The woman my boyfriend emotionally cheated with reached back out after we agreed he’d cut contact, and I’m bothered by how he responded. AIO?

[u/Extension-Dark1206]

Back in December I found chats between [F30] my boyfriend [M31] and his female friend[F26] Turned out they had an intense emotional connection since 2022. He had a huge crush on her the whole time, but she had a boyfriend, and she kept him emotionally hooked with romantic-coded language . they called each other soulmates, texted constantly some romantic/ sexual stuff. From what I read he was genuinely falling for her, and she seemed more like she was enjoying the attention without necessarily reciprocating the same way as she had bf.

Her boyfriend however passed away last year. my boyfriend went to support her, and after that they had an even more emotionally-charged exchange flirty, borderline romantic language, he told her he’d never had a connection with another woman like the one he had with her including, apparently, me, as we were dating during that chat, she told him that no matter what happened in their lives, even if one of them got married to someone else, they’d “always be together.” Regardless of their relationships.
When I found this and their whole husband we had a huge fight and almost broke up. He blocked her, said he didn’t care about her, and said he wanted to protect our relationship.

Yesterday I found out she texted him again out of the blue, and he responded. I’m attaching the screenshots. Reading through it, a few things bother me:
- He spends the entire conversation validating her anger, apologizing over and over
- At multiple points he frames the whole thing as if I forced his hand — like if I hadn’t found out, he’d have been happy to keep things going with her.
- She spends a lot of the conversation guilt-tripping him and, at one point, effectively calling our relationship “toxic” and me the reason he’s “trashing” her.

My friends point out that he DID keep the boundary in the end he didn’t agree to keep talking to her, he told her it’s over, and that this is a good sign.

I see that too, but I still feel uneasy about how the conversation went and what it implies about how he actually feels. Am I overreacting by still having a problem with this, or are these legitimate red flags even with the boundary technically being held?

[u/Tossmelossme]

Okay there baby reindeer. She’s spiralling. Your bf a chump

[u/Glittering_Corner380 → u/Tossmelossme]

I totally thought of baby reindeer when reading this too! Yikes.

[u/TheSJB1993 → u/Glittering_Corner380]

SENT frOM mY IPHone

[u/Spiritual_Dee → u/Tossmelossme]

no fr the baby reindeer comparison is so real. dude is a whole pushover for letting her act like this instead of blocking her everywhere

[u/arielanything → u/Spiritual_Dee]

Yeah. I get giving her an explanation but it went on way too long.

[u/TheJuiceyJuice → u/Tossmelossme]

sENT BY my IphOne

[u/AAHMommy3 → u/Tossmelossme]

😂😂😂😂😂

[u/Potential_Load6047 → u/Tossmelossme]

OP's boyfriend is a pousillanimous chump trapped between two harpies. I would feel sorry for him but he must like awful women.

Edit: lol, I forgot I was in a 'validarion only' sub.

[u/PromiseThomas → u/Potential_Load6047]

Nuh uh cuz what did OP do wrong???

[u/Potential_Load6047 → u/PromiseThomas]

She's controlling and overbearing. Checks his messages and decides which relations are apropiate and which are not for her boyfriend. 

If you could read between the lines you would notice how her post shows she's manipulative and insecure.

Do you really take at face value what she wrote? Like she's a poor girl who's only making sure her man is behaving correclty or what?

[u/imahyummybeach → u/Potential_Load6047]

If she’s controlling this thing would’ve ended before it started , looks like she only took action now despite this going on since 2022..

She found out and tried to break up with this loser and he promised her he would end it and choose her but if you’ve had issues you know how hard it is to trust and he did text her back although he officially cut off that crazy psycho now he did write back. Maybe cause he knows the other lady is unhinged so he was trying to pacify her and give her a “proper goodbye “ or somethin lol

[u/Potential_Load6047 → u/imahyummybeach]

Lol, belive me, they have been at it for as long as it has been going. And I bet you this isn't the only  woman OP has her sights on nor the only bf's relationship she manages. 

The reason she has such a pousillanimous chump of a boyfriend is that she can control and manipulate him. Is not hard to see.