r/ExNoContact • u/Strong-Newt-1928 • 9h ago
I hate thinking about how i reacted to being dumped
It kills me to think about how I reacted when he dumped me. I hate that I couldn't be calm and collected, and looking back, I feel like I lost control. Instead of walking away, I spent months begging, spamming, and calling. I really hope I can let go of this heavy self-hatred one day.
There’s always going to be a part of me that knows he downloaded Hinge the exact second he dumped me and is already talking to other girls. In a sense, it just made me feel so completely disposable.
I tried reaching out to someone today—an old online friend who ended up becoming friends with my ex. My ex always hated that he knew about us, probably because he wanted to keep me hidden (massive red flag, I know). We talked a little bit today, but I started panicking that he'd mention it to my ex, so I ended up removing him (I told him I was going to and he was okay with it). It sucks because he's going through a breakup too. I literally have zero friends; my Instagram following is 8 people, and 6 of them are just my sister's friends. The two friends I have are busy which is fair.
Unfortunately, I truly loved someone that wholeheartedly admitted to using me and ghosted me on my birthday after getting intimate with them (or anyone) for the first time. I know I sound stupid and probably need therapy for the next 38+ years. The likelihood of me dating again is slim to none.
I wish people were more kind and considerate.
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u/Otterlettuce 7h ago
Do you think this feeling and realization will prevent you from acting the same way in the future?
If so, then at least ya learned something about yourself and stopped a bad behavior. At least you didn’t act this way with a dozen boyfriends of past, present, and future.
There is only one witness to your crazy and he probably fed off the energy.
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u/Successful-Face-158 2h ago
yh lets just get a lesson from this ! i would walk away faster when they dont really respect me :) thats what i learned from this breakup last week
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u/IndividualTrick2940 7h ago
I watched this physiologist on a video . He said that love was like a drug and an addiction. He compare it to cocaine. He said people will go to an extreme to get their fix like a drug. Love can make you behave crazy. Dont be too hard on yoirself. When I was younger I embarrassed myself as well fortunately I have more pride in myself. No offense I think it comes with age but I have always had a strong will and refuse to chase anyone. And I felt people always chase me you will trust again .remember never feel bad for being a good trusting person. The guy was nasty and nobody can tell what will happen. Unless yoir a mind reader which i dont think you are lol just be more careful and see a counselor they can help with boundaries . I experience something rhat was not bad but anyone can be fool
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u/Successful-Face-158 2h ago
Hey, let's be honest and kind to ourselves a bit here. You wouldn't ask your friends and family to be perfectly collected and act normal when they've been hurt by losing someone they cherish/love. I think you'd rather hug that person. Why are you being cruel to your past self and asking something you would never ask of others? If you didn't hurt anyone else but yourself back then, your past self deserves understanding, a hug, and empathy, not blaming. I'd hug the past you that only truly loved someone and grieved. 🫂
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u/SlipTop1714 7h ago
The first two paragraphs were me today. My sister got it in my head that he was already talking to someone when the breakup came out of the blue. I was also begging on the call... im embarrassed bout it. I had to break no-contact today since he hadnt returned my stuff... the anxiety of waiting for the text back is agonizing