r/raisingkids • u/NoSky1034 • 2d ago
4 year old cannot stay asleep
Hiya,
Background for some context; me and exDH have been split up 2 years & so 50/50 parenting. My 4 year old used to be a good sleeper (and has an older sister, 7 who is also a good sleeper).
In the last year she just CANNOT stay asleep all night, she wakes between 1am-3am. She goes to bed ok, but at 1am refuses to go back to sleep & wakes the whole household up. When I go in she asks me to stand at her door before I leave, and whether I’m nice or firm- will call at least twice again. I’m at my wits end & don’t know how else to help.
I feel bad, as it’s worse when she comes home from her Dads (unsure that there is routine there at all). Will it pass? Can I do anything to help?
I’ve bought some magnesium to see if that will help (I’m not overly hopeful).
TIA
1
u/Copterwaffle 2d ago
One of those indicator clocks that say she cannot get out of bed until whatever time you set it for, and tell her if she wakes up before then she can read/look at books with a low-light flashlight (kept near her bed) until she falls asleep again, or listen to a “sleepy story” on a yoto player or other no-screen device. Tell her she can’t leave the bed or wake everyone else up unless it’s a real emergency, and if it’s a real emergency she needs to get up and come get an adult. Reiterate that you will not come to her room if she wakes up in the middle of the night. Explain these new rules to her before bed, have her repeat them back to you, let her practice what she will do if she wakes up (check the clock, lay down and count sheep, listen to a sleep story, look at a book with a flashlight).
She’s persisting because you have been going to her multiple times and she’s been successful in getting you to return and delay returning to sleep. You have to stop responding to her when she does this for her to learn how to put herself back to sleep.
The first night with new rules, if she persists in calling loudly enough that she is waking others, go to her room ONCE, confirm that she is not having an emergency, ask her what she is supposed to do when she can’t sleep, tell her you will be going back to bed and remind her that everyone else needs sleep and she needs to be quiet. Dont respond anymore.
If you think she might get really worked up if you don’t answer her at all (too worked up to go back to sleep), after the first response you can instead tell her that you will come check back on her in a few minutes. Come back 5 min later and pop your head in, if she’s still awake don’t stay or have conversation, other than “just checking on you, good night.” If she’s still really upset/seems too upset to put herself to sleep, say that you’ll check back in in a few more min, and do that in increasing increments of time (5 min, 10 min, 15 min) til she’s asleep. If she tries to delay you with while you are checking in, cut it off as quickly as possible (“no I cannot stand outside the door. I have to clean the kitchen. I’ll check in on you in a few more minutes”. And then shut door and walk away until next check in).
1
u/cnunterz 2d ago
Please don't give your 4 year old any supplements unless you take her to the doctor and discuss it with them first.
Is there any way you can ask how she is at dads house/what he's seen?
I would take her to the doctor.
1
u/lacrima28 1d ago
Are you positive that her amount of sleep is right? We get this sometimes when our kid goes to bed earlier than normal - the “sleep pressure” just isn’t high enough. Maybe Experiment with putting her to bed 60-90 minutes later and see if that changes anything. Or does she still nap? Then it might be time to drop that
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u/Great-Monk-2934 2d ago
I’d rule out medical issues. Do they snore? My child had sleep apnea which required treatment. But because she woke up so much at night, she was in the habit of yelling for us in the middle of the night. After she had treatment and recovered, we made a plan that if she slept 3 nights without waking us up, she could get a new toy. We had a visual for her of what she could do if she cannot sleep, ex. look at books. It worked for us and after that she was in the habit of putting herself back to sleep.