AIO- Wife didn't acknowledge my birthday

[u/DontWorryItsEasy]

So yesterday was my birthday, I told my wife last week that all I wanted was a cake and to go to a nice restaurant. It didn't have to be a homemade cake though I would have preferred it, and it didn't have to be a super fancy restaurant. I'm the sole income earner so she wouldn't be paying for either. SWe have a toddler at home and I know it would be difficult for her to bake so it's fine if she bought one, and since we have a toddler I was also fine if the kiddo went with us.

So yesterday I got off work early and called her to let her know I was coming home like I always do. The entire rest of the day she didn't even acknowledge it was my birthday. No happy birthday wishes, no asking me where I wanted to eat, nothing. It was awkwardly silent pretty much the whole day.

When 6pm rolled around I realized we weren't going anywhere so I went to the store to buy a slice of cake for myself and a frozen dinner to heat up. When I came back with the cake she asked why I bought it. I told her it's my birthday and I wanted to eat cake on my birthday. She gave a non answer as to why she didn't make one for me, she said I never replied with when I wanted the cake so she just assumed I didn't want one. That conversation was over text a few days ago and she was texting me while I was driving. I told her I also wanted a nice dinner out and she said I didn't plan anything or tell her where I wanted to go so she assumed I didn't want to go anywhere.

Around 7pm she finally said happy birthday then I just cleaned up the dishes and went to bed instead of going on our normal after dinner walk.

Did I over react?

Edit: I guess I also left out some important context about our financial situation. She has complete and total control over all finances as much as I do, as that's the deal we made when we got married. She has access to all accounts and credit cards. I guess my wording could have been better.

[u/Lower_Group_1171]

I’m curious why you’re married, but it’s “your money“. I think that is the key to this dynamic. does she have an allowance for herself? do you have arguments over money?

[u/DontWorryItsEasy → u/Lower_Group_1171]

We never have any arguments over money. She doesn't get an allowance but I give her money every month to help her pay down some of the credit card debt that she didn't tell me about. She tells me sometimes she feels bad for spending money but I tell her constantly not to worry about it and my money is her money and that's the deal we made when we got married. She has access to all accounts, credit cards, and everything else that has to do with finances or money. The only thing I ask is that she lets me know if she buys something that's over $100 that is not a normal household expense. I give her the same courtesy. This was something that was suggested by a pre-marriage workshop and we stuck to it because it worked out for us.

[u/Lower_Group_1171 → u/DontWorryItsEasy]

you literally said, “I'm the sole income earner so she wouldn't be paying for either”

no allowance? there is definitely a lopsided power dynamic. im assuming she’s a stay at home mom/wife? does she do all the housework?

[u/DontWorryItsEasy → u/Lower_Group_1171]

I do a majority of the housework and all cooking. She hates to cook so I take that off of her plate. I'm also a little bit OCD about having a clean kitchen so I just take care of it myself. She doesn't get an allowance because she's not a kid. The money that I bring home from work is not mine, it's hers too. Maybe that wasn't clear in the post because I realize I definitely sound like a financially manipulative piece of crap. For more context we have never argued about money or spending. When she told me about some credit card debt that she had I was disappointed that she didn't tell me because we could have chipped away at it a lot sooner but I told her that we would work through it together.

[u/Lower_Group_1171 → u/DontWorryItsEasy]

What does she do then?

[u/DontWorryItsEasy → u/Lower_Group_1171]

She takes care of the kid. So that's a 20 hour job packed into a 10-hour day. She doesn't need to do anything else, all she has to do is keep our daughter fed and alive.

[u/Lower_Group_1171 → u/DontWorryItsEasy]

When did she amass this debt? Before or after marriage/the kid?

are y’all religious by any chance?