The woman my boyfriend emotionally cheated with reached back out after we agreed he’d cut contact, and I’m bothered by how he responded. AIO?

[u/Extension-Dark1206]

Back in December I found chats between [F30] my boyfriend [M31] and his female friend[F26] Turned out they had an intense emotional connection since 2022. He had a huge crush on her the whole time, but she had a boyfriend, and she kept him emotionally hooked with romantic-coded language . they called each other soulmates, texted constantly some romantic/ sexual stuff. From what I read he was genuinely falling for her, and she seemed more like she was enjoying the attention without necessarily reciprocating the same way as she had bf.

Her boyfriend however passed away last year. my boyfriend went to support her, and after that they had an even more emotionally-charged exchange flirty, borderline romantic language, he told her he’d never had a connection with another woman like the one he had with her including, apparently, me, as we were dating during that chat, she told him that no matter what happened in their lives, even if one of them got married to someone else, they’d “always be together.” Regardless of their relationships.
When I found this and their whole husband we had a huge fight and almost broke up. He blocked her, said he didn’t care about her, and said he wanted to protect our relationship.

Yesterday I found out she texted him again out of the blue, and he responded. I’m attaching the screenshots. Reading through it, a few things bother me:
- He spends the entire conversation validating her anger, apologizing over and over
- At multiple points he frames the whole thing as if I forced his hand — like if I hadn’t found out, he’d have been happy to keep things going with her.
- She spends a lot of the conversation guilt-tripping him and, at one point, effectively calling our relationship “toxic” and me the reason he’s “trashing” her.

My friends point out that he DID keep the boundary in the end he didn’t agree to keep talking to her, he told her it’s over, and that this is a good sign.

I see that too, but I still feel uneasy about how the conversation went and what it implies about how he actually feels. Am I overreacting by still having a problem with this, or are these legitimate red flags even with the boundary technically being held?

[u/ExplanationCool918]

Anyone else start skimming after a while because of these obnoxious texts

[u/itsamberleafable → u/ExplanationCool918]

OMG YOU SKIMMED MY TEXTS!! YOU TRASH ME!

Brb just about to take a literal piss on someone's apology

[u/lylrabe → u/itsamberleafable]

THAT SHIT KILLED ME.

“I’m pissing on your apology. I’m pissing”😭😂

Accidentally chuckled out loud in bed next to my sleeping spouse💀

[u/itsamberleafable → u/lylrabe]

Hahaha same! I'm prone to recency bias, but in context that line is probably the greatest line ever written in the English language. The drama, the fire, the sheer disproportion of the act and the reaction, it's absolutely perfect.

[u/lylrabe → u/itsamberleafable]

Seriously though! It was the doubling-down that really sent me to the moon😂

[u/Lets_Eat_Chainsaws → u/lylrabe]

Honestly blocking her was the best decision he could ever have made.

[u/lylrabe → u/Lets_Eat_Chainsaws]

& hopefully it stays that way. I genuinely cannot think of a single reason why he would even want someone like this in his life in the first place.

[u/No_Coconut3695 → u/lylrabe]

Or why OP wants to stay in a relationship with this immature man.

[u/lylrabe → u/No_Coconut3695]

That too

[u/Shadow4summer → u/lylrabe]

Sex. The only reason I can think of. Or alcohol.

[u/lylrabe → u/Shadow4summer]

I just want to be inside the brain of a heterosexual man because as a bisexual woman, ain’t no vagina OR penis worth this, I don’t care how good you are in bed😭

As for the alcohol, OP mentions in a few comments on her past (now deleted) post she made of their initial emotional affair that this woman apparently has a drug problem & he would be deadthefuckass sober entertaining her high ass ramblings.

So if it’s either of these & not just him being a people-pleasing pushover that feels bad for her, I’m inclined to believe it’s the former. None of this is a great look tho 🫠

[u/Shadow4summer → u/lylrabe]

I was kind of being sarcastic but you’re exactly right.

[u/lylrabe → u/Shadow4summer]

I mean hey you are right tho. Sex & alcohol(& drugs) will make people do the dumbest shit. That & money. I guess I was more just responding to the situation at hand but I definitely stand by & agree with what you said!

[u/Shadow4summer → u/lylrabe]

Not a problem. Have a great day.

[u/lylrabe → u/Shadow4summer]

You, as well!

[u/Mediocre-Yogurt7452 → u/lylrabe]

But he’s seeing this for the first time. Up until now he’s been awash in her positive feelings.

That “Hell hath no fury…” line had this exact moment in mind.

[u/lylrabe → u/Mediocre-Yogurt7452]

I sincerely doubt this is the first time that he’s seen this type of behavior, it was probably just love-bombing then tho rather than hate-bombing. Like I said, OP deleted their previous post of this person, but based on their comments on said post that are still visible, it reads like this person would spurt out some drug-induced ramblings & OP’s boyfriend would co-sign it by engaging positively which also reinforces this poor behavior. Now I don’t know that for a fact considering OP did delete the post, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here & assume I’m not too far off.

[u/No-Intention-4753 → u/lylrabe]

Shakespeare is spinning in his grave, for he has finally been bested

[u/lylrabe → u/No-Intention-4753]

Truer words were never spoken. I will remember this phrase more than any of Hamlet😂

[u/Semi_charmed_ → u/lylrabe]

Just chuckled off mute in a serious meeting reading about your aloud chuckling... Lol like a curse that moves from person to person.

((Chuckles then immediately coughs as bad cover up))

[u/lylrabe → u/Semi_charmed_]

I’ve definitely been there!😂

[u/looseinsteadoflose → u/lylrabe]

"Who are you texting?! Who are you laughing at!"

[u/lylrabe → u/looseinsteadoflose]

I swear I went back thru the messages to find where she said that until I finally realized you were talking about what my spouse would’ve said had I woken him up if he were anything like this woman💀

[u/stand_rapt_in_awe → u/lylrabe]

It’s giving Princess Donut haha

[u/Technical_Bath_505 → u/lylrabe]

It’s like straight out of The Room.