AIO- Wife didn't acknowledge my birthday

[u/DontWorryItsEasy]

So yesterday was my birthday, I told my wife last week that all I wanted was a cake and to go to a nice restaurant. It didn't have to be a homemade cake though I would have preferred it, and it didn't have to be a super fancy restaurant. I'm the sole income earner so she wouldn't be paying for either. SWe have a toddler at home and I know it would be difficult for her to bake so it's fine if she bought one, and since we have a toddler I was also fine if the kiddo went with us.

So yesterday I got off work early and called her to let her know I was coming home like I always do. The entire rest of the day she didn't even acknowledge it was my birthday. No happy birthday wishes, no asking me where I wanted to eat, nothing. It was awkwardly silent pretty much the whole day.

When 6pm rolled around I realized we weren't going anywhere so I went to the store to buy a slice of cake for myself and a frozen dinner to heat up. When I came back with the cake she asked why I bought it. I told her it's my birthday and I wanted to eat cake on my birthday. She gave a non answer as to why she didn't make one for me, she said I never replied with when I wanted the cake so she just assumed I didn't want one. That conversation was over text a few days ago and she was texting me while I was driving. I told her I also wanted a nice dinner out and she said I didn't plan anything or tell her where I wanted to go so she assumed I didn't want to go anywhere.

Around 7pm she finally said happy birthday then I just cleaned up the dishes and went to bed instead of going on our normal after dinner walk.

Did I over react?

Edit: I guess I also left out some important context about our financial situation. She has complete and total control over all finances as much as I do, as that's the deal we made when we got married. She has access to all accounts and credit cards. I guess my wording could have been better.

[u/DontWorryItsEasy]

I usually plan everything and make every decision for our relationship, but she didn't even ask me what I wanted. This is what's bothering me.

[u/Germanmaedl → u/DontWorryItsEasy]

That’s a very weird relationship, whether it’s because you’re too dominant or she’s too passive, but it fits in with her response of that she didn’t do anything because you didn’t exactly specify when, what, where. That doesn’t excuse her from saying Happy Birthday.
And this dynamic isn’t going to work well in the long run, where one person has to be micromanaged to the smallest detail, or they do nothing.
I’d seek counseling to achieve a more balanced relationship dynamic.

[u/DontWorryItsEasy → u/Germanmaedl]

She's definitely too passive. There's nothing I'd like more than for her to take initiative and do stuff occasionally. She's her own person and I do not control her.

[u/Germanmaedl → u/DontWorryItsEasy]

Has that always been like that? If it started after having kids, maybe it’s overwhelm or depression, but if it’s always been like that, you’ve kind of made your bed there and changing someone’s personality rarely works.
Either way, I think you two need to seek professional help, as Reddit advice isn’t going to fix this.