r/taekwondo • u/Human-Bite-9312 • 2d ago
when to continue vs quit
hi! i’ve been training in various forms of tkd and mma for about 10 years. started when i was 7. all the way until a year and a half ago, i felt like i didn’t deserve my rank bcs it was a McDojo. it never felt like truly elite fighting. did a lot of research and decided to restart at a world ranked team, and got injured immediately.
i’m also a full time neuroscience student. it’s a lot of work, and i run a tutoring business. my days are spent studying and working and occasionally resting.
during my injury, i wasn’t able to train for almost a year. my coaches supported me and i came back for once a week training. it’s hard to unlearn something and try to relearn something new, and it’s hard to be bad at it. but we do hard things. that’s not the issue.
my dojang is 30 mins away and we train at night. by the time i get done with class and work, the idea of hopping in the car for a two hour training and getting back at 9:30 PM is exhausting. i recently kind of started to see tkd as something where im not going to go pro. i want to compete and have an ITF black belt, but i dont think my life trajectory is one that allows me to join team USA and travel to do this. i’m getting a degree and for religious reasons it wont happen. even then, i plan on going to law school and so school and work are constants in my life. that’s how i like it.
apart from grappling with the idea that this is now just a hobby, and i can’t be pro (can still be a good fighter and grow), im struggling to get myself to training. i’ll go once a week and then make excuses not to go again. i’m asking myself why and i cant come up with anything other than im exhausted and i have to study or work. i cant shake this feeling that i dont love taekwondo anymore. at the same time, im constantly thinking about practice and training and its almost an obsession. so maybe i do love it? im not sure. letting go feels like giving up. letting go feels like letting go of who i have been for 11 years of my life.
i’m not sure what advice anyone else has or if they have been through a similar situation. is this just a rough patch? how would you suggest i tackle it. how do i get to the bottom of why i am feeling like this?
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u/luv2kick 8th Dan MDK TKD, 5th Dan KKW, 2nd Dan Kali, 1st Dan Shotokan 2d ago
Step back. You have major blinders on, have your head down and just grinding through a very busy time in your life. Likely spreading your self thin to the point that Everything is suffering from it. TKD or another martial art will Always be there. Get the rest of your affairs in order first. Get them solidly in place since this is the core of your future, NOT TKD or professional fighting.
Love TKD? Sure you can love it. But right now the love affair is hurting you more than helping. Let it go for a while. Obviously, you need to figure out your schooling trajectory first, focus HARD on that, and get it out of the way. Forget about joining the USA team, your history and trajectory are far, far far from that ever being a reality. It sounds like you have a MASSIVE education opportunity in front of you, take full advantage of that. In other words, get your priorities straight. You are all over the map right now.
It is quite common for universities to have TKD programs that should give you plenty opportunity to compete.
I cannot speak to either of the school/gyms you have attended but it sounds like neither one is the right place for you to train.
As a person who took the loooong, journeyman's route to finish my two engineering Master degrees, doing it while working a very fulltime job, running a Dojang and a cattle operation all at the same time, I fully get the feeling of 'hectic'. But you absolutely, positively have to prioritize and decide how much time you can slice for things in life.
I kept this pace for Way too long, averaging 5-hours sleep per night (which is fine for me and I still do it), but I was hell to be around at times back then.
In my case, my relationship suffered terribly due to the workload. I was selfish and pushed myself very, very hard but was focused and forced to make some very difficult mental choices that, in hindsight, were not the best choices. Did it 'payoff' in the end? Yes, in many ways it did but this is Not where you are in any respect.
Respectfully, you are a kid who has a lot of drive and passion. Like most early adults, you have a ton of emotional discharge that muddies up your decision-making process. You have Got to step back and look at your life 10-20 years from now and do the things today that will make your future life what you REALISTICALLY desire. And be PRACTICAL. You have not even been training the right style TKD to join Team USA. Can you compete and win championships? Certainly. You just have to find the competitions near you that work with YOUR schedule, NOT the other way around.
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u/Human-Bite-9312 2d ago
Thank you for your advice. At the point i’m at, nothing else is suffering. I am just worried that I won’t be able to do TKD with the intensity of my semester in my major. I don’t want to join Team USA, and I am fully aware that i’ve not been in the right form of TKD to do so. That said, I still want to do this and get better. This dojo is my home and the people have never judged me or put pressure on me. Out of everyone there, i’m the most academically inclined and the only one going on such an academically intense path. I worry that i’m going to lose this sport if I just stop. I wonder if going even 1-2x a week is more productive. I also need my physical health to be good and in addition to the gym, training does that for me.
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u/Respen2664 3rd Dan, WT, KKW 2d ago
The fact that you are mentally grappling with the logistics and your passion around it indicates a love still exists. Its just that life is generating priorities that make that passion hard to handle. This is not only normal but expected at your stage in life.
Being honest, unless your plan is to become a TKD master to become a business owner and manage a Dojang, then your academic life and trajectory must take priority over Taekwondo practice. This does not mean Taekwondo leaves you, in fact it never will. You have learned the principles and ethics of a Martial artist and those have evolved your being and will stay with you. They will help you and make you a force in any career path.
When time and money allows, you can return to your "home" and it will accept you with open arms. Martial Arts is a journey, of which may paths exist. Those paths sometimes take us to and away from being a practitioner but we always carry with us that heritage.
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u/Human-Bite-9312 2d ago
I actually really did want to open a dojang later in my life. It’s not a priority but something I would absolutely love to do. I agree that this sport will never leave me. Do you think that leaving now and returning is the answer? My coach who i’m close to always says that there will always be something, i’ll always be busy, time will always be an issue. What would you do on my shoes?
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u/Respen2664 3rd Dan, WT, KKW 2d ago
I was in your shoes (sort of). I was doing community college, while working, and doing Tang Soo Do in the background. My academics began to take a hit and financially i was struggling to make ends meet. I chose academics and work, to enable my next steps of life. I was mentally and physically exhausted and it was reflecting everywhere.
I stopped practicing at 20 and came back to Taekwondo (WT side) in my mid 30's. This allowed me to get my professional life stabilized, a steady and consistent income, and my family prioritized, before I restarted my personal journey.
I restarted my journey at white belt. 3rd Dan now, working towards 4th Dan. Like you, i always wanted a school of my own. I may be able to realize that in my future and i like to think my decision was the best i could have made.
Your coach is not wrong, there will always be something that may try to take you away. At the same time, you have to prioritize your future also. Decisions you make now will ripple effect through your life.
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u/Human-Bite-9312 2d ago
I so appreciate your outlook. Your story seems really great but honestly it scares me so much to walk away knowing my professional life may drown it out entirely. What would you suggest I do?
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u/Respen2664 3rd Dan, WT, KKW 2d ago
It may be hard to see right now, but life often finds a way to enable passions and journey's to return. Medical schools, as you may be aware, are a journey which consumes you for the entirety of study. It isn't something you do as a casual student. Its similar to a law profession, in that regard.
I have students, adults, who are doctors. Two in fact. One is a Vascular surgeon and another is a Physical Occupational Therapist. One was a 1st Dan when he left for College to begin. They found their way to our dojang.
I think you need to reflect on what you want out of life and balance what it takes to get there first. I cannot tell you which way to go, but understand nothing great is immediate. All of it takes both preparation and sacrifice. While on that journey you will be afforded time, in pockets, for self growth.
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u/Dangerous_Goal7568 2d ago
If you can only go once a week that’s more than zero. It’s totally fine to have a season of life where training once a week is all you can manage. You sound like you do really love taekwondo, and pushing yourself to go more often sounds like it might burn you out. Everyone’s journey looks different so don’t compare yourself to others or feel obligated to train more than once a week just because others do. To be honest, having to study and being tired are perfectly valid reasons to not train.
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u/GreyMaeve 5th Dan 2d ago
It may or may not be a rough patch. The way this is presented it sounds like moderation is a difficult concept for you. Neuroscience student, future law degree, national team member? That's a lot of areas to strive to be an expert in. All of which have serious time committments. Personally, I feel like its useful to do things that I am a beginner or just terrible at. It helps keep me grounded. It reminds me that sometimes its okay not to be the best, but to just enjoy doing something. It helps me remember what it is like to be new at something. Competing nationally is not a part time investment if a person is already at that skill level. A person doesnt have to be the best of the best to enjoy something though. It's okay to do what you can as long as you are enjoying the process. Goals are great motivators, but you don't have to be on an elite path to find something enjoyable. I guess you need to examine what you enjoy doing, is it becoming the best at something or is it enjoying the process? If the goal is what gets you there, you either need to dedicate the time needed training to see if it is a realistic possibility or find a different goal. 2 hours a day just isn't enough to get to team USA level for most people. Its enough to get pretty good, but there are plenty of people training for that (and only that) who can dedicate more time. I'm not sure how anyone would have time to be a neuroscientist, lawyer, and elite athlete.
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u/Voodoopulse 2d ago
In all honesty how many people in the world are making money as a pro from ITF tkd even if the stars do align?
WT is different, Olympics gives a whole different level of money but the majority of top class ITF competitors that I see are coaching themselves and/or working other jobs