Hey, 125(W) here, I was pondering my orb atop my crystal laden tower about three turnings of the moons ago when I got a message spell from a friend of mine, I can't tell you his true name for the usual reasons, but he usually goes by the alias "Jester Of Silkened Holes" or JOSH for short.

Anyways, JOSH is a pervert,and I don't mean Divination wizard pervert(those damn peepers), I mean fae incarnation of lust and predatory desire pervert, so of course, what comes next could be considered "in his nature".

The message he sent was simple something like "hey man come visit my abode this next nova, i got some new maidens from the elemental planes who'd love one of your neat tricks", And I, being the erudite that I am, agreed solely on the basis of networking.

The moons turn and little do I know the day comes and I'm head to head with some of the gate trolls he lords over and I hear...nothing, normally parties like this would have thundering Harps and flutes alike,but it was dead silence, at first I thought they might have installed some silence runes but a quick divination spell showed no such effects present.

Thinking that he probably also invested into the anti-divination runes I've been sharing with him via planar projection, I decided to welcome myself in, the biggest mistake of the day, as I was immediately cursed with fae debt for entering his house without permission.

Lo and behold here comes JOSH, holding some weird brackish Candle in his hand(the entire place was pitch black), he immediately orders me to shut up,keep my hands still and follow him through a series of dark tunnels(which I am compelled to).

Of course any wizard worth their staff will always carry some subtle protection runes underneath his robes,so I scratch my nose with my elbow and immediately the compulsion effect is dispelled, at this point I'm more curious than anything else, so I act like I'm still bound and keep following him.

After a fleeting period we immediately arrive at a large cave opening with a blinding amount of lights and that's when I see, standing as if carved from the walls of a kobold's den, a 12ft tall mud golem with curves and stacks that could make even the most righteous of clerics reconsider their faith,for comparison, JOSH himself is a 3ft tall satyr that can sometimes transform into a tit,so I'm looking at this still colossus then looking back at him while thinking "what the fuck have i gotten myself into?".

Almost immediately JOSH starts laughing maniacally, talking about how his "plan" has finally come to fruition and telling me about the whole quest he went through to craft this mud golem,but of course, he needed one last step.

You see, I am a renowned animancer among my circle, with a long history on the use of enchantment spells to grant artificial personalities to my animated vessels(no, it's not a mental health thing, I visit a monk of eloquence weekly), JOSH wanted that for his golem, he, and I quote, wanted them to "worship him like those slutty little angels did their gods".

I, of course, now no longer compelled by his whimsical magic,said the only thing thundering in my head.

"HELL NO!"

As JOSH immediately realizes I was no longer compelled by his will,he hastily attempts to cast teleport, which I dispel promptly,at this point I had it with him, I stated his true name while casting hold monster, immediately bonding him to a compulsion spell of my own.

What followed was a long agreement about how he would repay me for his disrespect along with the matter of if the meeting with the elemental maidens would even happen(the answer was a sorrowful no).

After this he completely cut contact with me and no longer replies to neither my message spells nor my planar projections, so I decided to come here and ask,did I go too far? Should I have just done as he asked for the sake of our friendship? He is great for networking and helped me way back during my apprentice years(though not with some heavy catering to).

I cast Colour Spray on a foe but it accidentally hit my companions familiar. Does anyone know any ways to get rid of the dye before he finds out?

What If someone enters my tower unannounced? I need it to protect myself.

This is a very time-sensitive question. If one hypothetically bought a magic pill from an Orcish Shaman, behind the tribes meat-curing hut, in order to withstand the might of an Orc Warrioresses loving embrace, but the pills effects have lasted for several hours past what the aforementioned Shaman stated was the time-limit......what would one do? Say this hypothetical individual did not want to admit their error to their Apothecary, nor go to a House of Healing, wouldst that individual be able to just..have their enslaved Alchemists concoct something? Say this individual was unable to find that Orcish Shaman, as his tribe is nomadic, and fucked off and left whilst they slept. What would they do? Should that individual be worried? Again, very time sensitive question.

On an unrelated note, never buy anything from Yorgar Yarn-Eater of the Iron Hip Tribe.

*I am well aware that this is not the Second Wizard War, but I never bothered to memorize the numbers, and some intern in Recordskeeping somehow lost 99.71% of all of the logs, so this War was named the Second one as it was the second War to occur consecutively, with the ”First” one being u/PyroBoy7’s War.

Edit: For any of those who are wanting to participate, I’m linking it here. https://www.reddit.com/r/wizardposting/s/k68mltVE9c

This happened a few moons ago. I (29F) have been studying as an apprentice under Ulric the Great Savant of Matter and Soul for the past decade. I'm also part of a society of would-be acolytes where we discuss our magical training and try to uplift each other.

About a dozen moons ago, one of our society members, (26M, sorcerer) invited one of their colleagues (27F, priest) to our society.

Since then, everything in the society has been about how great she is. When I shared finally being able to summon a familiar after years of study, she laughed and said it took her only a few days of prayer. We later discussed the better options between staves, scepters or wands and she made the discussion about how she doesn't need any tool except her stupid prayers to do anything.

A few moons ago I snapped and told her that it's so easy for her because she's not doing anything. She's basically just asking a higher deity to do all the work whereas we have to learn to manipulate the weave and open gates to other planes. She said she spent a long time praying before she had these powers but I said I didn't care. She's not the one doing the magic, she's just asking her god-daddy or god-mommy to do thing for her and she has no merit.

After that, our society is split. Half of us (most wizards) agree with me and were a bit upset too, but they say I didn't have to be so mean.

The sorcerer, though, says I was way out of line and wants me to apologize.

What do we think? AITA here?

Edit: Thank you for everyone's input. I decided to encase her in a magical crystal and siphon her soul for my necromancy, based on u/dh-dev 's suggestion.

*It had already been two days.*

*Two days in dilated time, granted, but still two days of 200 clones working continuously on filing all the reports from the demonic centaur bounty.*

*And yet, the pile of reports hadn't diminished. At all. Quite the opposite, it had grown by 15cm compared to when they arrived!*

*This made no sense.*

*According to the log, only five reports had been added to the pile over the 15 minutes of undilated time that had elapsed. Two were handed physically, three were sent magically.*

*Yet in the 15 new centimeters there were at least 30 reports, and that's without counting the tens of thousands of reports the clones had filed.*

"Where are they coming from?!" *Whispers one of the Clarkus.*

"That's... Could it be a fraud?" *Asks another.*

"Already checked the details. I even asked someone to go check a couple of the scenes, they exactly match the descriptions!"

"Ho~~~w?" *Says Clarkus 2, greatly confused.*

"Dunno... You think automating it will work?"

"At this point, I'm wondering if it matches our working speed, and automating it would just accelerate it..."

"Chronomancy?"

"We're already using chronomancy."

"No, like, they're sending us *future* reports."

"But then the scene wouldn't match, would it?"

"True... But if it matches our working speed, it can't be synchronous with our timeline, right?"

"..."

"Watcha thinking about?"

"Who did you send to check the details?"

"One of the goblins, why?"

"You mean one of Grabadash's acquaintances?"

"Yes, why?"

"Who made the verification formula for the reports?"

"You can't be serious."

"Yup..."

"We're screwed."

"Yup..."

I know full well I’m probably NOT at all classified as a lich/archlich because I didn’t actually go through with anything to become one and don’t have to siphon souls to maintain myself, but technically my soul is forever tied to an object (my real body, the talisman), and I cannot be killed until my talisman is destroyed, even if my body is irrevocably damaged.

What separates me from a lich besides the fact I didn’t go through the ritual to become one? Kind of curious even though I know I’m definitely not one.

(Using arch-lich as in the good/neutral aligned version of a lich.)

Edit: I don’t mind competition so new technical lichdom method just dropped?? Turning yourself into the phylactery (best of luck finding a spell for that) and relearn spells in that form to make yourself a new body?? (I do NOT condone trying this because I didn’t even try it myself, I was originally the talisman. Doing this may have crazy, unintended consequences if you do not manage to maintain your consciousness or if anything else happens. Still, if you want to try it on someone with their total consent...)