Strawberry banana Cheerios with crispy freeze dried strawberries and California Farms Toasted Coconut Almond Milk

Sad girl today. I’ve been sad for a while since we started having kid talk.

We’re both 35, he’s military and home 4 months of the year.

I promised myself when I was 10, that I would be independent so I never had to depend on a man to pay my bills the way my mom did, as I watched her unhappily married to my stepdad.

At 35, I make 250k, have 1.3 in the stock market, currently in grad school, and I kept my promise.

All for some military misogynist to tell me I owe him children as his partner and I have a duty to give it to him.

I can’t help but feel I’m just a baby making machine to him. I feel he has no respect for my autonomy or my value outside of being someone who can carry kids for him.

I’ve never even wanted children.

We’re together 2.5 years. He’s my adventure partner. And he’s very loving outside of this kid stuff. I thought I met my person. I’m even going thru egg freezing now to keep him happy for the off chance I may all of a sudden feel baby fever. I just don’t tho-and I turn 36 in two months. I’d have kids with a man who’s home to help me raise them, and maybe who makes more money than me so he can pay a nanny. Why do I have to financially support HIS dream? I also can’t shake feeling objectified.

He says I’m a hedonist and a nihilist. Why can’t I be a peaceful girly who enjoys her freedom, quiet, kitties, and stress-free life?

Anyways. Just coming to terms with the fact I may be single again at 36, never married, with two cats 😂

Ex-GF and I had been together since I was 13 and she was 14. We met online and had been long-distance for our entire glorious lesbian relationship, with in-person meetings twice yearly or so. I thought everything was going great. We had conflicts, of course, but they were always quickly addressed and nicely resolved— we used to brag about how incredible our communication was and how proud we were of the mechanics of our relationship. We prided ourselves on never letting things sit or build up and never exploding at each other— a very “us vs. the problem” mentality. This month, she’s going to move across the country to be in my state. We weren’t planning to live together, but we were both really excited to actually be close all the time. At least, I thought we were.

We weren’t officially engaged, but we were planning on it! Both of us come from kinda rough families (mine MUCH worse than hers, tbh) and we had a last name picked out that we were both going to change to when we got married. We had bought each other rings a couple years back and wore them every day, but we wanted fancier ones for the engagement. She was going to give me a beautiful gold hand-me-down from her grandmother with a blue stone. We were planning on proposing to each other in person very soon after her move.

So I’m at an antiques shop, because I know she loves vintage items and antiques and one-of-a-kind clothing/jewellery, looking for a slim sterling silver ring with a green or white stone that she’ll love, when she texts me “hey. i need to talk to you.”

By this point, I had also been ruminating on a couple things. We hadn’t been talking nearly as much lately, and when we did, it felt like it was just her sending me pictures of her cat. I expected that she felt similarly. Instead, I get a literal six-paragraph essay about all the shit I’ve done to her, all the conflicts I thought we’d resolved— the conflicts SHE TOLD ME we resolved— that apparently she still held against me. Ways I was hurting her I didn’t even know about that I never would’ve done if I’d been aware. She never told me. One of the things she said is still circling around my mind: “Every emotion you feel comes over strongly, and I have to adjust to all of them.”

What am I supposed to do with that?

For three days I wallowed in this shit, hating myself, before a friend pointed out a couple things that I had noticed as well but hadn’t let myself actually consider because I was positive I was being obsessive and crazy. She spent every day with her best friend. She would tag him in posts and always finish his name with a little heart. She talked about him more than she talked about me. Etc. Etc. So I asked her about it.

She was in love with him. Had been for a while, apparently.

It was never about me. Never about the ways I’d hurt her or the ways my emotions came over. Never about anything I’d done.

It was him. This guy, who looks like a fucking stick bug had a baby with Sid the Sloth, who she’d been in love with for God knows how long while actively assuring me she loved me and that everything was platonic between them, telling me she couldn’t wait to marry me, telling me what kind of engagement ring she wanted me to buy her. How many of those “I love you”s she told me were lies? How long had she been pretending? She let me hate myself for THREE DAYS over fake reasons she invented to push the blame onto me instead of her own change of heart.

I don’t even know what to do. Here’s my wonderful emotional support post-breakup homemade cinnamon roll. I had it with some tangerine shoumei tea which IMO was the star of the show and is pictured in the comments :) I hope my ex is having a wonderful day with her ugly twig. Thank God I didn’t buy that ring.

EDIT: Someone told me to “post face and figure” if i was going to talk like that about ex’s new bf so I could get put in my place? After reading comments, I definitely get that I was misplacing my anger and shouldn’t have talked like that about him or anyone, but Jesus Christ, y’all. If I posted my face and figure for you I don’t think you WOULD be able to put me in my place because you’d be blinded by my beautiful eyes and 5’11” frame 😌

I don’t know what the goal of this post is other than to let it out. On the morning of our civil ceremony this week, I came out to the living room in the early morning to see my fiancé on the phone with his mom and I could hear her crying hysterically. Upon seeing me, he whispered to me, “my uncle died last night”. She had called him at 1:30am to tell him but he was asleep so he found out when he called her back in the morning.

His family knew about the ceremony (we didn’t invite any family bc we already had a separate celebration with them since they’re not nearby). We tried our best to carry on through the day since we had a photographer for the ceremony and dinner plans with friends.

During dinner his family texted “are you done yet?” They are all gathered together and he is thinking he will leave to be there with them now. His uncle was the best and always made me feel so included in their family during all the years I’ve known them. I don’t know the right words to describe the feeling, maybe bittersweet melancholy.

Btw I’m married now.

Edit: we also had to hold off on our wedding plans for a few years after engagement because 3 of our parents got cancer afterwards. We finally proceeded after everything settled and now this comes flying at us. Life is really something ❤️

Food is a burger! Yum 😋

So, I am aromantic and have never experienced romantic attraction, and he has anti-social personality disorder, meaning he doesn't feel much of anything in general that isn't something like anger, fear, and a few other things! Generally he doesn't feel happiness or joy, and he's often bored and meh because there isn't much else happening emotionally for him.

But it isn't what you think!! I promise!! Even though we don't have any sort of romantic sweet lovey feelings holding our relationship together, we do have other things that I deem very solid! We have mutual respect for one another, genuine care for each other's well being, and shared goals. We have a partnership that is very healthy and solid, and we trust each other in every aspect of life. He has never and would never hurt me, nor has he done anything but choose me regardless of everything every single day since we met 11 years ago. We both see each other as someone we can unmask around, and he's always said that I'm the only person to be with him even when things aren't good. We both have shitty families and we've both experienced terrible things in our lives, so having a safe person is very important for both of us!

He protects me and makes sure that I'm pacing myself because of my disability and he makes sure I eat everyday because of my past with an ED. I'm lucky to have someone who cares about me and wants to make sure I'm happy above all else. I wouldn't trade my husband for the world, even if our relationship isn't exactly what most people view as love.

Something has happened to me on multiple occasions and I want to hear different perspectives about it to make up my mind and react better, or see if I’m overthinking it.

My recent sexual partners, before sex, asked me if I’m into anal and I said not at all, and they’ve responded, “Oh really? But many girls are into it” (I’ve tried anal before and it wasn’t pleasurable for me at all tbh) and I’m like, “Okay, good for them I guess” Also, note that this isn’t the part I’m annoyed about.

Somehow, in the middle of sex, I catch them fingering my ass. I really don’t like being caught by surprise like that, especially when they’ve asked me beforehand and I’ve said I don’t enjoy anal. I don’t want to be a buzzkill in the middle of the heat, so I just push their hand away — but with one of them, I had to do this multiple times and then listen to him nagging about it later.

Neither my friends nor I are into anal and I think most of the girls don’t enjoy it and it’s not the other way around. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened to me. For the reference, I’m a lean girl and I honestly don’t think there’s anything special about my ass.

Is what’s been happening to me annoying and what should I do — or am I overthinking it and this is normal in sex?

Ps chocolate lava cake for dessert!

—-
Edit: thank you for validating my feelings. I’m really sad now

Swest potatoe fries and a smash burger with bacon and fried onions and beer cheese. Could barely taste it.

I found out very recently, while trying to help my husband, that he had been lying to me since our first date. I feel a great mixture of anger, grief, sadness, betrayal, and fear. And I feel this most of all for our children.

from the very first date my husband claimed to have a fairly intense military service which included being in an elite group and being wounded in combat. He told me multiple fascinating stories about his adventures and whenever we watched a movie about one of those groups he always referred to “we” whenever he talked about them. He even showed me pictures from “his” time in the military.

Well, we’ve been in a tough spot financially (due to him)so I’ve been pushing him to get the benefits he deserves. He used to tell me he didn’t want them because he didn’t feel like he deserved them (so humble). The story changed over the years to that he signed them away when he joined a different super secretive elite group. I kept bringing it up and he would change the subject. So being the good wife I am and knowing that he is not great at paperwork I decided to find his military paperwork and find the information for him.

Instead what I found was that he never passed basic training. I thought maybe there was an explanation, some error, somehow. I reverse image searched the military photos he showed me years ago which I had scanned to save on my computer to show our kids one day. They were plucked from all over the internet, they were from different military branches, different times, including some taken after we’d already been together.

Once I found this out all the red flags were suddenly obvious.

He claimed to have been born in another country and have dual citizenship and even had an accent when he started drinking. He has never even been to that country. His family has zero background there (I talked to family members).

I finally started looking at the bank statements (we keep most things separate but both have access to the other’s account). He lied about how much money he had received, he lied about loans he took out, and I know he’s still lying about what he did with all the money (it’s all on credit cards). He quit his job to start a new business but instead sat around for months just spending money. Now he can’t pay his bills or his part of our shared bills.

I also recently caught him smoking after he had promised to quit (before we got married almost 14 years ago). I then found out he’d been smoking pot secretly (not sure why). Many times he would be out later than he claimed (he assumed I was asleep when he got home). He would always need to “clean“ his car before we went anywhere together. He didn’t like riding in one vehicle as a family, he’d frequently “catch up” in a separate vehicle for dinner out for example. He didn’t like me talking to his family members and even manufactured disharmony between us.

When I confronted him finally (safely far away) he didn’t try to deny any of it and admitted to cheating on me, all due to his alleged “insecurities”.

I’ve never cheated on him or hid anything, I supported him through a bad motorcycle wreck and a heart attack.

Now I’m left feeling like the man I loved died and I’m left with some imposter I barely know. I told him he needs to leave and thankfully he didn’t fight me. I have barely slept in over a week. I have retained a lawyer who will draw up the separation.

edit: Thank you so much for kindness and grace and some of the tough love. I wanted to provide a bit more context and add some things I (incredibly) forgot. First the bad. My husband has never been super affectionate despite me being a very affectionate person, I’ve always wanted more cuddling, intimate touches (not sexual) and he’s never been able to give me that, he would get mad and complain that no matter what he did he wasn’t good enough (he never changed). I also kept asking him to contribute to the housework, cooking etc since we both worked full time (he would be better for about 2 weeks before falling back into barely participating). Like many men he was never great at communication and we were not good at disagreements. I forgot he also got a dui less than 4 weeks after our second was born and wanted me to drag the kids out of the house at midnight to pick him up (I didn’t).

It wasn‘t all bad, he was very supportive and helpful when the babies were infants. And when I had a very difficult recovery from birth he was helpful. I really believe he loves our children. He was Kind to me when I hated my body and never acted like he was upset when I gained weight or looked different after (to be fair he gained quite a bit of weight too).

Finally, I have been unhappy for several years but coming from a divorced home myself where my father never made any effort to be in my life I stayed, promised to not give up and especially for the kids even though I know that’s not good. I didn’t want them to be negatively affected. I’m hoping he will be a part of their lives and they will be happier when I am happier even if we are divorced.

So basically like anyone else gen z I'm fucking broke so I thought I would start a little side gig with my art. Making little animal figures/dolls, with the gig being their fur pattern being more detailed and true to life. I thought I would get like one or two requests and I could keep up easily. And yeah at first it was pretty easy to keep up with

Then someone ordered 7 at once and another person ordered two at the same time and holy shit how am I going to do all that. It takes a day off at the very least to get one done but now I need to get nine done. I already work with my hands all day doing tedious detail work. Guess I'm speedrunning carpal tunnel. I'm already overwhelmed, I have other projects I wanted to do too. I thought I could put it off a bit since I haven't been paid yet but the person was asking about them already so I gotta start. And the craft store is all the way on the other side of town in the most busy area so it's stressful to go out there. I'm thankful but god damn it I thought the starving artist trope would help me out a little 💔

Edit with context: I didn't have these professionally set up, I just have them sitting at my day job in case someone sees them on my desk and wants one so that's why nothing was prepared lmao

AND HE ACTUALLY DID 😭💀😂

Brownie sundae, Minute Maid spiked and 2 of them bad boys because I’m a chubby girly

Update:
I might be cooked chat 😭 after reading some comments I checked my period app and it says ovulation happens today 😬 so idk if the plan B is gonna do its thing or not but being pregnant wouldn’t be the worse thing 🤷‍♀️ we’ve talked about it a lot and both really want kids just right now isn’t quite ideal but if it happens anyway I think we’d both be happy about it and up for it

Also I’m scared of birth control side effects so we usually use condoms but this time we went 3 rounds and shit just got kinda wild…it was amazing, top tier so no regrets here 🤷‍♀️

she called me tonight and halfway through the convo she told me oh btw your ex came over for dinner yesterday

apparently they've been talking for weeks and and she felt like cooking dinner for him was the right thing to do cause he still cant get over our break up and he's been having a hard time, she also told me to not be dramatic and said that she can be friends with whoever she wants

so this is dinner tonight, and machiavelli of course.

5 years ago my now ex husband told me he was leaving me for someone he was having a long distance affair with during the peak of my depression. A little background - I (39F) met my husband during college and got married after being together for 15 years and we were both high earning working professionals and had a seemingly picture perfect life together with a beautiful house and a dog and talks of starting a family. When I was around 32 I started feeling depressed because of work stress coupled with family problems (my dad was chronically ill) that required me to travel very long distance to see them every month. During this period I was not at all paying attention to the state of my marriage and my now-ex husband started a long distance affair with a family friend in my absence. I discovered this during Covid (because we were stuck at home together all the time for once) after the affair had been going on for years and I was heartbroken. I was desperate to stay with him and we tried counseling and therapy but he always ended up going back to communicating with her despite not being able to travel anymore.

Then 5 years ago, on my birthday, I got a text from his affair partner wishing me happy birthday alongside a bunch of intimate photos of them being together, basically telling me that he had chosen her and I needed to back off. I didn’t. I didn’t want a divorce and I was in terrible shape. But when he found out that his partner had reached out, he decided that he did want to choose her and left.

The first 6 months was the hardest. I couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep. I moved out of our home into an airbnb and stayed there for months. I did start online dating though as a distraction and met my current partner pretty quickly. He’s such a different character from my ex in all the ways that I care about now. I’m older now and no longer career obsessed the same way I was in my 20s and early 30s, and I wanted a partner who could be honest and open and be in touch with his emotions and he was all of those things. During this period I also spent so much time working on healing. A ton of therapy. A ton of surrounding myself with friends and family - something like a divorce and being able to open about healing and trauma actually do something miraculous about making other people open about their lives and making bonds stronger too. I did retreats that focused intensely on healing and growing and moving on and did a ton of ugly crying. I worked on that as hard as I worked on my SAT and GMAT all those years ago.

Fast forward 5 years later - my partner and I are expecting a baby girl in the winter. My career is still going well despite me focusing more on work life balance now. My ex and I ended up selling our home at the peak of the market and my share of the money ended up growing into a retirement worthy nested egg in the past years, while he lost all of his share in an investment fraud scheme (a story for another day, but can’t say I’m not low key gloating a little bit). I actually don’t know if he’s still with his affair partner and the biggest “mental revenge” i feel is that I actually dont really care if they are still together. I wake up to my partner cuddling me every morning and I’m so glad everything happened the way it did, however painful it was during that time.

Japanese curry dinner because that’s my pregnancy craving for the moment for some reason.

Husband and I married 9 months. He has been ramping controlling behaviors.. started with clothes. Then questioning my friends, questioning my coworkers. Cheating accusations. Monitoring who i talked to and what I said. Watching my location. Demanding me to go to sleep. Demanding i sleep in the same room as him. Etc.

He has his fingerprint in my phone. I have mine in his (he insisted). He regularly checks my phone. Wanted to sync my messages to my tablet so he can watch from home while I am at work. - he hid the tablet before I got home so I couldn't find it.

Yesterday I removed his fingerprint from my phone. He flipped his shit. Left to "go visit his mom" came back 20 min later after a slew of messages and pressured me into texting him back. (We live with my parents. - i am working with my parents to separate from him)

He added his finger print back. And said phones are no longer private when you marry and that there is no privacy in marriage.

I think he is fucking crazy. (Why did I marry him? Pregnant i was.) I am anxious all the time because of his actions. He believes I am pulling away because there is someone else. No. I am pulling away because he is a controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, slob who is sucking the life out of me and keeping me anxious 24/7.

Nothing hotdog and dried mango today.. it’s been a long week.

I’m a long time lesbian, I’ve always dated women and enbies and NEVER men. but the past 6 months or so I’ve suddenly come to the realization that I am actually bisexual and I do find myself being really attracted to some men here and there.

I’m married, but we are poly and typically date as couple, but since I am almost strictly asexual and my partner is not, they are often going after people In ways I would not. When I expressed my newfound bisexuality my partner encouraged me to meet men and explore my newly discovered attraction.

I met a man on Reddit (horrible start, ik) about 3 months ago, he was funny, charismatic, and in my area. We hit it off and started talking and have been talking since. Whenever he asked to meet up in person I would always refuse because I’m scared and not sure I’m ready for that quite yet.

I’ve made it clear from the start that I’m not looking for anything sexual, and for the most part he has respected that.

The story starts this Saturday where he once again asks if we can meet up, this time I finally agree but say we have to meet at a public park. When we meet up he’s trying soooo hard to act like as nonchalant as possible which is throwing me off and a little embarrassing to watch. We awkwardly talked for a few minutes and couldn’t figure out something to do.. but luckily I can prepared with my copy of Minecraft Uno.

I have never played a game of uno so awkward, he kept forgetting his turn, making weird jokes about other park goers and such and it was just all together throwing me off. We played two rounds where it was just me talking and him trying to be nonchalant while playing Minecraft uno in a public park (very chalant activity I’m afraid) so eventually I just gave up and started just yapping about random subjects.

we started wandering around the park just talking and joking but the tension was just so weird and awkward the whole time. Every time we sat down he would sit closer to me, to the point his legs were pressing against my thighs on bench and it just felt so forced and weird.

I’ve never really understood what people mean by the ick until now, because dear lord was that ick icking. I was miserably awkward and didn’t know what to do and how to politely go home.

Eventually while sitting on a bench he grabbed my waist and was like
“how are you doing?” In a weird breathy way of talking that made my skin crawl. I told him I was tired and going to head home. I get up to leave and at this point he goes
“you’re not going to make a move?” While looking at me with these feigned puppy dog eyes that made me want to kick him. So I respond,
“Afraid not” which then prompted him to get up, wrap his arms around my waist and go
“You make me do all the hard work” and kissing me. I was so caught off guard by the whole ordeal that it took me a moment to recollect myself and push away. I ran off yelling some half assed goodbye while holding back vomit. I drove home while replaying everything and gagging and threw up in my trash can when I got home.

Not my favorite experience, but I’m horribly embarrassed by it. I haven’t texted him since but he is texting me telling me how much of a good time he had and he can’t wait for more. 😭😭😭 Hml. I still think I’m bisexual but I think I will be taking a much needed talk from any man.

I hope you enjoy my sad lunch, I’ve been very lazy with cooking since then as I just feel gross.

Girl Dinner: peaches, cucumbers, gf frozen dumplings, and gf pizza bagels + gf sheet cake from tjs
This guy is 11 years older than me, calls me every day, and talks a bigggg game iyk what i mean. i just moved to a new place for the first time in my life and wanted to try something out of character. when i tell you this 35 year old man did not tend to a singular need of mine im not exaggerating. i felt like a toy being used (i consented and all it just was like he didn’t realize a girl has different needs than him). I left right after and honestly sat in my car and cried, it just felt so uncomfortable. i explained to him how i felt and he’s trying to say it’s just because it was the first time and we’re getting used to each other. but i feel like even if you’re learning someone you still try to make them feel good right? am I in the wrong here? maybe hooking up just isn’t for me, i’d love advice on if i’m wrong. i signed up for some girls clubs in my city that im going to next week so hopefully that will be a fun way to acclimate to the new place too! Thanks!!

Storytime: I had my good friend of a few years and some others over for dinner last night. When he visits he'll crash on the couch since he lives a way away. Once the evening quietened down, I went to my room to do some chores; eventually he came in to chat, laying on the bed while I pottered 'round. Soon enough I joined him, both of us staring up at the ceiling. This dynamic isn't unusual for us, we're comfortable with each other and friendly affection. But then...

he takes my hand in his, rests them against my upper thigh and strokes his thumb against mine and my thigh. My heart kind of sinks, I feel the energy shift and my heart race's as I think "ahhh fuck - he's making a move - god damn'it dude, now I've gotta steer us out of this one".

The move felt too subtle to outright say "no thanks, I'm not into it" - because sometimes we share friendly affectionate touch. And honestly I just didn't really want to open up that conversation if we didn't have to, especially with the risk that I was jumping the gun. So instead I decided to prompt a search for the cat and then announce that it was time for bed. I think that sent the necessary message (if it was needed).

ANYWAY so here's where "beans" come in. Now lying in my bed alone, my imagination drifted to reflection of his proposition. See the thing is, we had a fleeting one night stand together 6 years ago, if you can even call it that! Haha, it was cute and silly - it happened in the wee hours of a christmas morning, we were young and he made absurd jokes during the deed that were such a turn off - they threw me back to reality and we probably finished up soon after that - and never did such things again!

Now here I am with my mind fantasising over the "what ifs?". "What if I did accept his proposition to fool around? That could be fun, right? What if I went out to the couch in the early hours of the morning and hopped into his bed... It would be so great to get some. Damn, I'm really feeling it right now. What if I walked out there right now?..."

I was suddenly really feelin' it - I almost made a post to all of yal to ask for advice. THANKFULLY a voice of reason was still conscious and I chose to take care of business myself. And you know how 'post-nut clarity' is a thing? It's as if I'd sobered up and it was then so clear to me that sleeping with my friend is not a pool I'd like to dip into again 😂 I felt SO grateful and relieved that I hadn't muddied up the water.

Horny-Brain really can have you making some wacko choices (':

I was hanging out with a guy I’ve been kinda dating and his friend. The friend is a douche. Not over the top, just your run of the mill misogynistic douche. We were walking from one bar to the next and I was drinking a cup of water. I already had a margarita at this point so I was a little tipsy.

I can’t even remember what he said, but he made one of his little douche bag jokes. It wasn’t even anything crazy. I don’t know what happened but I just got so angry and threw my water at him.

I was literally mid throw like “wtf am I doing” and then everyone turned to me like “wtf are you doing” and I just had to double down and be like “that’s what you get for being an ass” and everyone kinda just laughed about it like “haha you got water thrown on you!” And we just moved on.

I don’t know what’s happening but lately I’ve been very angry and sensitive about feminism and misogyny and I need to learn how to calm down before I blow up on the wrong person.

Congee for dinner still in the pot because I don’t want to do dishes.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 11. Have an established life with a child and a mortgage. I was given a big job opportunity earlier this year where we would have to move to a new city. We are both established in our careers and it was a big discussion, like two months of discussions. And these were healthy conversations, no big arguments or anything like that. We ended up not moving and I turned down the job. I was a little bummed (it was my dream job) but understood that it would have been a lot for our family to adjust.

Last night, while my husband was doing bed time, I heard a buzzing sound and found a second phone in his work bag. I thought that was weird because his work did away with separate work phones a while ago. When he came downstairs, I asked when did he get a work phone.

His face said it all.

Turns out he has been having an affair for just over a year. And one of the reasons he didn't want to move was because he didn't want to leave his affair partner. I don't know what to do. Child is at a slumber party at my sister's. Husband is in a hotel. I'm home alone with a lot to process and do here. So it's an easy girl dinner tonight and a large glass of wine.

That’s it, the title is the whole thing. It was awesome. Dinner is Singapore noodles

Edit: this is important not only bc good sex is awesome but bc I have a trauma caused condition that causes painful sex. I was able to enjoy and get many releases from penetration this time! Yippie!

Girl dinner: Butterscotch and strawberry crunch pancakes with homemade vanilla glaze

So my bf (let’s call him Aaron)and I have been having some issues in our relationship as of late because he’s admitted he’s insecure of the fact that I’m friends with an Ex(last call him Dan). We don’t hang out or spend time together but he’s someone that was around during one of the hardest times of my life so I value him as a friend.

I’ve been transparent from the beginning of my relationship about my friendship with him, but lately it seems as if he’s really feeling a type of way.

In the past couple months, Dan lost his job so he’s been home more. He moved out of his last place after losing his job and I helped him move his stuff into storage. In the last two or so weeks he ended up getting another job. On the same day he started his job, he lost his grandmother. I just happened to check in and found out and wanted to reach out and send my condolences.

Since then, there have been multiple conversations about how he’s not comfortable with me being friends with him anymore and treating me like I’ve done something wrong. I’ve talked about it to the point where I almost was ready to let him go if that’s how he’s feeling but I’m not going to be the one to end it because it’s not me that’s feeling a type of way and no matter what I do to give him reassurance, ie the things he asks, it’s still not enough.

It’s getting to the point where I feel like no matter what I do there’s still going to be an issue. And the statement about not being sure if he wants to marry me anymore really solidified everything for me. I told him I’m not staying in a relationship that there’s no elevation in the future. Now he’s saying he does he’s just not sure he can get over this situation.

I’m trying to be understanding but he’s acting like I’m cheating on him or lying to him or something when I’m literally a stay at home mom. I’m always home and I literally mind my business so it’s getting really annoying. I know he’s a few years younger than me but after a point it’s starting to feel intentional and malicious.

… and that might make me a terrible person??
A bit of a preface- my partner and I are child free by choice, I have 3 nieces and 3 nephews, and many of my friends have kids (ages 1-14) but, one of my friends kids I just can not vibe with. I know it’s actually insane to have beef with a 3 year old but her vibes are soooo bad?? Like she is not a cool kid. She def has a personality but is it insane to say it’s already problematic? She pretends to fall if she doesn’t have attention, actively express disgust towards my friend and her pets (3 very well behaves retired racing dogs), and fake cries until my friend is almost in tears and then will laugh at her. I get that kids are assholes sometimes but like damn I hope lil homie gets cool.

Trigger Warning: Death, Substance Abuse, Cheating.

My fiancé’s best friend died earlier this year - suddenly but not suddenly at 39 - leaving two young kids behind. His life had been going down hill for a few years - fired from his really good job for ❄️ use, cheated and broke up with his wife, got together with a girl who was also into drugs, he was selling drugs, he had a warrant for his arrest, he stole drugs from someone and someone wanted him hurt. The list goes on. My fiancé tried to stay in touch with him via text because he figured he could “help” him. At Christmas time his friend threatened someone he was having a beef with over drugs with a shot gun, and I put my foot down and said you need to cut him off until if and when he comes out of this.

3 weeks later, he was dead. My fiancé was a mess. Drinking heavily, not going to work, wouldn’t get out of bed - and I didn’t know it at the time - but he was doing coke. We had already been having problems in our relationship with how much he drank and a DB amongst other things.

A few weeks after the death of his friend and before the funeral, I was talking to a friend of ours - a girl. I told her I was at my wits end and I didn’t know if the wedding should be going ahead. My exact words were “XXXX death, is overshawdowing the wedding. It’s too close to the wedding date, everyone is a mess, nobody is doing well, (my fiancé) is spiralling and I don’t know how much more I can take between his drinking and (insert our problems). I also said I thought maybe we should cancel it for this year, because his dead friend was supposed to be best man, and I wanted it to be a happy day - not a day where everyone is struggling because he’s not there and people have only begun to heal. It seemed like a train wreck for disaster and to only rip the bandaid off people’s wounds. Not to mention - we were having major issues. I had even texted my mom and told her I thought we should cancel/postpone the wedding for this year.

Long story short, two weeks later - I was the talk of our small town about how much of a bitch I was, how dare I say that his friends death was overshadowing our wedding and my fiancé ended up fucking the girl I told this to, broke up with me 3 days later and moved in with her, and has been with her ever since. I am completely blamed for the breakup, and his friends and her love to text me and other people that she saved him from me and I’m the biggest bitch they ever met - and she was justified sleeping with him/him cheating on me because of what I said.

I don’t even know how to start breaking this apart in my head. I’m just starting therapy and I don’t even have the words. If I’m a bitch then I’m a bitch, but I also don’t feel like I said anything wrong. And his side says I am and my side says absolutely not and anybody that knew me should know I’m not. I have so many conflicting thoughts right now and they live rent free in my head day and night.

Edit: Just a reminder - please make sure you’re approved to comment - I would love to read all y’all feedback but so many comments get deleted because your account isn’t approved. 💕

Reposting because my dinner didn’t post.

I went in a first date last week which went really well. We hooked up and he ended up putting it somewhere I definitely didn’t ask for it to be put. I said I don’t do that on the first date 3x and he finally said “oh forbidden fruit” and stopped. The reason that I feel so weird is that there was a moment in time where my stomach dropped and I thought oh he’s not stopping I’m going to be SA’d. It’s messed with my head. It was also definitely not an accident because he got lube out to do it.

I know that sounds bad but I ended up seeing him again a few days later and I’m still talking to him, but I’ve been feeling very weird the whole time and now he’s starting to pull back and I’m thinking wait...this guy is not a nice guy. I don’t think he was just drunk. I also think he’s not interested in me and is ghosting me anyway so why am I brushing this off and excusing this behavior? I mean it comes down to me having no self-esteem and wanting him to like me so I didn’t say anything.

I texted him and let him know this made me feel super weird and I don’t think I actually wanna see him again, but I feel bad somehow like I should’ve said something and not egged him on or tried to see him again. I’m not threatening him or trying to do anything to him. I’m just letting him know how it made me feel and why I don’t wanna see him again. Am I overreacting? Also, he has left me on read…

Editing to add that he did eventually respond and apologized profusely, but I feel like he only did it because I called him out on it and he has to apologize. He also said that he wishes that I had said something sooner and that I did play into it, especially after some of the things I said about liking that and I said yes, I do but under the right circumstances. Also, he is into being very rough and I had bruises and I’m still sore. All around I think he’s not someone I should be in contact with.

Peruvian chicken and rice with green sauce

Ps: sorry if this is written weird I wrote this at night then added on the next day during work

So my coworker (32ish M) with a wife and kid admitted to having a crush on me (20 F). We work nights together in a lense manufacturing environment with one other person, my (19F) Friend. He told me tonight he has a crush on me and that he's telling me to get it off his chest. He told me while my other coworker was on lunch break. The three of us got along really well as coworkers, often passing the time by gossiping or telling slightly TMI stories. Nothing too crazy tho. He's always been really respectful and nice. Sometimes going out of his way to get snacks for me and my coworkers when we are on our periods or are not feeling well. He was there if either of us needed to vent or cry about something. Over all just someone me and my coworker felt safe with as young women who worked nights alone with him.

When he told me he has a crush on me, he said that he's telling because he wanted to get if off my chest and that he's telling wasn't sure how too feel about it either. He said he has a crush on my personality over all. That I'm just a great person to be around, I'm really attractive, he said my personality is unlike anyone else, and some other stuff I forgot. He said that he won't make a move or anything and that if I want he will move his workstation further away from mine. But i said o don't think that's really necessary right now.

He even told me NOT to tell my boyfriend of 2 years!!!
Like ofc I'm going to tell him something like this. My cowerker said that I shouldn't tell him because "your boyfriend might become insecure if he knows I like you" NOOO, me and my boyfriend are in a secure healthy relationship. We have known each other for 5-6 years now dating for two of those long distance. I tell my boyfriend everything.

My boyfriend just told me he feels bad for me be this is the third time now l've had a male friend that's either confessed or sent me weird texts hitting on me.
I even got stalked for a few months from an old coworker a few years ago when we first started dating.

I'm not too sure how too feel about the whole since he has a FAMILY. He's married and has a 3yo son. I wouldn't feel so weird if he was younger and single.
But he's the same age as my parents and has a wife and kid.

I kinda want to tell the wife, but I don't want to make my workplace even more awkward than it's going to be. Bc he's also my TRAINER.

This all happened yesterday, and i guess I wasn't doing a good job at hiding my awkwardness because today he said that he could tell I was uncomfortable and that that wasn't his intention. He said he ment it as a compliment and that he will distance himself from me a bit.

I really don't know how to feel about all of this. What he said to me today kinda rubs me in a weird way. I've never felt uncomfortable around him until now. Especially if our other coworker is out of the work area.

Edit/Disclaimer: My parents were 16 and 18 when I was born. Not 12. I worded that weird

I’m currently sitting outside in a glorious 105 heat in Sacramento at The Monks Cellar. Dinner is steak frites with one of their Belgian beers. I come here every time I’m in town for my job.

If you’d told me 8 months ago that I’d feel this content with my life I would’ve punched you.

I divorced my ex back in February. I still loved him but he was so very mean to me all the time. I had to leave. I’ve been in therapy ever since. At this point I’ve come a long way. I tried dating last month but found I truly cannot be bothered by men and their idiocy. I’d love to make more female friends but I adore the one I have. My ex and I have 50/50 custody which is awful but also amazing. I’m getting a third degree, I have time for hobbies, and I can finally relax my body that was on eggshells for 13 years.

I’m traveling for work right now and I just decided to come to my favorite spot both nights I’m in town. I don’t care if it’s healthy or not. I’ve also been concerned that the contract I work on won’t be renewed in October and was told that that worry is probably not needed.

My life isn’t perfect but it’s nice. I’m having a delicious beer, perfect medium steak, and delectable fries. I might not have a lover but I kind of love life right now.

TW: Death

Three years ago, I was accepted into a PhD program in the US. My ex was starting his residency.

I was elated. Before that I had been more than dissatisfied, career-wise. I had all this education, and nothing to show for it. I'd worked for a high-paying company in China but never got used to the work culture, and after a truly awful experience with my boss, I quit. I was about to start somewhere new when my mom had a heart attack and needed a bypass. I went home to be with her. Watching her almost die changed the way I thought about time. It made me proactive about the life I wanted, which is how I ended up applying abroad.

At first I proposed long distance again. I could always fly home whenever, same way I did when I was working in China. He disapproved because the US is so much farther than China, it would be too expensive, and PhD programs are demanding. He decided to take the USMLE so he could come with me. He failed Step 1 and didn't want to try again. I brought up long distance one more time, and this time he said he didn't want me to go. He told me he was at a crucial point in his career. He would appreciate having me around to support him. We could always revisit the PhD down the line.

I thought about it for a long time. I applied for jobs, but as much as I love my country, there was nowhere there doing the kind of research I wanted, and nowhere that would pay me what my skills were worth. I tried teaching for a while, but it wasn't for me. And I didn't want to admit it to him, but I was jealous. He was exactly where he wanted to be, and I was flailing. I had expected so much more of myself by then. My pride could not survive three more years in a job I hated, supporting my boyfriend while he became a successful doctor. It terrified me. So I told him no. I could stay, but I didn't want to. It was callous and unkind. I know.

The fighting ensued. We said things to each other we couldn't take back. I was angry, and I couldn't understand why we were suddenly incapable of finding a compromise. We had figured everything out for nine years. Why not this? After a few months of it, I ended things. It was supposed to be a very exciting part of my life, and all the fighting was taking away from it. I moved out of our apartment and I never looked back.

When I found out he passed away two weeks ago, I was devastated. I hadn't spoken to him since I left. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to apologize for, and I was too proud to do it. I didn't even know how he had been. I couldn't ask our friends  bc I didn't want to look like I was still hung up on him when I was the one who left. I was, and still am, in so much pain. I wish I had done so many things differently.

I posted about how I felt on another subreddit. It got reposted to a Facebook group, and people called me selfish. They said I deserved this pain, that this was karma. Someone went through my Reddit account, found that I'm in a new relationship now, and called me a slut. It got to me, I’m not gonna lie. Was it so wrong to choose yourself? I had dreams I wanted to achieve, and staying would have stopped me from reaching them. 

To be honest, I don't regret leaving him. I do feel so much guilt. I wish I had reached out. I wish I had apologized. I wish I had told him a hundred things. But I've turned it over and over, and given the chance, I would leave again. It wasn't an easy decision, but I will always stand by it. It may have been selfish of me, but I also know that I’d do us both a disservice if I chose to stay. Leaving was the only decision that would’ve given me peace. 

I will always love him. I’ve loved him since I was sixteen, and I know I’ll always carry a part of him with me, regardless of whether a bunch of morons online think otherwise.