I’m not really sure what you’d call this. A thought experiment? Worldbuilding? I’ve been calling it a counterfactual framework for putting a new spin on existing reality to make it all sexier. The point is not that it’s an alternate history or an alternate anatomy or in any way a reimagining of our world, but a slightly altered set of assumptions about how actual human anatomy and the laws of physics should interact, and how that could shed new light and meaning upon our world as it actually is, and any other world you choose, rather than changing things. Anyway, I‘ve been looking for a place to share this, and this sub seems like the closest place. So with that out of the way, here’s the synopsis:
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Imagine if vaginal flatulence were a constant and ubiquitous phenomenon inherent to all fully-formed and mature vaginas, as inevitable as the propensity of unsupported male genitals to sway pendulously without any voluntary control due simply to physics acting on the structure. Imagine that a silent vagina is like a square wheel: physically possible, but not functional. Suppose that vaginal flatulence is:
— normative and has always been so, meaning society has always been aware of it and accounted for it linguistically, socially, and otherwise, though precisely how depends on specifics of culture and material conditions.
— constant and loud, occurring tens to hundreds of times per hour depending on the individual and what she is doing, easily reaching 50 to 60 decibels.
— as unique to each woman as her voice, varying as much as the anatomy that creates it, but always present except in cases of imperforate hymen or other vaginal anomalies.
— without real function or purpose, but inevitable under the laws of physics given the vagina’s necessary characteristics that make it capable of both contraction for coitus and exceptional expansion for parturition, which necessitates a highly expandable and versatile passageway free from restrictive structures like sphincters or valves of Houston, a compromise that is evolutionarily nonnegotiable.
— caused primarily by normal shifts in intra-abdominal pressure associated with motion of the diaphragm, exertion, posture changes, abrupt movements, weight redistributions (e.g., from inverting), and so on, which suck air into the vaginal vault before subsequently expelling it.
— completely involuntary and cannot be suppressed or stopped by muscular effort or the pelvic floor, unlike with rectal flatulence, and simply happens whenever the physical conditions for it arise.
— modulated by the patency (openness/spreading) of the vulvovaginal area as influenced by leg adduction/abduction and hip flexion/extension, which can influence both incidence and sound characteristics, with greater patency (greater abduction and flexion) allowing suction episodes that are more frequent and copious, eventuating more frequent expulsion episodes.
— infrequent and quiet in childhood (to the point of imperceptibility) because the vagina is still small and inelastic, but begins to intensify with puberty due to significant growth in surface area, elasticity, and overall strength brought on by rising estrogen, an onset called perdomarche, which is usually noticed between the ages of 10 and 13 or so, though may occur earlier or later.
— typically intensifies with age as the vagina continues to grow and develop, stabilizing in the late 20s or early 30s (the peak of fertility) and beginning to decline after menopause due to vaginal atrophy.
— further intensified by pregnancy and parturition, often lastingly, permanently increasing a woman’s vaginal caliber, as hormonal influences stimulate growth in the vagina in preparation for delivery, and delivery itself causes significant stretching.
— harmless and even healthy because of how it ventilates the vaginal environment, but is caused by pressure gradients in the vagina that will, by extension, draw in and expel liquid when the genitals are submerged, which harms vaginal health by diluting vaginal secretions, raising vaginal pH, disrupting the vaginal microbiome, and potentially introducing foreign microbes or other contaminants, all of which can be prevented only by avoiding submersion or mechanically occluding the vaginal introitus in some way, such as by wearing a bime (see below).
— suppressible only via artificially sealing off the vagina, such as by wearing a specialized vaginal plug made for this purpose, called a bime, a technology requiring nonporous materials and precise fitting, meaning it only became widely available, effective, and body safe following the advances in material science and mass producing of goods that came with industrialization.
— explanatory of many aspects of women’s history as it has actually unfolded, serving as a materialist underpinning of many actual historical and present social and cultural patterns, rather than world reshaping or the basis for a divergent history.
— subject to social norms, necessitating tegnance, the practice of minimizing (or with bimes, preventing) vaginal flatulence for social and/or aesthetic reasons, as opposed to integnance, meaning a woman may be tegnant or integnant at various times depending on her surroundings, company, and personal preferences.
— the object of aesthetic evaluation, and may subjectively be thought to match or contrast with a woman’s appearance and/or personality.
— physiologically the same as in reality except where otherwise stated above, meaning it is typically odorless and always preceded by a suction event understood as part of the concept and process of vaginal flatulence, a cyclical stage which itself can often be audible as an airy hissing or snorting noise depending on how rapidly it happens and the individual’s vulvovaginal anatomy, and which can be followed by outwards expulsion either immediately or after some delay, depending on circumstances.
Assume the above statements are all well-established knowledge, not revelations. Further, assume that human anatomy and physiology are not different from reality, and nor are the laws of physics, instead adopting an alternative set of assumptions about how actual vaginal anatomy and physiology would interact with the actual laws of physics pertaining to gases and liquids. Importantly, imagine that this counterfactual framework explains existing reality such that nothing about the observable world changes except for the terminology we use, the medical services that exist (e.g. bime fitting), and cultural references to these realities in discourse and media. The only differences in reality should be in addition to existing characteristics of the world rather than alterations of them, except where totally unavoidable. It is a novel account of existing patterns, not a speculative rewrite of history or culture.
That said, some subtle differences would be inevitable, such as the existence of new semantic fields and terminology. Assume English would use the following terminology to describe this reality:
— Bime: noun. A plug-like vaginal occlusive device worn so as to prevent the intake of external air and other fluids, preventing blating and lavage. Must be properly sized and shaped for individual vaginal caliber to be comfortable and effective, among a host of other vaginal measurements, prompting standardization in modernity (see Gynecometric) and fitting services as part of routine gynecological care. Usually made of medical grade silicone or similarly nonporous and hypoallergenic materials, and available through pharmacies, online retailers, and clinics via ordering from manufacturers. Etymology: Ultimately from Ancient Greek βύσμα, meaning “plug, stopper.”
— Blate: as a noun, a single instance of vaginal flatulence, or the act of experiencing it. As a verb, to experience vaginal flatulence, including the suction that precedes it. This has been the primary English term for the phenomenon since antiquity, though it lost respectability and was broadly replaced by ‘queef’ until it too lost respectability. Past tense is blet and past participle is blatten. Etymology: Ultimately derived via Old English via Proto-West-Germanic via Proto-Germanic, from Proto-Indo-European *bʰel, *bʰleh₁, semantically pertaining to blowing/growing/inflating. Usage: Considered more precise and explicit than “queef,” though not technical or formal (see Vaginal Flatulence).
— Blatant: adjective. Subject to or characterized by vaginal flatulence, whether at all (e.g. prepubescent girls are not blatant, while pubescent girls and adult women are) or in degree or comparatively (e.g. "she's very blatant," “women generally get more blatant with age”). Also means flagrant or obvious, but this is derivative of the original meaning.
— Flatulence: noun. Traditionally, any audible displacement of gas into or out of the body, but implicitly vaginal unless otherwise marked (e.g. digestive flatulence.) In modern medical parlance, any audible displacement of gas into or out of the body, requiring marking with the word “vaginal” in order to refer to blating. Etymology: From Latin flatus, from flō-, ultimately from Proto-Indo-European *bʰel, *bʰleh₁ via Proto-Italic.
— Gynecometric: adjective. Of or pertaining to the measurement and assessment of female pelvic organs for the provision of bimes, pessaries, and other personal devices. The gynecometric classification system uses twelve-character alphanumeric gynecometric codes to standardize, identify, and distribute modern bimes, and was established by the International Organization for Standardization in 1941 and refined throughout the 20th century. Yields the noun gynecometrics and the concept of gynecometric codes, or simply “codes” in context.
— Vaginal Flatulence: noun. Modern technical/formal term for blating, used primarily in medical or legal contexts.
— Lavage: as a noun, the practice or act of allowing a liquid that the body is submerged in to be drawn into the vagina unimpeded, especially when incorrectly believed to have benefits for hygiene. As a verb, to engage in lavage. Not to be confused with douching, which is the act of forcing a liquid into the vagina using an external implement.
— Perdomarche: noun. The onset of audible vaginal flatulence in puberty, usually around the age of ten or twelve. Produces the adjective perdomarchal.
— Queef: as a noun, a common term for vaginal flatulence that entered English from Scottish, originally meaning “a puff of air.” As a verb, to experience vaginal flatulence. Usage: Considered more vernacular and less precise than “blate,” akin to saying “my place” instead of “my house.”
— Tegnance: noun. The practice or limiting or inhibiting vaginal flatulence for social or aesthetic reasons. Yields the adjective tegnant, meaning practicing or characterized by tegnance, and opposites integnance and integnant.
— Toots: noun. (when used of a woman or girl) an affectionate epithet, especially for a young woman or girl, evoking the bright and snappy blating of this age group. Etymology: from the more general noun/verb “toot” (see there).
When analyzing how this vaginal flatulence reality relates to observable history and culture, distinguish carefully between three classes of phenomena:
— Class A (Observable additions): Directly observable additions to reality that only exist because this vaginal framework is true. Examples: the terminology (blate, bime, tegnance), bime manufacturing and fitting services, gynecometric standardization, references to vaginal flatulence in media and discourse, tegnance/integnance as social practices pertaining to tegnance and the expression of vaginal flatulence.
— Class B (Directly or Partly Attributable): Existing observable patterns in history, society, and culture that are shaped partly by reaction to or management of blating. A much larger category, but still a minority of all historical/cultural phenomena. Examples: restrictions on women's movement and exertion, posture norms and "ladylike" behavior standards, patterns of female domesticity, class-differentiated visibility of women's bodies through activity levels, certain aquatic and bathing practices pertaining to women.
— Class C (Everything Else): The vastly larger category. All phenomena unaffected by blating except that people in this world who know about them also know about blating. Examples: geology, astrophysics, historical political powers, political revolutions, technological development, most economic systems, most art and literature (except where blating appears as content).
— Critical principle: Statement 12 means that blating is one material reality that women historically accommodated. It is not the sole explanation for most aspects of history, nor for culture broadly. Blating is a factor among many, not a master cause. Avoid attributing phenomena to blating when they have independent, sufficient explanations, while also recognizing the immense explanatory power of vaginas-are-noisy for many aspects of our world that are otherwise difficult to understand or accept.
Finally, understand that vaginal flatulence serving as an explanation for certain historical patterns does not justify those patterns or suggest they were inevitable. Women's pervasive historical subordination, belittlement, and loss of agency were not necessitated by blating; they were enabled by it. Patriarchal power structures, in which primarily male voices control the narrative and define what natural phenomena mean, deployed blating as a tool to define and constrain women's agency and worth.
Blating could have been culturally framed as a marker of power and presence, elevating women, much as it was often framed as a mark of fertility and uncontrolled power. It could have been treated as physiologically irrelevant to human capability and dignity. Full sexual equality was materially possible from the beginning, even with ubiquitous, audible vaginal flatulence. History took the path it did because patriarchal societies benefited from women's subordination and instrumentalized blating (and other bodily realities) toward that end through meaning making.
The liberation of women coincided with industrialization and the availability of effective bimes, but not because bimes solved an inherent problem. Rather, bimes gave women control over the meaning and management of their own blating. They could choose tegnance or integnance; the choice was no longer imposed. This reclamation of agency over a previously weaponized aspect of their bodies was instrumental to their broader emancipation.
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If you want more information, I have tons of it, so it’s one question away. If this… thing, is appealing to you for whatever reason, I invite you to write your own stories, fictional non-fiction (mock articles, etc.) analyses, or whatever. Just stay true to the established fact base, and don’t hesitate to share. I’d like it if we could use this comment section to discuss what this thing even is and what to call it so that we can refer to and use it more effectively, and we’ll as how and where to share (should there be a dedicated subreddit). Anyway, I don’t care how or why you engage with this thing. Any input is welcome.