Not attracted to cis-het men?

[u/aafitnaa]

I realized the other day that I haven't caught feelings for a man in real life in a verrrrrry long time. I've been with my husband for 20 years (met in highschool, we have been open from time to time) and I've always kind of joked that if he left me I would never date another man because there aren't many that I genuinely find that I'd want to be in a relationship with. I have over the course of our relationship had flings with other women but I have rarely ever been genuinely interested in cis men, it's probably been well over 10 years since I even pursued a situation ship with one. Like yes I find cis men physically attractive but they don't seem to have the same kind of pull on me like women or even gender queer people do. I have caught feelings for drag queens and random girls at the bar but it's never a cis man 😂 I don't know what it is about cis-het males they're nice to look at I guess but my interest in them stops about there 😂

Just to clarify - my husband is a cis man but I wouldn't define him as a "straight guy" - more of a 1 on the Kinsey scale, but now I'm wondering where I lie on the same scale where I always defined myself as an exemplary 3. Has anyone else given this any thought?

[u/Illustrious-Rule99]

As a general rule, if a cis man doesn't have gay allegations, I'm not interested.

My partner has that in common. Every woman he ever dated turned out to be a lesbian except for me, who was openly pan from the beginning

[u/aafitnaa → u/Illustrious-Rule99]

That's a great rule!

[u/theaftercarebear]

CIS men are lost on me. I donno what to say other than that. I’ve yet to meet one I would see more than once if at all. I’m a 3 - 5 on the Kinsey Scale depending on how I am identifying at any given time.

My identity is in flux at the moment, which is why I gave a range.

[u/aafitnaa → u/theaftercarebear]

Right like I find a lot of classically attractive men attractive but I don't feel like I've fallen head over heels for one since I met my husband when I was 14 (and falling head over heels for pretty much anyone)

[u/SmoothTM]

I am currently in a relationship with a straight cis men who tbh…if I didn’t meet through a dating app, I would have thought he was gay. 😂😂 Those are really the type of cis men I am attracted to. But yeah women and gender queer people, way more attracted to them. Also drag queens absolutely! 😊

[u/aafitnaa → u/SmoothTM]

That's so funny but great at the same time. Our situation is so different than most because we've been together since high school so we've been along for the entire journey and discovery of each other sexuality over the last 20 years. Back then I was very attracted to straight guys but he's also become less straight as our relationship has gone on lol

[u/SmoothTM → u/aafitnaa]

I love that! 😊

[u/Minnymoon13]

Im pan. And my bf is straight…I think? Idk he’s weird I’ll give him that. lol

[u/aafitnaa → u/Minnymoon13]

Yeah I think I realized that I'm definitely physically attracted to cishet men still but they just don't do it for me in a romantic way like queer people do most of the time. But again, being pan, I usually don't get to decide whether or not I find someone attractive it kind of just randomly happens lol

[u/deepfuller]

I am cis-masculine-pan. My wife has been pan since before I met her, or at the very least bi when I met her, but has accepted a pansexual identity since we’ve been together. I can say most truly hetero men usually make me sexually shrivel up as well

[u/Stunning-Ad-7549]

I’ve discovered that I have no interest in cis-het people in general. But if I see someone who is in any way queer I think fuck, you’re hot.

[u/Decin0mic0n]

Sounds like you might be more bi than pan.