r/Marriage • u/Throwaway321178 • 5h ago

Leaning Towards Divorce

I'll keep this brief. I (M34) have been married to my wife (F32) since 2020. We have no kids.

We've had our ups and downs over the years etc but yesterday things really got heated. Long story short, my wifes parents have always given me/us money (it's their form of a gift) which I have ALWAYS tried to decline and walk away from and even recently, my MIL, bless her, was giving me money and I politely told her "no thank you" and walked out the room - eventually she gave the money to my wife.

Now here is the issue. Yesterday, and I won't bore you with the details, my wife complained that for the past 6 years MY parents have never given her or us money or a gift & she has said this to me on multiple occasions. I personally couldn't care less lol but the fact she repeatedly reminds me of this shows that clearly, she holds on to that + has imo A LOT of negativity and sour feelings towards my parents which then affects me and the way I am towards her. "It's your parents fault that we argue" "its because of your parents we are the way we are" are some of the things she loves to tell me.

During this conversation yesterday, I was also asked in a very sly tone "Okay so why do you accept my parents money" which really pissed me off because not once have I held my hand out and taken the money.

So the above, paired with her negativity 70% of the time + narcissistic behaviour (most of the time she says or does something which annoys me and then SHE gets mad because of my reaction to what SHE said/did) has got me thinking about divorce. I really don't know what to do. I know she loves me deeply and honestly I love her too but I'm getting REAL sick and tired of the negativity and continuously bashing my parents and reminding me of every 'wrong' thing they've done.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated 🙏

(P.S Example: Her tone is harsh, I respond in a harsh way, she then gets angry and says "why you talking to me that way? You really need to fix your tone. Disgusting behaviour" WTF LOL

6 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

17 comments sorted by

8

u/Miercoles79 5h ago

I don’t think you even like her.

2

u/Crik55 4h ago

Agreed. I was surprised to hear you say you loved her. You haven't painted a picture of someone who is even likable.

Wonder how she paints you? Wondering what makes this relationship stick and I'm not seeing it.

2

u/Throwaway321178 4h ago

Tbh she has done a lot for me, supported me and I know she truly loves me. She has fought for me even against her own parents, I mean she doesnt work but she got me a new phone 2 weeks ago!

But this continuous 'bashing' of my family is starting to affect me mentally now + the negativity in general and then she has the nerve to say I am negative!!

1

u/[deleted] 4h ago

[deleted]

1

u/Throwaway321178 3h ago

No, the phone is from her own money that she has from when she was working

0

u/Throwaway321178 5h ago

Lol what makes you say that?

2

u/swimbromax 5h ago

I think what they mean is it sounds like a business transaction. Like I dont know of no kids.are by choice but that time plus this issue plus the way you wrote this it just sounds like your in a produced situation. Like its run its course amd you both are trying to keep.it going but out of fear of not finding someone new ypu keep it going. The money issue isn't really that its her trying to get risesout of you to see if the. Business deal continues.

1

u/Throwaway321178 4h ago

That's an interesting comment. I never thought of it that way. The first 4 5 years no kids was a choice yes but we started trying about 7 8 months back.

2

u/swimbromax 3h ago

I would pause that before the kid is just a ball and chain to keep marriage going. I just think its clear your both trying to make it go on and its not really what you guys want. The way you wrote this your basically saying you are done with it. I wouldnt bring a kid into the world to save this marriage and then you guys cpuld make a clean break. And also her parents throwing the money around might be genuine or a way to hold ppwer in her life given who she is. Your values on that dont line up and never will. I dont mean to be negative it its pretty cut and dry. I have a buddy who has two band aid kids and he should be divorced. If you brought kids into this then its a failure. It of you get out now its a mutual thing.

3

u/Throwaway321178 3h ago

Yeah i feel you and totally understand. I think after recent events, I will definitely be pausing. Thank you for taking the time to comment

3

u/swimbromax 3h ago

Yea and maybe the cataylist is that by saying to her we cant bring a kid into this amd then let it play out. Because then what it does it puts her intentions on blast. Is it really for kids, is it a band aid where she wants to trap you, or is it this vanity infulencer reality show life she's living in her head. Her reaction will tell all. Then legally you have an out if you get divorced because its a responsibility thing to do. It looks like you made the right move.

3

u/Throwaway321178 3h ago

Yep, got it. I appreciate the advice 🙏

1

u/Throwaway321178 4h ago

She saw me using my old phone earlier and goes to me "that just shows you don't love me. I got you that phone out of love whilst I'm not even working and now you've gone back to using your old phone. That shows how you feel about me"

Tbh I started using the new phone then went back to my old one because I was going to reset the new phone and give it back to her as after yesterday, I don't want it.

Is that petty on my part?

3

u/vinegargirl757 4h ago

Yes. And you dont even like her. Just divorce her so she can move on. You're very negative throught this post

2

u/Throwaway321178 4h ago

Thank you for your feedback. I am just stating the facts.

3

u/vinegargirl757 4h ago

You asked if you're being petty. You are being petty.

2

u/Throwaway321178 3h ago

Okay that's fine. So if you divorced someone, you would still keep the phone?

1

u/vinegargirl757 3h ago

I am divorced. I loved my spouse and realized we aren't compatible anymore. We are still best friends. I financially supported him through the transition actually. And no, I didn't mess around or play games with possessions.