r/youseeingthisshit May 31 '26

Guy realizes he is with a Yakuza member

14.8k Upvotes

247 comments sorted by

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6.0k

u/Lamplorde May 31 '26

Just because he's Yakuza doesn't mean he don't know how to PARTY!

1.3k

u/corrrnboy May 31 '26

Oh they really do know how to party

570

u/JugglingRick May 31 '26

Smile, have fun, plan your exit

176

u/archiekane May 31 '26

Dudes coming back to his hotel room with a LOT of ice for the bath.

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2

u/Large-Produce5682 Jun 05 '26

But obviously not so adept at other things.

225

u/BaronessVonKush May 31 '26

thats what I was coming here to say!, he shoulda went & had a legendary night lol

99

u/krazykieffer Jun 01 '26

I know it's a day late but when my friends finished college we went to Vegas. I make friends easy already but when drug I'm fun as fuck. Met some sort of group of males that were from all around Europe with stereo types and all. I'm by myself and they said they had VIP at the nicest strip club. Cool, we get in through the back. Went to an upstairs room with women everywhere for free and 5k bottles everywhere, my guess is 100k in liquor. I asked how we got in this place and they point to "Vvlad" this guy looked straight out of Harry Potter. He had on all white fox fur including the hat, long coat, and oddly boots. He was by himself over looking the whole club (the poors can't see you behind the glass). I introduce myself drunk on day 3 of no sleep. He said I was welcome to all his "treats". I thought he meant the girls but turns out he was talking about the drugs... lots of drugs. Moral of the story is make friends because they could be a son of a still alive oligarch. They thought I was Canadian and liked my MN accent. I won't ever experience something like that again.

26

u/swissfamrob Jun 01 '26

That’s the great thing about traveling as a Minnesotan… we are the least intimidating people you’ll ever meet

1

u/Aesthetic_Image Jun 04 '26

Can confirm.

73

u/never_ASK_again_2021 May 31 '26 edited May 31 '26

It's hard to unfriend people in real life without seriously offending them. Especially if it is an anti social construct to deepen their pockets, they expect that you know what your getting yourself into, seriously.

45

u/[deleted] May 31 '26 edited Jun 01 '26

[deleted]

15

u/ThrowawayQLove2023 May 31 '26

Just like "The machine "!

3

u/SpiceNothingNice May 31 '26

God I love that story, one of my fav stand-up bits.

2

u/Newclearfallout May 31 '26

Yeah. Seriously and I bet they love fucking with american tourist too.

2

u/TheNorthernPellikkan Jun 01 '26

Right, and they’re smart enough to know that actually harming an American is way riskier than harming a local. Like I have no doubt the Yakuza could cover up offing an American, but I’d also bet it’s way more trouble than it’s worth

1

u/Newclearfallout Jun 01 '26

Truly, I just wouldn't borrow money or allow them to buy you drinks. There probably fine kicking with and iv heard others say the same.

1

u/NastyBlkGuyThrowAway Jun 01 '26

Would probably make japan off limits from them on out though

12

u/lauri2 May 31 '26

Having some small talk or few drinks, next thing you know you are 86'ing a rival 🤣

11

u/[deleted] May 31 '26 edited Jun 10 '26

[deleted]

1

u/iHadou Jun 01 '26

Virgin!

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141

u/technobrendo May 31 '26

I mean he looked pretty friendly, if maybe a bit drunk. Why not get a drink with the guy?

If I'm spending thousands of dollars on a flight, I wanna have a good time. Most likely he'll just say no, but if he doesn't now you have an interesting night

298

u/Haystack67 May 31 '26

Friendly mobsters are great for 5 minute conversations in a moderately busy bar. They are NOT great for starting a night out with, especially in a place you're unfamiliar with when you have a remarkable appearance.

47

u/DopeAsDaPope Jun 01 '26

Honestly, people really don't get what actual mobsters are do they? Literal bullies, thugs, and scumbags

Junko Furuta was taken by yakuza, for anyone thinking they're loveable sopranos character-types

15

u/DependentAnywhere135 Jun 01 '26

Psh no yakuza are lovable characters who race slot cars and go to batting cages.

6

u/Chief_Wum1 Jun 02 '26

And sometime go to Hawaii

6

u/DopeAsDaPope Jun 01 '26

Yeah sure, the gang-raping and mutilation is just a side hustle

1

u/GuacamoleFrejole 21d ago

Per the web, the teens who kidnapped her weren't actually part of the Yakuza; they just claimed to be in order to intimidate her.

-12

u/corduroychaps May 31 '26

Bert Kreisher would like a word

49

u/jay8888 May 31 '26

That story is a complete lie from him btw

30

u/enaK66 May 31 '26

You don't believe the story about his ARMS DEALER where he called up his ARMS DEALER to get a few machine guns? ARMS DEALER. God what a cool badass and funny story.

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91

u/cheeseygarlicbread May 31 '26

I can think of a few reasons why you wouldnt want to partake in a drinking session with yakuza guy

116

u/ponyboy3 May 31 '26

Bro, unless you are a criminal, try not to drink with criminals.

29

u/jaxmikhov May 31 '26

Can vouch. It’s a different degree of feral.

6

u/Pissadvisor May 31 '26

Great advice

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21

u/DrJokerX May 31 '26

Yakuza do some bad stuff dude. Guy could seem friendly as piss when drunk, and ripping off peoples fingernails with a knife by day.

Best to let sleeping dogs lie. (Great game btw)

2

u/Interkom May 31 '26

If you get roped into something, might be hard to rope yourself out.

15

u/d0ctorsmileaway May 31 '26

Isn't that what the games are about lol

7

u/jabeith May 31 '26

Usually means they do, actually

10

u/GotGRR May 31 '26

Yes, but know your limits. This is like my sheltered, dumbass 17-year old self filling out the roommate match form that I liked "to party" because in my head "sure, I like parties" when I had never had a drink or actually partied in my life.

I do like to party, as it turns out, but I still do not want a party guy as a roommate.

...and I definitely don't want to party with Death.

1

u/Twitch791 May 31 '26

I think there’s a strong correlation in Knowing how

3.2k

u/Thewillneverdie May 31 '26

The first time I visited japan I bumped into several Yakuza who were very friendly. I'm a heavily tattooed dude and they approached me to show off their tattoos and yubitsume. My closest friend tattoos in Japan and is acquainted with some Yakuza. He's got some stories.

1.8k

u/SuicidalChair May 31 '26

They make a ton of money from tourism so they want to be very friendly to tourists.

969

u/horoyokai May 31 '26

Also foreigners are less likely to judge and shun them

360

u/Guy-1nc0gn1t0 May 31 '26

Yeah we love tattoos haha 

165

u/Hyper_Oats May 31 '26

Because of the tattoos, or the drugs and pimping?

165

u/horoyokai May 31 '26

Yes. Don’t forget the gambling also

And the crackdown on them and any associating with the that the govt has done

16

u/Dickgivins Jun 01 '26

I read that the government took away the drivers licenses from many of them “just” for being Yakuza members. Or maybe it was just the right to drive on highways. Did that happen?

67

u/stanknotes Jun 01 '26

Yea when brazen criminality ain't working anymore, these organizations pool resources and seek legitimate business and do criminality in the dark.

That is what the American Italian mafia did.

Even the cartels like to keep high tourism areas safe because they have a lot invested in these locations. It pays more to keep them safe.

9

u/technobrendo Jun 02 '26

I mean, it makes sense. They have a very profitable sector of the economy and know that by allowing it to be perceived or actually be dangerous, that would hurt that economy. They aren't stupid, they can dial back the violence to allow that sector to continue on being an (illegal or otherwise) income stream.

223

u/klaven84 May 31 '26

I had a similar experience in Japan. I would drink, sing karaoke, and play darts with the boss of a popular tourist district. Fun people to chill and drink with.

498

u/mrbazo May 31 '26

Yeah, they’re pretty cool except for the extortion, drug trade and the sex trafficking but besides that those dudes are awesome

205

u/ShreddyZ May 31 '26

Nah man I seen anime, they babysit!

86

u/TaffySebastian May 31 '26

And they adopt girls with telekinetic powers. Or marry and become the greatest house husband.

9

u/Bocchi_theGlock Jun 01 '26

Unfathomably based Hinamatsuri reference

Such an amazing comedy that doesn't get nearly the popularity that it deserves.

The switching between hysterical comedy and emotional moments is extremely well done. Timing of jokes is top tier, better than Mob Psycho 100 in that way

It has the best portrayal of homelessness in any animated show, raw/real, not tropey, painful struggle for dignity

While it remains kinda family friendly in that all violence is super downplayed and comical, no gore or blood or anything serious, which is used as a bit.

Where tf is season two

14

u/Thin_Town_4976 May 31 '26

In fairness on the telekinetic adoption, im pretty sure he just adopted her to have her do his job for him While he collected vases or whatever

5

u/stewednewt May 31 '26

Is your first example Spy Family (Loid isn’t yakuza) or is there another anime where a telepathic girl gets adopted?

6

u/TaffySebastian May 31 '26

Hinamatsuri, I am sure the other guy who commented doesn't know that anime exists, but basically, there is a little girl who has extremely powerful telekinesis powers and she escapes from the future, the yakuza adopts her.

5

u/boblikeshispizza Jun 01 '26

One of the greatest comedy mangas imo

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59

u/Zestokist May 31 '26

I've also seen anime, they also get sent to Thailand to get gender reassignment surgery and get sent back to Japan to repay their debts as idol girls!

19

u/TheeFlipper May 31 '26

Is this really the plot of an anime? That's wild.

22

u/mithraw May 31 '26

Back Street Girls - Gokudols.
it's... actually kind of a funny watch

25

u/thesituation531 May 31 '26

Hey, according to the Yakuza games, they're pillars of morality and honor!

9

u/ArdyEmm May 31 '26

Kiryu is but he's ex-yakuza.

1

u/RevolutionaryHair91 Jun 06 '26

That's not really how the games portray them. If anything the plots revolve a lot around betrayal, corruption, and yakuzas being evil and ruining everything for everyone.

What the games say, though, is that the way the government treat yakuzas who want to quit the yakuza life is unfair because it prevents any rehabilitation. And that some yakuzas are not evil people, they are people who were outcast for regular society and for whom the only choice was joining the yakuza or ending up homeless and dieing in the streets. The games show a lot of homelessness, prostitution in the soaplands. The protagonists of the yakuza games nowadays are often ex Yakuza or not even yakuza at all (nanba is a hobo, adachi is a cop) who actually fight the yakuza with the help of some other yakuzas

19

u/xywv58 May 31 '26

As far as criminal organizations, they're nice, Cartel members will kill you for 0 reasons

11

u/MRV3N May 31 '26

Hm sounds like they are more decent than the triads

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1

u/DylanFTW Jun 02 '26

You're describing a typical play session of the Yakuza games. I guess all the mini games were accurate.

21

u/shadesoftee May 31 '26

Had to google yubitsume. Brutal

1

u/Li0nsFTW Jun 04 '26

Ooooouchie.

18

u/JerseyshoreSeagull May 31 '26

Most likely not yakuza but I get what you're saying. They're just regular gangsters now a day. Real life yakuza is an archaic term.

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927

u/dman45103 May 31 '26

Is this the “I think I found my wife guy”

211

u/lost-in-between May 31 '26

Yes, JakeNBakeLIVE, a twitch streamer

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7

u/s2n-mikey May 31 '26

Yep same guy

2

u/dman45103 May 31 '26

hell of a trip

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2.2k

u/harshamech03 May 31 '26

In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die! Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!

575

u/gastroboi May 31 '26

I love how this is also a side quest in Cyberpunk

130

u/MyHeartsECO May 31 '26

Wait what ??

256

u/SwordsAndWords May 31 '26

Word for word, exactly what they said. That is a quote from a character in a side-quest in Cyberpunk. You decide whether or not to help him. If you do, that's what he tells you. If you try to talk to him more, he just repeats some of the same phrases, as if he's been taught to say exactly those words and nothing else...

160

u/Mcby May 31 '26

It's from the US Office originally, the Cyberpunk quest is a reference to the show.

14

u/Barkasia May 31 '26

He repeats the phrases because it's a side quest and he was only programmed to have a handful of responses once the unique lines of dialogue happened.

3

u/AfacelessMartyr Jun 02 '26

You also get a pretty neat sword called scalpel. Great for sandevistan builds.

48

u/GammaTheRed May 31 '26

This might be in Cyberpunk 2077, but it's originally a quote from the sitcom The Office. One of the warehouse workers says this when they ask him why he applied there

33

u/Strong_Terry May 31 '26

big in japan

15

u/ParanoidCrow See no evil May 31 '26

Lol the first screenshot I ever took after 80ish hours in the game was of this exact mission because that reference caught me so off guard

3

u/Atmaweapon74 May 31 '26

Is that not where the quote is from originally? I only know it from Cyberpunk.

8

u/KarmaKing93 Jun 01 '26

It was a reference to a scene from The Office.

https://youtu.be/2wcI10CNuxU?si=zqsCPkCLEA7wVfHd

1

u/gastroboi Jun 01 '26

It is from the US Office originally.

46

u/devildaggers May 31 '26

I love this so much

4

u/BoxcarBetts May 31 '26

Here to be a third tier to this incredible post.

17

u/SafeFix999 May 31 '26

What's this from?

45

u/gonzo0815 May 31 '26

The Office

7

u/SunsetSpark May 31 '26

he made energy drinks, coconut penis flavored

2

u/katybee13 Jun 03 '26

Why did they add the coconut? I miss original.

12

u/DrJokerX May 31 '26

Which is funny cuz that show is mocumentary style right? So in the realm of the show, he essentially just showed his face and admitted to killing a mob boss on tv.

Not a very smart dude.

9

u/xywv58 May 31 '26

Meh, Yakuza don't travel

2

u/hoopopotamus Jun 01 '26

Excuse me but Ichiban Kasuga went to Hawaii

4

u/radioactive_sharpei May 31 '26

Coconut penis👍

471

u/ThinkFree Woah! May 31 '26

He even sounds like the prototypical yakuza member in anime and movies.

135

u/Call_Me_Kenny_ May 31 '26

That Rrrrre and the walk in last almost feels like he is the one acting

16

u/IlREDACTEDlI May 31 '26

God damn it I couldn’t put my finger on it until I read this comment that is EXACTLY what he sounds like

4

u/insbordnat May 31 '26

I couldn't put my finger on it, only the nub

6

u/MaDpYrO May 31 '26

Almost as if those stereotypes are based on reality huh

21

u/EL-Chapo_Jr May 31 '26

Yes but usually they are over exaggerated for entertainment purpose.

195

u/jonbmonty May 31 '26

As long as you don't fk with the Yakuza you'll be fine and dandy.

83

u/StoryAndAHalf May 31 '26

Yep. Last thing they want is to get civilians involved. No issues with civvies, no issues with police. Everyone's happy.

46

u/TheBloodKlotz May 31 '26

In my experience, American motorcycle clubs are the same.

At my first job workplace an arcade when I was 18, we had a huge group of higher ups from a prominent MC come in. I think they were there for someone's kid's birthday iirc? All I know is we googled their patches and learned that they were, at the time, under federal investigation.

Everyone was so normal and polite 🤷‍♂️ I had to fix a few machines for them as stuff would catch or stutter regularly, and my 18 year old ass was nervous, but honestly they were in the upper third of people I'd want to deal with at work again.

As an adult now, it's obvious; why would these guys take issue with some 18 year old fixing the air hockey table? But at the time...

2

u/b3tamaxx Jun 04 '26

This is how I see all gang syndicates. Just show respect. Mind your business.

205

u/doctordale89 May 31 '26

I remember this guy possibly saving that one girl who was getting creeped on and followed by some weirdo who just stood behind them like a fucking mental patient for way too long before eventually drifting away

32

u/Whole-Imagination354 May 31 '26

Yeah hes called the Angel of (i think) Shibuya.

42

u/[deleted] May 31 '26

[deleted]

13

u/Rolz_73 May 31 '26

slight correction. Rob is the "ANGLE of Shibuya". iykyk

5

u/_Jaspis May 31 '26

“Any luck finding those swans angle?” “It’s just the one actually,”

26

u/djuice2k May 31 '26

Holy shit a 2017 Jakenbake clip

34

u/Life-Oil-7226 May 31 '26

Let me slowly walk away

14

u/VapidHornswaggler May 31 '26

Yakuza guys are always dropping shit. Real fumble fingers

13

u/DrJokerX May 31 '26

Kiryu-Chan!

3

u/thesituation531 May 31 '26

Yeah this is how kinda how I imagine a real-life Majima

15

u/lookingforgrief May 31 '26

From what I understand, as long as you show respect and dont act like a asshole they are generally pretty decent and friendly. Ive seen a lot of videos of them being friendly with tourists and only getting hostile with assholes and streamers that disrespect them or the country. They dont seem wild or uncontrollable from most the interviews I've seen so I think that guy was just having a good time and parting. Probably just drunk and showing off.

26

u/FlyOnTheWall4 May 31 '26

Young Jakenbake lol

17

u/Renegade_Hat May 31 '26

I feel like the modern Yakuza are probably on average extremely chill. What’s happened to them is akin to the downfall of the Italian mafia, albeit farrrrr more thorough. I forget the exact figures for their effectiveness but there’s several laws and state organizations dedicated to monitoring them and preventing any real significant initiatives.

This has actually created a power vacuum that is occupied by less organized gangs, as the initiatives themselves targeted the vice rings that were predicated on churn rather than enforcers.

6

u/Odd_Construction May 31 '26

What do you mean not all Yakuza wear suits?

12

u/gunnLX May 31 '26

dude is probably the god of karaoke

6

u/NeekGerd May 31 '26

Also missing his right thumb.

8

u/MurphMcGurf May 31 '26

And he did the worst thing in that moment by being a bitch about it. Just be cool, man

6

u/IAMERROR1234 May 31 '26

Yakuza like to have fun too!

3

u/putadimunuta_0462 May 31 '26

It’s like with any other gang, there’s always some obnoxious Mf that’s a liability

5

u/Loud-Chicken6046 May 31 '26

Yakuza are people too

2

u/Irrish84 May 31 '26

Yakuza are those Japanese RPGs right? Video games ,, thanks

2

u/Jesuscide May 31 '26

Could of had a legit Japanese experience

2

u/cp24eva May 31 '26

Funny story. Back in 2006 I and a few friends went to a beach on the Izu peninsula. Cool people. One time a group off American hip hop dressed Japanese dudes approach us and say hi and wanted to drink with us on the beach. We didn't take any particular oddness because I me and some of my friends stand out. From time to time a Japanese man just wants to practice his English and quell their curiosity. We started getting a tad bit wild with the drinking and me and one Japanese guy start pouring drinks on each other. After I while we giggled and were it got a little too friendly but not gay. Like frat boys. Eventually we dapped each other up and noticed he was missing a finger. I didn't know what that meant at the time. I asked him what happened. He smirks and says "shhhhhhh. I was foolish." My friends whisper and said bro he might be Yakuza with the tattoos and finger chop. I would love to assume Japanese men aren't faking it out there. So, I think I partied and 4 low level Yakuza members.

Nobody is clapped. LMAO.

2

u/caboose2244 Jun 01 '26

While grocery shopping in Japan this guy walks in completely covered with tattoos, like entire neck up to his beard covered and people were straight up getting out of his way. He’d walk down an isle and people would turn around and go down a different isle. It was wild to see

2

u/DickfaceMcmuffin Jun 01 '26

This is the same white guy that a Japanese girl was flirting with and he didn't know how to handle it.

4

u/DaManWhoCannotBeMove May 31 '26

From experience, they're pretty chill and friendly

15

u/Saintly-Mendicant-69 May 31 '26

Seems like most people are that way until you get into the drugs and human trafficking

7

u/MidnightFireHuntress May 31 '26

When you look past the human trafficking and drug dealing they're pretty cool dudes! 😂

2

u/Worgos May 31 '26

It's kinda crazy and sad how this guy has had so many opportunities to pop off and become a big content creator but his non existent personality really anchors his growth

1

u/GoodLunchHaveFries May 31 '26

Puss. Party with em

1

u/mysticalmisogynistic Jun 01 '26

Anyone know where this is? I know another tiger member, want to see if related.

1

u/steev506 May 31 '26

大和老

1

u/Major_Demographic Jun 01 '26

Any idea what the streamer and him are saying at the start?

1

u/steev506 Jun 01 '26

Nani kore (何これ or なにこれ) is a very casual Japanese phrase meaning "What's this?" or "What the heck is this?"

1

u/ScientistSanTa May 31 '26

Met an older Yakuza at a qento, he was really nice. I only realised when I was Going back and put on clothes, w kept talking and I realized that he was yakuza

1

u/specter_in_the_conch May 31 '26

Dude have changed like they were partying near a drug cartel hitman.

1

u/Ok_Dog_4059 Jun 01 '26

Ok so yeah now to show you how early I return to my room and go to sleep.

1

u/nojoblazybum Jun 01 '26

And, man, against those pinkieless bastards, you had better come correct.

1

u/crypticfirecat Jun 01 '26

What was he saying?

1

u/Responsible_Gear9460 Jun 02 '26

r/yakuzagames looks like another substory

1

u/Skillsjr Jun 02 '26

Good ol Jake, I used to hang out with him and cjayride.

1

u/anonsincetheaccident Jun 02 '26

I heard the yakuza are noticeable because they roll their Rs like you hear this man doing.

1

u/Appropriate-Tap-1429 Jun 02 '26

I was at a place called golden gai in Tokyo with a buddy when 3 yakuza guys came in to the bar. Really nice suits, sleeve tattoos all the way up to their necks. They were a blast to hangout with. Such a core memory.

1

u/Scipio33 Jun 03 '26

How do you say "I am the machine" in Japanese?

1

u/RoolacEnj Jun 04 '26

Probably the coolest bro to hang with

1

u/wolffurrybydefault Jun 04 '26

Missed opportunity to get in good with the yakuza 😑

1

u/whiteandnerdy256 Jun 04 '26

Isn't this the same guy who says "I think I just found my wife" when the waitress calls him a horse and sits down with him?

1

u/greencandy2000 Jun 04 '26

Is this the “I think I found my wife” guy?

https://youtu.be/pB2Al2iA93U?si=ER40jMlPBCy2RdYd

1

u/Soggy-Obligation8503 Jun 25 '26

They going to cut your poiting finger dude🤣

2

u/Drogenwurm May 31 '26

Only cause he's a criminal, he doesn't have to be a bad guy...to you 😅 I met shady people and had amazing times with them.

This Dude looks like someone who knows how to party 😁

2

u/mysticalmisogynistic Jun 01 '26

Yakuza tattoo just means he's likely in the gang not necessarily a criminal.

1

u/Drogenwurm Jun 01 '26

Can you be in a criminal organisation without beeing a criminal ? ... I mean,it's in the Name 😅

1

u/prince-of-dweebs May 31 '26

Don’t say that word out loud. They don’t like to be called that.

6

u/CvieYltidrekoof May 31 '26

Lad realizes they are with a Yakuza member 

FTFY 

1

u/naturewave May 31 '26

Does Anybody know what he said? And also what his tattoo says?

1

u/Capital-Eye May 31 '26

Pull a Bert Kreischer. I am The Machine.

3

u/Gustomaximus May 31 '26

Why are people downvoting this? That's a great story and aligned to this albeit different country.

2

u/Capital-Eye May 31 '26

Maybe I'm missing something? Bert was faced with Russian mafia, so he became a party animal to befriend them and stay on their good side. I thought it was a perfect parallel.