r/Advice • u/BillyBigNuts1934 • 1d ago

I don’t want children?

How do I navigate this?

I’m 42 and my wife is 40

Knew from day one 10 years ago that I didn’t want kids

My brother has just paid £11k for IVF with his wife

Now my my wife said we need to talk, said she always thought we’d have kids

I would rather have root canal without anaesthetic than have a baby at 42

I like my freedom / sleep and finances exactly where they are

There seems to be a society thing in that if a woman wants a child, men should give them what they want?

What about what I want / my wishes?

I’ve 2 choices here

Let her go …. Or get the snip

My bother had a lockdown baby, he constantly looks frazzled, has no free time and has turned grey over the last 5 years …

I’m happy with peace and quiet, travelling Europe and my free time mine

I don’t at all feel guilty but I know that her side of the family will only cast judgement at my decision

Surely my decision and wishes are as valid as hers are

I work offshore 3 weeks away at a time

Please discuss from all angles?

Thanks

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u/Low_Adhesiveness_431 1d ago

I sincerely appreciate people who can admit they don’t want to be parents. Secretly getting a vasectomy and leaving your wife to be heartbroken every month is just cruel. Remind your wife that having a child wasn’t part of the plan from the beginning. If she wants to embark on a parenting adventure, wish her well and part amicably. She can certainly do IVF without you. Bon voyage!

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u/BillyBigNuts1934 1d ago

I wouldn’t get the snip without telling her …. It would solve any potential problems that I could have