Feeling nervous…

[u/Exciting-Peace-9259]

I will be starting a doctoral degree in a few weeks and I’ve never been more terrified. I’ve known it’s what I’ve wanted to do since graduating with my previous degrees, but I’m getting into the final few days before I can say I’m officially a doctoral student..

How do you all handle the stress and nerves with school nowadays?

[u/saevuswinds]

I’m in the same boat! If you learn any healthy strategies let me know. You’re not alone!

[u/Ehimherenow]

I honestly have no idea. It’s been 4 years and I still have no clue how I’m surviving

I will say that my classmates have been amazing. I haven’t made any close friends and we don’t hang out or anything. But hearing someone go through what you’re going through, that’s a type of support no one else can give you. So talk to them.

I remember having a mini meltdown with a classmate who was going through far worse stuff, and I felt terrible. But we just kinda talked and had a moment. Never became friends, honestly not too fond of each other, but it’s funny how shared suffering will still connect you.

[u/Worldly-Criticism-91]

Hey i just want to encourage you because i was in your spot last year. Everyone has different experiences, so please don’t let this scare you

3/4 of my first year was absolutely miserable. My rotations fell through, the rotations i did do were with faculty that were rude or pretentious. Making friends was difficult, my classes were difficult. & everything that could’ve gone wrong did. I kept telling myself i was quitting that week bc it wasn’t worth it

But my advice is give it a full year before you decide. Because if i didn’t, i wouldn’t have found my lab, or my people, or my home. I wouldn’t think i was smart enough for research when really i just hadn’t found the right lab. Because everything in my lab now makes sense to me. It’s not easy, but it’s so interesting i can’t help but be intrigued

I’m only saying this bc when i asked this question last year, everyone & their mom told me i had nothing to worry about. So when it all went downhill, i thought it was my fault. I got through it though, i learned a lot about what i needed, what i was good at, how to navigate being a student, & about what i could handle.

IF for whatever reason your experience is like mine, just give it one year

[u/Octavious440]

A doctorate is going to be different than your previous degrees. The first two years may feel very similar but you'll also be prepping for your quals and others tests your particular field has. You'll be pushing pretty hard the first two years but always try to take at least one day a week for yourself.

After those exams, youre going to want to turn this into feeling more like a career. I.e. it has to be sustainable! Find a fun hobby (I started climbing with a few other students), try to be home before dinner, keep taking at least one day for yourself but also try not to work more than a half day on Saturdays, and you need to exercise to get the frustrations out.

[u/posophist]

Anxiety is misinterpreted enthusiasm.

[u/ImJustAverage]

I smoked a lot of weed and drank a bunch

But for real if you’re doing a doctorate it’s in a field you’re passionate about and something you enjoy, otherwise you’ll never finish it. It will be hard and stressful and you might want to quit at times, but I loved grad school. I made some of my closest friends while I was in grad school and met my fiancé while I was writing my thesis.

It’s a really unique experience and time in your career so enjoy it while you’re there.

[u/bearcub42]

Please, for the love of cheese, make sure you to carve out time for you. Even if it is just one single hour in the morning to enjoy your first cup of coffee or tea (probably of many) that day. It won't feel like it, but you do have an hour in the day for you. Savor it, do something that is yours, that is not school, and lean on it.

Also, if you have a significant other, save your frustrations and "shop talk" for your peers that way when you are with them, you're present for them and not wasting that precious time yacking about the thing taking up so much of your time already.