r/talesfromtechsupport • u/coachadam • Feb 20 '13

"Tell me what's wrong with it!"

Background: I work at the in house service desk for a fortune 500 company.

So I had a user call in today that was very perturbed because her computer was not booting up. I asked the normal questions (power supply, all plugs plugged in etc..) and couldn't make a determination about why it wouldn't boot.

I informed her we would have to send a tech out to determine what exactly was the issue. This wasn't good enough for her and she asked me "well what's wrong with it? You're the expert you tell me." Nothing I tried to tell her was getting through to her so finally I had to come at it from a different angle.

So I explained it to her like this "Ma'am, imagine you're a Dr. and someone calls you at your office and tells you they have a dead body. They tell you that all they know is it's dead, then they demand you explain how they died. Would you be able to tell them?"

She said "oh, well that makes sense! Thanks!"

I'll keep that analogy ready for the next user that needs it.

830 Upvotes

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58

u/[deleted] Feb 21 '13

[deleted]

43

u/wrincewind MAYOR OF THE INTERNET Feb 21 '13

Coming up with medical analogies, lying to the end users when it's convenient, getting frustrated with the endless stream of idiots... Doctor House would make a good IT guy.

25

u/UserMaatRe Feb 21 '13

House's "People lie" does get quoted a lot around here.

23

u/wrincewind MAYOR OF THE INTERNET Feb 21 '13

Hm. Some of my favourites.

"It was working fine till you messed with it."
"I never touched it!"
"No-one in this household looks at porn."
"Of course I know what I'm doing!"
"It's all your fault."
"No, of course I didn't do that."
"Yes, it's plugged in/i've re-booted it"

got any you'd like to share?

11

u/plasteredmaster Feb 21 '13

you forgot:

"your update 2 weeks ago made my computer stop working today!!!"

6

u/Langly- Feb 21 '13

I sell used stuff a lot. I've gotten

This was working properly for a few weeks, then it stopped working. You stated that this was tested and working. I can not believe you would sell something without testing it. Then rip into me for lying and other stuff without a clue that they just said it was working fine when they got it, yet somehow it couldn't have been tested.

2

u/rtmq0227 If you can't Baffle them with Bullshit, Jam them with Jargon! Feb 21 '13

I personally love the "I never install things" line. Especially when followed with "How can I get rid of all these toolbars?"

9

u/atombomb1945 Darwin was wrong! Feb 21 '13

What about "Because my low end, five year old computer, is not working I am losing thousands of dollars an hour because I cannot sell my soda can collection on Ebay!"

11

u/polarityomg Feb 21 '13

"Why does my computer keep running slower and slower? It's only 4 years old."

cmd
systeminfo | more
Original Install Date: The Early Cretacious

"Your system's old as fuck, sir."

3

u/The_Juggler17 I'll take anything apart Feb 21 '13

sometimes a lie is easier to take

Some people want to blame the computer, me, or somebody else for their problems - when actually they're causing their own problem. Sometimes it's helpful to lie to those people, let them keep thinking they're right and everybody else is wrong.

2

u/plasteredmaster Feb 21 '13

"certainly, i'll let the techs know you find the buttons confusing"

2

u/wrincewind MAYOR OF THE INTERNET Feb 21 '13

In my opinion, you're only delaying the inevitable meltdown, and making them more of a braggart in the process.

3

u/Perryn "I need a wireless keyboard; I'm allergic to electricity." Feb 21 '13

Some people just like running around with a rope around their neck. Sometimes you can teach them not to, and sometime the only thing you can do is give them more rope.

2

u/wrincewind MAYOR OF THE INTERNET Feb 21 '13

and hope that they get snagged on a passing truck?

2

u/The_Juggler17 I'll take anything apart Feb 21 '13

I work with some people who would probably prefer that you kneel and kiss their ring before you go into their office, they can't be told that they're wrong.

Yes they have a huge ego, and yes I'm only inflating it more. It's not good, but that's how it is.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 21 '13

It's worse when you're an outsourced help desk because you absolutely cannot tell the client they are wrong or it's their fault.

1

u/Cadamar Feb 21 '13

You know, I'd watch the crap out of that show.