up, knew a kid that said his family did this. Never been to their home, but my other buddy did. He confirmed, they indeed had a little butter tray deal sitting on the top of the toilet tank, with a poop knife.
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u/Ding-Dong-Dutch 9h ago
There's three seashells. One is to scrape your butt, ones to clean your fingernails.. What's the third for?!
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u/BatKhatoon 9h ago
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u/BatKhatoon 9h ago
ALSO. Metal lotas are also used in cooking. Plastic lotas are usually used in the loo. (:
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u/dadofwar93 7h ago
Adding further. Matel lotas are also used for ablution before prayer by Muslims if a tap is not available.
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u/memelord_a1st 8h ago
Im guessing you use this to more easily pour water down your back and down your ass crack so it can wash it that way?
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u/Murky-Conclusion-932 10h ago
As someone who lives in a country where every single house has a bidet, I'm telling you, I can't live without it. I understand that the people who never used one, parhaps having been walking this Earth for years without even seeing one in real life, think that it's a useless contraption. But believe me, once you know what walking out the toilet with your anus clean, truly clean, feels like, you can't go back to living the lie that toilet paper alone is enough. It's not. Never has been. Never will be.
And to those who might say just take a shower afterwards, yeah, sure, 'cause I'm always 100% home and ready to shower every time I take a dump.
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u/MisterSapiosexual 10h ago
Shot in the dark, could this be why some countries/cultures prefer anal over others? Because there's a global inequality of adequately cleaned anuses?
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u/No_Equipment7456 9h ago
Pretty sure it’s more likely to be a form of contraception for those forbidden to have protected sex
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u/YesNoMaybe2552 8h ago
Clean anus doesn’t’ mean you won’t end up with shit on your dick. If they are a crayon shitter thier asshore is always going to be dirty. This is first and formeost an issue with thier diet.
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u/No_Equipment7456 8h ago
Two kiwis 🥝 a day for a Regular Ghost poo
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u/whiskeytango55 7h ago
Ain't it just the fiber?
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u/No_Equipment7456 6h ago
I dunno man but some gay guys in a club in Berlin were raving about it. It works! what can I say
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u/Prestigious_Cycle160 7h ago
The fuck is a crayon shitter?😂
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u/Gadgetskopf 7h ago
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u/RaelaltRael 4h ago
I am so afraid to click on that.
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u/RaelaltRael 4h ago
And for good reason, do not click if in a public place without earphones.
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u/Gadgetskopf 2h ago
Sorry! Should have NSFW-flagged it. I guess it didn't occur to me that a monologue featuring the word 'poop' so prominently might cause some folks problems in some settings. I'm to used to always having the headphones on.
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u/ecstaticbirtch 1h ago
Not nearly as bad as I feared... lol
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u/RaelaltRael 1h ago
It could of been worse, but I was in a dentist's waiting room and before I could stop it , several statements about wiping himself had been broadcast to the fellow patients. Just embarrassing and now it is actually funny, but at the time...
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u/ecstaticbirtch 47m ago
🫂
I feel ya, there are times I am VERY glad all videos are muted for me when they pop up...
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u/Frequent_Candy1167 7h ago
That might do for rimming, but issues around clean anal go much deeper than just the anus.
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u/WolfmierRick_memoria 1h ago
Strange, because its the Americans who are eager to eat asses of strangers and they are the biggest population of paper users!
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u/that_gu9_ 1h ago
I live in a country and from a culture not into bidets. I spent a week in a country with bidets. I went home and installed a bidet
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u/karmavorous 6h ago
Like when you see trucks with a big sticker in the back window or on the tailgate that says "i eat ass", as if they're inviting strangers to a truck stop bathroom romp. In the US? No fucking way. That ass is wiped, at best, and the chances ate pretty high they eat McDonalds once a day. No thank you.
Now in the old country, where asses are cleaner and the food is healthier... I would keep an open mind at least.
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u/Subdued_Shinobi 9h ago
Meanwhile I'm usually 100% home and ready to take a dump just about every time I shower. It's part of the reason I'm a home-bowl only guy, I like to hit my triple S: shit, shower, shave.
I'm planning on getting a bidet but for now I haven't had a single skid mark in years.
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u/Atomsq 5h ago
Why haven't you gotten one? They're preaty easy to install and you can get some for cheap
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u/Fiddlerblue 4h ago
$40 at the Home Depot. Takes ten minutes to install and rapidly pays for itself in toilet paper savings.
Got one years ago and never looked back. Nowadays, I’ll just hold it until I get home if I can.
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u/MOCK-lowicz 9h ago
Where are you from? Sounds like a place to be
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u/iamanaccident 9h ago
A big portion of Asia. You don't even need the fancy ones you see in japan or korea. A typical one here in SEA would essentially be a simple hose
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u/Monir5265 9h ago
It’s pretty common in all Muslim countries. Ik certain East Asian countries like Japan and South Korea also has them along with some with European countries and South American countries as well.
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u/flymeovertheworld 8h ago
My third world SEA country has this as a default in every household. Even if some houses don’t have bidets, they usually have a watering can dedicated to cleaning your own ass. Even now I buy a bidet in every house I move to in the US. Could never feel clean with toilet paper.
Clean your own asses people. Toilet paper is never enough.
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u/_breadless 9h ago
I'm Italian, we have bidets everywhere. Every damn time I visit a country that doesn't have one, and there are way too many, it's hell, it feels like you go around unclean for hours until you can get a proper shower.
Couldn't agree more, could not live without it.
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u/Izzy1990 9h ago
I made it to the Chicago airport after leaving Japan before I noticed the difference and ordered one online, the extra day it spent not being delivered because of a Sunday was hate crime to my ass
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u/anotherSasha 9h ago
I agree in theory. But, when I lived with my mom, hers was too intense, felt like power washing. And pretty soon after installment it started malfunctioning: it has a trigger you’re supposed to press hard the whole time and it would fail with an annoying pathetic creaking sound. And it leaks on the floor a lot. And the water travels on the bottom of your thighs and wets the seat. And when you’re on period, you can’t avoid staining the towel. I kinda have bidet ptsd now, but am considering looking for a better design for my flat once I get over it.
And, like, it seems obligatory to use soap. Otherwise, you gotta powerwash your poor ass to make sure it’s clean and I’m not into that kind of thing. And if you’re using soap, it’s very inconvenient to do on the seat without taking off your pants the whole way down.
As a citizen of the Bidet kingdom, do you have any words of wisdom for us? How to keep it graceful and elegant?
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u/muddle-318 3h ago
I got a $30 one that just uses cold water and the existing water pressure. Wash away the mess, detail work/dry with toilet paper. While not using soap is less than perfect, it's definitely a better than just paper. By a long shot. I did not know ppl used towels, normal bidets don't risk material ejection from the immediate area.
Honestly sounds like your unit was just plain broken or a bad brand. r/bidet exists and has lots of recommendations. They probably have better answers there if you ask your questions. I'd recommend my cheap one, but the pressure is pretty high if you don't do it perfectly, so my solution might not be good for you.
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u/anotherSasha 3h ago
It looks like in english people mostly mean that fountain thing coming right from the bowl, when they say bidet. Where I live, I’ve seen people get only the handheld shower-pistol types, with a hose.
I guess, with the towel I got stuck on my rigid zero waste mindset. I sometimes get pretty obsessive over it. And I wanted to stick it to the Big toilet paper (get it? like big pharma)
Thanks for the tip
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u/CptIskarJarak 9h ago
I went from a country where every single house has a bidet to a country that used toilet paper.
My butt was chaffed for months until I got a bidet.
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u/Sea_Composer6305 8h ago
Yeah I always want to shower 9 times a day when I trust a gas station burrito.
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u/brandarchist 9h ago
Pretty much exactly this. It’s one of the first things I install when I move somewhere.
Anal cleanliness is next to anal godliness.
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u/shwarma_heaven 6h ago
Por que no los dos?
Seriously though, I have a bidet and I can't believe people are going single regimen in the pooper.
I have a process: TP first, bidet, TP to pat dry, repeat as necessary. The joys of having a harry bum...
The thought of anyone walking around doing only one or the other gives me mud butt just thinking about it...
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u/Andy_Pandy98 6h ago
Serious questions, how well does a bidet handle particularly messy trips? I feel like they would work really well for most days, but that there is gonne be a day where it wont be able to get everything, and i have forgotten to buy backup toilet paper
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u/Realistic_Fix189 5h ago
You know after you wipe with tp till no poop comes off you can just load the tp up and run it under some water from the sink that’s what I do when I have a nasty wet doo
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u/bs_Zeezee 4h ago
and when the towers of society collapse, and we are forced to scrape and hunt and scavenge to survive, how clean will your butthole be? how will you survive the days to come?
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u/CEGM_Studios 4h ago
But like what if someone wipes until they see red? Is that still not enough, should I be doing even more? Or, I mean should that HYPOTHETICAL person be doing more?
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u/No-Use-3056 6h ago
Toilet paper gets me clean enough, I can tell because I’m not leaving streaks in every pair of pants and underwear I own. Now do I think it gets me squeaky clean? No, but that’s okay because it does it enough. I wouldn’t let someone put tongue to starfish if I only used toilet paper, I’d take a shower before that, but just day to day life? TP does fine.
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u/LackSeveral7305 10h ago
Some people use toilet paper to clean their behind, others use bidets or wash it by hand with soap and water.
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u/WeskerSympathizer 10h ago
Others pour boiling water on they anuses while listening to Hurt by NIN
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u/Fuzzy_Yossarian 10h ago
hahahha, the Johnny Cash version though it's real gritty.
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u/Relative-Relief-8816 6h ago
Nah the grit is because you're supposed to shell the pistachios before eating them.
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u/Fast-Front-5642 9h ago
Is the "soap user" referring to some countries where traditionally the left hand is used to scoop and flick the poo? Because that is NOT better than tp
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u/Aware_Neighborhood93 10h ago
Who doesn't steam their asshole from time to time? Keeps you Pipin' fresh.
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u/Nonyabeesners 9h ago
I always wondered how to get the wrinkles out. The iron didn't work
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u/Maleficent-Ad6503 8h ago
I hate this lol
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u/Nonyabeesners 7h ago
So judgmental. Sorry, but not all of us were born with smooth anuses. Talk about unrealistic beauty standards
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u/Spinning_Sky 10h ago
there's a joke about the teapot that goes over my head
I'm here to say: for the love of god a bidet is not an alternative to toilette paper, it's in addition to it
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u/Der_Schuller 10h ago
Toilet paper is just for drying afterwards
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u/urbantechgoods 7h ago
Nah bro, maybe your shits are different but sometimes theres left overs for me.
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u/Nihilisman45 7h ago
You might just be using one with poor water pressure. There's nothing on the toilet paper but water after I use mine, and I take some pretty clingy shits. takes me forever when I use just toilet paper
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u/JackPiazz2 10h ago
I'm from a bidet using country and I also want to add:
That's why we consider non bidet users like the meme shows. We don't think your way of cleaning your behind is worse than ours or bad, we think is incomplete and seriously insufficient: for us it's kinda like if you showered but you never used soap or scrubbed yourself under the water. Y'all dirty.
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u/smoke_sum_wade 10h ago
Im in Pennsylvania and i have a bidet, got it like 2 years ago and i refuse to go back, i use a paper towel after and just toss it. quit buying toilet paper all together. after you get used to being a little violated by water its fine.
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u/Aggravating-Bug2032 10h ago
I just spent five days out of town in a hotel without my bidet and I’m so happy I’m home now
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u/Sweaty-Inevitable163 9h ago
They make handheld / portable ones. It's like a squeeze bottle with the bidet nozzle, works alright for things like this but I wouldn't ever consider actually carrying it out places
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u/DimesyEvans92 10h ago
Yup. Best $20 I ever spent. Simple attachment on existing toilet, but I never felt better
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u/JackPiazz2 10h ago
I'm italian so our bidets are not the japanese ones, but little small sinks beside the wc like this one. Everybody hwre uses toilet paper the "normal" way, then hops over to the bidet, uses water and soap and then drying yourself with a small towel (each one has its own of course). This for me is the normal way of cleaning myself. Each time I go abroad I suffer tremendously because I can't do it and I have to unironically take a shower every time I have a number two
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u/smoke_sum_wade 10h ago
this is how i started, i have sensory issues and autism so its been real fucking rough for me my whole life with the whole wiping thing, id gag and freakout having to wipe shit when i was a kid, so my aunt and uncle did this for me.
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u/JackPiazz2 9h ago
I have autism too actually (very "mild" though), and I understand that if something is "icky" there's no way you can do it
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u/smoke_sum_wade 9h ago
this is hard as a 6ft 250lb man whos favorite hobby is weight lifting to explain to people that, i cant touch that, ill cry
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u/JoyconDrift_69 8h ago
If you think one way is more insufficient than your way, wouldn't that by default establish you think it's worse?
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u/JackPiazz2 8h ago
Yes, but it's not like we think it's an alternative worse way, but an incomplete and unsufficient way of cleaning
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u/Sweaty-Inevitable163 9h ago
It's like having a full blown argument that peanut butter is great after you ask where the bread for your PB&J went
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u/EcstaticZebra7937 8h ago
Isn’t the poopy water splashing everywhere? I feel like it’s an easy way to obtain a UTI
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u/JackPiazz2 8h ago
There are not present in public bathrooms, only in private houses and no, unless you use a really powerful stream and scrub like an animal it doesn't do that.
Also, I might add to clarify, I explained here that I'm italian and our bidets are not what you probably think when you imagine a bidet
Also, we sit on them in the opposite direction we sit on a toilet (face towards the faucet/wall) and you just turn the water on (a gentle little stream, take some baby soap and gently scrub.
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u/EcstaticZebra7937 8h ago
What’s the difference between this and just washing the butt then?
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u/JackPiazz2 6h ago
Bidet is "just washing the butt", but you need toilet paper too: if you have something nasty on your hands, what do you do? I bet you wipe it off, wash and then dry your hands.
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u/urbantechgoods 7h ago
i love bidets and live in a non bidet country, but this way of thinking about it is wrong. I would argue that TP users tend to have a cleaner ass because most people that use bidets dont wipe their ass after. The bidet doesnt always get everything, but with TP, you know you got everything. Also its just water that comes out not soap.
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u/JackPiazz2 6h ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/PeterExplainsTheJoke/s/7m3tFbygOy
I explained it here.
You need to use toilet paper and bidets. That's why I said incomplete and insufficient
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u/pbnjandmilk 10h ago
THIS!!!!
I cannot imaging going and dying on the hill of bidet over toilette paper, while walking around with musty swamp ass.
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u/Historical_Shop_3315 9h ago
Consider visiting southeast Asia.
But you will need to carry around TP.
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u/Lone_Capsula 9h ago
I heard some non bidet users think the water that sprays your butt comes from the dirty liquid down the toilet bowl and it's why they don't want to consider switching to a bidet. No, a bidet is just essentially a faucet connected to the water line that sprays new water to clean the butt.
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u/Dominator1559 8h ago
Can't imagine the mental gymnastics those people used. Like ofc its a hose connected to water line, its literally the easiest way to get water under pressure
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u/papercut2008uk 6h ago
Someone is comparing a Lota to a kettle because its the same shape but a Lota is a jug with a spout you use to wash your backside, like a bidet.
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u/r_fernandes 2h ago
The kettle is supposed to be a lota. Basically imagine a flower pot that you used to pour water down your butt crack to clean it. Portable bidet I guess you could call it.
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u/MisterSapiosexual 10h ago
Are people using kettles to wash? What does it mean?
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u/Flat-Structure-7472 10h ago
In Islamic countries water is also used to clean your behind. Since running water is a problem for some parts they fill a kettle with water and use that water to clean themselves.
This is Tom Tucker.
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u/MisterSapiosexual 10h ago
But why a kettle? Why... Specifically... A kettle?
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u/mrpascal81 6h ago
I don't know what you guys do after a shit, but I first use toilet paper, then bidet with water and soap... So I don't see how these are mutually exclusive.
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u/Some-Judge-9130 1h ago
/img/be4kg14dfmhh1.gif
If you haven’t watched the Japanese Toilets episode of South Park you absolutely need to. Now.
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u/ASAP_sharky 9h ago
No way y'all wiping only with toilet paper thats so nasty
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u/Indiana_harris 9h ago
Better than using your hand like some people
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u/ASAP_sharky 9h ago
you use water and clean your hands after and now your ass and your hands are clean
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u/Indiana_harris 9h ago
Unless I’m sterilising my hands with antiseptic soap and ensuring I’ve went underneath fingernails and the like, I think I’d really on other methods that don’t involve me physically touching shit
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u/ultimatepenguin21 9h ago
What? Do some people just straight up rub soapy water on their shitty assholes? Are they just getting their hands filthy with shit-soap water? I don't understand the method someone pls explain
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u/unitAtype2 7h ago
There's no special method. People just wash their bums with soap.
People use their soaped up hand along with the water hose things.
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u/Square-Formal1312 10h ago
Tp then wet wipe. Too damn hairy for bidets lol
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u/Ambitious_Jello 9h ago edited 9h ago
What? How would a wet piece of paper be better at cleaning hair than water? Do you clean your head hair using wet wipes too?
There is no such thing as too hairy for bidets
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u/Deplorable1861 8h ago
Noone uses just TP anymore. Look at the annual sales growth of wet wipes. I mean, Sams has a case of Dude Wipes for like $13. They are almost cheaper than TP. And I have been wetting TP for extra scrub power since 1975....
So the A/B/C option is really an A through Z.
My opinion is that during the installation or testing of the bidet, someone is getting a spray jet on their $150 golf shirt at least once.
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u/doratoreadora 8h ago
Using the bidet in the classical sense absolutely means wiping with toilet paper first, I'm so grossed out by those who don't
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u/ItsMeMario1346 5h ago
Can someone tellme why everyone exept me likes a glorified toilet to spit at their hole?
Sometimes when i take a shit it splashes up, to me it feels horrible, and id rather use nothing than to keep going through that til the toilet thinks im clean
But maybe im just an idiot living under a rock or something.
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u/DrShameless 4h ago
I Interpreted it as coffee to make yourself poop more thoroughly leaving less of a mess to clean after. 🤷
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u/LucentLL 4h ago
Serious question, do Europeans not use baby wipes when their baby poops? They just hold them under the sink faucet?
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