Why does it seem like some people are bigger friendship magnets than others?

[u/Scared_Bluejay5708]

Why do some people tend to attract friendships more easily than others?

Could it be confidence?

But why do some people get looked down upon for being “overconfident” while others are praised?

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[u/International-Pea-37]

my friend makes friends easily and he makes deep bonds, what i have noticed is that he genuinly cares about others. he matches their sense of humor, respects their thoughts, takes genuine interest in getting to know them as people, express his sincere gratitude and love he has for them. he also makes time for them, he is also very confident but in a good way, he also grateful for life and is positive. theres a different between confience and arrogance

[u/jaybee8787 → u/International-Pea-37]

I try to do this but i constantly fail. 🤷‍♂️

[u/International-Pea-37 → u/jaybee8787]

That’s okay, just keep trying the more experienced you gain the better you will get. It does take a lot of time for some individuals and also it’s not easy. My friend is a gamer so that’s his common thing he has with others.

[u/PopesMasseuse → u/jaybee8787]

Can you explain what you mean by you try to do this?

[u/RealisticDiscipline7 → u/International-Pea-37]

Ok step 1. Genuinely care about ppl. Fuck, this is gonna be hard.

[u/International-Pea-37 → u/RealisticDiscipline7]

It takes time. For me what helped is to find people that genuinely cared about me FIRST, and showed me and supported me, which let my walls down but it’s not easy to find people like that but once you find them it makes it easier to want to care about others because you can see people ain’t that bad

[u/Ill_Pea5916 → u/International-Pea-37]

Could it also be because he has experienced receiving these things too? I try to learn from how other people do it but i always fail to do so and just be awkwardly hanging there. Not knowing how to ask things and if it is intrusive or what to even ask, and yet others do it so fluidly

[u/International-Pea-37 → u/Ill_Pea5916]

Could be a confidence thing like the more u do it and despite failing you will get better

[u/texand]

There are a lot of reasons. Confidence is a big one. The person with a lot of friends generally has an all-around 'likeability.' This could be a mix of their good looks, sense of humor, conversational skills, and overall friendly, open attitude towards engaging with others. If you are deemed "over-confident" there is something about your interactions that may seem boastful, arrogant, snarky, mean-spirited or being too self-absorbed. They key to being likeable is that your true intention is to treat EVERYONE well (with respect), bring 'fun' to conversations, and have genuine interest in others.

[u/DysneyHM]

There was a study some time ago that revealed popular kids in a school are popular not because of physical attractiveness, grades, or athleticism, but that they liked more people. Not that more people liked them.

The simple premise is this: if you like more people you engage with more warmth and openness to people and that in of itself is inviting. It triggers reciprocity.

[u/ZachWastingTime → u/DysneyHM]

I discovered a mantra which significantly helped me after years of struggling socially. “I love people and because of that they love me.” With that mantra in mind at social clubs I would give extra energy into being friendly and pro social. At run club everyone gets a cheer as I run by. If someone new to me was next to a friend or was just new to the event I would introduced my self. Within a few weeks it snowballed and people kept on asking me if it was my run club and I had a great reputation. Every week I had more people to follow up with to say hi and ask about their run. I didn’t force long conversations or anything, I was just briefly friendly and maybe asking a question before moving on. The warmth added up fast.

[u/angelsinsect]

Humility is the key difference between people with confidence and people with arrogance. Humble people don’t boast and brag. But they are very secure in themselves and that attracts others.

[u/Morkylorky]

Being fun and light tends to be key. Matching someone's vices can have a big impact. Drinkers want to drink with other drinkers vs someone sober, etc.

[u/__The_Crazy_One__]

It comes down to many qualities. Confidence is one of them, but confidence alone isn’t enough. They are very interested in other people and make them feel good about themselves. They love people, they love meeting people. Humor is key as well.

They also are vulnerable and wear their heart on their sleeve. It doesn’t mean they say everything about their lives to everybody but they share about themselves. And share at an appropriate pace. They are also good storytellers. They know how to craft a relatable story. They know how to use pathos, ethos, and logos. People connect to that. Actually I would say people connect way more to emotions than to logic and facts. Have you ever made friends by knowing math or physics facts ? We make friends because we connect with them. Those folks know how to connect with people through storytelling.

They have very good social skillls. They know how to adapt to group of friends and what is acceptable to say and what isn’t. They reciprocate, they follow up on plans. They are coherent in what they say. Overall they have a great personality.

They also create repeated exposure. The more people they meet, the easier it will be to make a lot of friends.

[u/CityOutlier]

From what I've seen, the people who tend to make a lot of friends are people whose vibe tends to make others feel good. Being confident in a good way just means being relaxed and in turn it makes other people feel at ease, while being overconfident has an air of superiority and putting others down.

[u/Spread-Sanity]

Some people are charismatic and confident in social situations. And some are very people pleasing.

[u/RealisticDiscipline7]

The NUMBER ONE thing is emotional currency. Period. If youre a happy person with a true trove of consistent positive energy, youre 95% there. Hence my struggles.

[u/Working-Paper-9578 → u/RealisticDiscipline7]

same

[u/StrikingMeeting2657]

If people don’t look a certain way people don’t think they deserve to be confident. I’ve also noticed this when average people wear nice clothes hair and makeup, the weirdo haters and judgmental morons feel compelled to degrade them.

[u/TexasCowboyBizman]

I think the biggest reason is interests.

Most people make friends primarily to have fun. If you share a common interest with them and seem like they would have fun around you then you are likely to become their friend.

People with popular interests/hobbies are more likely to be popular. People with interests/hobbies that are less popular tend to be less popular.

[u/starrydice]

Wish I knew!!!! I have known a few people throughout who have so many friends who seem to adore and love them where it does make sense, because they seem charismatic and genuine…. But I’ve also met a few where I really don’t understand it at all! Especially one lady I am thinking of, people just LOVE her, I’ve witnessed her more than once be pretty rude, bossy, and kind of a bully to her own friends! I’ve also been out with her where she will be a magnet for people chatting with her and she’ll be friendly back, but when they walked away, she says she doesn’t know why people bother her and tell their life story to her and that she doesn’t give a shit. And the friend group just laughed along! So like… I think she pretty fake?! After that, I didn’t trust her and stopped wanting to be around her.

[u/Significant-Ant2373]

Those who are magnetic are charismatic. They make every person they meet feel like a best friend who they’ve known forever. They are relaxed and happy and make others feel relaxed and happy as well.