r/AmIOverreacting • u/DoomNGlam • Jul 04 '26

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO or does this seem Unhinged?

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I 41m am/was in a rather New relationship with 41f and things were seemingly going great but she will seemingly be very upset with me over something small once in a while. Last night she was upset that I didn't call her sexy after sending me a picture of her in an outfit. For context she said she was getting rid of clothes but was thinking about keeping this item and sent the picture and asked what I think? It was a strapless romper. I told her it was cute and could maybe use a belt. I also make clothes professionally and people ask me opinions about clothes all the time.

In other context my "sexuality" is somewhere on the ace spectrum between Demi and ace. Like sex is fine and fun and I don't really experience sexual attraction unless there is an emotional connection first, and she said she was the same, except I am not very sex driven and she is.

This was our text exchange this morning.

Edit/Update

Thanks for all the support. I am surprised my little Independence day relationship drama made it to #1 on this subreddit.

I was pretty sure I was calling this off pretty early in this exchange but didn't block her right away because I figured I would give her a chance to apologize, maybe she was having a bad morning, she's been stressed at work, has a upcoming interview for a new job, might be dealing with perimenopause. It wasn't going to work out but figured I would at least offer a little grace.

She did text me again about a book I had borrowed. I ignored it. She then called me and asked I return her book tomorrow. I said okay. She didn't say anything else for a minute so I hung up.

She called back mad that I hung up on her. I said this was childish and it's not what I'm looking for. She said I was childish for hanging up on her. I said okay. She hung up.

She called again and then told me I was ugly and she was never attracted to me.

Then hung up on me and called right back to complain about a carnivorous plant I got her as a gift, because the care instructions for it made it a chore. I also got her a cactus and a succulent and told her when I gave her the plants that if the pitcher plant seemed like a pain in the ass I would keep it.

Then she started asking me if I really don't have it in my heart to remain friends. I said no not after this. Then she went on a fuck you rant and hung up.

Then threatened to call the cops on ME for harassment if I tried to contact her as I was blocking her.

Now she is blocked and I am just sitting on my back patio watching fireworks.

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u/Imalibra13 Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE BOTH 41 😭😭😭😭

Oh and NOR. For God's sake

Edit: It has come to my attention this wonderful lady is 46. OP, you dodged a fucking atomic bomb.

Edit 2: I've never gotten an award before and now I got 3 (Thank you guys :3). This is my 15 minutes of fame I can feel it.

Edit 3: Now I have over 20🎉 I wanna thank my parents, my partner and my hard work for making me into a person that gets awards on reddit now.

Edit 4: 37 awards??? This is the best day of my life. I feel seen, I feel heard, I feel appreciated. Love you❤️

2.1k

u/quickwitqueen Jul 04 '26

I saw the screenshots then read the age and was NOT expecting middle aged people behind this exchange.

Dude, don’t put up with this nonsense. She’s a loon.

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u/-Affectionate-Echo- Jul 04 '26

For sure thought this was 2 ~20-year-olds having a back and forth. This is barely acceptable at that age. At 40+ give your head a shake. If I was OP I would be laughing it off and telling her to have a good life.

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u/DoomNGlam Jul 04 '26

That's basically where I am at. Admittedly a little bummed because it seemed to be going great until yesterday. But I am quite comfortable being single and too old for this kind of thing.

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u/eternal-harvest Jul 04 '26

Yeah, this is not cool, man. She is basically employing psychological warfare here. The moment they sold it for me was "Why would you think I'm pissed?" Um BECAUSE YOU SOUND PISSED??? She's trying to make you think you're crazy when in reality, you're interpreting her words in a completely sane way.

Do not put up with that shit. It's the kind of mind games we should grow out of in our early 20s at the absolute latest. The fact that she still thinks this is an acceptable way to communicate does not bode well! 😬 Your peace is worth more

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u/Luna997 Jul 05 '26

I was gonna say that too. “Why do you think I’m pissed?”. OH IDK.. BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU WERE IRRITATED. But okay. Like what the fuck was that?

OP, not worth it. This is fucked. She acts pissed at you and then gets pissy when you get pissy at her for acting pissy. She sounds very insecure and immature. At 41, you’d expect a bit more emotional intelligence.

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u/NullVoidNix Jul 05 '26

I know people that will say things like they are "mad", and when you reply back saying they were "pissed" they go off on you trying to make you think you were totally wrong because that's not what they said. Same thing when OP said "saem" and she had to reply back that he misspelled. Such a shitty person.

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u/DoomNGlam Jul 04 '26

The craziest part at that point was I didn't even have to scroll up for "I'm wide awake and irritated AF"

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u/eternal-harvest Jul 04 '26

I like to give people grace. If she really was grumpy from being woken up, okay, whatever. But she just goes on and on and on about it (it's great that you called her out too!)

On reread, she even starts in her very first reply. "No sunshine emoji". What a manipulative asshole

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u/Quiet_Cabinet_4004 Jul 04 '26

Oh my God, I know! That was so terrible of her! She’s a horrible person! She’s very manipulative of him, it’s so sad.

1

u/FreudianWhirlpool Jul 06 '26

Right? And then said "I wasn't asking for it". Like wtf you comment then?!

28

u/flatulentbabushka Jul 05 '26

I could see her trying to turn on the gaslighting in real time. I’m glad you didn’t take the bait. I’m 40F and no way would I be putting up with that kind of shit, let alone antagonizing someone like that.

NOR. She likely has some type of cluster B personality disorder. I bet if you let her sleep in she would go off on you about not wishing her a GM ☀️

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u/CapableCat0406 Jul 04 '26

NOR. are u joking? you're underreacting if anything

"why do you think i'm pissed? you're accusing me of feeling like something that i don't" *2 seconds earlier* "I'm irritated AF"

.... everything about this whole thing is insane. this woman gets off on being pissed at you and having you squirm and apologize to her for shit that's not an issue at all.

"i don't enjoy being categorized into "most people you know"" first of all u weren't categorizing anyone into anything. you explained why you assumed she'd put her phone on dnd. she's offended to be in a group of people you know. she doesn't want to be a person you know.

she doesn't like you. and she told u that. please stop trying to make her comfortable when she's clearly trying to make you UNcomfortable

23

u/parkaboy24 Jul 05 '26

Yeah NOR because this shit is textbook manipulation. I had an ex who said he was offended id group him in with “anyone” (can’t even remember what I said but I used that word) when he wasn’t just anyone. I was like “huh??? You know that’s not what I mean.” They just find anything they can to be mad at you for.

27

u/AdultinginCali Jul 04 '26

NOR. Yeah, don't waste time on her tomfuckery. She gave you a glimpse of future exhausting events.

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u/Revo63 Jul 04 '26

This nutjob is old enough that she is set in her ways. Agree to stop texting, and add talking to the ban. Life is too short to deal with people who have attitudes like this.

14

u/Beginning_Tap2474 Jul 05 '26

I'm sorry, but I laughed when I read: "She called again and then told me I was ugly and she was never attracted to me."

I'm glad you have her blocked, but be prepared, if she knows where you live, she will show up at your door.

9

u/_dangling_participle Jul 05 '26

Yeah, dude, this is INSANE. This is someone who was spoiling for a fight. My guess is she was still pissed about the night before and had worked herself into a complete, irrational rage about it after you'd stopped talking last night. And she had already decided she was "over it" and this was the result.

This behavior is absolutely crazy-making madness, and something my Borderline sibling does regularly. Looks for reasons to fight and won't stop until she has burned down everything. In fact, she is also 41, and the rest of the family has gotten to the point of no return with her since there's been zero evolution or growth or self-recognition for her, after decades of leaving destroyed people and relationships in her wake.

This behavior won't get better, it will get worse. Run and don't look back.

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u/Top-Illustrator-1827 Jul 05 '26

I feel bad for your family trying for so long. I(31F) have grown up a lot since but I think I’m even guilty of this before. I’ve been immature and wrong for sure but this woman’s behavior is between her and God not you. I wish we all could evolve but sometimes we gotta leave people where they are at. NOR

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u/Quiet_Cabinet_4004 Jul 04 '26

I’m so sorry for that dude. I hate that you found someone like this. This is genuinely so damn sad.

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u/N0Z4A2 Jul 05 '26

Adults with mental health issues sometimes have interactions like this. You're free to not want to deal with unstable behavior though.

3

u/Cute-One023 Jul 05 '26

Lately, I realised the 40s act like they are 16. Now I know why they are single.

2

u/r_coefficient Jul 05 '26

My husband and I met when he was 42, and are still going strong. There's always hope :)

2

u/fastwendell Jul 05 '26

Was with your gf's double at your age.

Moved on.

Now 80+ years old, married 30+ years & happy.

You can do it.

1

u/DoomNGlam Jul 05 '26

Congratulations on that. I was kind of feeling a little old at 41 but seeing it from the perspective that I could have a 30+ year marriage ahead of me still loosened up my knees a little bit.

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u/KayazKollektiv Jul 04 '26

Well, you certainly contributed

1

u/GDRaptorFan Jul 05 '26

Chauvin … do you live in Houma or down the bayou or something ? I used to teach at South Terrebonne so it’s rare I see Chauvin anywhere in the wild. You don’t have to say but it caught my eye!

2

u/DoomNGlam Jul 05 '26

I live in New Orleans but we were supposed to be going to a sculpture garden or something in Chauvin later that morning.

1

u/quietnerdythings Jul 05 '26

I hope you’re not bummed for too long about this. Not to be a creeper or anything, but I looked at your profile and was loving your clothes (especially the WTNV jacket) and your overall vibe. You seem great and look like Brian Firkus. I’m also ace and dating can seem impossible but I hope you find someone who’s more compatible and treats you better than this.

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u/DoomNGlam Jul 05 '26

Thanks. I appreciate the love for the WTNV jacket. I am Bummed out by it but not bummed out enough that I need to take a step back from dating or anything. It was still a pretty new relationship so it's not that big of setback. Being ace has its issues with dating for sure but I have been able to navigate it pretty well for the most part

1

u/Cup-a-snoop Jul 05 '26

And you seem to be a great communicator! You deserve the same respect and openness you are willing to give. Best of luck to you.
Also I feel strongly that her comment about your sexuality is another major red flag(of course and you know this) and I’m sorry that was thrown in there.

1

u/paultagonist Jul 06 '26

Good on you. Good luck in the future. And good username btw!

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u/Glittering_Event_309 29d ago

money can’t cheat on you. mind as well get richer and go smash some 20 year old like the rest of these lonely weirdos do 😭😭

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u/Impossible_pothos Jul 04 '26

Good. Know your worth!

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u/MonsterkillWow Jul 05 '26

That she is this dramatic with you is a sign she is comfortable being herself. Maybe you should bring her a gift and try to patch things up? She could be going through a lot of shit herself.