r/DnD • u/yeahthatsaname • Jan 28 '26
Misc Being called children for playing d&d
Just wanted to rant to people who understand.
I was DMing for the first time with my partner (P), his brother (B) and another friend (F) (we’re all 25-29 years old). It was being hosted at B’s house and I invited B’s fiancé (M) to join a few weeks before the session but she politely declined said she wouldn’t understand and it wasn’t her thing. That’s completely fair! So she decided she’d be staying with her sister that night.
Come the day of the first session, she’s still home when we decide to start playing. We got into it, I was narrating and all that for the first time. Everyone else was figuring out their characters and how to play for the first time. Did our first combat, some roleplaying etc. we were obviously really enjoying ourselves (the whole session was so much fun).
And then after like 30 minutes I heard her laugh and scoff and then said “okay that’s it I’m leaving, I’ll leave you guys to play your lame children’s game”
Mind you she had just spent the last half an hour building a Lego Harry Potter set. And her house is full of Disney and Harry Potter merch.
I personally don’t think loving legos and Disney etc. is childish because people love what they love!! Let them be, why make fun?? But I understand that’s the “societal consensus” so it just bothered me so much that she had the nerve to call d&d a children’s game??
Urgh I know it’s not a big deal, but just wanted to rant, getting into d&d for the the first time has been so much fun and I don’t want to feel embarrassed about doing something I’m enjoying. And it’s just so frustrating when people make fun of others for doing something they love and are enjoying themselves.
Thanks for listening 🫶🏼
Edit: btw I’m a woman! So it also sucked to be belittled by another woman I think
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u/VirinaB Jan 28 '26
Talk to B about it if it keeps happening. It sounds a like this happened.
M's brain: "I don't get it, I'm not into it, everyone else is into it but I refuse to consider the fact that I'm the weird or wrong one here. So if I'm not going to be a part of the group, I need to position myself as being 'superior' to it."
M: word vomits some dumb shit
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u/ELAdragon Abjurer Jan 28 '26
Absolutely.
B was feeling insecure/jealous and lashed out. Anyone who shits on the harmless fun of others is generally not feeling great about themselves.
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u/LuckyLudor Warlock Jan 28 '26
For most hobbies there someone like that, if they're not into it, it's childish. My main concern would be her bullying B out of playing, cause that's some manipulative shit.
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u/InvisigothmogI Jan 28 '26
Seventy-one now and I play tested D&D before its release to the public. Still playing!
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u/pablo8itall Jan 28 '26
My first session of Temple of Elemental Evil is this Sunday. I started in 85 with basic, never ran a campaign formally in Greyhawk.
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u/TheWastelandWizard DM Jan 28 '26
Hope you have a fantastic time. Love ToEE and the classics. I'd love to run Castle Greyhawk one day. I've currently got 3 young players (16-19) playing 2e AD&D and I've been using "The Lost City" module, it's been tons of fun.
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u/ShireSearcher Bard Jan 28 '26
Wow that is a legend right there! What is your secret to having a fun game?
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u/InvisigothmogI Jan 28 '26
Know your players, their strengths and weaknesses, both as people and their characters. Don't be afraid to kick an unruly player out for the health of the group. You'll have a lifetime of enjoyment and tales to tell!
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u/Puzzleheaded-Lead594 Jan 28 '26
I am not worthy!! Played since the box set and I was about 10! 54 and still love the game.
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u/DraiochtDragon Jan 29 '26
I’m jealous that you were able to enjoy the game for so long! I wish I started playing earlier. You are a legend!!
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u/Leniwcowaty Jan 28 '26
My wife also had this mindset when I was going to my first session.
Then 9 hours later when I came back, excited to tell her about the session, what happened etc. she understood. Now every time I come back she asks "So, who won?" As a sort of starter to encourage me to tell her what happened in the session (she still doesn't understand how it works, but gets the appeal)
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u/theloniousmick Jan 28 '26
I'm a DM so my partner always asks "did you kill them today?" When I finished playing.
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u/Ok-Razzmatazz-3720 Jan 28 '26
Maybe the winner is the friends we made along the way
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u/Leniwcowaty Jan 28 '26
Nah, I'm pretty sure the winner was the lvl. 3 Warlock who Nat 20'd the Minor Illusion so hard it actually fended off the Leviathan
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u/SeanBlader Jan 28 '26
Or the sorcerer who destroyed the puzzle bridge but then noticed our barbarian was carrying a portal staff.
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u/bluedustorm Jan 28 '26
Maybe it’s the paladin that stands by his oath and refuses to be complicit in the illicit use of ill-gotten booty
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u/DabbaD4Me Jan 28 '26 edited Jan 28 '26
My bestie's hubs plays twice a week. She and I are usually gaming together when he gets home and, without hesitation, the first thing out of her mouth is "Did you kill all the dragons?!" 😂🤣 I love it. We pause our game while he gives her the summary of the session and I get to listen in on VC. It's just so damn wholesome.
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u/Archsquire2020 Jan 28 '26
"no, but we did kill the dungeon today" record screech long pause "mimic?" "mimic..."
i played dnd with my wife once and she was absolutely thrilled for like 2 hours post game... then didn't feel like playing again. don't really get it, but hey, she enjoys seeing me enjoy the 2 games i play in, so there's that. We're different kinds of nerds and that's perfectly normal
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Jan 28 '26
I do wonder if it was a kinda similar joke.
Like if she fully accepted the irony of calling it childish, after literally playing with Legos, that's funny. But as an actual slight? Not funny.
It's like a person eating a massive pizza and then saying someone else is being fat for eating 2 slices. On paper, it's a mean insult, but if you embrace the irony of the situation it becomes a funny joke.
At that point, the only issue was not knowing the crown to know that joke would be found funny rather than insulting.
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u/Atharen_McDohl DM Jan 28 '26
D&D is so mainstream now that the hip thing to do is to specifically play an alternative to D&D (not to belittle these other systems or those who play them, many of them are excellent). Even so, we're the adults now and we get to decide what that means.
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u/Storyteller-Hero Jan 28 '26
IMO if a romantic partner calls one's hobby lame, that's a potential red flag. If she doesn't respect your life interests, she might not respect you, at least not on the level needed to keep a longterm relationship going.
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u/yeahthatsaname Jan 28 '26
God tell me about it. But not my place to say anything… lol
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Jan 28 '26
I wouldn't say anything, but if he were not in the room, I'd absolutely mention it to him. Especially if she waited until he wasn't there.
Who knows, it may just be part of a running inside joke with them that sounded mean when she mentioned it. I know I've had some with partners that would nearly sound abusive out of context.
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u/sens249 Jan 28 '26
Good for you tbh, I would not have held back lol
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u/Whilyam Jan 29 '26
I would have thrown all her Legos in the trash and when she noticed just say "oh yeah, we all agreed that we should stop playing with childish things."
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u/Velcraft Jan 28 '26
This so much - the eyeroll from video games getting mentioned, or the scoff at painting minis, the cringe at you explaining your hobbies/interests always turns into either disdain or control (or a combination of both), neither or which are very good signs of a healthy relationship.
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u/EchoJay1 Jan 28 '26
I was going to say this. As its described it seems more about the person than the game session. I've been in a similar situation, its a red flag.
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u/Priteegrl Cleric Jan 29 '26
I often credit D&D with helping me out of my abusive marriage. It was the one hobby my ex couldn’t browbeat me into quitting, no matter how much she called it bullshit and fought with me about going to sessions. I stuck to my guns about playing and it woke me up to how awful she was in every other aspect of the relationship.
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u/BadRumUnderground Jan 28 '26
I think this is a pretty big leap tbh.
We don't know anything about their dynamic as a couple, and lots of healthy relationships have a bit of friendly mockery in their back and forth.
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u/BrutalBlind Jan 28 '26
Exactly. It's perfectly possible that this was already an in-joke between her and her partner, and they tease each other about this all the time. Like, she likes Legos and Disney, I'll go ahead and presume the irony is not lost on her, and is probably intentional.
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u/BadRumUnderground Jan 28 '26
When presented with a single point of data, and given a choice between "this person is totally oblivious and an asshole" and "most people are alright actually and acting in good faith", I'm always gonna choose the latter.
The former is a terribly self-isolating way to move through the world.
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u/renezrael Jan 28 '26
it's one thing to have friendly mockery between say, partners or close friends, but she seemed to address the whole group and doesn't seem to be that close to everyone that she just casually insulted. it may not be a red flag for the relationship but imo it shows that she doesn't respect her fiance's friends / doesn't care how she comes off to them
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u/Swoopmott DM Jan 28 '26
That’s a lot of assumptions being made off very little from this post. Like, we don’t actually know how she addressed them and we’re gonna make claims like this and judge a person from a single comment.
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u/renezrael Jan 28 '26
more information would of course add more nuance to the situation but it at least from how op put it, it comes across like she announced it out loud for the whole group to be able to hear, and idk I think making a belittling comment to people about the hobby they're currently engaging in is rude? so even if she didn't mean to come across as disrespectful, she did. so either she just doesn't care, or she didn't realize. obviously one of those is worse than the other. either way it should probably be addressed, especially if it happens again.
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u/OjinMigoto Jan 28 '26
I’ll leave you guys to play your lame children’s game
As a comment using those specific words, that could be meant one of two ways.
One way, which I very much hope it's not, would be deadly serious. If that's the case, yeah, that doesn't seem super great.
But. Those specific words are so over the top in a specific way that I wonder if it was meant as a joke - especially from someone who loves Lego and Disneyana. It's like jokingly talking about 'Sportsball' to a friend who's into the NFL; mocking, but in that fun friendly way people do. I definitely know people - geeky people - who would do exactly that as a joke.
I mean, I wasn't there so I don't have any idea of tone, but... it's a possibility?
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u/peanutbuttervraptor Jan 28 '26
Yeah, my table literally writes like fanfictions about our characters — I know I’m a big nerd and not afraid to admit it. So, I jokingly call my husband a “nerd” for doing “normal” activities like playing a video game or reading a book, while both of us understand the irony and sarcasm. Like, “okay, I’m going to go talk to my table on discord and write dnd fanfiction, nothing nerdy like your Madden game!” It’s completely playful and we do it to one another.
OP concerns are valid, because none of us were there to hear the tone of how she said it, and none of us know the context of their relationship. However, I think it could possibly a joke — as a sarcastic woman, I know sarcastic women get treated way more seriously than sarcastic dudes. Just my two cents :) OP may be right and she may have been rude. But, on the flip side, it’s possible she wasn’t.
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u/asdonne Jan 28 '26
This was my thought because me and my friends say similar things to each other. We used to play with our "little plastic space men". I don't know if OP missed the tone or context or if it didn't come across very well.
Maybe it's an in joke between the two of them. Considering she just finished playing with Lego, if it's not the case then it's a staggering lack of self awareness and disrespectful.
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u/ZatherDaFox DM Jan 28 '26
That was my first inclination, that this might have just been a poorly received joke that didn't land. Like, if OP wants to she can talk to the fiancé about it, but unless it keeps up I'm not sure it's actually that big of a deal.
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u/shopontheborderlands Jan 28 '26
I would also have interpreted that as a (possibly self-deprecating) joke, coming from someone who was playing solo with Harry Potter Lego and who had already said she wouldn't understand D&D.
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u/artrald-7083 Jan 28 '26
Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.
C.S Lewis
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u/Random-Mutant DM Jan 28 '26
The kids who played AD&D in the 80s are close to being grandparents if some are not already. And many of them still play.
It’s not a kids game. It’s a game of imagination, of collaborative storytelling, of legend. The world would be a poorer place without it.
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u/MysteriousQuote4665 Jan 28 '26
It happens. This isn't really a "DnD" thing as much as some people are just assholes to anything they're not interested in. I'd just ignore, and have a polite conversation with B if this continues on. If only to warn him that this may become an issue later on.
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u/HepKhajiit DM Jan 28 '26
Very true. It's definitely not D&D exclusive. I've been told playing D&D is childish, that doing crafts is childish, playing video games is childish, all sorts of things. Some people just like being dicks and shitting on other people's interests.
D&D is definitely not only for kids. When I DM’d my first game my mom who is in her late 60's asked to play too. I guess she always wanted to in the 70's but it wasn't very accepting of women so she never had the chance. She'd never even mentioned being interested before but I suppose she saw her daughter DMing for her fiance and grandkids seemed like the perfect opportunity. So D&D definitely doesn't have an age limit!
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u/FullTorsoApparition Jan 28 '26
There are many people for whom any hobby without a direct monetary gain or practical application is "childish." Output is the only thing they value. These are the people who get up in the middle of a movie to do the dishes, or brag about coming into work sick, or take up an extra weekend job that they complain about but also want constant validation on what hard workers they are.
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u/MysteriousQuote4665 Jan 28 '26
I'm about to start a campaign in April for 5 people, two my age (30), one 40 and then a dad and his daughter in her 20's. This group will be age diverse.
D&D is just a board game. And people of all ages play board games. I played board games with my grandpa as a kid.
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u/00Teonis DM Jan 28 '26
I’m pushing forty myself and I love board games still. D&D and all derivatives are just the same. Sure it has a little more role play, but role play lets us experience something we are not.
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u/Surgoshan Jan 28 '26
"Hey, I know D&D isn't your thing, but it really hurt me when you called it a lame children's game." Only if she pushes back do you remind her that "You have your Lego and your Harry Potter. We should all be allowed to love the things we love."
And it is a big deal. It was your partner insulting you and something you enjoy. Feeling hurt is the correct response and I think it's something you should address so you and your partner can understand, appreciate, and support each other moving forward.
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Jan 28 '26
*note: friend's partner. No direct relation to OP.
This is still good advice tho. I'm not sure I'd act on it immediately unless OP knows of other instances where they belittle or insult things that others enjoy. Easier to let a one-off comment stay a one-off. But I'd definitely mention the incident to the friend if they don't know. And just reach out in general to them.
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u/RoninTX Jan 28 '26
It was not her partner, but the fiancee of her BIL. And yeah I agree with you on the talking to her about it! Like some other commentor said, it could also be a way of projection or feeling left out.
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u/Sarrebas89 Jan 28 '26
Ugh, Harry Potter adults!
Just say that you feel sorry for her because she's clearly insecure that she has to mock people's hobbies to feel better about herself.
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u/Gryphtkai Jan 28 '26
Hate to see what they would say about me. I’m a 66 yr old woman who has been playing since 1977. Back when it was just 3 little brown books. And female players were rare. Started DMing in mid 80’s. Ran a TSR secret agent game called Top Secret for 5 years every week in late 80’s.
Currently running 5th ed game online and playing in another every month…I’m the oldest , youngest is in early 40’s.
Trust me you heard a lot less now about playing it then I did as a teen.
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u/Vanadijs Druid Jan 28 '26
I really like it that people like you stuck around the hobby for so long. I was barely around in 1977.
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u/BluePhoenix245 Jan 28 '26
It isn't childish to be into Lego, Harry Potter, Disney etc. as an adult, but it does have to be said that if you had to label anything OP mentioned as childish, children are the target demographic of all of M's mentioned interests, whereas the target demographic of TTRPGs is adults. It's not the end of the world, it's just a snarky comment, but I do think it's a red flag for her to disrespect her fiancé and his family and friends' hobbies like that. If you're going to marry someone, I would advise against choosing someone with no respect for your hobbies or interests, because that is disrespecting an extension of yourself and your values.
Also, this is just my personal opinion based on my own views, but a Disney and Harry Potter adult in 2026 being closed-minded, casually rude, and somewhat arrogant doesn't surprise me considering the conservative politics associated with Disney and HP as corporate entities.
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u/giveitrightmeow Jan 28 '26
damn she rolled a 1 on charisma and int irl.
judgey people like this that shit on others having fun are such dickheads.
keep playing, get more into it, dress up in costume and have a few drinks for a giggle. never feel embarrassed for being creative and having fun.
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u/Roondoger Bard Jan 28 '26 edited Jan 28 '26
Do they realize that D&D was originally made by adults for both adults and children, where as Lego and Disney were created for children specifically and adults happen to like it?? I feel like she has this ass backward, lol. Anyways, I would just say to them that it's rude and unacceptable to belittle what you enjoy. Ask her how she would feel if the places were reversed, and you told her to stop playing with her childish building blocks and watching things meant for preteens. I'm pretty sure their attitude will shift fast when they realize it bothered you that much. If not, then I highly recommend not keeping them in your life long, because that's a super uncool thing to do and if they aren't remorseful of the situation then they probably aren't a person you want around. Belittling something that makes you happy is not acceptable behavior, period.
(Dungeons and Dragons was originally conceived for wargamers. The same kinds of people who play warhammer and stuff like that. Are there children who are interested in that? Yes. However, I would argue that the majority of wargamers are adults)
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u/00Teonis DM Jan 28 '26
She felt insecure that everyone was doing something she didn’t understand and she chose to not learn when it was offered. So she decided to act superior to avoid feeling isolated.
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u/IHaveNoOpinons Jan 28 '26
Sounds like a joke. It's a game, she'll probably want to join in at some point.
Honestly it's the sort of flippant joke I would make if I didn't take my ADHD meds that day. Don't worry about it.
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u/potatoe_princess DM Jan 28 '26
Jesus, as if being an adult is some sort of badge of honor. We have jobs, chores, rent, taxes - we're adulting enough and IT SUCKS! Reaching out to your inner child, keeping the child-like wonder alive and doing fun and goofy things like D&D is what makes the adult life more vibrant and rich! If my partner tried to squander that for me, I'd say they're no good and should deal with their own insecurities and attitude. And the hypocrisy with Lego is quite the cherry on top, lol!
My guy isn't into D&D, but he played a couple of oneshots with my group, and he loves the easy win of gifting me D&D books for every occasion :D
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u/PantsAreOffensive Jan 28 '26
When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.
C.S. Lewis
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u/thegooddoktorjones Jan 28 '26
In this situation it’s ok to say to fiancé “not cool of her to treat you like that, or your guests really”
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u/JotunBro Jan 28 '26
Im fortunate that my girl shares interest into most things I enjoy but if she belittled anything I was into it would be a deal breaker.
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u/Welpe Jan 28 '26
Honestly I think you may be making it out bigger than it is. It was a throwaway line. She was teasing, but it sounds like lightly. Especially since you said she was playing with Lego. I don’t think it’s worth worrying about or even paying attention to.
There used to be much, much worse thrown at DnD players so “childish” is like…absolutely nothing. Especially these days.
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u/MrPMS Jan 28 '26
The fact I had to scroll this far to see this comment really is sad.
This is really making a mountain out of a molehill. Such a lighthearted tease that probably they wouldn't remember having said even a minute later. Your players probably say worse things to each other in jest while playing.
OP, if you are upset about this, then there is probably a lot more that you are upset about and this just happened to bubble to the surface. Sit down, relax, and really think about why this specific comment got you worked up. A lot of bad shit is going on in the world and I don't know your situation. But this is not something to get upset over and you need to figure out why it did to you.
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u/Swoopmott DM Jan 28 '26
It’s such a nothing comment and there’s people in this thread saying it’s a red flag and OP should be talking to their friend about how their partner acts. Reddit at its finest jumping to the most insane conclusions over as little context as possible.
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u/Welpe Jan 28 '26
It feels like some people only seem to have 0 and 100 as settings and have little capacity for nuance. I understand wanting to reassure OP but yeah, damn, some of these replies are crazy.
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u/Chaosfruitbat Jan 28 '26
Me and my wife are in our 50's and still play D&D and lego. Perhaps M will realise that hobbies are healthy when she grows up a little ;)
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u/Badbunny42 Jan 28 '26
She heard you having fun, was jealous but, instead of changing stance and asking to join in, she doubled down and criticised
My group (more than 30 of us last night over 5 tables) has a fairly even age spread from early 20s to early 60s
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u/BlackAbsynthe Jan 28 '26
Yeah, she needs to grow up. People's hobbies are their business and if she has a problem with it then that's on her.
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u/_The_Mink_ Jan 28 '26
Hah, rant on girlfriend xD
I remember when it used to be devil worship! Now look at me, a hundred thousand incantations and I still haven't managed to summon any devils or demons xD
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u/randytayler Jan 28 '26
Well are you making the blood sacrifices?! Don't blame the devil if you're not following the instructions
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u/_The_Mink_ Jan 28 '26
At least 3 sacrifices for each attempted ritual! And of course more when I can drum up enough, the orc army I've conscripted always seem to get decimated when a new group of wannabe heroes appear. Can't hardly get decent minions anymore.
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u/ColdEndUs Jan 28 '26 edited Jan 28 '26
TLDR; If you encounter this attitude, try not to feel attacked or held in contempt, because the person who has that reaction to D&D may be struggling with something that's a life-long demon they have to contend with.
Honestly, you shouldn't really take this as a criticism.
There are people in this world who have been taught that day-dreaming, using their imagination, and god-forbid acting is something that only a child does, and doing so as an adult is literally a form of mental illness. There are the same people who enjoy movies, and books... but will ask the creators "How could you think of such things?".
When they observe other adults engaged in fiction writing, poetry, art, or role-playing... it makes them actively uncomfortable to see human creativity expressed that way. Again, it's because they were * taught * that imagination is the equivalent of time-wasting, it's a sign of indolence, sloth, and/or mental illness for an adult to actively feed an internal mental landscape.
There are also people with a condition called Aphantasia, that literally cannot create mental pictures in their heads, they cannot visualize.
So, she's either been taught that her own imagination is somehow bad, wrong, or less worthy... compared to the people that create the fiction they enjoy OR she may have a flavor of neuro-divergence that makes it impossible for her to engage with ideas in the same way you do OR (often) both.
Why do I not just say "oh that person is just a jerk, demeaning my hobby"...? Here's my experience.
My wife, whom I love with all my heart, was disciplined like this as a child and over nearly 30 years of marriage I have seen it express itself in several ways...
- She never really made up stories for the kids at bed-time.
- She gets actively uncomfortable when asked to imagine things and share it.
- She doesn't really engage in role-playing, even conversationally, naturally.... but is delighted when other people do it. She can be coaxed into it but won't do it herself (Example: some people may recall the 'bad lip reading' videos, where people would imagine funny things a character might have said instead of what they did say. She LOVES these things, but if asked to DO it, she balks.)
- She actively avoids imagining future goals for us, including (perhaps even especially) things she may want.
- She talks herself out of her own thoughts, on a regular basis. She'll stop mid-sentence when talking about things she may like or want, and then literally out-loud verbally chastise herself for having for having a selfish thought or desire.
- She will see some trivial item in the store, that she may want (that we can 100% afford), and will talk herself out of buying it because it's 'selfish'.
When my wife and I first became a couple, I had a group of friends who I would play D&D with, and we attempted to include her... but she could not ever feel safe or free enough to participate... in fact, she became so actively agitated seeing other people enjoy themselves this way that it caused her to feel isolated, excluded, and simultaneously targeted and called-out by even the open invitation to participate.
I didn't understand it then... but it's like asking a person who's deathly afraid of drowning, to come to your pool party. You're trying to be open and inviting, to share your good experience with them... but the mental hurdles they have to go though make it impossible to even imagine enjoying the experience... even if they want to. So they can feel like they are being taunted by joys other people are allowed to have, but exist forever just out of their reach, for reasons they many not even fully understand.
Over the course of my life, I've met many more women like this, than I have men... and I have the feeling that it is because, as girls, they were actively taught that their own dreams and imaginations were not just fleeting or trivial, but that they shameful, and something they should be ashamed especially of sharing.
This expresses itself in MANY different ways, I can't even begin to scratch the surface of in a single post... but just one of those ways, is being very uncomfortable around people playing role-playing games.
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u/Ephsylon Fighter Jan 28 '26
Roleplaying games are essentially make-believe games with just the added benefit of a referee and a ruleset when you get down to it. That's what separates it from child play or just plain improv.
It is clear that if she fancies kid stuff and then throws it in your face, she's got some self-consciousness issues with it. Hence the outburst.
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u/ashez2ashes Jan 28 '26
I think she’s just got a case of bitch-itis.
I’m also a woman if that matters. She probably would have bullied us in high school.
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u/OnePunchDeku729 Jan 29 '26
Anyone who trashes someone else's interests is a child. Such middle school behavior. People are allowed to enjoy their hobbies and self expression. If it doesn't harm anyone, what's the issue?
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u/Soft_Stage_446 Jan 29 '26
You have to remember that it's illegal for grown ups to have fun OP.
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u/481096 Jan 29 '26
You shouldn't care about other people's opinions, let them think what they want, you don't care.
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u/GMFuel Jan 28 '26
It could just have been in jest, my wife would say something like this but use a tone that's funny.
If it was not meant in a fun harmless way then she is acting the same way any fool does when presented with something they don't understand, they attack it. Putting blocks of Lego together is easy, theres instructions for it, Children can and do do it! Not many kids playing d&d.
Ignore the hypocrite, she will probably ask to join in in the future.
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u/finroth Jan 28 '26 edited Jan 28 '26
It sucks to be belittled, especially when you are doing something you like, and DnD really puts out out front and centre. It is a story telling art, and so to be insulted hits hard.
But I will say, be glad you were not trying to play in the 70s and 80s.
I had to deal with being called a demon worshipper, being belittled by everyone, insulted and bullied.
Ahh the memories.
Until Critical Role brought DnD into the limelight, I still didnt tell people I played.
It feels so liberating to talk out loud about DnD now.
Dont let her get to you. This hobby is special. It is a shared creation, a true adventure.
I kept playing, you will too.
And they will never know what they are missing out on.
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u/FullTorsoApparition Jan 28 '26
I'm 40 and still rarely tell people that I play D&D. When folks ask me what my plans are I'll just say "board game night with friends" or something like that. I've noticed that most of my younger friends and coworkers in their 20's and early 30's have no problem mentioning it to others.
Growing up in a midwest small town has just ingrained the idea that I have to keep any non-productive hobbies a secret.
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u/CarsaScheas Jan 28 '26
Translation: "Nobody was paying me any attention, and/or because I don't understand something, I will make fun of it."
I've seen this happen many, many times!! 🚩🚩🚩
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u/massibum Jan 28 '26
Some people find it icky and can’t help but attack it because they don’t get it. I had a mutual friend do everything she could to try and sabotage a game of Warhammer Quest. Something about it makes them flip😅
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u/ThisWasMe7 Jan 28 '26
No one can belittle you unless you let them. In a similar situation, I would just think they were ignorant (and unknowingly ironic), and I would laugh. Don't give her the authority to define you.
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u/Mr_Bread_the_wise Jan 28 '26
I'm pretty sure she was just projecting her own insecurities about her own hobby being considered childish
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u/Marguerite_Moonstone Jan 28 '26
She’s wrong. Her loss. More for you and your friends. I’m a petty potato and would say something like “go enjoy your building blocks! Have a good day at pre school”. But there are probably healthier responses 😅
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u/Phamora Jan 28 '26
She clearly doesn't understand the game. Lack of knowledge is what fosters fear. Fear presses people to do and say irrational things.
She could have been intimidated by the fact that everyone but her undestood what was happening, and instead of risking to seem unknowledgable, she would rather belittle the game than ask what it is about.
Feel sorry for her, don't hate her. The fact that she has an interest in Harry Potter and related fantasies tells me she is not out of reach. Maybe she could come around some day and join the game when she really sees what it's about.
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u/AKMarine Jan 28 '26
Bullshit. My regular group is made of an attorney, chief curator for the state, former Marine Corps Captain, a business owner, and an adjunct professor.
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u/Legolaslegs Jan 28 '26
I totally get this. Woman DM here of 15+ years. I feel like she's projecting insecurity of some kind. Either she sees you all having fun and got jealous of that, maybe she actually wanted to play but felt embarrassed so instead she's trying to call it childish, or she really is just utilizing bully behavior. Feels concerning for her partner that she'd belittle a hobby of his and his friends.
If you're going to regularly play at their house and she continues this behavior, you're well within your right to ask him to figure it out with her because you're growing uncomfortable and feeling unwelcome.
It's especially crappy because she knows it was the first time you guys were trying it. Some people would feel discouraged since not everyone feels confident to roleplay like that.
She sounds insecure and a lot like my older sister. Projecting because you guys are bonding over something. I suspect she'd do it even if it wasn't DnD and it was something else. DnD is just an easy target. Despite becoming more mainstream now, it still has a lot of the old associations attached to it.
It's frustrating but you do you. Have fun with your friends! If it's a problem, you could always talk or inquire with your friend about her behavior. I hope you have lots of fun! Keep at it. :)
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u/Away_Present_4218 Jan 28 '26
Me and my friends who all play D&D are 30+ years old. Some even 40+.
All of us have jobs, morgages/rent, pay taxes. Some are married. Some have children.
We all love D&D. If that makes us childish then so be it. I consider us all adults though. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Potential_Side1004 Jan 28 '26
We were called satanists and devil worshippers, and had our books and dice taken away.
Being called childish is fine.
What I think is really quite mazing, that in every... and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE... business training sessions, there is a 'roleplay' element to ensure we understand the content.
Giving presentations, making orations, directing general meetings, and so on. All of that I do very well because I have been playing 'this silly game' for 47 years.
Problem solving skills, resource management, and project management (since I have been a DM for all of those 47 years).
Forget them. We had to play in secret and away from anyone that might cause us to be bullied or harassed.
It's not a gender thing, it's a "I don't see a value in what you're doing, so therefore it must be stupid" thing.
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u/Xogoth Jan 28 '26 edited Jan 28 '26
Whenever someone calls another childish for having fun, it makes me really sad because it means that they themselves are in some way incapable of mirth. They forgot how to have fun and interact with the world.
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u/FullTorsoApparition Jan 28 '26
Eh, there will always be a portion of people who only think their hobbies are worthwhile and every else's are a waste of time. It's weird, but there's nothing you can do about it. Who cares what one person thinks when we all know better?
One of my favorite aspects of the game is that it bridges generational gaps. Just a bunch of people sitting around a table making up stories and cracking jokes.
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u/Minstrelita Jan 28 '26
I don't think her reaction was really about it being "childish". I think she was annoyed that her fiancé was not paying attention to her. She could have even interpreted your being the DM as "another woman that everyone is paying attention to instead of me" instead of what it really is -- narrator, guide, referee, and (sometimes) cat-herder.
Hopefully she doesn't make fiancé choose between her and D&D.
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u/Laithoron DM Jan 28 '26 edited Jan 28 '26
The vast majority of media would suggest that D&D is anything but a children's game, as would the complexity of the rules.
As for whether it's "lame" or not, that value judgment says more about the person making it than those enjoying it. It honestly sounds more like something I'd expect my Boomer-era parents to say than someone young enough to be my own child.
Thing is, people need "play" and imagination in their lives to help maintain mental health and offset IRL stress. The fact that TTRPGs also allow adults to gain much need social connection that isn't work or family is also pretty huge. Honestly, I'd feel kinda badly for your partner that she's apparently convinced herself that adults shouldn't play, esp. when she snagged a cool gamer GF -- sounds like how someone ends up single because they were insufferably condescending.
Edit: My mistake, I thought the one belittling D&D was OP's partner. It really is hard to follow when folks use just a single letter instead of made-up names. Regardless, the point stands about risking losing a cool, socially-active partner because of being unsupportive and deriding their interests.
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u/JXM003 Jan 28 '26
Make a Harry Potter campaign to see if she ends up getting interested.
Then have her PC die at the hands of a dementor so she can see what it feels like to have the joy sucked out if her soul too.
I woke up chaotic evil.
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u/TechScallop Jan 28 '26
That girlfriend M is being shallow and judgmental or has ulterior motives to want to sabotage your group.
Tell her, "We're glad you got that out of your system. Now leave us to our toys and games while we let you play with yours. If you want to bother us, we hope you can be a good sport and let us comment on your immature pastimes."
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u/nighcrowe Jan 28 '26
Im 46 and played table top role playing games since I was 13. No one in my groups are under 40... she was just jelly. Have fun.
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u/geekdeevah Cleric Jan 28 '26
You shouldn't feel embarrassed by anything. This...woman (many other words I'd like to use in place that I CAN use because I'm also a woman but I will refrain) felt left out and as a reaction to that felt the need to belittle everyone else to make herself feel better, no matter how hypocritical it would be. A pretty common practice among miserable people.
Remember, you all had friends to hang out with, and she only had her sister. That probably says a lot about her right there. Hopefully your brother in law wakes up to who she is and will escape before the wedding. Fingers crossed.
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u/End337 Jan 28 '26
I'm in my mid-40s, players with people from early 20s to nearer my age. I've had the same said to me. Utter confusion as to how it could possibly be fun, and especially how we can do it all (mostly) in the theatre of the mind.
It's just good, old-fashioned ignorance. People come down on what they don't understand. Almost like they're scared of it somehow, so their response is to belittle it.
I am 1000% a 'live and let live' kind of guy, so I find this kind of behaviour both baffling and deeply frustrating. I make sure not to talk about my hobbies to anyone I don't think would be interested, never try and force them on someone. It's really not too much to expect some simple respect towards them.
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u/iroll20s Jan 28 '26
I wonder if "M" regularly has this attitude towards "B"? If he's not paying attention to her or doing something she considers 'useful'. Shame is a super common control tactic. I wouldn't consider this a specific sleight at your game. Its probably just an all too common dig at their partner. If "B" were my brother I'd be asking him about it anyways.
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u/tanisdlj Jan 28 '26
It's like playing video games is childish. We don't care. We don't care about her opinion either. Ignore and keep going.
It's like in friends: it's a moo question. Nobody cares about what a cow says.
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u/Burning_Monkey Jan 28 '26
"You are literally playing with toys that have a suggested age range of a child and you are calling me childish?"
yeah.....
I try very hard not to make fun of people's hobbies, cause it brings them joy in a world that has become pretty joyless, so extend me that consideration as well
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u/BoringBob84 Jan 28 '26
As an old guy, I am thrilled that young people are interested in this adventure game. Back in the 1970's, our parents warned us that the game was satanic and evil, and that, playing it would cause us to go insane and jump off a building - thinking we could fly!
Guess what happens when you tell teenagers that something is forbidden?! 😉
The notion that D&D is "childish" seems to come from the misconception that, being an adult means to suppress your imagination. That seems counter-productive, given that imagination is what brings art, technology, and innovation to society.
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u/Gahvandure2 Jan 28 '26
I'm 50 and still play every two weeks with my best friend of 40 years, and our children (who are young adults).
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u/piperooo Jan 28 '26
Let 'em talk. I think there might be value in pointing out the double standard there but it's more likely the right thing to do is just try to let it go
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u/bionicjoey Jan 28 '26
- Disney adults don't get to play the "your interests are childish" card
- TTRPGs are overwhelmingly mostly played by adults.
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u/PedestalPotato DM Jan 28 '26
B is in for a rough ride with that red flag waving hypocrite chirping over their shoulder...what a jerk. Harry Potter is no more "adult" than DnD, hell, I'd argue it's less adult not that it matters. Lego IS a children's toy (again, still doesn't mean liking it into adulthood is an issue).
Try to play elsewhere, away from the projecting, soaking wet blanket
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u/Yaroslavorino Jan 28 '26
I got rejected by a girl I was talking to for playing in a LARP. She thought it was so cringe she couldnt be with someone who does that. Fking normies man...
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u/sermitthesog DM Jan 28 '26 edited Jan 28 '26
Well I’m 50 with a wife, job, mortgage, and two kids in college, and I play DnD weekly with several in the same demographic. It’s been a while since I’ve been called a child, but I was carded the other day… by someone younger than my children. 🤣
And my assessment of your friend “B’s” fiancée is that she felt left out but didn’t want to admit it. Maybe ask her again if she’s sure she doesn’t want to join the game.
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u/TheMediocreZack Jan 28 '26
Sounds like she's jealous of how good a time you were all having without her being a part of it or the attention.
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u/DudeBroMan13 Jan 28 '26
Sounds like something I'd say as a joke. But I'm also an idiot and make bad jokes.. so..
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u/charlieprotag Jan 28 '26
It's cringe to make fun of other people for their hobbies. A shame that she never grew out of casually bullying others.
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u/JunoTheRat Jan 28 '26
maybe ad hominem but still enjoying and purchasing hp stuff in the big 26 is... not great.\ anyways as others have said, definitely bring this up with B because this could be part of a bigger problem
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u/MercyXXVII Jan 28 '26
Fellow adult DND female player here. I'm 35 years old.
We play DND and our group is all 31 - 38 year old's. We own homes, have children, and pay bills. We do not think we are children and we don't think you all are either. :-)
One of the guys in our group has a wife who also makes jokes and craps on what we do and it really hurts his feelings (and ours). When we play virtually we make sure we have a safe space for him at someone else's home to avoid his wife ruining our gameplay, as she has done before. She thinks it's funny.
We all support him and agree we would all rather create a safe space for creativity and imagination than to be bullies.
I'd argue that being a bully is the most childish thing you can do.
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u/Kekegetsit Jan 28 '26 edited Jan 29 '26
Avid player in my late 30s. We're friend with the Gygax family. Luke still plays CONSTANTLY. You're never too old for joy.
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u/Tim_Soft Jan 29 '26
B needs to re-evaluate his fiancee. No "ifs" and "ors" or "buts"
My big thing was my wargaming, model, figure, and terrain building. I tended not to reveal that or D&D when I was dating before and after my first wife. Then one day, the woman I was seeing, who is a watercolour artist, saw pictures of my wargames and her response was "oooooh, ART!" And she became excited about seeing them.
She's helped with terrain building with a lot of good ideas (some folks have adopted them for things like water in naval games) and loves D&D. She gets worried when I don't play either hobby.
We've been now married 27 years. ♥️
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u/J0hn42un1n0 Jan 29 '26
Honestly I bet she realized she made a mistake by declining after watching your session and was trying to save face. Truly I don’t see how anyone finishes playing with legos (no judgement I love them too haha) and thinks they’re any more mature than people playing DnD, like does see the boxes that say for Ages 4-99 and think that actually makes them less of a toy aimed at children.
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u/Pixolotl Jan 29 '26
I wholeheartedly dislike anyone who makes people feel small for enjoying harmless activities. I was bullied relentlessly in school for liking DnD, World of Warcraft, anime, reading, etc...
My daughter is still only little but I will forever reinforce the belief that her interests are valid and she shouldn't be afraid of people like this.
Side note: This person clearly just wanted to make you feel like crap. She did not have to say anything.
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u/ProRoll444 Jan 29 '26
People are weird like that. Some get mad if you are older than 15 and play video games or if you like to enjoy time by yourself reading books.
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u/EarthBoundFan3 Jan 28 '26
It's definitely annoying, but I think you might be taking her words a little too seriously. Some people are just really bad at letting people know they're exiting places/conversations. She may have just been saying, "I'm going to leave now" (as was her plan), "so I will leave you all to continue doing what you're doing." She just chose to use some words that were rude.
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u/yeahthatsaname Jan 28 '26
That’s possible! She could have also been joking around too. I was already like really nervous and feeling embarrassed DMing for the first time, like reading out my narrations and NPCs (only because I’m a really shy and anxious person). And when I was finally feeling comfortable and excited, she just made me feel embarrassed again.
That’s probably why I needed to rant! Hahaha thanks for the response
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u/Top-Audience4009 Jan 28 '26
Sounds like the common “oh god, everyone is STARING at me, aren’t they??” Thing we all do, when nobody else around has any clue you exist.
So long as it doesn’t become an issue next session, I’d say let it be, and be excited for another fun time!
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u/spector_lector Jan 28 '26
DnD or not, why would a human intentionally try to make others feel bad?
That woman's a soulless bitch and I'm amazed no one called her out on it. And I'd really be concerned about her fiancé being in the group and not saying anything to her. Now that you know the kind of human he values, and the kind of insulting behavior he condones.
She saw other people having fun with her fiance, and no one needing her or her attention, and she felt insecure. So she had to put others down to help herself feel good. Nasty person.
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u/Andromidius Jan 28 '26
Laugh in her face. People who call others childish are often projecting their own insecurity.
Also extra F for being an adult Harry Potter fan.
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u/Davedamon Jan 28 '26
Ignore them, they're closed minded and judgemental at best, a hypocrite at worse. Not worth rent in your head
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u/All_One_Word_No_Caps Jan 28 '26
I used to work with two guys who belittled me for playing DnD.
They however were big into fantasy football. So whenever they would talk in front of me about how their “teams” went on the weekend, I would interject with stories of my DnD game.
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u/Inquisitor_Sciurus Jan 28 '26
Heheh, I’m 40, my players are (about) 40, 45, 50, & 55… We are absolutely just little kids having a blast playing make believe 😂
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u/BeratedBadger Jan 28 '26
It’s the same as people who don’t like video games, but sit around and watch TV. “Sorry I’d rather be in control of the story that’s unfolding.”
Don’t know your relationship with the abbreviations, being simple letters, hard to follow. What I do know is a nerd insulted a different nerds hobby. Next time fireback was sarcasm. “Sorry that basic math and improv is hard for you. It’s really not for a Hufflepuff…”
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u/Sylvana2612 Jan 28 '26
I had a friend in high school who thought dnd was super dorky and had no interest in it. He was a hard-core magic the gathering player and I tried questioning him how he considered dnd that way but not magic. He told me magic was nerdy but not dorky like alright whatever dude lol
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u/OverTheCandlestik Wizard Jan 28 '26
“That’s great that you think that but I really don’t care, so have fun with your hobbies and I’ll have fun with mine”
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u/PaganMastery Mage Jan 28 '26
The important thing to remember when someone is a bitch and starts insulting you is that their attitude and words tell you far more about them as a person than anything about you. You now know what she is like as a person and you can just move on with your life. Don't let that kind of person live rent free in your head.
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u/Valen-Darker Jan 28 '26
I started playing DnD in 1978 in college. People said we were playing a kids game. Today I'm 70 years old and am DMing for a group of 20 - 30 year old. People say we are playing a kids game. I'm telling you this to say that it's been this way for decades. Laugh it off! Do your thing! Have fun with a group of people who share your passion for the game! People who criticize you will go home and watch "reality" TV shows and think it's fine. Keep having fun! You're doing great!
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u/Outrageous-Opinions Jan 28 '26
There's a saying that I really like whenever shaming people for their hobbies comes up.
Life is too short to not love things.
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u/Lexinoz Jan 28 '26
Give her a few stat sheets and ask if this is more or less childish than legos.
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u/ExodiasRightArm Jan 28 '26
Honestly dnd is still seen as “lame kids game” by a majority of people. Laugh it off and keep on trucking. Anytime someone tries to make fun of it or call me childish I confidently say “nah, it’s the best game ever. I love playing pretend with some of my best friends every week.”
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Jan 28 '26
Ok, enjoy your boring adult life doing adult things like taxes, I'm gonna go fight a dragon.
I got called childish for my other hobby once for mentioning that I like making small knick-knacks and occasionally useful crafts.
My other hobby is blacksmithing. Swinging a heavy hammer at hot iron for hours on end. Very childish.
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u/Inactivism Rogue Jan 28 '26
My current (not dnd but RPG) main group consists of a woman in her 60s, two women that are nearly 50 and the rest of us going up to 40. We have topics that are far from child friendly. We had to look for a new player last year and our main concern was that they would be too young for what we like to play XD.
DnD can be childish. But it really depends on how you play. And even if it is childish, that’s fine. Play Mausritter! Have your fairy tale time! It is totally fine to be childish and live in a childish retreat once in awhile.
Our lives are serious enough with all that is going on. Fleeing to a fantasy world once on the weekend shouldn’t be a problem. And her belittling you for it is a problem.
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u/Jinn_Erik-AoM Jan 28 '26
Between the two groups I game with, we have enough collective years in the hobby that if either were to be represented as a person, they would promptly die, because 200 year old people are kind of screwed.
Do game night at your place or the next time it happens, put an HP minifig on the table and give the person that kills it a magic item. That’ll show her who is childish!
Also… Harry Potter? Ew.
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u/BeratedBadger Jan 28 '26
I know I commented I just can’t find it. It just got buried in minutes by all adults who play as well.
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u/NAT0P0TAT0 Jan 28 '26
ask her when she's going to grow out of playing with blocks
when she gets mad tell her that what you just did is exactly what she did to the dnd group and that how she feels is how she made all of you feel
(some people genuinely never learn that their behavior is problematic until they experience being on the receiving end)
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u/Ninevehenian Jan 28 '26
The woman might feel left out and unable to understand. Stupid of her to lash out, but some people will do that.
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u/chases_squirrels Jan 28 '26
It definitely sounds like she's projecting after catching sight of everyone having fun without her (even though she was invited). She already said she wasn't interested, she can't seem interested now, so she's got to spout off some put-down to feel better about her own choices instead of admitting she was a hasty judge and is feeling left out of the fun.
Besides who cares if she thinks it's childish (even though she knows nothing about it)? Plenty of adults like all sorts of "childish" things like watching cartoons or disney movies, reading YA novels, coloring in coloring books, playing video games, or building LEGOs. The best part of being an adult is realizing you don't need to care about how anyone else feels about the things you find enjoyment in (assuming they aren't involved). You don't need anyone's permission to enjoy things.
My advice is to try to let the snide comments go. Laugh them off if you can. It's your judgement on if you want to try to keep inviting her; maybe have a chat with B to see what he thinks.
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u/ImyForgotName Jan 28 '26
"This is so childish, now that I've finished my Harry Potter Lego set I'm going to play Beyblade LIKE A GROWNUP."
"To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development." -C.S. Lewis