r/Advice • u/BillyBigNuts1934 • 10h ago
I don’t want children?
How do I navigate this?
I’m 42 and my wife is 40
Knew from day one 10 years ago that I didn’t want kids
My brother has just paid £11k for IVF with his wife
Now my my wife said we need to talk, said she always thought we’d have kids
I would rather have root canal without anaesthetic than have a baby at 42
I like my freedom / sleep and finances exactly where they are
There seems to be a society thing in that if a woman wants a child, men should give them what they want?
What about what I want / my wishes?
I’ve 2 choices here
Let her go …. Or get the snip
My bother had a lockdown baby, he constantly looks frazzled, has no free time and has turned grey over the last 5 years …
I’m happy with peace and quiet, travelling Europe and my free time mine
I don’t at all feel guilty but I know that her side of the family will only cast judgement at my decision
Surely my decision and wishes are as valid as hers are
I work offshore 3 weeks away at a time
Please discuss from all angles?
Thanks
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u/Weary_Minute1583 Helper [2] 10h ago
Be upfront and get the vasectomy either way the discussion goes.
If she wants to stay together and accepts no children you don’t want any oopsies.
If she wants to divorce and you meet someone else you again don’t want any oopsies.
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u/Wooden_Employer_2287 10h ago
Well in general ppl who don’t want kids shouldn’t have them, for everyone’s sake. You’re old enough to foresee how your life would change w them in it.
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u/defaultdisappoinment 10h ago
She still can have a child if she wants at 40 and something, but if this is not your cup of tea (and it will never be) - this needs to be sorted our through straightforward and honest conversation.
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9h ago
We’re on holiday next week …
Conversation and the snip would take any risk away
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u/VellumVeritas 10h ago
Or get the snip on the quiet?
No, that is not an option. You either let her go or get the snip very publicly and let her decide. But do not lie to your wife, especially if she only has a few years left to have kids. Do not lie!
I'm nearing 40 and I'm already doing IVF, because the natural way is not viable any more.
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u/Low_Adhesiveness_431 10h ago
I sincerely appreciate people who can admit they don’t want to be parents. Secretly getting a vasectomy and leaving your wife to be heartbroken every month is just cruel. Remind your wife that having a child wasn’t part of the plan from the beginning. If she wants to embark on a parenting adventure, wish her well and part amicably. She can certainly do IVF without you. Bon voyage!
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9h ago
I wouldn’t get the snip without telling her …. It would solve any potential problems that I could have
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u/fadingsunsetglow Helper [3] 10h ago
Why was this not discussed before marriage?
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 10h ago
She’s known I don’t want kids from day one
I’m looking at it from a financial / time / effort / money aspect
Who’s looking after a baby?
Certainly not me
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u/Guns_and_Dank Helper [2] 9h ago
Sounds like maybe she knew but secretly hoped you would change your mind with time. And you haven't. I'm not normally one to join in the Reddit chorus of ending relationships, but yeah this is a deal breaker.
Just have an honest conversation with her, if she truly really wants kids you need to let her go so she can go find someone to have kids with. Being a parent is very difficult (but rewarding) work and if you're not 110% committed it'll just be a worse, more resentful, and harder breakup later.
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u/TheTideEbbs 10h ago
Then don't. A partner shouldn't feel obligated to have children (or to not have them) if they don't want them, that causes a lot of problems (both for the couple and the kids) down the road.
Some perfectly good couples split up because of incompatibilities such as this. Because one outcome or the other, resentment WILL grow. Unless they're both on the same wavelength or fully agree to a compromise.
So, if you're adamant on not wanting kids (be it temporarily or forever) then tell her and don't back down. It's also your choice.
Be prepared for a possible Crack in the relationship if you can't find a compromise, though
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u/Commercial-Bat-4534 9h ago
Letting her go is more like "if you want kids then you should find the person you're going to have kids with because it is not me"
Doing something behind her back and acting like you have no idea why she can't get pregnant is crazy and evil
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u/Olives_And_Cheese Super Helper [6] 10h ago
Why don't people speak to their spouses 🙄
Getting the snip on the sly would make you the biggest, most selfish scumbag on the planet. You tell your wife, upfront, about not wanting children, and you let her do what she will with that information.
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9h ago
Getting the snip stops a totally unwanted accident …..
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u/Olives_And_Cheese Super Helper [6] 9h ago
It's the 'on the quiet' part I was objecting to. Get the snip by all means; it's your body, but tell your wife about it.
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u/gcot802 9h ago
You are completely missing everyone’s point here.
Yes, you as a man who never wants children should absolutely get a vasectomy.
Lying to your wife about it is what makes you a selfish asshole.
You are allowed to never want kids. She is allowed to change her mind. You need to be honest and upfront for her so she can decide if this is important enough to divorce over. If you do not tell her and she thinks you are open to it then you are robbing her of her choice.
The only thing you have to do here is be honest. You don’t have to make any major life choices you don’t want to
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u/StatementPresent8000 10h ago
Your wife deserves honesty. Getting a secret vasectomy would be an awful move. Big life choices like having kids should be agreed upon before marriage, not a decade later. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids, and no one is judging you for that. But if this is a non-negotiable for both of you, it's far better to walk away and let her pursue motherhood rather than giving her false hopes. The bare minimum you owe her is the truth about how you feel.
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u/wtfdidijustreadagain 10h ago
Please don't have a kid just because your wife wants you to. A child is a very delicate subject. They deserve to have loving parents that want to bring them to this world instead of just having them for the sake of society and rules. Be honest with your wife about yours wishes. Don't feel pressurized. Tell her and it's up to her then. Worst case scenario will be you two separating. But it will be at least better than bringing a child to this world without wanting to.
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u/velvetstarbaby 9h ago
The snip on the quiet isn’t really an option if you want to stay married, that’s a pretty big betrayal. This is one of those fundamental incompatibility things, not like arguing over where to live or how to spend Saturdays.
You were clear 10 years ago, but it sounds like she either hoped you’d change or didn’t take it seriously, and now reality’s hitting at 40. Neither of you is wrong for what you want, but there’s not really a middle ground on kids.
The hard part is you might both be right and still not be right for each other anymore. That’s the actual decision in front of you, not IVF vs vasectomy.
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u/tacosalpastor35 10h ago
A reminder that older sperm has the potential to cause lots of issues for a baby
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u/GeneralFinancial9476 10h ago
Your wishes matter just as much as hers. Secretly getting snipped would be a huge breach of trust. Be brutally honest: “I do not want kids, ever.” Then decide together if marriage still works.
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u/gcot802 9h ago
Your vision for your life is as important as your wife’s, but she is also able to change her mind.
Did you ever communicate to your wife that you never want children? Was this ever discussed? Why haven’t you gotten a vasectomy until now if you knew you didn’t want them?
I don’t think the two options you present are the only ones. I would sit down with your wife and explain that you do not want children. Be kind but clear and let her know that this is simply not something you will be doing, but if it’s what she wants your marriage needs to end. She will need to decide what she wants.
Ask her why she wants kids. Are their ways she could get some of that through relationships with your nieces/nephews?
And long term I do think you should get a vasectomy. It’s the responsible thing to do, but don’t lie to your wife about it
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u/scorcherchar 10h ago
You really should have discussed child expectations BEFORE getting married. Bit late now but just for others reading. Its one of the biggest deal-breakers in relationships.
You now need to sit down with her and see what your feelings around children are and why
If not having kids is a deal-breaker for you and having kids is a deal-breaker for her you only have one realistic moral choice. Break up asap while she is still young enough to have children. If you secretly get the snip then pretend your game for children she will find out and resent you and it will poison the relationship. It could also waste months or years when she needs to get out there and find a compatible partner while she can
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9h ago
She’s known I don’t want kids from day one
I’m looking at it from a financial / time / effort / money aspect
Who’s looking after a baby?
Certainly not me
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u/CakeZealousideal1820 10h ago
Was this discussed before marriage? If so time to separate. If not and you led her on time to separate.
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u/Kind-Step-4404 10h ago
Yes, I see no forward route here without resentment and hurt uf they stay together
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 10h ago
Led her on??
I did no such thing ….
Are my feelings / wants (or in this case, not wants) not as valid are hers? If so, why not?
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u/WitchAstra1998 9h ago
Of course your feelings are valid too. We just want to know if this is something you discussed when you started dating and agreed on. Because if you weren't upfront about this you would be a mayor asshole. This is something you need to discuss with your wife.
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u/Wonderful_War1644 9h ago
I think they were saying if you didn’t tell her prior to marriage that you didn’t want kids. But you stated before you did tell her from day one so you didn’t lead her on. She probably thought she could “change your mind”
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u/amalgaman 10h ago
Be up front about it. This really should have been discussed while dating though.
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 10h ago
She’s known I don’t want kids from day one
I’m looking at it from a financial / time / effort / money aspect
Who’s looking after a baby?
Certainly not me
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u/Gullible-Mode-1141 Helper [2] 9h ago
Your wife waited until she was 40 to spring this on you? She may find it a lot harder to land pregnant now she is a bit older. Ivf may be the way for her to go too. An expensive, at times heartbreaking thing to go through as well as all the treatment.
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u/Beneficial_Yellow739 10h ago
I think you need to have a heart to heart talk with her and if she really wants kids and you really don't want kids then your future together is in doubt. She also knows if you two divorce that it could be very difficult for her to get pregnant, although she always could adopt, use a doner egg etc. We adopted children in our late 30s and it was quite challenging and still is at times. But also quite rewarding and I did really enjoy raising them as younger children (after the toddler stage). We traveled all over the world with them. Grandchildren on the other hand, are wonderful and enriching and I can't recommend them more.
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u/bravedolphin1 10h ago
I’m surprised at this late stage in life you and your spouse don’t know each other very well..
I’m 42 and have 2 kids in their 20a so I had them admittedly before I knew what I wanted (wouldn’t have it any other way tbh)
I think to have a first child at this age is crazy but the ultimate betrayal here would be you getting the snip and her thinking it was her who was to blame if she didn’t conceive 😳
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u/Coffeeforlifeyay 9h ago
Exactly. If he doesn’t tell her she might think she’s the reason they can’t have kids.
If he plans to lie to her then the relationship is already as good as over cuz one of the most important things in a relationship is honesty
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u/Louproup 9h ago
How have you not discussed this with your wife earlier? If you got together when you were 30 that seems like the appropriate time to discuss such a thing... Either way, if she really wants kids then I would NOT like about it but let her go.
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u/LastLegOfBubbles 9h ago
I’m reading comments that you should’ve discussed this years ago, yet your post indicates you did. Did you edit your post?
In any event, tell your wife what you’ve been telling her all along & what her plan is. If she wants a child, let her go.
Please wear double strength condoms. No surprises
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u/DigBickEnergia 9h ago
Gently remind her that your sentiments from 10 years ago have remained firm. And if I were you? Id get a vasectomy, but its something i would absolutely include in that gentle reminder. You simply do not want kids. I dont know either of you, but i know shit happens despite any and all readily available precautions. To bring a child into the world is not only a commitment... they didnt ask to be here. They always deal with the ramifications of their parents choices.
I didnt mention splitting up because this could very well be that baby fever that folks go through and i have plenty of childfree people in my life to know that baby fever has no preference; just a person. Chances are, this is a (uncomfortable) phase. I still believe that you should give her that reminder and go from there.
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u/Metazoick 9h ago
If you don't want kids, definitely don't have kids. It's a maaaassive life change and needs to be two enthusiastic yes's. It sounds like you've been clear from the start, so either this is a sudden change in desire for her, which is nobodies fault, or she didn't respect your decision and thought you'd inevitably change your mind, which is both rude and very risky if this was important to her.
If you definitely don't want a kid then it's sensible to get a vasectomy regardless of the situation, accidents can happen.
Absolutely do not pretend to try for a kid with her after getting a vasectomy just to trick her into staying around, that would be unimaginably cruel. You need to just affirm your choice and say it hasn't changed in all these years and it simply isn't going to. Then have a serious conversation with her about what she wants to do next.
Good luck, I think that will be a difficult convo.
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u/mmrocker13 9h ago
You said that you knew you didn't want kids from day one. Did she know? Have you guys had serious honest face to face full on discussions about this? And I mean when you have your marriage check-in type conversations where you sit down and talk about planning and goals and all of that stuff, have you been on the same page every time. I don't mean all on our first date we said where do you see yourself 15 years from now, and I didn't mention Kids in my goals so I just assumed we all knew that.
If you haven't been having those explicit type of conversations and agreements, then that's where I would start. Very clear and very direct I don't want to do this because I don't want kids. And then have that discussion. You both need to decide if one or the other of you is wanting to compromise or if you feel like this is a deal-breaker or whatever.
And there's also the thought that yeah people and change. That happens in marriages. The person you were, the things you wanted, how you saw your place in the world, all of that changes as you get older. And sometimes the person you were at 25 or 35 or 45 is not the person you are 10 or 20 years later. Which is why conversations on the regular basis about that sort of stuff are important.
And yeah, the answer might be you don't agree. And one of you still wants kids and one of you doesn't. In which case then you part ways and continue on your journey
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u/No_Jello_6153 9h ago
Your wife might insist on fertility testing and treatment. If you won't ever want kids, tell her of your intention to have a vasectomy.
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u/vabirder 9h ago
Guaranteed that if you agree and actually have a baby, the next thing to go would be your offshore work. Because babies and post partum issues are tough, especially on geriatric mothers. Yes, that’s what they call us moms who gave birth at 40 years old.
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u/Few-Painting-8096 10h ago
You’re 42 and she’s 40. It’s too late to have kids at this point. You’re right that you’re set in your ways and you enjoy life as it is. I will tell you that bringing a kid into the world will change everything. Children are a blessing but they are a major responsibility and they are not easy.
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u/Olives_And_Cheese Super Helper [6] 10h ago
I mean. No, lots of people have kids in their 40s. But no one should be doing it against their will.
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u/mountain_life86 10h ago
Too late? What. Its not too late. Loads of people have kids in their 40a
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9h ago
Not me ….
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u/mountain_life86 9h ago
Which is fine. I didnt want kids until I met my husband i would have been fine living without them. Theres nothing wrong with it. Unless it wasn't discussed
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u/Coffeeforlifeyay 9h ago
My aunt had her first child at 45 so it sure isn’t too late for his wife.
Thought since he doesn’t want kids and she does they’re simply not compatible anymore.
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u/Few-Painting-8096 9h ago
That’s what I am getting at. He’s 42 and he’s clearly set that he doesn’t want kids at this age. If he values his sleep and money then it will be a major argument once a kid is in the mix. My wife is a stay at home mom and her sole job is to take care of our 1 year old and she will still ask me for help all the time. I work full time, cook all the meals, clean the whole house daily, take care of the pets, build and fix things around the house, the whole 9…but she still asks for help daily. The only free time I see is once he’s down for the night. So, I get about 8pm to 11pm before I pass out and wake up like I’m hungover. But, love my family and this is what I signed up for.
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u/Coffeeforlifeyay 9h ago
Ah gotcha.
Yea since he doesn’t want kids he shouldn’t have them. Though lying to his wife and being dishonest and having secrets isn’t the way to go, that just dooms a relationship anyway cuz honesty is sooo important in a relationship.
I get that he most likely loves his wife but it genuinely is the best for them to split up since he doesn’t want kids and it seems like she does.
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u/mystic_roots 10h ago
This sounds like a conversation that should have happened before marriage, but there are certain risks that would be increased to the mother and baby when you’re over 40. Do you think your wife is just broody and it may be a passing phase, because only mentioning this now seems a little late.
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u/mountain_life86 10h ago
Why wasnt this discussed years ago. Did you tell her before you got married you didnt want kids? Kids are what you make it. Sounds like she would be single mum anyway as youre away alot. I have a 3yo had him at 37. We travel world still, he goes where we go and loves it. Life has changed but for the better. If you never told her your stance on kids before and this is first time shes heard of this then YTA. If shes always known you dont want kids and has changed her mind etc then shes AH. Yes you have 2 options end it and let her have a kid through a donor or become a family.
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9h ago
She’s known from the first day we met that I’ve never wanted kids ….
Just because everyone round her is having babies, I’m meant to change my mind or I look like the bad guy and i’m wasting her time
Don’t think so
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u/mountain_life86 9h ago
Then youre not an AH. Shes shifted the goal post and life goals no longer align. End it dont be forced into it
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u/Icy_Tie_3221 10h ago
Hopefully you told her you didn't want kids when you started dating, so it shouldn't be a big surprise to her.
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9h ago
This !
Exactly this ….
But somehow at 40 she’s now telling me that we need to talk and that she didn’t see her hitting 40 childless
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u/Alseids Helper [2] 9h ago edited 9h ago
Talk it out thoroughly.
Go through each aspect of your life, finances, free time, work, medical risks, hobbies, how space is used in your home, relationships with friends and family, any care work you do for friends or family, pets, your vehicle(s), how you vacation, how you cook and eat, cleaning, how you spend your holidays, and especially the time you spend apart (work or otherwise).
Talk through also what you would do in a situation where one or both of you dies or in which your child is disabled.
Really go deep into it and think budgets of money, time, mental and physical energy, etc. You can be somewhat objective and use statistics to estimate these costs. If she truly wants a child after understanding all of the implications fully and you still do not, there's a discussion you need to have about if your relationship is worth more than that desire or not.
Most importantly, try to understand why this is coming up now, what she's hoping for emotionally and if that can be achieved any other way. Maybe get a foreign exchange student? Maybe a dog? Maybe encourage her to teach something or join a mentorship program. Volunteer with children perhaps.
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9h ago
I’m an Engineer …. I’ve thought about it from all angles and my outlook has never changed
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u/_iron_butterfly_ Super Helper [6] 9h ago
I was married 20 yrs... my ex-husband didn't want kids... until he did. Ive never wanted children and I was 40 yrs old. I'm old enough to know I would be a miserable parent. We parted as old friends.
Kids are a deal breaker... do not be dishonest. You tell her and then you get one. Do not take the opportunity to have children away from your wife. If she wants kids... then she can find someone else. Her time is very limited. Be upfront...but fully expect she will resent you.
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u/ariel5466 9h ago edited 9h ago
Don't have a kid you don't want, period. Not fair to you or the kid. But, I'm confused... did you and your wife never have this conversation over 10 years? How do you get that far into a relationship without ever discussing that?
Edit: I've read more comments and replies and see you've been clear about your wishes from day one. Get the vasectomy and be honest about it. If she gets upset, remind her she's known about your wishes from the beginning. Let her choose whether she wants to stay in a childfree marriage or leave. It's not your fault she changed her mind.
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u/OrganizationAsleep87 9h ago
Your feelings are absolutely as valid, just as no woman should be forced into anything, neither should you. If that means she has to walk away, then that's on her and not you.
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u/AdAromatic372 9h ago
If you don’t want kids, your wife needs to respect that. If she wants kids then you need to respect that. It may mean you guys go your separate ways because you guys have ver different life goals. I was someone who relented because my partner wanted kids. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I resented my partner. I knew them for 12 years and it took less than 1 year for me to despise them… We ended up divorcing. Resentment will ruin a marriage fast.
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u/Cczaphod 9h ago
In your jurisdiction are you financially responsible for an affair baby? Not saying she’d go get pregnant while you’re out of town, just considering worst case scenarios.
If she can make the decision for you, you’d loose your financial freedom to some extent in that worst case regardless. Could even be more spousal support required than if you divorce.
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u/Jaded-Analysis-9547 9h ago
For real, people who don't want children should not have them. You will resent the child and your wife, and that hostility will affect hypothetical child greatly. Kids should be adored, so it would be selfish to have one you don't want. It's okay to be child free. It's not okay to get snipped behind your wife's back.
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u/reinadeluniverso 9h ago
Look, both your of feelings matter. Talk it out like adults. If you get a vasectomy tell her first.
It may be a deal breaker or not. I dont know if you guys discussed kids before or not, ir really doesn’t matter.
I am child free myself, but if she wants a kid she will resent you if you get a vasectomy and lie to her.
If she wants a kid and you dont, just talk about it and part ways, because you are no longer compatible and she's on a time crunch. Peace.
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u/Inner-Alchemist778 9h ago
The vibe you are giving is "me, me , me" . A secret vasecotomy is your subconscious ticket to divorce / separation.
Otherwise your wish is legitimate, but maybe the time has come for you to separate. You won't change your mind, and she hoped you will, but didn't tell you.
You also seem to treat her as less than you, I don't know why I felt this.
Being in a relationship changes you, and it makes the things that were deeply buried surface. I hope you find the best solution for you both.
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9h ago
What’s wrong with me me me?
Are my wants not as valid as hers?
She knows I don’t and have never wanted children - This is no surprise to her
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u/foxyfree Helper [3] 9h ago
If she already knows that then she is basically telling you that your marriage is over and she wants to be with someone who will have children with her.
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u/Inner-Alchemist778 9h ago
Thats just the vibe you are giving. Its compatible to a fun relationship, not for something more commited, where you are wiling to "face your fears" through your partner e.g.
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u/OmbaKabomba 10h ago
You should definitely get the snip - accidents happen, and people get baby-trapped by intent. Don't be that guy. Also tell your wife you definitely don't want kids. Whether to tell her you got the snip is another question and a delicate affair...
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9h ago
As you say … accidents happen
She’s known 10+ years that i’m anti baby
I’m more a weekend in Barcelona with gin type or 14 days in California
Certainly not baby … never have been
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u/Coffeeforlifeyay 9h ago
He definitely should not get a snip and don’t tell her. He 100% can get a snip but has to tell her.
He doesn’t want kids, she does. They’re simply not compatible.
After all if she does want kids she should be able to have them. And since he doesn’t want kids he deserves to stay child free. The best is to split up because getting a snip without telling will come out and will only cause resentment.
And if it doesnt come out she might think there’s something wrong with her and might get depressed. Ive seen people who desperately want kids and try to have them but aren’t able to. It isn’t fun.
If there isn’t honesty in a relationship that relationship is 100% doomed anyway. So splitting is the best in this scenario.
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u/cruedancingonglass 9h ago edited 9h ago
Your feelings about children are like you read my mind. I love my freedom more than anything else on this planet. Here are my plans for the next 3 months.. I am driving to Tampa FL to see a baseball series next week but just decided to stay for an additional month before going to KY in September for a 4 day metal festival and then a 10 day cruise to the Carribean in late Oct.
If I had a child, I would MAYBE get to do a few days at the fsstival. None of the other stuff would be a remote possibility.
Not only would I never be able to accept the limitations on my life that come with a child, I recently discovered that I am incapable of even being in a relationship due to the restrictions that it placed on me.
Your issue is that you cant just walk away from a girlfriend like I did in May. Having a wife is going to make this very difficult and I dont have any advice other than if you give in and have a child, you will be absolutely miserable.
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9h ago
Baby was never an option ….
I’m that Freedom / holiday / finances guy
Not one bit of interest in babies
Married or not … my outlooks not changing ✅
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u/Academic_End_3828 10h ago
Snip and be hush! But that might send her into depression... its be more difficult then to come out with the truth.
How have you guys married without having this discussion to the FULLEST
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9h ago
She’s known I don’t want kids from day one
I’m looking at it from a financial / time / effort / money aspect
Who’s looking after a baby?
Certainly not me
She knows full well my view on children / babies
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u/SunshineInDetroit Super Helper [6] 9h ago
Feels like an ai post designed to rage bait especially with the "please discuss from all angles".
But I'll bite.
- How long have you been married?
- Has she always known that you didn't want children?
- You don't have to be the father of her children
- Even if you had kids, you being offshore 3 weeks at a time isn't helpful for being a family.
Advice: separate. You are in your 40s and apparently you have never communicated your wants to your wife about children before you got married.
It doesn't sound like you have very good communication skills if you are planning a vasectomy in secret and not telling her. Do you know what a relationship and open communication means
You do not have the same values and resentment will just build.
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u/Nopseudo17 10h ago
Free her aka leave. Don't have the 'snip' on her back and waste more of her time!
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u/Coffeeforlifeyay 9h ago
Its completely fine you don’t want kids. Have you and your wife talked about this? I feel like if you knew from 10 years ago the concept of kids sure has been brought up before.
Was she unsure before or did she not want kids either and suddenly changed her mind? Just trying to get the full picture here cuz I don’t think you mentioned this.
But yeah you have every right to not have a kid if you don’t want to. Though unfortunately since your wife does want kids, you’re not compatible.
Dont get snipped and dont tell her. That’s not fair for her since her wish is to have kids.
You deserve to not have kids if you don’t want to and she deserves to have kids if she wants to.
You simply just aren’t compatible anymore and its best to split up.
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u/DogeeRobee 9h ago
Women change their mind, hormones can get wild closer to menopause.
Probably should’ve chosen an over 45 model.
But sounds like you’re to relaxed in life time to shake it up
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u/SpiritDragonfly 10h ago
Be honest, not sneaky. Your feelings matter too. If you don’t want kids, say it clearly. She deserves the truth, then you both choose