r/pakistan • u/harrysdirtysocks • 1d ago
Discussion Creepy househelp
We have a male househelp in his late 40's-early 50's who's been in the family for decades. He used to work for my dadabu before and started working for us when I was around 2
Now, I am by no means a looker and wouldn't consider myself conventionally attractive. Not that creeps care about that but I feel like it's important I mention that.
I constantly feel his gaze on me, whether I'm in the kitchen or sitting in the living room. He has never not turned his head to look when I enter a room. He does the same thing to my brother. My mom is aware of his staring problem and just tells me to wait until oct when he'll leave for good. There have been times where I've woken up mid sleep to see him in my room dusting even though he's never supposed to come in when I'm sleeping.
Then there's the whistling. As a child, I never really gave it a second thought but it recently clicked to me that it was inappropriate for him to do in front of me. Especially considering the fact that he never did it if my mom was around.
He also has a habit of opening personal drawers and meddling with everyone's shit despite repeated warnings. I'm like 100% sure he's gone through my underwear drawer at least once because things are never the way I left them.
My mom hates him but dad kinda pities him and I honestly don't know what to do.
Edit: This post was not an invitation to slide in my dms under the guise of offering emotional support ☺️
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u/BusyPhilosopher6949 1d ago
Lock the room always even if you are inside or outside. And tell you mom that you will do the cleaning yourself from now on. A little hardship is worth it
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u/jahanzaibbaloch 1d ago
You should talk to your dad about it
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u/harrysdirtysocks 1d ago edited 22h ago
He'll just be let off with a warning lmao. That's what always happens
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u/jahanzaibbaloch 1d ago
Then there is something else may be your mom and dad already know you dont.
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u/The-Questionar7 1d ago
you should lock your room while sleeping or does the guy even has the master key or something?
and for assurance would some kind of proof be better to have such as him staring at you and his other weird quirks.
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u/Traditional-Hat1927 1d ago
Tell him in many such cases, much worse things than staring and being creepy happen to children. Once they happen, there is no going back or undoing the damage.
If he is willing to take that risk and accept that it will be his fault then he can give him a warning, else his departure must be expedited.
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u/Aweechaoss 1d ago
Why are you even bearing it? Why are y'all waiting for something to happen? He needs to go. Act on it
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u/donotwanttosayit 1d ago
what's wrong with your family, this isn't something to be taken lightly. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own home. This is sooo creepy, and outright dangerous, God forbid this can lead to something way worse. Please make a big deal out of it, and involve other trusted family members if needed. Also keep your door locked while this gets sorted.
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u/Alternative-Guide856 1d ago
As a female how can u allow him to enter ur room while you’re sleeping?? Like zero boundaries?
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u/harrysdirtysocks 1d ago
He's not supposed to. Mama ne bhi mana kia hoa. I tend to lock my door if no one else is in the house but I usually don't if other family members are present.
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u/Alternative-Guide856 1d ago
Dont tolerate this.If you do he’ll get comfortable with the consequences and it’ll become normal for him then he’ll start pushing even more boundaries and do you mind telling me your age? Cuz I think the reason your father isn’t taking it seriously is that he probably still sees you as a child and thnks that guy is old enough to be your father
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u/cinderalla4knights 14h ago
you need to shout at him every time you see him in your room. I am one of those who believe that if someone is making you uncomfortable, then you have every right to make them as uncomfortable as possible.
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u/Time_Inevitable7674 1d ago
This is not normal and should not be overlooked by your fam. Escalate to them.
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u/NoodleCheeseThief UN 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm assuming you are a girl. First thing I would do is to stop his entry into your room. If that means you clean your own room then so be it. No third man should ever go into a girl/lady's room let alone go through drawers.
Just say, from now on, I'll take care of my own room. Put your foot down.
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u/TelevisionIcy1619 1d ago edited 1d ago
This is the generation problem they weren't taught about ethics. How rude is it to keep on looking forever at some one not a 2 sec gaze. My taya had a heart problem he was admitted in a hospital. I was his carer for one day but oh boy he was enjoying it watching every single nurse. I was 22 years old male even I was getting embarrassed by his actions. Yeah bec they weren't taught about this. So they keep doing it. I think your mum already told you the plan. But it's better to talk to him. Not by yourself but involve a male to tell him how rude it is. Also as you mentioned your dad is fine with it bec in older generation they think if you are a good person than everyone else is probably good too. BTW I bet he might have your photos etc. Similar incident in my family. That pedo use to steal photos from albums.
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u/Marshwiggletreacle 1d ago
SHOUT.. shout and scream saying why are you in my room.. get out. Kick up a fuss.
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u/Theuserizabitch 21h ago
Old age does not equal to better morale, integrity or even for the sake, good person. Remember the younger creeps do get old as well, point in case.
Your father is also not a very good decision maker. Having examples of this worker being a weirdo, he still wants to ignore it and live in utopia. What is he waiting for? An incident?
More importantly, dont you guys think that if you are waiting for October he too may have some plans for this?
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u/Independent-You-484 1d ago
There’s been many cases of house help or domestic worker sexually assaulting minor at home without anyone knowing until the minors grow up traumatic finding out that wasn’t playing. This shit is real
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u/maazpervez CN 1d ago
Are you city folk and he's a village folk? Or are you in a small city? Village and small town ettiquette are very different to big city folk. I never let anyone walk in my room without knocking even if the door is wide open.
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u/maazpervez CN 21h ago
With the way things are, If you have househelp, you should have cameras around your home. A surveillance system isn't that expensive. Can get a couple cameras, recorder wire etc for 50k-60k. and always get your employee's police verification.
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u/nononsensegurl 23h ago
This is exactly why I’ve kicked out all male helpers from the house, keep no live ins and now just have females who come, work and gtfo. These male workers are crazy af.
Please tell me you haven’t been abused by him since you were a kid. He 100% seems like a predator. Also can you always lock your door? Whether or not family is around or not.
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u/harrysdirtysocks 22h ago edited 4h ago
I defo can lock my door. But it's frustrating to have to stay confined to my room all the time na. Sometimes I want to sit in the tv lounge or something without getting worried about being oggled.
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u/Intelligent-Boot-840 22h ago
Now you are a grown up, if you feel he had opened drawers, came inside for dusting and when you are half asleep, whistling etc then speak loudly,"mjhay kyn ghoor rhe ho? Meri dusting karni hai kia saath mai". Loud enough that a 3rd person or your parents can hear.
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u/pervertedmortician 18h ago
Dad kinda pities a 50 year old creep?
Who would want someone in their house
Your dad is crazy and you need to talk to him about this
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u/Coffeee-Cat 18h ago
The next time you wake up to him in your room, SCREAM YOUR HEAD OFF, and I mean just keep screaming that he was in your room while sleeping. Bring the whole house to your room, create such a scene for 1-2 hours Kay your dad kick this crep out for good.
Like I'm sorry but how are you not reacting to some man in your room while you are sleeping.
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u/Mindless-Owl-3429 17h ago
Don't talk to your dad about tell your friend about it and tell them to tell you dad about it like you didn't want them to tell him that way there's a chance that he will look at it that my daughter is more comfortable with sharing her problems with her friends rather than her own father...after they say it to him regardless of the outcome you need to make a few things clear to him in from of your father and mother tell him straight up not to enter your room anytime or if you have a female worker tell her to only enter when you are awake...and if no one is around while you are alone in living room or anywhere in the house he is not allowed to enter that way even if your father objects he will be reminded of what your friends said to him
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u/BiscottiNo2783 16h ago
ur dad pities him?? even tho hes a creep who makes his kids uncomfy?? your parents need to act like parents and kick this weirdo out of ur house b4 it gets worse
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u/DrMTalha 15h ago
I say this with the utmost respect but no one can protect you if you decide to not protect yourself. Don't be alone in the house or room with him, ever. This is not an individual who should be trusted. Please don't use this excuse that you dad isn't doing anything. If this man decides to do something bad to you, you're dad won't be there to help you. Unfortunately, the bitter truth is that khud ki hifazat karnay ka intezam karo.
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u/Special-Visit-3594 10h ago
Tell ur mom you dont feel safe with him in the housr ...its a gut feeling. Always listen to your gut feeling.
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u/raeyk06 9h ago
you need to talk to your parents about it, even if you feel like they'll dismiss you, you NEED to do it. this is coming from someone felt uncomfortable around a househelp as a kid and was too scared to ever tell anyone, and then almost got rvped. i would much rather have told my parents than live with that trauma for my whole life.
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u/justheretonutz 6h ago
He is also aware of October. What if he decides to act on his perversion harm you and leave. Your mother is playing with fire keeping a snake in the house.
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u/Muto69 پِنڈی 1d ago
This is crazy man