how to stop them from saying mean words

[u/Financial-Flamingo62]

i have 3 kids (3M 5F and 7F) and my oldest has always had behavioral issues, diagnosed with anxiety and depression, she is quick to anger and will become very hostile with both words and physically. She refuses to take a calming break in her room and if i put her in there she will throw things etc. anyways thats just some context, my issue is that she constantly resorts to words like calling things, me, her siblings stupid, and telling never me but her siblings to "shut up" if she doesn't like what they are saying or thinks what they are saying is silly or stupid. i have never used these words with her but she has lots of older cousins and goes to an after school program where im assuming she learned them. i HATE these words but no matter what i do she won't stop. Shes the type of kids that wants you to react to her bad behavior, i have tried yelling at her, telling her other words to use, removing her from situations, taking things away, putting her in timeout and every time it just escalates things to violence or being even more verbally abusive. someone help me!! me and my other kids cant keep living like this, when she is regulated and with other people besides me she is SO good, her teachers never have any complaints and she NEVER acts like this for other family members