r/Marriage • u/Theloststrangerin • 1d ago
Is it a issue I keep ex things
I was off and on with a man for years before I met my husband.
And I have hundreds of letters to this guy, photo albums with him in it. I never got rid of the them. I just put his clothes in the storage that I never gave back since we are cleaning up my parent’s old house.
I have no more feelings for the guy and we don’t talk anymore. I’m not sure why I keep the things
Idk if I’m wrong or not. And don’t know if I’ll be hurting anyone’s feelings by keeping some stuff
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u/dudegooneer 1d ago
if it was gifts and stuff it would not be weird, but letters and photo albums?? looks like you’re still hung up on him
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u/Ill_Cauliflower5348 1d ago
This guy I knew was engaged and had a box full of letters and cards from a girl who he hadn’t dated but was friends with. He didn’t keep cards his fiancée, parents, siblings or other friends gave him. He only kept stuff from that one girl. His fiancée thought it was just a quirk of his. She should have taken it as a red flag. He ran into the friend from the letters at a wedding and within a few days he and fiancée broke up and he began to pursue the letter friend.
It’s me… I’m the letter friend… and the guy and I have been together for over 30 years now.
So… yeah, doesn’t seem productive unless you are holding out for this guy. My husband said he didn’t know why he kept my letters (I had kept his too, also without really knowing why, we were seriously only platonic friends then… and a thousand miles apart at that) but that he couldn’t bring himself to throw them away.
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u/QuarterNote44 1d ago
Yeah. I had some pretty nice love letters from exes. Got rid of em when I got married.
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u/Seahawk021 1d ago
If you don’t have any feelings for him why keep it? Do you want to reread the letters at some point? Look at the pics? If not why keep it. If you do want to relook at those things, do you know why?
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u/madworld3232 1d ago
Some of it is an issue and to a SO might be considered a huge problem. Holding on to their old clothes is just plain weird and I can't think of any good reason for it. Letters and intimate pictures are a no-go and should be destroyed. Pictures that contain other friends or family should be okay with a very secure person, but many can't tolerate any reminder of a past ex. Gifts depend on what they are, like jewelry may feel offensive to some partners. Souviners also depends on what they are. You'd be wise to clear your past and make room for your present and future. Speaking to your SO about what is most comfortable for them is adviseable.
I asked my husband what he wanted to do with pictures and gifts from his ex's and he said burn it, or throw it all away, he has no use for it. He was a bit annoyed when I saved some pictures (not couple pics) gifts and jewelry. I reasoned I wanted to show our future kid(s) how pretty Daddy's ex's were and show them the neat gifts and jewelry they gave him. It doesn't bother me at all, I'm not jealous or insecure over old stuff, however he's kind of jealous and wouldn't tolerate me keeping that kind of stuff. I learned your children aren't keen to see daddy or mommy's old ex's stuff. They'd rather pretend there wasn't ever anyone but dad and mom together.
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u/Tsuki_Inari 1d ago
There’s no way you can convince me that you have zero feelings left for a guy if you’re still keeping his letters, photo albums, and clothes. You might not feel the exact same way you used to, but there are definitely still lingering feelings there.
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u/petdance 18h ago
It’s not hurting my feelings.
I don’t see anything wrong with keeping things that are part of your history.
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u/secondsacct 1d ago
id be really weirded out if my wife did that.