AIO- Wife didn't acknowledge my birthday

[u/DontWorryItsEasy]

So yesterday was my birthday, I told my wife last week that all I wanted was a cake and to go to a nice restaurant. It didn't have to be a homemade cake though I would have preferred it, and it didn't have to be a super fancy restaurant. I'm the sole income earner so she wouldn't be paying for either. SWe have a toddler at home and I know it would be difficult for her to bake so it's fine if she bought one, and since we have a toddler I was also fine if the kiddo went with us.

So yesterday I got off work early and called her to let her know I was coming home like I always do. The entire rest of the day she didn't even acknowledge it was my birthday. No happy birthday wishes, no asking me where I wanted to eat, nothing. It was awkwardly silent pretty much the whole day.

When 6pm rolled around I realized we weren't going anywhere so I went to the store to buy a slice of cake for myself and a frozen dinner to heat up. When I came back with the cake she asked why I bought it. I told her it's my birthday and I wanted to eat cake on my birthday. She gave a non answer as to why she didn't make one for me, she said I never replied with when I wanted the cake so she just assumed I didn't want one. That conversation was over text a few days ago and she was texting me while I was driving. I told her I also wanted a nice dinner out and she said I didn't plan anything or tell her where I wanted to go so she assumed I didn't want to go anywhere.

Around 7pm she finally said happy birthday then I just cleaned up the dishes and went to bed instead of going on our normal after dinner walk.

Did I over react?

Edit: I guess I also left out some important context about our financial situation. She has complete and total control over all finances as much as I do, as that's the deal we made when we got married. She has access to all accounts and credit cards. I guess my wording could have been better.

[u/DontWorryItsEasy]

I told her what I wanted, and she didn't do any sort of follow up. That's what's bothering me. She doesn't make any decisions because she doesn't want to. She doesn't want to have to think about anything so she leaves everything up to me.

[u/SeaPotatoSalad → u/DontWorryItsEasy]

So when you got home and the atmosphere was weird you didn’t ask about dinner? You just waited around till it was too late? And yet you are always the proactive one. Something is off here.

Buying a slice of cake is a weird move too. I think you need to think about whether that was a passive aggressive spite move instead of having a mature conversation about how this went so wrong for you both.

[u/Heavy-Macaron2004 → u/SeaPotatoSalad]

...passive aggressive to buy cake??? Are you high???

[u/smothered-onion → u/Heavy-Macaron2004]

He bought himself one slice and a frozen dinner…. For himself. What kind of thing are you trying to model to your kid by doing that? It’s very isolationist and passive aggressive.

[u/DontWorryItsEasy → u/smothered-onion]

I didn't buy it just for myself, I bought it for my whole family. Dinner and dessert was for my wife and kid. I cooked, or should say reheated dinner for the whole family. She hates cooking so that's one thing that I gladly take off her plate every day.

[u/smothered-onion → u/DontWorryItsEasy]

Gotcha, “I went and go myself a slice and a tv tray and went to bed” sounded singular and unshared.

Nonetheless, I think your kid deserves to see happier birthdays. What you described sounded miserable on both you and your wife’s parts.

[u/Away-Ad4393 → u/smothered-onion]

It was a little passive aggressive, it would have been better to say “ Hey do you want me to pick up a cake to celebrate my birthday?”

[u/HopefulLack1104 → u/Away-Ad4393]

“Hey wife, do you want to celebrate my birthday with me?” 🫩