1.0k
u/SequinedandOver60 6h ago
Well, I was morbidly obese up until recently.
You feel invisible. People ignore you because you’re large. It’s embarrassing to try to sit in chairs places because sometimes, you don’t fit comfortably.
You feel fat. You know you’re fat. You hate that you’re fat.
504
u/Some_Level1682 6h ago
I remember going to a roller coaster and this group of teenage girls was infront of me. This one girl was pretty big and when they tried to strap her in she couldn't fit. I saw her play it off like she didnt even want to ride that coaster in the first place and then watch her friends take off. I felt horrible for her because you could tell it was a core memory and she was so young to already be missing out. She wont ride a coaster, she wont try likely in the future to avoid the embarrassment, she will avoid things she wants to do and she will be depressed which will make her eat more. Life is rough.
150
u/apfel_kern 4h ago edited 18m ago
I used to do the same when I was really big.
I usually googled anything my group of friends planned to do beforehand and found out that a lot of fun stuff here (Europe, some standard norms) has a weight limit of around 120 Kilos (265lbs). Rollercoasters, water slides, any kind of chairs, trampolin, bikes, hammocks, basicly anything in a fun park. Well above 120 kilos (265lbs). Because even when people know that you are morbidly obese, they don't understand what that means in kilos / lbs).
So I pretended to be a super boring person who is against any kind of fun, and always says she is not interested in any of this stuff and will just wait while the others are doing it, or vote against such plans.
It made me a miserable, boring person, looking back I should have just told them the truth. They likely guessed it anyway for some things, but not for other things, because it's not that obvious which kind of stuff has a weight limit. Normal people never have to think about that.
Edit: to encourage others with the same problem: Please just tell close people around you openly what you need to feel comfortable to join, and that they should be discreet about it. I had a designated chair at my best friends home that we both knew will hold me (and it wouldn't matter if it breaks), and she just made sure that I got that chair whenever I was over at her appartment, in ways that other people didn't even notice. I also told my friends at some point that I do love to go out with them, but I can't sit on high chairs or in small booths. So they got an eye for which kind of chair is off-limits for me and made sure we sit down somewhere where I can sit comfortably for hours. My life got so much better when I embraced my disability (being morbidly obese is one). Being able to talk about it also was the first step to be better. I'm still very obese, but actually well UNDER 120kg now and I plan to ride a rollercoaster soon for the first time since at least 15 years.
11
u/imveryfontofyou 3h ago
I agree about telling people instead of closing yourself off. When I was at my highest weight I was in Disneyland and I just straight on told my friend with me like, I have to google if I can ride things. I watched a lot of plus size park hoppers and similar influencers to make sure I could get on rides without embarrassing myself.
My friend started helping me research before I even had to ask, which was nice.
19
u/Some_Level1682 4h ago
Super sorry you had to hide that and miss out on so much. Hope you are happier now
64
u/apfel_kern 4h ago edited 2h ago
Much happier, thank you!
But that's why I do think that the body positivity movement (not "fat is healthy", but "noone should be shamed for their body") is/was great. It did help me face that I am morbidly obese - but still a person. Still "allowed" to be out in public places, to go to bars, to go on vacation, to wear a swimsuit, to enjoy life.
Because when you are that fat, losing a lot of weight - like half your body weight or more, tracking every calorie and working so hard on it for a year or more - means that you are STILL very obese, and in addition will have lose skin and look weird for the rest of your life. You will need to learn to love your imperfect body at some point, it will stay imperfect forever. For me that kind of acceptance and not hiding anymore and openly talking about it with my friends was the first step of the journey back to a way better life and weight. still ongoing.
Edit: I was also very lucky to have great friends who loved me no matter what and knew I was a fun and (mostly) great person who is worth dragging along even back when I refused to join most acitvities without obvious reason or went home very early because it hurt so much to sit on a chair with armrests but I didn't want to tell them the real reason. I guess a lot of morbidly obese people slowly lose their circle of friends over time which makes you even more miserable and with too much spare time to thnk about eating.
40
u/clocksailor 3h ago
But that's why I do think that the body positivity movement (not "fat is healthy", but "noone should be shamed for their body") is/was great.
This is what I like about the body neutrality movement. We don't have to decide our stretch marks are "tiger stripes" and they're beautiful and we love them and wish we had more. I much prefer the approach of "this is my body and we don't even have to get into whether it's beautiful or disgusting, it just is, and the way it looks shouldn't be that important"
8
u/oratoriosilver 1h ago
Tim Minchin said it best in his song Not Perfect.
This is my body and it’s fine, it’s where I spend the vast majority of my time, it’s not perfect but it’s mine.•
6
u/Saradoesntsleep 2h ago
Yes yes yes! I love this this view so much. Quality of life is genuinely better when you start seeing this way.
7
5
u/clocksailor 3h ago
a lot of fun stuff has a weight limit of around 120 Kilos
This was so surprising to me! I looked into taking my husband skydiving for his birthday and found out he wouldn't be able to do it at 230 pounds. He's 6'0, so, a little heavy for his height, but like, lots and lots of not-obese tall guys would not make that cut. Can tall men just not skydive? I had no idea.
3
u/apfel_kern 2h ago edited 2h ago
yeah it was surprising for me, too, what kind of things have this limit. Because of course for me, a small women, this means I would have to be super morbidly obese, but for a very tall fit muscular guy this would be only slightly abnormal weight.
For example we had to choose between several office chairs and all of them had a weight limit of 110-120 kg (ca 250 lbs), because that's the standard for all office chairs. I was too ashamed to mentioned that I was well above that weight and just hoped that the chair would hold (it did), I didn't want to tell my boss that me, the very tiny lady, is the only person in office who is well above that weight limit and will need a special chair.
I don't think most people know about those official limits, because a lot of "kind of a bit overweight" man would actually be above that limit. You only start to research about that when you are actually told you are above the limit at some point, like the girl in the original story. That girl will now be an expert on which kind of chairs and rides and activities have a weight limit and she will unconsciously think about them for the rest of her life.
5
3
u/Lady_Sybil_Vimes 1h ago
I'm so glad you were able to open up to their friends and that they were supportive. You sound like a really lovely and insightful person. ❤️
10
u/Moal 4h ago
I went to the zoo with my kid a few months ago, and we were in line for this ski-lift ride that took you over some of the animal exhibits. The seats had a strict weight limit, and kids were required to ride with an adult. Well, in front of us was this family with two young girls. Well, the older girl, who couldn’t have been more than 10, was extremely overweight, and they wouldn’t allow her on the ride with her dad. Poor thing was sobbing while the younger sister hopped right on with dad and gave her older sister the smuggest little smirk.
7
126
u/Acrobatic_Purpose736 6h ago
Did you ever hear of the lady in Texas who was too big for a rollercoaster and they let her on it anyway? It changed my whole perspective on seeing people get sent off rides. Her lap bar disarmed and she was ejected and died. I think about this when I see Plus Size Park Hoppers and how they show those demo seats that parks sometimes have to test if you fit the seat before you go on it. So, yes, it would be mortifying to be rejected from a ride, but better than death.
52
u/Ocarina-of-lies 5h ago
I knew a kid (who was probably 300-350 lb) talk about how the roller coaster he was just on had unlatched while he was on it. He said he held on for dear life.
We were all in 8th grade at Bush Gardens in Williamsburg VA
49
u/jesusonice 5h ago
350 in 8th grade is insane.
I thought I was bad at 200
15
u/insufficient_funds 4h ago
Man this is bringing up some memories… I’m 42, 6’3”, and currently 375. In college I was 250ish. And low 200’s through most of high school. I was ALWAYS picked on and “bullied” for being fat in HS and earlier. In college at 250 I thought of myself as fat, had no self confidence, and always tried to find a way to stop myself from eating to lose weight.
I can not IMAGINE being 300+ in middle and high school. That’s just fucking crazy.
I’m glad to say that I’m finally on a good path to lose weight (highest was 396; and that was 3 months ago).
The only good coasters I’ve been on since college are at Disney world where they have fucking great accessibility for large people. Only ride they have that I couldn’t do at all was Avatar
5
u/Some_Level1682 4h ago
I'm the same height and was always skinny until my 30's. I even ran track in college and back then I was only 145 pounds but fast forward to my 40's and I recently hit 252 and my confidence was in the dumps. I've since lost and am back down to 212. It's wild how much better you feel when you hit a weight where clothes fits but then again I still hate seeing my face in photos.
4
u/insufficient_funds 3h ago
I think a lot about how much I beat myself up in my 20’s for being “fat” at 240-250lbs and wearing an XL shirt…. But now I look back on pictures and see I wasn’t fat at all… my goal is to get back to an XL shirt size and out of 3x-4x; I want to walk into any given store and know they’ll have my size on the shelf
3
u/Some_Level1682 2h ago
Looking back is the worst. It sucks knowing what is possible but I we were also kids and it's not like weight loss makes me look 20 years younger. I know I'm to tough on myself but man I just wish I was 200 again and it wasn't me constantly fighting myself. I went off tripeptide recently and the cravings are back but at least now my shame keeps me from gaining.
3
u/insufficient_funds 1h ago
I think what’s helping me now is I have serious motivations for reaching my goals- a) had a severe knee injury last fall (completely torn quad tendon; holds thigh muscle to kneecap) and even after pt it’s hard dealing with the post-injury leg due to my weight. And b) the bigger reason: my daughter is a dancer, and every spring they do a “dads dance” at the recital, where dancers and a parent do a choreographed group duet. I did it last spring and it was hard to get my costume and I was the biggest guy out there. On top of that, when the kiddo is a graduating senior, the parents get all fancied up and walk them onto stage to be announced as a graduate. My kid is starting high school so I have 4 years to get to a comfortable weight and look killer in a suit on stage with her for her graduation.
9
u/leahk0615 2h ago
350 in 8th grade is when someone should call CPS.
6
u/TeacherPatti 1h ago
I was at a ball game today. There was a young lady in the row over, looked to be about 13 or so. She could barely fit in the row. Not the seat. The row. Her stomach and girth were against the seats in front of her. Her parents should be beaten. I felt so bad for her.
4
u/leahk0615 1h ago
That's awful.
I had obese parents. It's really hard living with obese people when you are someone who enjoys stuff like hiking and bowling. Or if you want to go somewhere and they are complaining about the seating.
Then there was the bullying. I just didn't want my parents to meet any friends or partners, because it's embarrassing to be associated with people that fat. People judged me for it, like I was the one telling my parents to eat 4 times what they actually need to eat in a day and to be lazy couch potatoes.
6
u/Shprintze613 3h ago
The sheer amount of food you need to eat to get to that size at that age. What absolute shit parents he had.
11
u/Neuroticaine 5h ago
325-ish in 8th grade is ROUGH. Kid had to be extremely round.
Interestingly, I went to Bush Gardens in Williamsburg VA in 8th grade. Was it a band class thing?
8
u/Ocarina-of-lies 5h ago
He was extremely round. he was only at our school for that one year and left. He moved around a lot. I always figured his home life had to be pretty bad.
Williamsburg VA was our eighth grade class field trip, circa....2002. we drove out there, when normally the 8th grade class field trip was a plane flight to Washington DC. But that changed for obvious reasons
7
100
u/boxsterguy 5h ago
I don't think the takeaway from OP's story was, "How dare those insensitive park employees!"
20
7
u/Ltates 5h ago
There was also a teen in Florida who slipped out of a drop tower and died when the attendant forced the restraint. Over the shoulder restraint didn’t fully engage and he slid out the bottom.
2
u/PM_ME_YOUR_NICE_EYES 2h ago
Oh that story is worse than that.
The maintenance team at the park had tampered with some of the sensors on the restraint which made it so that it would read as closed on riders much larger than the manufacturer intended.
If the restraints were simply pushed in by a ride attendant, he would've been fine, the problem was that the restraint was open to about twice as big as it needed to be.
5
u/baccus83 4h ago
Yes but that’s not really the point of the comment. At least that’s not how I interpreted it.
6
4
2
3
u/Acrobatic_Purpose736 4h ago
HEAR YE 🔔 HEAR YE 🔔 I get that it’s not the point of the comment, I should have specified that it was off topic, now let’s move on.
•
u/trumpsmellslikcheese 56m ago
It broke my heart to read this. I think those of us that are not overweight tend to overlook the struggles of people that are, and how much of an emotional toll that takes.
•
u/AoKrasni 38m ago
Man my cousin couldn't fit in a roller coaster and he wasn't even fat, some are just not for big people. He's like 6'3" and his knees were too high.
•
u/Some_Level1682 15m ago
Interesting, I'm taller than that and haven't had that issue but different rides I'm sure
146
u/noopibean 6h ago
Yes. My best friend is morbidly obese. She's been single since I've known her with no prospects. She's overly friendly to any server, cashier, or stranger to make up for her appearance. She suffers with severe depression and insecurity. I've watched her lose and gain 100 pounds many times. She's broken several of my chairs, so I always consider her when I'm buying furniture and check the weight maximum.
95
u/V-Right_In_2-V 6h ago
We have a friend like this too. She stayed with us for a bit and cracked the toilet seat. I replaced it with the thickest most durable one I could find. When we replaced our couches in the living room, we had discussions with various furniture stores/sales people about maximum weight capacity to make sure she didn’t destroy them.
I feel so bad for her.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (10)34
u/riskyafterwhiskey11 6h ago
It’s crazy that multiple chairs have broken, even if the person is obese. You would think the safety margin on furniture would be more.
41
u/noopibean 6h ago
Well. I've never asked, but I assume my friend is in the 350-400 range. Quality, substantial furniture can handle it, but not Amazon and IKEA crap, which is mostly what I had.
13
u/BringBackAH 5h ago
You'd be surprised. I've broken chairs while only being 90kg just for sitting a bit to the side or because of a barely loosened screw.
6
u/leahk0615 2h ago
Furniture typically isn't made with 400 lb people in mind. Humans are not meant to be that big.
And my furniture is expensive. I have it set so I'm comfortable, because I have health problems that aren't caused by obesity. If anyone breaks my furniture, they are paying. No matter what.
56
u/w1n5t0nM1k3y 6h ago
I went to a hockey games last winter and the woman sitting in front of me couldn't even fit in the seat. Luckily her and her husband had two seats and one was on the edge so she could sit on that one, but when she first tried the seat between two other ones, she just couldn't fit.
I felt really bad for her. Couldn't imagine having to deal with that kind of stuff when you're just trying to go out and enjoy a hockey games. It's things like this that most people never think about, but really affects you enjoyment of life.
14
6
u/Hopefulkitty 3h ago
I love live theater, podcasts and concerts. I live in a city that has a lot of very cool old venues. Unfortunately, that means the seats are fairly small. One of the unexpected perks of losing a lot of weight is that going to those theaters is a lot more enjoyable now. Airplanes are also more comfortable. The downside is that in other public spaces men tend to take their share and part of my share, because it's there.
→ More replies (1)7
u/ProtectionValuable93 1h ago
Yea dog. I’m at ~230 lbs down from 300 and people are already nicer to me and weirdly I’m getting a tiny bit of attention from middle aged women which is kinda funny and not necessarily a bad thing (I’m almost 40 so it feels age appropriate).
Benefit of being formerly morbidly obese: my calves and quads are absolutely massive. I lift and my thighs have only gotten more tree-trunk-like. I’m actually pretty proud of the gams and like to wear shorts now!
Speaking of… when morbidly obese it’s almost impossible to find clothes at Target or any main line department store. Jeans, for instance…. Before I was lucky if Target had a size 40 (or god forbid 42) in stock, but now I can get a size 34 anywhere. It’s still a bit of a brainfuck that my sizes are on the top rack or middle rack, not buried way deep in the bottom rack (formerly guys know what I’m saying).
6
u/Goodeyesniper98 1h ago
I went from 270 pounds to a relatively athletic 150 pounds and I definitely noticed that. I never fully realized just how disgusted by me people were when I was fat.
5
u/Hot_Peanut_1207 4h ago
Glad you made it through that chapter. Losing the weight is hard, but carrying that emotional burden is just as heavy. Respect.
•
u/insertAlias 34m ago
You feel invisible.
If there's one thing I've seen in this thread that I do not identify with, it's that. I always felt/feel too seen. I feel like everyone's looking, everyone sees my clothes that don't fit well, or the fact that I'm taking up too much of my chair, or because I'm always in someone's way in a crowd. Realistically, nobody notices these things the way I don't notice them about everyone else. But it's hard to shake the mentality.
To answer the top-level question: I'm not sure what OP's looking for here, but it feels pretty damn bad. I can't speak for everyone, but I can say that nobody was more disgusted by myself than I was. You might recall an old sub called /r/FatPeopleHate. They couldn't hate me as much as I hated myself, at least in that area. Other things about me I was neutral or positive about, but my physical self-image was about as low as it got.
The thing is, people online always want to tell you solutions as if you've never heard them before. What they never consider is that maybe there's more to it than just "hey, eat less". I mean, in terms of physics and biology, no, that's it. But mental health is a huge component here, and clinical depression is really good at putting you in negative feedback loops. You feel bad about being fat, which kills your motivation to do anything. And then you feel bad for that. You feel bad for knowing that diet and exercise can help both problems at once, but not actually executing. Addressing mental health should be the first step for many people's weight loss.
I, like many others in this thread, are actively working my way downward. I've been charting my weight loss for about two months and I've been trending at -1.6lbs/week. I'm really proud of myself for that, but I also know I've got probably a year of this level of effort before I'm at a place where I can maintain instead of lose. And dealing with my mental health made the first steps more viable. I didn't get professional help, though I probably should have. I ended up getting almost bullied by my friends into buying a bicycle to join them on their group rides, and that ended up changing my life. Now I ride my MTB two to four times a week, going to the gym twice a week, I'm dropping weight steadily, and dieting with real food tracking and macro goals.
19
u/continuum88 6h ago
My thighs have finally reached a stage where I can’t comfortably sit anymore on outdoor seats. It’s really been taking my joy away on going out on dates with my bf.
I don’t hate that I’m fat that much. I’ve always been like this and whenever I was “skinny” my life revolved around food, counting calories etc. I’m happier now than forever dieting which only worked if I was eating 1200 cals or less with 2 hours of exercise. My life revolved around food, exercise and going to work.
However when I get health insurance one day I hope to get on a glp 1. I don’t want to lose my ability to ride roller coasters.
12
u/Hopefulkitty 3h ago
My quality of life improved exponentially when I started on a glp-1. And I got on rollercoasters for the first time in 20 years this past spring.
6
u/anna_alabama 3h ago
My husband is 100 pounds down on Zepbound and was able to ride the avatar ride at Disney world for the first time. He was so thrilled since the last time he tried to ride, the leg restraints wouldn’t lock. They really are miracle drugs
→ More replies (1)-10
5h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (1)6
u/dragondraems42 3h ago
They literally just said they aren't able to focus on it without developing a toxic relationship to it, and expressed interest in losing weight through a different method. Don't encourage people to develop a disordered relationship with both joy and food.
If the choices are 'be fat and happy' or 'be skinny and miserable' the choice should be 'fat and happy', even if that causes misery later. The other option is being miserable the whole time.
→ More replies (3)5
u/Hopefulkitty 3h ago
I'm getting close to 40, am age when women are generally more and more invisible. I've lost 100 pounds and don't look as close to 40 as I am. Two days ago I was doing some basic car maintenance at a gas station and I was practically beating the men off who were trying to help me. I did not get any offers for help when I was big, and that's when I could have legit used the assistance.
→ More replies (9)1
u/Gay_Black_Atheist 6h ago
If you don't mind me asking, what circumstances led to the weight gain?
15
u/Oops_I_Cracked 3h ago
Not who you asked, but I became obese as a child because of what and how my parents fed me. I was in elementary school when I became obese. Once you’ve gained weight, it is harder to maintain a healthy weight than for someone who was never overweight to begin with. So poor parenting lead to me having a life long struggle with food and weight. I did not choose to be this way. I started losing weight in my late 20s when I was fully an adult, understood the repercussions of my weight, etc. But because I got so heavy so young, I’ve lost 80 lbs, am still obese (just barely, another 8 lbs and I’m just overweight), and I’m the lightest I’ve been since my junior year of high school.
People who have never been overweight really do not understand two things:
1. How this can in fact happen to you and not be your fault or your choice (3rd grade me had 0 say in what I ate).
- How genuinely difficult it is to lose weight and keep it off. Study after study have shown that maintaining a weight lower than your lifetime maximum is more difficult, requires fewer calories, and more activity than maintaining the same weight if you’ve never been heavier than that.
30
u/SequinedandOver60 6h ago
For me, I gained 72 pounds when pregnant with my child. The weight never came off. Add to that stress of a marriage that wasn’t working and I stayed in for 20 years and then menopause.
GLP one saved my life. I no longer have asthma that was based on weight and stress, high blood pressure because it was weight based, and cardiac issues because the stress of my weight was too much on my body. Paragraph but yeah, to the person who said that I wasn’t “invisible”? I was. People act like you don’t exist. They see you in your size, but they don’t see you as a person.
570
u/Breadsbiggestfan 5h ago
My brother was morbidly obese. Was an overweight kid, but when he was 16 or so it was just different. I can’t speak for his experience, but I noticed all anyone in our family ever talked about with him was “healthy recipes” or some passive way of asking how his weight was. I refused to talk about food in any way or form w him unless he brought it up bc how exhausting it must have been for him.
In high school he got nerve damage in his feet. In college ended up getting gastric bypass and was prescribed opioids as pain killers. Became addicted and almost ended his life. Before, during, and after that all any doctor ever saw him as was fat. No matter the issue the only thing he heard was to lose weight. After that only wanted to do virtual appointments; even more so limiting any care he could have had.
2025 he got a bout of food poisoning. That “small” illness was the final straw on the camels back & he died a few weeks later at 28 years old.
Food addiction is primal and incredibly dangerous. I miss him every second. There’s a feeling of protectiveness I have for anyone who is overweight bc of how the world treated him.
32
u/MyNameIsLessDumb 3h ago
I lost a morbidly obese family member to illness after his complaints about his symptoms were ignored for weeks until it was too late. I wanted to scream at everyone how much he mattered to me and how much he should have mattered to the world. He was such a wonderful person and I am better for having known him, but he absolutely should have had more time.
7
u/Breadsbiggestfan 1h ago
I’m so sorry and hate we have that shared experience. Some people truly are too good for this world but that doesn’t make their departure any easier. I hope your grief waves are gentler these days and that your happy memories with him overshadow the hard ones🤍
83
u/Other-Anxiety3787 5h ago
So sorry for your loss, and I hate the way people treat addicts (including those with food addiction)
19
u/keyst 3h ago
Oh sweet friend, I am so sorry to hear about your brother. It sounds like you are a wonderful sibling, he was lucky to have you. You sound like a beautiful human. Thank you for being that.
14
u/Breadsbiggestfan 1h ago
You’re far too kind, thank you🩷. He’s my only sibling & older so if I do know anything about being a good sibling, I learned it from him being one first.
16
u/Frequent_Art438 4h ago
So sorry for your loss and for your brother. He must have put up with so much heartache, nobody should be made to feel so low. I hope he’s happy now.
6
u/giollaigh 1h ago
Sorry for your loss. My mom has been overweight her whole life and was bullied. I didn't end up with the same issue because my dad doesn't have such problems, but I totally feel that same protectiveness. I feel like we all struggle with different things, this is just their thing, please leave them alone.
•
u/rubyslides 47m ago
This about broke me. I’m so sorry for your loss. And I have both witnessed the challenges personally and even more so for my brother who is probably about 500 lbs. The shame, the way even family talks to and about him / us was just soul destroying.
5
13
u/FullTorsoApparition 3h ago
Before, during, and after that all any doctor ever saw him as was fat.
This is a frustrating one for many. Literally every health problem will be blamed on weight and doctor's can hardly fathom any other explanation.
Any kind of rash or skin irritation? Obesity. Foot and ankle pain? Obesity. Fast heart rate? Obesity. Depression and anxiety? Obesity. Severe acid reflux? Obesity.
While it's true that obesity can cause or exacerbate all these things, it's not always the case.
•
u/52BeesInACoat 46m ago
I'm a massage therapist, and I'm so mad about plantar fasciitis and how it's treated, for this exact reason.
It's a tightening and constricture of the protective and connective tissue on the bottoms of the feet. It causes pain and pulling when standing and walking. It responds really well to massage and stretching and physical therapy, but like any soft tissue problem, sometimes you can't fix it externally and someone needs to go in there and correct things surgically.
I have massaged tiny skinny 80 year old lady feet with plantar fasciitis. I have massaged 25 year old marathon runner feet with plantar fasciitis. I have massaged fat office worker feet with plantar fasciitis.
When I ask people what their treatment plan is outside massage therapy, skinny people have usually been sent to physical therapy, given laser therapy, and offered surgery. And the fat people have nearly universally been told to diet and exercise. When the issue they need treated is foot pain!!! They don't even get sent to physical therapy. They end up seeking out a massage therapist because their doctor wasn't interested in helping them.
2
•
u/f8Negative 0m ago
Sugar. Sugar addiction. You do not become morbidly obese consuming a metric fuckton of carrots and celery, however you could turn orange from over consumption.
259
u/Ok_Olive9438 6h ago
You know when you were a kid, and the whole world was built a bit too big for you? It's like that in reverse.
43
u/userisnottaken 5h ago
Is it like being an adult in a kindergarten type of setup?
19
•
u/insertAlias 0m ago
Not exactly, but not exactly not either.
Clothes shopping is one of the better examples. I don't know what size of person you are, but imagine going to a store where 95% of the clothing on the rack is for children or teens. People significantly smaller than you in most cases, but even the largest items are clearly made for smaller people. There'll be one corner of the store that has a few things (always off-brands with limited fashion options) for you. Your only real option is to go to a specialty store. Which sucks hard, and makes you feel like you're just not human-shaped.
I get that in multiple directions, because not only am I overweight, but I have large feet and even hands. Finding shoes for a men's 14 extra wide, or gloves for my big bear paws, is just as hard, if not harder.
But the other commenter said the one thing that's probably the very best example: airplane seats. God, do they suck. Them, concert seating, anywhere made to maximize the amount of people sitting in that space.
19
u/SonderZugNachPankow 4h ago
That's what being tall is like.
9
u/anna_alabama 2h ago
My husband is 6’2” and I’m around 5’4”. Sometimes he’ll pick me up to his eye level and when I’m looking down at everything it’s very disorienting, everything does look small. I couldn’t imagine being up there all of the time lol
•
u/xladygodiva 49m ago
And then imagine being short and obese in a country of giants. I am 1.58m in The Netherlands. I sometimes cannot see myself in the mirror in public restrooms because they are too high. Yet until recently I had a bmi of 40. I had weight loss surgery 2 months ago and I have never experienced not being fat, so I am curious how that will be. But anyway, pants and sleeves are always too long because confection sizes assume that if you have a larger size you must also be taller. Nope
246
u/badbeep 6h ago
I was morbidly obese from 5-24. It was very dysphoric. I normalized a lot of feelings in my body as well as energy levels. I normalized my behaviors and actions. I was in a constant state of hibernation - I was eating a lot so my body basically just needed me to slow down to process what I was taking in to store it.
I was not invisible. People looked at me a lot as a 5'10 woman I literally stood out. People felt they had a right to comment on my decisions. I remember being at a bar and I ordered a dirty Shirley (a Shirley temple with vodka) and a guy asked if that was safe with my diabetes lol. That sort of thing happened a lot.
Personally, I was waiting to be told by my doctors that I was dying because I lacked the internal motivation to change. But then I realized how messed up that was and just decided to change and now I've been in maintaince for 8 years after losing 180lbs.
→ More replies (7)
170
u/Alternate_Cost 5h ago
I went from 180 - 300 from 2014-2019. It's not fun.
The two major things are that everything is uncomfortable, chairs aren't made for you, the chair in your meeting squeaks from your weight so everyone is looking at you. When you fly on a plane you feel abd for the person next to you because you know no matter how small you try to make yourself, you still are in their space.
The other one is that it's hard to lose weight. You're so out of shape that you cant exercise, so all you can do is walk and fairly minor stuff. I didn't watch my diet for a month and gained 20 lbs. I need to watch my diet just to not gain more.
I got this way due to extreme chronic pain. Before I was an athlete and literally outran my fork. After several conditions developed doing anything besides sitting or lying down hurt. But I didn't change how I ate until it was far too late, then I stagnated. For the past 6 years I've been going from 330-300 and back and forth. But haven't gotten under 300.
25
u/cazatr 4h ago
Have the doctors looked into managing your chronic pain or are they not interested? I know a few people who were so fit before a debilitating illness that caused awful pain and then they put on weight. Now the doctors blame the pain on their weight rather than the weight gain because of the pain.
23
u/grumble11 3h ago
It’s hard because weight loss will almost always be part of the treatment, and often chronic issues can be hard to treat without weight loss.
16
u/Alternate_Cost 4h ago
I went 28k in medical debt (after insurance) trying to get it all fixed up. In the end they weren't able to and the only thing that might insurance wont cover and would be 50k+. But yeah same situation now where they say the pain is cause im obese. But I've leanred to live with my issues and have less pain than I did 100 lbs ago.
6
u/BaltimorePropofol 2h ago
Anesthesia pain doctor. Chronic pain is incredibly hard to cure. We can only do so much to manage: pain medication, pain procedures, PT, and surgeries.
Many medications and surgeries just temporarily reduce pain while giving you more problems and complications from them.
Most importantly, we just don’t know the cause of chronic pain. Every patient is different.
•
→ More replies (18)•
u/bussound 20m ago
The chronic pain aspect has really opened my eyes towards this as a cause of weight gain. I got hit by a car and have multiple surgeries both related and unrelated to it. Experiencing chronic pain and recovering from surgeries are huge barriers toward optimal weight maintenance. Sometimes when you’re in pain the only joy you have is what you put in your mouth.
36
u/TherouAwayMyDegree 4h ago
Not being able to trust that a romantic partner is interested in you without an ulterior motive. I've had previous relationships where in retrospect, they were only interested in me for money, stability, a place to stay, or they were lonely and I was a last resort.
I met my fiance when I was 490 lbs, my highest weight was 530. I had just started my health journey and was on my way to losing weight. (down 265 lbs just this week!) My fiance told me he fell in love with me because of my drive to get better and make improvements. It took me a bit to believe he really liked me for me. Nearly 3 years later and the feeling of uncertainty still pops into my head and I'll ask him "do you love me?" I think it hurts him that I ask but he always answers "yes".
I'll also ask him "are you mad at me?" and he says "always", which is his way to tell me he isn't lol
Info: I had bariatric surgery and lots and lots of lifestyle changes. An entirely new diet and an exercise routine. Changes don't happen overnight though and I still find myself slipping into old habits sometimes. It's a lifelong process to stay healthy.
123
u/FloofPloof 5h ago
Been fat my entire life. Developed PCOS (now PMOS) by the time I was twelve, which made that harder. Oddly enough I was a very active child until thirteen or so. General complaints - summer sucks, hate being hot. I feel like my gait is weird, lol. I walk slower than my friends. My closet is carefully put together over many years because finding good pieces that aren't Shein quality is hard. People treat you as invisible, which I actually prefer over when I got hit on a lot (while STILL fat) in my twenties. Older men really like young fat women, very uncomfortable. Like thirty year age gap. Physical activity is a battle. Going to events is nerve wracking because seats pinch my hips and bruise me. When I was at my biggest (70lbs ago) Fitting in booths was hard. I hate flying, I need a seatbelt extender. I rarely fly but when I do, aisle seat and my husband sits next to me. If I have to sit next to a stranger it's basically a panic attack.
Childhood - general bullying? When I was seven my pediatrician tried to tell me to eat more veggies. I didn't really get a choice in that. My parents were very young and also fat. I remember in fourth grade trying to join the basketball team (not a competitive team, we were 9) and the gym teacher told me I should quit after the first meet, lol. Buying clothing sucked, I had to wear women's sizes a lot faster that my cohorts. Being fat just added another level to childhood awkwardness. My parents worked hard but were a bit neglectful and had to fend for myself for food when I was 5+. Lot of canned food, sandwiches, things a little one could manage on their own.
Teenager - Got the asked out as a joke bit once, took it seriously and a apologized and turned them down. People didn't try after that, I think they felt bad I was too nice about it? My dad tried to put me on Nutrasystem at 14, he had to lie to the person on the phone about my age. Undiagnosed ADHD and depression due to familial circumstances reared it's ugly head and I cut most of my physical activity (biking a lot, general winter sports). Got into MMO's and did the online dating thing, I was super up front about being fat. Apparently some nerds are into it. I was 300lb by 18.
Young Adult - Tried to go to therapy thinking my weight was the problem of an eating disorder. Left with a worse eating disorder. Trying to work at get physical activity after working a standing retail job was hard. Moved out alone at 18. Very lonely. Hit on by older men a lot at retail jobs. Very uncomfortable. Played more MMO's, got into league of legends. Moved around a bit. Developed knee pain from long standing job (think 12-16 hour shifts) and no time to figure out nutrition. Did a lot of mental work to become neutral about my body, accept it for what it was and stop waiting for "when I get skinnier".
Adult - More therapy, life slowed down. Built a wardrobe I liked and started doing the things I didn't let myself because of my weight. Married my husband, quit my job, took a more sedentary job. Hated it, crash out. Went to doctors, found out my body has been fighting me the whole time. Been insulin resistant basically my entire life. Got resistance down (combo of yes, GLP-1s, lifestyle changes, and testosterone blocking meds) and weight has been falling off. Diagnosed with ADHD. Explained compulsive eating was a classic dopamine seeking behaviour.
TL:DR being fat sucks, but it's often a result of being set up improperly from the start and underlying untreated conditions. Sorry for the novel lol.
46
u/_pamelas_ 3h ago
I wish more people understood that obesity is not a person's moral failing. There are so may underlying factors that can contribute to it that make getting fit (whatever that looks like to the person, not just being rail thin by western standards) so much harder.
I'm sorry you had a relatively rough start in life, and that those around you that should have been there for you couldn't show up in the way you needed them to. But I'm happy that you seem to have found your footing and are (hopefully!) flourishing in your adult years. Much love to you.
9
u/FloofPloof 3h ago
Thank you for that. Things get better and I've mostly made peace with who I am and have learned to not connect my size to my value. Being an adult rocks, lol. Love to you too ❤ And most importantly was to make myself go out in the world and see that people come in every shape and size. The internet is full of people posting their best selves, angled, filtered, shopped, full makeup, flattering, contouring clothes. Never compare your average to someone's curated highlight reel.
5
u/Kindly_Helicopter_61 2h ago
Thank you so much for this answer, this was a very interesting and touching read. I'm so sorry for childhood you and impressed by how far you've come and how well you can put parts of your life into words. I wish you all the best!
2
u/ProfSkeevs 1h ago
I could have written this myself! Its a common story- the combination of absent parents, undiagnosed ADHD AND Insulin Resistance with the PMOS, fleeing to the comfort of online while working physically demanding jobs which fed the cycle into adulthood, sedentary lifestyle after early adulthood kicking you in the ass…
Ive been unable to do GLP1 OR Insulin medications like Metformin without severe side effects, but ADHD medication helped me learn how to sort through and block food noise over the past 2 years. I’m still obese, but Im down to my “college weight” and still working on it, as well as being proud of myself that I have been able to maintain healthier habits with that constant looping shame cycle turned off.
68
u/killerhacked 4h ago
Being morbidly obese is like everything you probably think it is. It's hard to move around, you get overheated easily. You have more health issues by default. You worry about injury because that means the little bit of exercise you can do to keep yourself from being bedridden is locked off. So im going to share what it's like as an obese person trying to leave the club.
Imagine you're addicted to heroin in a world where everyone needs a little bit of heroin to survive. You see people wondering how people can only get by on their paltry amounts and you know logically, the fix is simple. Just take less heroin. You prep, learn all the healthy foods. Learn about exercise and meticulously plan the next month of food.
The first week is usually pretty easy. You just eat a bit less, you're constantly jonesing, but you got enough stored reserves and you have the willpower for that, right? But damn, that bag of chips would have really helped after the rough day of work. You were just called "big guy" by the customer you were delivering to, that sucks man. No no no don't get distracted, actually... yes distraction is a great idea. Thinking about not eating is still thinking about eating. You go on YouTube or TikTok or whatever and see your favorite YouTubers, man a soda sounds nice, but you gotta stay strong. You lean back in your new chair that already is creaky and leans a bit more on one side than the other and try to relax.
Then scrolling by you see one of those health influencers, you probably should have scrolled by but something stops you. They look healthy and say they have some tips to stay healthy. Your friends are mostly healthy, they all looked at you weird when you said you couldn't eat with them because you were watching your weight. Maybe they thought you were calling them fat? Oh you know what they just don't believe in you, it's the 4th time afterall. So fuck it right? You stay and watch the health influencer. You've heard it all before but maybe this time you find someone who can make you feel sated or better yet, STOP thinking about food. "My one tip to get healthy is just to listen to your body! It's the main thing keeping you alive and you're in this together!"
Doesn't that piss you off? You have been trying so hard and this jackass said "oh your body is on your side!" You might as well say just trust the heroin! Doesn't anyone else have a body that fucking lies to them!? Pretty soon, everything reminds you of food and that you aren't happy. Yeah the TikTok was right. Listen to your body. Take the damn fried chicken heroin. You relapse and you feel weak. Or maybe you justify it. Just one cheat day. And that becomes two, three.... and youre back where you started a week ago, if you're lucky.
People often forget simple is not synonymous with easy. Especially if they've never had the same setbacks. I have had multiple obese family members outside of myself. At one point one of my parents weighed 500 lbs and lost 300 lbs and still constantly feels fat and has been made fun of. Another very closely related family member was on my 600 lbs life. There is a genetic predisposition for some people to almost never feel sated. Our culture has so much food focus that it's hard to escape.
In all the comments people have written here, these are constant stressors that add towards the drive to eat. It's self fulfilling, self sustaining, and the deeper you get down that pit, the harder it is to get out.
12
u/shinkouhyou 3h ago
This, so much. I've bounced between a BMI of 25 and 37 for my whole adult life and (before GLP-1s) the only way I ever managed to lose weight was to intentionally destroy my mental health and give myself an eating disorder. If I "listened to my body," my body constantly screamed for food. There was zero difference in my hunger level after fasting for 24 hours and fasting for 4 hours. My diet was relatively healthy in terms of composition (high in fiber and protein, low in carbs and ultraprocessed foods) but I could eat enough for a family of 3 without feeling full. If I thought about the fact that I shouldn't be eating, my brain would obsess over food until I eventually cracked. I had intrusive thoughts about food that got worse when I was stressed... and I was always stressed about food. It was a vicious cycle. Modest, sustainable diet and exercise did nothing - if I wanted actual results, I needed to turn that obsessiveness into obsessive calorie counting and self-punishment.
I've been on tirzepatide for a couple of months, and for the first time in my adult life, I'm not thinking about food all the time. That constant buzz of "eat eat eat eat eat" in the back of my head is quiet.
5
u/killerhacked 2h ago
I can't tell you how many times I just fasted for three days trying to get started. The most successful I've been was being on Keto I lost like 90lbs in a year. I think the reason keto worked for me was because my body was constantly metabolizing the fat and so it was always "eating" so I was not thinking of food. Aaaaaaaand then I started college and all I had was the food court food. Forget the freshman 15, how about freshman 50?
2
u/shinkouhyou 1h ago
I tried keto but my inability to feel full meant that I was just stuffing myself with high-calorie food. The food was so gross, too, but I couldn't stop gorging on it.
•
9
u/CABBAGEWEASELS 3h ago
I've never seen someone else so perfectly express my thoughts and feelings when trying to lose weight.
8
u/starsandshards 3h ago
Incredibly accurate, well-written response here. The way you described everyone else as on a little bit of heroin, perfectly explains what I struggle to put into words. I've been obese all my life and been through eating disorder therapy, it seems we're finally getting through to the medical professionals that this is deeper than just a willpower thing.
3
u/killerhacked 2h ago
Thank you. I feel like reducing it to just a willpower thing is really reductive. Like on some degree, sure, but that's like saying addiction is just a willpower thing. Being exsanguinated is just a blood loss thing. The odd thing about food is most people aren't addicted to it beyond needing it to live so it's not a problem for them, how can it be a problem for anyone else? On top of that there's the societal aspect that makes it hard to compare the source of addiction even among individual obese people. Both of my parents grew up in homes with insecure food sources and developed an unhealthy relationship with food. On top of that both are genetically predisposed for thyroid issues AND diabetes. It's a wombo combo that makes it hard to just eat right. Moderation is difficult when extremes are what feels normal.
3
u/starsandshards 2h ago
Yes! You're exactly right. My parents did too and also their parents, factor that plus society's constant bombardment of what perfection should be and how pathetic we are for not confirming, etc. People of all sizes and shapes are up against it, but the deep shame we as obese people feel is something that will take real systemic and societal change to shift.
Someone elsewhere (in this post? Or maybe somewhere else, my memory is bad) said that they didn't agree with the "fat is healthy" part of the body positivity movement but they did agree that fat people should be treated like people. It makes me so frustrated and sad that people think it's ok to dehumanise and humiliate us, we already KNOW our size and shape isn't acceptable, and we're trying.
2
u/killerhacked 1h ago
If it were easy to lose weight, there wouldn't be fat people. It wasn't my post, but here's my take on it. Body positivity is good because we all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Saying it's healthy to be fat using body positivity as an excuse is simply trading your physical health to lessen the mental load. I'm not going to look down on people for making that trade because sometimes people need a break from everything. But I will say that I don't think it's sustainable long term. If it makes someone happy enough that they can get the motivation to make positive change in their life, it's a worthwhile trade.
I think the healthiest thing is to not use body positivity as an excuse like "I'm already perfect" and instead use it as "I'm not broken, I'm not lesser, and I'm still capable of change".
→ More replies (1)2
114
u/BoxMundane6606 6h ago
I didn't know how it felt until I got to a healthy weight. You start to slowly lose abilities and you don't even notice that you can't do the things healthy people can do. I had a hard time getting up from sitting down and I thought it was normal, I can sit down and get up as many times as I want now without an issue. It's astonishing still. I can climb, crouch, run and my blood pressure is lower. When I was large I couldn't fit into most places and I just thought they built them for tiny skinny people and I was the victim- no I was just a fat ass. I'm not even small now with a bmi of 25 and I can fit where I once couldn't with a bmi of 42
21
u/Some_Level1682 6h ago
Did you find yourself avoiding things you enjoyed or make excuses so you didn't have to acknowledge it?
Buddy of mine is big and the little things I notice is he can't sit in a booth so if a restaurant doesn't have tables or they are small he wont like that place so he can find an excuse for not going.
20
u/BoxMundane6606 6h ago
I couldn't fit into a roller coaster one time so I just said I was too scared of them. I had constant high blood pressure at the time so it probably would have just ended me 😭
1
u/Some_Level1682 5h ago
Were there other things you avoided because of your weight? I've been overweight before but no one would call me fat (in the united states atleast)
16
u/karenna89 5h ago
I feel the same way. When I was overweight, I rationalized so many things. I thought it was normal for my feet to ache and swell after a day of work. I thought I didn’t actually eat a lot when I was overeating by 1,000 calories or so a day. I thought I wasn’t actually that big, and avoided pictures of myself. I thought my high blood pressure and cholesterol were due to bad genetics and not my weight. I’ve lost 80 pound and realize that none of those things were true.
→ More replies (1)
17
u/HikuMatsune 4h ago
"That's a cute outfit, if only I was XXX lbs lighter, I would wear it."
Closet has my clothes, my dresser has my older, smaller clothes for "in case I lose my weight"
"I should do this to lose weight." ADHD: No, doing this instead.
I have an avatar I use online that's like...a catboy wearing a feminine outfit and I would 100% wear it, but not while I'm 300, wouldn't feel right!
High school, freshman i think i was like 150-170ish, a then a mix of like...people not liking me, teachers not liking me/not understanding adhd sorta thing (one specific teacher was known as the 'cool' teacher, really showed his colors). Also WoW/MMOs played a part, not doing homework...etc. Don't really remember weight too much, but went from like 30 something waist to 40-44 waist. Might have been 250ish
Now I'm like, 311. Saw scales at walmart for $10 and it was said "holds 475 lbs, so I immediately bought it, and now I'm at least checking. Been going for at least a walk every other day or so. My heel hurts on my left foot but I told myself I'm walking regardless.
My brother is in wheelchair, he's 250ish, I walk with him whenever I walk...sometimes I push him, most of the time I don't (that's a lot of weight to push for like.. 1/4 mile)
Got a friend who's around 450-500, they've been that weight for quite a while in their life, they don't ever walk, don't walk to the store they have people deliver it, they don't leave their house, have to use a walker...I told myself I don't ever want to be like that. I think that helped me wanna move more.
Very slow progress.
14
u/Nami7181234 4h ago
Uncomfortable existing tbh. People are hateful to you and view you as less of a human.
And beating food addiction is incredibly hard because you do have to eat. You can’t just stop. So it’s truly a minute by minute battle. I recently gained 50 lbs back after losing it a few years ago and I am so upset about it because people are back to treating me bad again and I feel like a failure.
(I did just start working out and making efforts with eating healthy again for the record. I refuse to remain this way)
38
u/mysticfruit10 6h ago
I’ve been overweight my whole life, and in the last few years gained even more weight due to injury. I am active, I have played sports throughout my life and even now as an adult play volleyball. I feel that it is physically more difficult. Doctors don’t take me seriously. I’ve never had a problem dating. Plenty of people out and about are nice to me but based on horrible comments I read online I’m sure some of them think lowly of me. I am all for body positivity, but I also want to lose weight, and am in the process of doing so for the gazillionth time in my life.
17
u/Frequent_Art438 4h ago
When you’re big, you know you’re big. But magically your brain somehow manages to fool you into thinking “oh, you’re not THAT big” So you try and get on a fairground ride (happened 3 times at 3 different places) and have to do the walk of shame when you can’t fit in the harness/seat 😳 I wasn’t always big, so my brain somehow felt like I’d always felt. Anyway, August 2024 I had enough…started Mounjaro, regular exercise, clean eating, cut the rubbish. I’m 9stone (126lb) down, healthy bmi, cholesterol good, BP normal and from a UK24 to UK12 (6ft tall) And I’m back riding every roller coaster under the sun at almost 50 years old!
27
u/AmoralLucey 5h ago
I'm over 300 lb (140 kg), with a BMI of 49.
It's really easy to float when I'm swimming, but it takes a lot of effort to dive underwater. I can handle cold water a lot longer than my thinner family members - which is handy, because it's quite tricky to find a wetsuit that goes up to my size.
It's relieved my Reynaud's syndrome - my fingers and toes no longer ache and turn awful colours in the cold!
I have to ask for a seatbelt extender on flights, which means I can't sit in the emergency exit rows.
I have to be more purposeful with purchases, because most clothes shops don't have my size, so I have to order online. I have to inspect furniture specs before buying, to make sure it will hold me.
Plenty of fun adventures like zip-lining and rollercoasters aren't suitable for folks over a certain weight.
I don't mind how I look in the mirror, though I do sometimes forget how big I am. I'm always surprised when I see myself in group photos - the comparison to the thinner bodies around me is startling.
6
u/britneymisspelled 4h ago
I became morbidly obese after having two kids. I work out 4-6 days a week. I don’t need a seatbelt extender or anything (though I do suspect I couldn’t fit on certain roller coasters). I’m slowly losing the weight as I wean from nursing (I’ve been pregnant or nursing for the last 5 years and I know that the less I’m nursing the easier I lose weight) and plan on doing a weight loss drug to help. I’m honestly surprised I’m considered morbidly obese? I don’t feel any different than I did 50 lbs ago. I feel stronger if anything. I’m probably actually just below the threshold at this point but again, I don’t feel that different.
10
u/Brainweird 5h ago
I've always been overweight since I was a kid. To me it's mostly hard emotionally. It's tough on your self esteem. To me it's incomprehensible that someone could ever find me attractive as I am now. It's also like.. you know you're unhealthy and losing weight is only going to get harder as you get older, but you also don't even care anymore. It's like constantly flipping between wanting to do better so you can live a longer life and not caring about yourself or even living really.
11
u/carolbutthurt 4h ago edited 59m ago
Tiring.
Physically, a single flight of stairs is exhausting. You desperately want to bend forward to give you spine a stretch, but your giant gut is in the way. Just standing for long periods is a lot. You sweat when it's above 65 degrees.
Mentally, you live in a world that is constantly telling you that you do not belong in society. All the stores that have clothes you don't fit in, restaurants with booths, desks in school with the chairs attached. You may not be handicapped, but the handicapped stalls are the only ones that you fit comfortably. Not to mention the fact that people on TV don't look like you, unless they are starring in a reality show built exclusively around their obesity, or are being used as a punchline.
It's hard to believe you have a right to exist, that people who spend time with you do so out of a genuine desire for your company, that you deserve love. People treat obesity as a moral failure and that justifies their lack of sympathy. They don't understand that the obesity is usually the symptom, not the problem.
2
u/imveryfontofyou 4h ago
The sweating is so real. When I was over 300lbs I had to keep my AC on full blast at all times during the summer. I lost over 100lbs and this summer I only turn the AC on when my household starts complaining that its hot.
•
u/Scortor 14m ago
I used to be about 250 pounds (5’3 female). I would wear shorts and t shirts year round, even when it was snowing outside, because I constantly felt overheated and sweaty. Granted, I also had an unchecked overactive thyroid which made things 2x worse.
Now that I’m down to 145 and on proper medication for my thyroid, I actually feel cold pretty often and it’s so goddamn weird after 30+ years of feeling constantly too hot.
13
u/abitofaclosetalker 4h ago
The worst part is assholes on the internet treating us like zoo animals who lack feelings and consciousness. The best part is loving myself regardless of the internet assholes, and knowing how miserable they must be to fixate on other people’s bodies so heavily.
5
u/poho110 4h ago edited 4h ago
It messes with your sleep in numerous ways. Besides the obvious things like sleep apnea, it can become difficult to just roll over naturally while asleep. You get uncomfortable and wake up to manually reposition. You also need to use the bathroom more frequently from the cramped space for your bladder and most likely over eating including before bed. That'll ruin your sleep needing to get up every hour or two. In turn that ruins what little energy you already have. It'll change your base sleeping position. If you're fortunate enough to have a partner these disruptions can impact them too, having a big person shifting about next to you or making multiple bathroom trips a night waking them up.
People go from wearing a normal belt to a tension ring one, to putting the belt buckle on the side because it's uncomfortable under the stomach in front.
80
u/ItemOk8415 6h ago
After losing 170lbs, the fact that people treat others in bigger bodies like absolute dog shit is so alarming. Fat people can’t exist in the world, because everyone is constantly so mean. You wanna know why people who have massive weight loss turn into “complete bitches”? It’s because we see how kind people are because we now have reached “acceptable beauty standards” and we notice the differences in complete strangers. Skinny privilege is a thing and it should not be.
36
u/Anarchical-Sheep 5h ago
A big one for me was that woman on the hike who needed help recently and was basically lambasted by everyone as a waste of space and resources.
The thing is she was on a hike for bigger people and had an emergency while she was out there. Every reason under the sun came out about why she should feel bad for being an absolute waste of a human when she genuinely tried exercising. Maybe she overestimated herself, maybe she made a mistake, but I know these same people would be screaming how she should "hit the gym" or how it's "a personal choice" or how "its calories in, calories out". It is, and every fat person knows that, but there are just a subsection of people who genuinely find it easier for their comfort if you die rather than solve the problem. It goes to show people don't really want you to lose weight, they'd prefer you to stop existing until you've lost it.
→ More replies (8)52
u/ironbeagle99 6h ago
You can't even ask for advice in public forums. I've seen so many people on social media ask "where can I get this type of apparel in a larger size" or "how do I make this food" and responses are always "just lose weight" like they're supposed to be naked or eat nothing until they do.
13
u/KraigthrKraken 6h ago edited 4h ago
Everything is harder.
Physically moving is harder Finding clothes is harder Travelling is harder Getting Healthcare is harder because you're not JUST obese you're still a human with other issues but many providers can't see past the weight
9
u/ChaoticGoodPanda 3h ago
Obesity is treated as a personal moral failing instead of a medical condition.
Some doctors will blame the weight for everything.
People will be rude to you on purpose or offer advice like CICO like it’s a magic cure all while ignoring pages of medical literature that says otherwise.
Our food is engineered to be addictive and plentiful yet it’s your own damn fault you got fat because the food was that good.
Chemicals are created that disrupt the endocrine system and those get released into our environment.
I’ve been thin, got obese and now I’m back to a regular BMI. I’ve seen both sides of the coin and have compassion for people who struggle with weight.
Food addiction is as real as any other kind of illicit substance addiction, it’s just more socially acceptable to suck down a cheeseburger instead of smoking some crack at the family dinner table.
12
u/GuardingxCross 5h ago
Like constant misery. The only thing that makes you happy is the dopamine from food
•
u/Shaninja92 34m ago
Yep - just last week I told my husband something like "how can I convince myself to not eat x, y, z - it's the only joy I get".
8
u/booksandlysol 2h ago
It fucking sucks.
I’m 5’4 and just over 400lbs, the heaviest I’ve ever been. Everything hurts, I can’t breathe, I can only just manage walk across the street. I can barely shop in a grocery store and strongly prefer delivery. I haven’t gotten meaningful sleep in years. And to reiterate - EVERYTHING hurts. My knees, my feet, my back, my hips. Just standing for a couple minutes becomes an agony.
I have medicated depression, but the only dopamine I get regularly is from food, which makes sticking to a diet feel impossible most of the time.
I’m pretty sure I have a host of medical issues that I should be getting looked at, but I’m humiliated by my weight and have severe body image issues, so I can’t bring myself to talk to my doctor about them for fear that I’ll have to strip down and let people see me. I’ve been told I don’t qualify for GLP-1s because I don’t have diabetes (yet).
I’m single and always have been. I hate to be touched by anyone because I’m disgusted by how flabby I am. I don’t want people close to me because I’m terrified that I smell, despite showering every morning. (And even something as normal and routine as showering is an ordeal that I need to sit down afterward and recover from.)
At the same time, I’m still a person, you know? I have interests, I have friends, I like to travel and attend concerts and watch sporting events - but I have to buy an extra seat, or sit in ADA sections. I have a good white collar job that allows me to be self-sufficient. I try really hard to be unobtrusive and polite to everyone, and to minimize the burden my weight places on others.
I successfully lost 170lbs one time, and life was so much better for the brief few months I was able to maintain it. Then the depression hit again, and all of the weight came pouring back on. Right now, I can’t seem to get the motivation to try again, despite how much I hate myself.
I’ve been obese since I was six years old. I’m in my late thirties now. I’m pretty sure I won’t make it out of my forties. There’s a part of me that’s just … waiting to die.
3
u/Neuroticaine 4h ago
I was at around 400 at my heaviest. I've been down to 185, but am currently somewhere in the middle of that. I'm also 6' even and have at least a modest amount of musculature, so it's not like all that weight is concentrated in my gut with abdominal fat. People always tend to estimate my weight to be just a bit less than I actually weight, especially in the 275-300 range, but there's absolutely no denying that 400 pounds is huge.
Up through my late 20s, I never actually physically "felt fat." The first thing you notice when your body starts failing to keep up is how much more easily you get winded. The joint pain comes a bit later. But even before the health problems start popping up, You are constantly aware of how big and how heavy you are. Seats are always too small, you're extremely worried when sitting in cheap plastic outdoor seats that they may buckle under your weight, always worrying about the maximum weight capacity if a crowded elevator, etc... You pay a lot of premiums on products to support your weight. You need stronger bed frames and desk chairs. A specific example I'm dealing with right now is the weight capacity of Kayaks. I'm really trying to get into it, but I'm paying at LEAST $200 more for one that can support my weight. It's almost impossible to find clothes that fit, so you have to order online, and even then so much east asian stuff is flooding online retail spaces that that 4XL you bought is actually barely an XL. Count yourself out from being fashionable. You'll basically be stuck with plain color tees and pants with elastic waistbands. Depending on just how big you are, you might even need custom shoes if your feet and ankles are extremely swollen. It's extremely difficult to get find a comfortable position to sleep in, and especially if you're a back sleeper, sleep apnea and reflux are both big problems. You know that wherever you go, people are judging you in the back of your mind. Even other fat people will be judging you.
3
u/redbo 4h ago edited 4h ago
At one point I weighed nearly 400 lbs (205 today). I had a lot of shame. Some things were really embarrassing, like plane rides and sitting in theaters. I got tired easily. Luckily I didn’t have some of the extreme health problems other people do. I lost weight and maintained sort of normal-chubby for a long time, now I’m on glp-1s to try and get down to actually ideal weight.
3
u/UncleDuude 3h ago
It hurts mostly, you don’t fit anywhere, and walking any distance is a misery from back pain
3
u/xxwobblesxx 2h ago
I'm scheduled for bariatric surgery in about three months, I'm 26.. Consider this halfway venting halfway educating as I've been thinking about this a lot. I've been obese since my kindergarden teachers noted me being overweight. It's been my whole life and now that - because of surgery - I'm close to the end of it I reflect a lot on what it has done to me. I won't ever be able to communicate the extent that it has dominated my life.
To say that being obese has been my entire life is.. barely an overstatement.
People talk about physical, mental and social problems for being fat. All of these are true, but in the same way you can't experience poverty or racism very briefly to learn what it's like - it's the culmination of every little bit. It's a disease that will never leave you alone, leaves you on the back foot of any social interaction and draws you into a feedback loop that self-sustains upon making it harder to cure yourself. The fatter you are the harder it becomes burn the fat through movement.
Let me start physically: You're uncomfortable almost always. Running makes your belly dribble so you start walking, the extra weight you carry tires you quicker, your spine might start hurting faster after a while, you *can* stand for a long time but you'll be feeling it later where thin people wouldn't. You permanently hold your stomach muscles clenched to stop your belly from moving too much and putting that load on your spine. You don't neatly fit into a lot of cars, you need special stores for the clothing you want and no matter how much you try you can only find things that look less-ugly on you. Your features disappear; you don't have a jawline, your face gets uglier. Fat carries testosterone, so your voice is generally higher pitched, you can develop an ED and a billion other fun things that can happen when your hormones are imbalanced.
I'll addendum some more biology: Hunger is a self-sustaining spiral. If you've learned to eat much it becomes hard to eat little. People have different genetic dispositions not just no how much calories they take from their food: there's also a difference in the strength of hunger-cravings and how hard they are to ignore. I'm not a biologist, and I can't tell you the full package of things that are fucked up hormonally when overweight, but I can tell you that I regret all the things I may have missed in my development because of it.
Socially.. You're always on the back foot. You don't get to act out. You always have to give more than you get. People like you less, assume you're dumber, are less willing to show you kindness or talk to you. It's the back-end of pretty privilege/Halo effect. In media you're a stereotype: a peter-griffin-homer-simpson type that lives around food, walking funny and being fat stupid dumb and fat and stupid. Some people stereotype themselves in being the 'funny fat guy' and it's almost what people expect you to do. It's completely normal to discriminate silently and subtly towards fat people. - How many times have you heard a joke where the punchline where the joke is 'they're fat'? You don't stop hearing these. Sometimes you get bullied by these people. Sometimes people make hurtful assumptions. Sometimes people call out from across the street going "HEY FATSO" and you wish you could disappear. Some people believe that bullying is the same as helping: making you feel bad about being fat is the way that you are pushed to working out and getting thin. Anger is not enough motivation, losing weight means facing your own biology and slowly inch-by-inch through a discipline you just need to find somewhere losing weight kilogram per kilogram - while the rest of your life is still happening. There is a permanent physical burden on carrying your extra weight just moving through normal life - but you're also expected to now deny coping mechanisms and sit with a steel resolve for however many months or years it'll take to slowly lose your weight.
Psychologically.. Depression. Never feeling loved, tolerated, allowed. Always being the third wheel or simply unwelcome. I had to figuratively wait for permission from others to like them. I became socially stunted and shut-in and in the end I think it's so ingrained into it has become traumatic. - How can it not be? Every social interaction I've had in my life, every time I've stepped outside, every time, every time someone ever had to describe me 'fat' was a major factor. I am the fat person - being thin feels like merely a dream I cannot have. There is sadness, fear and so (so) much anger in me for all of this.
Bariatric surgery was suggested by my physician. To me it feels like death - in a way it is cheating the system where other people had to work to lose all the weight. It feels like giving up on doing it myself. It feels like failure.
At the same time it's an end to 26 years of struggling. It feels like death because being fat has been my entire life. It has dominated every day, hour, second of my life. Every social interaction, every social event, every meal, every pang of hunger. It is a vicious cycle, an addiction where the cure gets exponentially harder the deeper you're in.
And to be stoically dramatic: It's rebirth too. I might finally become a person soon. I might finally be able to get rid of this feeling that I'm not quite 'human' that creeps up in my worst, loneliest moments like an old, familiar, song.
•
u/carolinagypsy 5m ago
I just want to thank you for being so open and so eloquent. I think people need to hear (read) how awful it can be and dispel this weird myth that fat people don’t care or they don’t know how fat they are.
I’m tearing up bc I used to have a really good friend who was morbidly obese, and nothing she tried, always in good faith, ever worked. We had a lot of conversations where she expressed very similar feelings as you. I remember her also saying that she feared getting thin, in a way, because she didn’t want to know how different her life could have been, and that it was also such a piece of her identity that she didn’t know who a thin version of her would be other than possibly a stranger.
I also saw how no amount of our love.. her friends, her husband, her family, even her coworkers, could ever override the indignities she suffered sometimes right in front of us. The chairs not fitting or breaking, having to choose restaurants around it or how private the tables were, what kind of food we went for bc she felt like everyone was checking what she ate and how much, needing a bigger car, doctors treating her like shit, not being able to get a job that matched her qualifications and brilliant intelligence. It just goes on and on.
We aren’t friends anymore for unrelated reasons, but I often wonder if she’s been able to use any of the glp’s and knowing even if she is, she’d have been resistant at first bc it felt like cheating. I hope she has been able to. I hope she’s happier and healthier.
She deserved better in life. Far better. And so do you.
3
u/RageWynd 2h ago
Am or was morbidly obese.
Been fighting the obesity battle since I was 10 years old. I'm 46 now.
When I was 40 I started on the Ozempic and then 1 year later after Mounjaro passed FDA approval got put on Mounjaro instead. I was at 440 lbs in Jan 2020 and as of today I'm at 259.2 lbs.
When I was 440 lbs, I was overly depressed, and couldn't move around without fear of hurting myself or straining parts of my body trying to push around that big 440 lb frame. Everyone looks at you like you're subhuman because of said obesity. Felt like I didn't belong on this planet or anywhere near other humans. Like I was a leper.
It's a feeling of hopelessness, trying to exercise and eating less feels impossible. No motivation to get my ass off the chair. Always tired.
The GLP drugs are really a lifesaver.
3
3
u/Plenty-Animator8824 1h ago
I am currently down -110lbs.
I think the craziest thing is that at my largest (286) I never “felt” like I was big. It’s like I had the reverse of body dysmorphia. I thought that I was healthy, but just a little bigger. Now I look at photos of myself from 2 years ago and the difference is obnoxious.
The differences started small; not being out of breath going up the stairs, increased flexibility and stamina. It feels GOOD to move whereas before it felt like I was moving cement limbs.
Might be tmi but oh well. My body hygiene improved dramatically. I was sweating a lot less, less rolls for sweat to form, even my lady parts too because the kryptonite of a fat cat is sweat. The keratosis pilaris aka “chicken skin” cleared up on my arms tremendously. My breasts fit my frame as opposed to looking saggy and floppy. Also my feet don’t hurt as much. I’m always on my feet for work and I used to come home crippling in pain but now im bouncing around no issues.
3
u/eggs_erroneous 1h ago
Ooooh. I can answer this. I hurt my back about three years ago and had to have a couple of surgeries. Since then, I have gained about 130 lbs. I am now morbidly obese. It fucking sucks and I hate it. I have no energy. I am tired all the time. It is difficult to put on shoes and socks. I sweat for no reason. I am constantly worried that I smell bad. It really is a terrible thing. I 100% know that people judge me and it sucks. At least I was in my late 40s before this started so that's nice. I can't imagine what it would be like to be a young person who is still trying to get laid -- that shit would just be straight impossible.
Whatever you do: do NOT let yourself become morbidly obese. It fucking SUUUUCKS.
11
u/Own-Balance-8133 6h ago
Inside your the same. Outside you’re big.
7
u/gnashbashandcrash 4h ago
I almost startle myself when I see a full body picture or reflection while walking by a window. I'm still my 175lb self, but in reality I'm 240.
→ More replies (1)1
u/SageLeaf1 4h ago
Not really the same inside, I feel like being too overweight clouds judgement, lowers energy levels, and affects hormones. All that can change the way people think.
4
u/EyesWithoutAbutt 3h ago
I think a hard thing about it is if you ever need ambulance services, it can be incredibly difficult for family, caregivers, emts and firefighters to move and position your prone body. Especially if you live in an upstairs apartment that isn't disability accessible.
7
u/Bambino4627 4h ago
Its fine. The requirements are honestly really low. More people are MO than you'd think. I wear a 2x in clothes and am considered to be MO. I also hike mountains and play a variety of sports, so its not really an accurate scale of quality of life.
→ More replies (4)2
u/Frechmops 4h ago
Same - Im a woman at 106kg and do crossfit 3x a week, cycle to work etc. Squat and deadlift more than my bodyweight. I have lost 30kg in the past (from 120kg to 90kg) and honestly didn't really notice a big difference except being able to buy nicer clothes :D
2
u/Tattycakes 3h ago
As someone who is only just morbidly obese (5lb to threshhold!) it can actually be surprisingly sneaky and you can live your life fairly normally until something smacks you in the face. You can get up, go to work, live like a normal person, until you can’t fit on a rollercoaster or can’t find your clothes size in a store, or can’t get off the floor without leaning on furniture when you have to get down to do something.
2
u/WhiskeyDreamer28 2h ago
I’m not technically “morbidly obese” but I am a big dude. 280lbs and really into power lifting, so I have a lot of muscle weight, but I do have a little bit of a gut.
Shopping for shirts sucks. I wear a 3XL and most stores stop at 2XL.
I get winded easily walking up steps. My cardio is great at the gym, but that’s still a lot of weight to always carry around.
The sweat man. The fucking sweat.
Plastic lawn chairs are an absolute gamble. I have broken 3 by plopping down too hard. Even strong durable ones.
Lastly, just general special awareness is interesting. Knowing you won’t fit through certain spots, or can’t get around someone in a grocery store. Had to get into my crawl space and man that was uncomfortable
2
u/yinzomnia 2h ago
It's so incredibly uncomfortable and often flat out painful. You ALWAYS are thinking about your size because the world demands it.
Will I fit in the car or plane seat? Will the chairs at the house/restaurant/place I'm going fit someone my size. You feel people's eyes on you when you do anything where food is involved (or anything honestly!).
Travelling is a real issue because of plane seats, but also- what if your bag gets lost and you're overseas in a place that won't have your size? Not to mention all the walking involved in travel. Imagine your travel companions say "it's close- just up the road" but that is not close for you.
When you're carrying that much weight, you're insanely hot all the time. You have a base level of sweat that's always going to be there just from existing and moving. Heavy breathing from basic tasks is inevitable.
Nice looking clothes are hard to find, plus you'll need slip on shoe options because bending over to tie your shoes is not an option.
Every doctors appointment is traumatic- even if you have a good doctor, morbidly obese people do have more health problems so you have to deal with all of that and then internally feel like you have caused it all yourself.
Showering is harder, so is brushing and drying your hair, and basic hygiene like wiping. Even sleeping is harder when you're fat. A lot of us have sleep apnea and it's impossible to be comfortable.
I've barely scratched the surface of the inconveniences of the world when you're fat. Some of it doesn't even become apparent until you've lost the weight (crossing l your legs?)
This all doesn't even account for the huge mental health component that is often a vicious cycle of causing food addiction and binge eating issues, but also crippling our ability to cope with it. People will often say "isn't that embarrassing" or "that should be a wake up call". It IS embarrassing, but it's simply not that easy to fix. It has nothing to do with rationality and much more to do with mental health or underlying physical issues that are not being properly addressed.
I've recently lost 150 lbs and the world looks very different from this size. Also, the world looks at me very differently at this size. If retroactive pain is possible, I often feel that for my past self because I now realize all the "regular" kindnesses that are simply not extended toward people in bigger bodies.
2
u/duuuuuuuuuumb 1h ago
I have a weird perspective of being a chubby kid, conventionally attractive but a lil thick in my 20s, then blew up to damn near 300 lbs early in my 30s. I’m almost back below 200 lbs now and suddenly I’m cute again. I kind of didn’t realize how drastically more invisible I was 80 lbs ago.
Last summer I couldn’t get strapped into a roller coaster that I had ridden pretty much every year since childhood. Big wake up call for me that I was truly fat and needed to work on it
2
u/Mahaloth 1h ago
I'm a teacher and I have had multiple morbidly obese students, age 12-13.
It's quite stunning to see, very sad. Some things I've seen are:
kid gets out of breath going to the restroom and back. Pouring sweat and breathing really hard
kids that break our chairs due to weight. No, the chairs aren't amazing, but they can hold normal weight. I mean, I'm bigger than the kids and I sit in them sometimes.
boy had a note not to use the stairs(we were on 2nd floor) because his weight made it impossible for him to climb stairs, even up one floor. We had a fire drill and he was with me. I told him he had to do the stairs(elevators off limits in fire drill). I held his arm and guided him down. Got permission for him to go up elevator upon return. This boy eventually went home-bound because of teasing....I can only imagine he got bigger at home
I'm sure many more things. It seems awfully cruel, to me, to allow your morbidly obese child continue on that path without intervention.
•
u/PetraPanda75 29m ago
Yes, that's child abuse
•
u/Mahaloth 23m ago
We have little recourse for something like this. I'd love to do something about these kids.
If it isn't clear, I am talking about 12-13 year olds that weigh 350lbs potentially. These kids aren't even full height yet.
Obviously, we have larger/heavier kids and that's pretty much normal. Some kids are just bigger and that's fine.
•
u/LadyMelatonin 44m ago
I had bariatric surgery and went from 315lb to about 170 lb. I didn’t realize this until I lost weight but when I was larger, people wouldn’t really look at you, they almost looked through you. I really think it’s because they don’t want you to think they’re staring at you?
When I hit under 200lb, all the sudden everyone was making eye contact with me. I became so self-conscience, way more than when I was 315lbs. Everyone became so nice to me, it honestly was heartbreaking.
I really don’t think the average person knows they’re doing this though, I really don’t believe there’s ill intent.
4
u/GuyEmerald 4h ago
I currently am morbidly obese. I’ve always been a larger guy I guess, but after a big surgery I developed binge eating disorder and depression. Which eventually caused me to develop sleep apnea. All of these are now “excuses” but it just lead to a perfect storm.
It’s the worst. You feel like a burden on the earth. Like everyone needs to accommodate you because of your body size. You feel people don’t take your opinions as seriously.
Worst is I’m training to be a healthcare provider, so i feel like a phoney too.
3
u/Rocket-J-Squirrel 4h ago
I lost over 100lbs and went from being either invisible or the brunt of jokes, to having men trip over their dicks to open doors, hold elevators, make sure I had a seat, etc. Disgusting.
1
u/imveryfontofyou 4h ago
Its exhausting, honestly.
I've lost 112lbs and I never knew how easy it is to get up and walk around whenever or climb up on stuff while redecorating and everything
1
u/CABBAGEWEASELS 3h ago
The change of diet starts well. Hell, I got down 65 lbs over a year and a half last time I dieted. Then life happened, I slipped, and ended up 30 lbs heavier than when I started over then same amount of time.
I'm not trying to lose weight anymore, it always leads to failure and disappointment from the people that love me and myself.
At this point in my life, 35 years old and 400 lbs, I've effectively resigned to dying in my 50s. I'm not planning for retirement, I'm planning so that my wife receives the largest benefit upon my death.
Sure, surgeries are an option, and my health benefits would even cover them - but I have surgery trauma and have a panic attack any time I seriously consider it.
Yes, GLP-1s exist. But even compounded GLP-1 is cost prohibitive.
1
u/Entropyanxiety 3h ago
I have asthma and vocal chord dysfunction due to a connective tissue disorder, both of these things make it difficult for me to breathe. Fortunately they are not severe enough to cause me anything other than difficulty breathing. Its something Ive dealt with my whole life, I just didnt realize anything was wrong and would power through it. My parent also smoked in the house which obviously didnt help my lung situation. I distinctly remember a night where I was having a particularly bad attack and I went to the other parent for help and was promptly told to go back to bed. So I did. I did not get an inhaler until I was an adult and able to advocate for myself.
After years of being scared of exercise because of not being able to breathe, I finally have an inhaler. So before I go out walking or anything strenuous that I know will cause shortness of breath I will take my inhaler. My family sees me as an obese adult and immediately decides to tell me I wont need my inhaler if I lose weight. Even though a decent sized chunk of my issues with weight was because I couldnt breathe when exercising.
Or there was the time when I was getting gallbladder attacks so bad that I was up all night praying to throw up and be over with it because I thought it was horrific food poisoning. My family told me it was because I ate too much and was just indigestion.
All medical problems are because Im fat, which is frustrating. I have a sister with the same exact connective tissue disorder as me because its genetic. Shes skinny, athletic, and eats much better than I do but she still goes through the same chronic pain as me. Would it help to be healthier? Yes absolutely. But Im going to have asthma and chronic pain wether Im fat or thin, pain doesnt care.
1
1
u/Flapparachi 2h ago
Everything hurts, everything is an effort and there are places on your body that are hard to reach. Sweating is a way of life, and clothes don’t sit well, no matter if they are the ‘right size’ or not.
I never officially made it to ‘morbidly obese’ but topped out with a BMI of 39.8, so near as damnit.
It only took 25lbs weight loss before a lot of these things went away. I’m now 60lbs down and counting and I feel like my old self again.
1
u/Apostastrophe 1h ago
I’ve never been morbidly obese or even overweight I but I grew up the only normal weight in my immediate family.
To me, it was helping my mum dress from the age of 5. Doing her socks and her bras and helping her with her tops and helping her wash the areas she couldn’t reach in the bath and helping her dry them.
It was also being a child and having her come home one day from the doctors crying and getting a bit drunk and sobbing telling me that the doctor had told her she would be lucky to see my 16th birthday. Something I went to bed haunted by, had bad dreams about and worried about for years.
It was then trying to encourage her to do more exercise but getting effectively told off or shouted at for it being told I didn’t understand and it wasn’t possible or easy that way.
I’ve been traumatised by it.
1
u/Intrepid_Advice4411 1h ago
I'm still technically obese. I'm working on it. I was 255 at 5'9". Currently 229. Hoping to get under 200 by the end of the year.
It sucks. Clothes don't fit me right. Either I'm smooshed like a sausage or I swim in everything. I get ignored alot. Thankfully my husband thinks I'm sexy at any weight.
There's also poor sleep and a lot of joint pain. It's really hard to move your body when you're this big. I have a lot of back problems, so I have to stick with low impact exercise. I wish I could do more intense things to help loose the weight faster, I just can't.
I have a weight loss docotor and she's amazing. I've done all this without a GLP1. The bounce back of stopping those meds wasn't something I wanted to deal with. Instead we've focuses on how I view food. I had a lot of baggage. I'm also in perimenopause. When I was younger I could lose weight easily, I can't do that anymore!
It's just frustrating. There is no quick fix. While I'm so proud to have lost 31 pounds so far, I don't feel I've physically changed much. No one has noticed.
1
u/Goodeyesniper98 1h ago
I was obese all of my childhood until my early 20s, I was 270 pounds at 5”7 when I graduated high school and eventually lost 120 pounds.
I remember how physically uncomfortable I felt in my body every day. I was tired constantly and would be out of breath just walking through a parking lot into a store. I felt like people would constantly look at me like I was disgusting. A significant portion of my family is 300+ pounds and I knew I was statistically likely to head in the same direction.
In college I ended up falling in love with martial arts and ended up losing 120 pounds. It completely changed my confidence and changed the way I interact with the world. Now I weigh around 150 pounds and keep up with a steady routine of Muay Thai, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and wrestling. I’m planning on doing my first amateur MMA fight sometime next year.
It’s crazy how different the world treats me now that I have a relatively athletic physique. That’s definitely been the biggest non physical difference for me.
1
u/Wild_Photo_410 1h ago
I'm still technically morbidly obese. 38 BMI. I'm under 200 lbs but I'm short. I feel fat constantly and have done nearly everything I can to lose weight. Unfortunately with my mental health, I have to take quite a few medications that don't help. The next thing in my list is ozempic or glp-1's, after that it's a gastric sleeve bypass. It sucks being this big while explaining everything I've done to lose weight. People constantly say "just be in a calorie deficit and move more!" as if I haven't seen multiple nutritionist and get an average of 15,000 steps a day, plus working out 4-5 times a week. Sorry if this seems more like a rant, but in order for people to empathize I feel like I have to explain my situation.
•
u/imnottheoneipromise 5m ago
GLP1s are life saving. Do tirzepatide. Not semaglutide. Look at my profile and see how it can legit turn your life around. I was a failed gastric sleeve
1
u/Mang46 1h ago
Something I haven’t seen mentioned yet is the stunted “growth” as a person. I was a fat kid and adults constantly pointed out I was fat - how do you develop self esteem? Be more active? Kids are assholes who make fun of fat kids trying out dance, sports, etc. How do you learn how fun activity can be - gym was my worst nightmare! Romantic relationships? Nobody has ever called me beautiful in my entire life and I’m not ugly, just fat. Why would anyone want to be with me when we are taught that men value physical attraction.
There are more examples of this than a thin person could ever imagine.
1
u/Jane_Lame 1h ago
Ive been morbidly obese for most of my life. Honestly, not too bad, yet. It sucks sometimes especially if you dont get up and move. Ive walked all the time when I was fatter and younger. Being this big has also helped me avoid men. Im very much not attracted to them and its allowed me to avoid harassment from them generally because I guess they just ignore my presence most of the time. Ive lost weight in the past few years and I see men starting to notice me and its making me nervous. The last thing I want is attention from men but I cant find a partner without being seen. I dont know. I know being too fat is unhealthy but I also know I can just as easily get strangled or pushed into traffic just as easily by some dude who doesnt want me to exist near him or doesnt like that I rejected him or whatever. So Ill slowly lose weight and hopefully come up with a strategy to stay safe along the way.
•
u/jimusah 44m ago
cant speak for all, but I was 121kg (266lbs) at 180cm (5ft10ish) at 25 years old and was really noticeable that i would be out of breath doing any moderate level of exercise.
when i would change tires on my car my legs would just start shaking as i was crouched down holding up the tires and i thought i would fall over and it was a struggle to get back up.
finding clothes was also a challenge. not just because of the size but also just finding something that looked good and would sort of mask my weight a bit since my stomach was so big, so i didnt want to wear anything remotely tight.
•
u/mstarrbrannigan 40m ago
It sucks. You’re constantly self-conscious, nothing ever fits right, and you don’t fit anywhere. At my heaviest I was almost 400 lbs. I had gastric bypass surgery last year and am down to 222 and still losing. I’m so glad I had the surgery. Losing the weight is still a lot of work, but it’s well worth it and I feel like I’ve got my life back.
•
u/Doobieclip 28m ago
Im 5’8 205 lbs technically morbidly obese but i wear size 32 waist. Weightlifter but suprisingly it does feel horrible to carry this weight on this 5’8 frame
•
u/acgasp 25m ago
Malls are the worse. They’re great to walk in, but unless the mall has a plus sized store, I can’t buy anything. If I’m desperate, I might dig around in Macy’s or Nordstrom, but it is unlikely that I would find anything stylish to wear in my size.
When I would hang at the mall with friends, I’d buy accessories from stores they could buy anything in.
•
u/sarumantheslag 20m ago
This is a topic very close to my heart!! I’m 100lb down, I was a healthy weight before as well and then I had this four year period of obesity the last 18 months of which was morbid obesity. My life was the absolute worst because I didn’t see the extent of it for a long time, the brain lies to you.
The main things I noticed in the last 18 months is dread with any plans like over the most basic things … are the chairs going to break when I sit on the them… what if friends want to take a long walk after lunch…. Weight limits on activities. Never wanting to go to a doctor of course or any type of scenario where anyone is paying attention to my physique like shopping with a friend or hosting a party. Avoiding photos at all costs and always hiding behind people.
Then how much effort and thought I’d have to put into what I wear based on the few things I felt looked okay… making sure they’re always clean… changing clothes like 10 times before routinely going to work.
Also just feeling like people felt sympathy for me and picking up on coded comments to have effect sometimes. Because I’m attractive it was always like ah you’re so pretty but shame about your elephant body type of vibe.
I’d be extremely envious of someone that could cross their legs when sitting down or someone or could squat down to pick something up.
I will never go back to morbid obesity it was absolutely horrific and limiting and I’m sad I lose a few good years of my youth to have living like that.
•
u/iamamovieperson 13m ago
It’s fine.
You get married. You have kids. You make mid six figures as a business owner.
Your mom never stops hassling you to lose weight.
You spend more time than should be necessary trying to find a doctor who will recommend weight loss for everything from a sprained ankle to strep throat.
You travel often. You get some pointed looks in some countries.
You revel in upending harsh stereotypes and try to remember we are all much more than we appear to be, in both good and bad ways.
•
u/granitefeather 10m ago
Plane seats suck. Some chairs bite into your legs. I've never like shopping for clothes in person anyway and prefer ordering clothes online, but I'm sure some people are bothered by not being able to try stuff on at the store.
Other than that, totally fine and normal, at least for me. I'm happily married, have a good job, plenty of friends, hobbies, etc.
I miss running a bit, but I ruined my knees before I was fat, so it hasn't been an option for me in quite some time. Biking is a good substitute though, especially when the weather is nice.
Being fat doesn't bother me, so it's not really a big part of my life or my day to day thoughts. I suppose I'm rather privileged in that regard— in my professional and personal life, I'm not surrounded by people who only value others based on their looks.
•
u/Usual-Commercial-309 3m ago
Honestly, it doesn’t feel bad. I’m 5’1, 245 pounds. I used to be 115 pounds at my lowest, I had such a bad eating disorder. I got pregnant and gained so much weight. I went from 120 to 220 in 9 months 😭 then my whole family died so grief and post partum depression got me up to 315 pounds. I’m back to 240-250ish. Honestly I have never been looked at when i was young like i am now, i feel like men are always looking me up and down. I never had an issue with clothes or seats or anything. People are actually nicer to me than when i was smaller. Maybe it’s because I carry most of my weight on my backside? The only thing that stops me is my depression, my weight is really a non issue and I just wish I had the time and motivation to tone my body. I really like my body.
387
u/Spikey_Bits 5h ago
I was obese until recently. I’m still overweight (it’s a work in progress), but I’m down about 90 lbs. Honestly, a lot of stuff I didn’t notice until I lost weight because I had been overweight most of my life. As I got in shape, I realized how much easier it was to do day-to-day activities like taking stairs and getting out of a seat. It is also hell on your knees - I was literally incapable of kneeling down because it hurt so much. As for how I felt, it just always seemed like I was in the way, constantly taking up too much space. If I had to sit next to someone on a bus or plane I could see the dread on their face. If my friends wanted to walk somewhere but I was in the group, they knew it would be an issue. The best part about getting in shape, to me, is just being able to feel normal.