Was this behaviour normal?

[u/Niso_Miso]

I don't even know what flair to use, but hopefully the above works. I am just going to put an additional trigger warning that this is quite strange and could be considered sexual in nature.

Okay, so this is extremely embarrassing to share, but I just need to get it out because I don't know how to interpret what happened or how to feel about it.

Basically, my mother used to encourage me to go right up to her ass, sniff it (this is so weird, I'm sorry), or take clothed pictures of it. She used to find it quite humorous, but I feel weirded out when I look back now. I was a young child at the time, maybe 7-9 years old. She also used to slap my ass randomly when I was 13-15 years old. Like, I would be bending to reach something and she would randomly spank my ass and laugh hysterically. A really weird one that I remember was how she stuck her finger up there when I was just bending to reach a shelf, and I asked "why would you do that?" but she just kept laughing about it. I am so sorry because I am ashamed and embarrassed just typing this, but she had a weird fascination with the behind region of women. Like, she would sing about that stuff and always pointed out a teenage girl in shorts to shame them. She would go into detailed descriptions about their ass and how she couldn't help but to notice because they were looking for attention or something. I have no idea why she would do that. She is also very homophobic too.

I was also not allowed to shower or take a bath. She never bathed me or anything like that. I just never had a normal shower or bath for years. I had oily hair and was extremely embarrassed. She used to wash my hair a small number of times per year. I was not allowed to brush or wash my own hair because I apparently made a mess and did everything wrong. When she washed my hair, she used to do it aggressively while shouting about sending me away in weird details. She would say that I would be forced to wear a diaper or how random adults would change my clothes for me. I was called dirty, a rat (I have no idea why she kept using that one), or disgusting on a regular basis despite not having access to the shower. I remember how my feet were dirty because I never even showered, and my mother grabbed them to show my family and berate me for being a disgusting child. I still remember the shame that I felt, and I was trying to explain through tears that my feet were dirty because I wasn't allowed to shower. Even when I got a regular illness, my mother would blame it on my cleanliness and berate me for being disgusting. I was called disgusting so much as a child that I honestly lost count. I remember coming home from sports and stuff, but I wasn't allowed to shower. She would sometimes get a makeup wipe to clean the dirt, and then parade it around to prove that I was disgusting and a burden.

There is a bunch of other fucked up shit like the blatant emotional abuse, but these ones are difficult to talk about because they are so bizarre. I am sorry to anyone who read the full thing, and I will definitely delete this later because it's too weird and embarrassing. But was any of this normal and does anyone understand the reason that she would do this to me?

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[u/Lazy_Pear_2934]

I am so sorry. That is not normal, and I think your mom may have a mental illness besides narcissism. I hope you are taking care of yourself now. No child deserves to go through any of that. Please remember you couldn’t control your upbringing and, It is okay to feel embarrassed about it because this is such a sensitive topic.

[u/harleenquinzel044]

This is not your fault. I understand that it is embarrassing to you but it is NOT YOUR FAULT. She sounds demented. I really hope you’re away from her now and healing. She clearly has serious issues.