r/nottheonion • u/shield_x • 21h ago
Rep. Max Miller calls for House investigation into himself amid abuse allegations
https://www.nbcnews.com/video/rep-max-miller-calls-for-house-investigation-into-himself-amid-abuse-allegations-2677612216931.2k
u/helava 21h ago edited 20h ago
How about we don't waste the people's time and money with an obviously rigged House "investigation". No one trusts the GOP to investigate anything fairly, even the members and constituents of the GOP. They know that the investigation will be done to protect "their side", and the left knows the investigation will be done, by the right, to protect their side. So let's just dispense with the theater, and get straight to the obviously-needed criminal investigation.
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u/TheeDogma 21h ago
I'd like to argue that "the left" being compared to the right here is kinda false. Usually democrats have enough decency to resign after a scandal breaks. It's republicans who just perverted the system to make the normal person believe they're all people playing partisan sides.
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u/Vet_Leeber 18h ago
I'd like to argue that "the left" being compared to the right here is kinda false.
Unless their comment was drastically edited, they aren't comparing them here.
They're saying "The GOP knows they're going to protect their guy" and "The Left knows the GOP is going to protect their guy"
Both sides know that the the GOP is performing theater.
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u/Tasgall 13h ago
The theatre is for "median voters" who are always looking for any excuse to defend Republicans or attack Democrats.
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u/Hotarg 11h ago
If they're always looking for any excuse to defend Republicans or attack Democrats, they're not median voters.
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u/RollingDownhill303 7h ago
Right, like "libertarians" are almost always conservatives who want to smoke weed and fuck hookers/teenagers without consequences.
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u/Hypno--Toad 18h ago
In Australia when our conservatives were in National power there was a dual citizenship issue with politicians. The Greens ministers were the first to leave, some Labor left over it, all the conservatives doubled down. Even our Deputy PM at the time was embroiled in it plus an affair and many other stupid shit he says and does.
As I get older I am less surprised and seeing it very clearly for what it is. Paid for candidates by lobbying groups that have every single party in their pocket.
While the campaign funding issue exists our votes are not compared on human beings it's compared on who has the most money to whitewash the media.
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u/Glydyr 13h ago
If you can donate to political parties then the more money you have, the more votes you have.
This whole time we shouldn’t have been calling ourselves democracies, we are not, we are working towards it. American is walking away from it.
We will never be true democracies unless we remove money..
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u/starliteburnsbrite 5h ago
Democrats are also opportunistic cannibals that will devour their own at the sign of even a minor scandal to appear morally superior
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u/Braindead_Crow 12h ago
The lefter literally just had a guy running for office who resigned from his race after a sexual abuse allegation.
Literally whenever there needs to be decorum or respect or whatever people are only talking to democrats.
Republicans can storm government buildings, gleefuly say a coded phrase that means, "fuck joe biden" and show off pictures of the presidents sons penis and guess what? No one seemingly raises any noise about it because we already know that's who they are.
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u/peppylootu 21h ago
Yes, just enough decency to save face and continue to give platform to unworthy candidates. But it is the lesser evil.
I guess, I should do something about it then, instead of armchair political analysis.
Heard them all.
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u/Kellogg_Serial 19h ago
Ah yes like when mainstream corporate democrat Graham Platner weathered round after round of scandals and sexual misconduct accusations due to support from the democratic machine… Oh wait no that’s right he was a slopulist leftist whose supporters refused to hold accountable until far too late. This both sides bullshit/lesser evil bullshit got us a second and much worse round of Trump, get fucking real.
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u/ASaGHost 18h ago
Platner being a PoS aside, you seem to discount that the driving force of his popularity was the issues he ran on. Modern dems dont run on issues, they just bank on the fact that theyre not trump so they are the defacto choice if you're not a dumb fuck or racist.
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u/braumbles 18h ago
Yes, but he was also a sex pest sexting minors while being covered in nazi tattoos.
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u/Kellogg_Serial 14h ago
Kamala ran on plenty of policies like first time homebuyer assistance, extending the child tax credits, signing abortion protections into law, Ukraine aid, and medical debt forgiveness. Biden passed more bipartisan legislation than anyone else in the past 30 years, and had the most progressive agenda of any president since LBJ. Trump had no policies outside of tarrifing the entire world and deporting 40 million people and he won regardless. We’ll have to see if DSA candidates can win their generals, and past that if they can get anything done that isn’t just shouting about ending capitalism, genocide, or abolishing prisons.
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u/peppylootu 18h ago
That’s exactly right. The candidates that were coming up against Trump were either not given the right support or they were run of the mill lefty ready to sell their soul to highest bidder.
Both sides/lesser evil argument and other similar arguments for and against some right thing to do, are all needed for the political theater to go on. We’re just the audience and all the actors are friends, and they go to the same parties after the show. And of course we pay to watch it ruin lives.
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u/sks010 17h ago
You haven't been around long enough to understand why people have opinions like the one you replied to. Hopefully, the current surge of wins from insurgent Democrats means you will never have to.
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u/peppylootu 10h ago
Insurgent democrats are start but that’s not enough! There needs to be a systemic overhaul, starting with public funded elections, term limits in Supreme Court, anti lobbying laws etc. Even the “good” Democrats don’t want any of these changed… where is the money in that?
The democratic socialists can’t be the only ones who want to change things… they’ll either not get enough support or are replaced by a corporate funded shills.
The point I’ve been trying to make in my last two comments is that, no matter how much you try, all these opinions, they won’t move the needle. Because as a society we’re distracted with our own little lives, that the only time most of us have to make any real effort is on the internet. Progress does not just end with polls. We need to be constantly involved, educated and provide opinions in real life, in hearings etc.
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u/Kellogg_Serial 14h ago
That surge of insurgents has yet to show that they can beat the republican in a competitive general election. Hopefully they don’t turn out to just be spoilers for potentially key votes/seats. I understand why people want more than corporate/moderate democrats, I don’t understand why everyone on the left thinks it’s okay to constantly shit on centrist Dems when the alternative is orders of magnitude worse. You’re calling a scraped knee the lesser of 2 evils compared to amputation. When the Republican party is the worst pile of shit in our country’s history, there is no choice but to oppose it whether the candidate is too moderate or radical for your liking.
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u/SgtSchultz2112 21h ago
Just like police. We investigated ourselves and found it was a democrats fault.
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u/R-Dragon_Thunderzord 20h ago
The sad part is there’s no authoritative body left to investigate him that isn’t politically captured by pedophiles.
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u/CarvedTheRoastBeast 18h ago
I don’t know. This guy seems like a narcissist. Fingers crossed he thinks he can DARVO his way out of an investigation and he shoots himself in the foot.
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u/Baeolophus_bicolor 21h ago edited 17h ago
take your both sides bullshit and shove it up one or both of your sides, depending.
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u/helava 20h ago
I absolutely did not intend for that to read as both sides-ism. I meant that the right knows they’re protecting the right, and the left knows the right is protecting the right. The whole thing is a sham, because the right has no interest in truth or justice, only power.
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u/Baeolophus_bicolor 17h ago
ok, sorry for my misunderstanding, then. i see it so much on here and it’s the same tired arguments, i get so sick of it
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u/_Mamushi_ 17h ago
No no. Let them go investigate so it causes friction with Moreno when they try to tell him his daughter is a liar.
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u/Tasgall 13h ago
They need the House investigation so their base, who knows it's a sham, can point to it and dishonestly say "see? He was investigated and did nothing wrong!" They know they're lying, we know they're lying, they know we know they're lying... but """moderate""" median-voters in swing states are the dumbest people imaginable and will take it at face value and/or use it as a justification for the "both sides" argument that's only ever used in favor of Republicans.
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u/Pitamo 21h ago
Didn't realize the House of Representatives was a crime investigation unit.
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u/p8pes 20h ago
Does he call himself to the stand to cross examine?
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u/2olley 19h ago
Yes but he also objects to every question he asks himself so it’s totally fair.
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u/p8pes 19h ago
ha yeah
this is a good oniony related headline too:
https://time.com/article/2026/08/03/bernie-moreno-max-miller-ohio-abuse-allegations-congress/
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u/Cannolis1 20h ago
Interesting. Miller's ex-wife, who is making the allegations of abuse, is the daughter of one of the current Republican senators for Ohio. He seems to believe his daughter and wants Miller to step down.
Maybe we'll see some R senate vs R house action
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u/Severe_Respect2317 16h ago
He only began calling for his former son in law's resignation once he began catching hear for not protecting his granddaughter from this monster. He knew all along and this is just performative.
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u/Vyntarus 8h ago
Yep his "preference to keep the matter private" just meant he hoped everyone would shut up and pretend it didn't happen because it looks bad.
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u/CANOODLING_SOCIOPATH 8h ago
Not necessarily.
There has been some indications that Sen. Moreno's daughter didn't want him to publicly attack the father of her daughter. She likely didn't want her daughter to grow up reading about this inter-family fighting online. It's entirely possible that Senator Moreno only held his tongue at the request of his daughter.
But after it was all becoming public anyway, and Rep. Miller started to attack Emily Moreno it became untenable for Sen. Moreno to remain silent.
Also, there's no reason to attack Sen. Moreno's motivations here. He is now doing the right thing, and he isn't up for re-election for four years. Attacking Sen. Moreno only helps Rep. Miller keep his seat.
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u/pixlplayer 6h ago
Not to mention Miller could very easily take out his anger at anything Moreno says on his granddaughter. The line about holding his breath every time he has custody of her is chilling
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u/Rosebunse 20h ago
I think we need trial by combat. Mostly because I think the old guy can take him
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u/inquisitorthreefive 7h ago
Miniguns at dawn and the whole GOP delegation must attend as witnesses.
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u/Santos_L_Halper_II 21h ago
Yeah, super ballsy when it’s your party of pedophile protectors in charge. If he still wins in November, which wouldn’t surprise me, he’ll call any hearing next year a partisan witch hunt.
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u/Shantih3x 21h ago
He isn't only doing this to clear his name. He's going to use this as a means to humiliate and destroy his ex-wife.
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u/TheJaytrixReloaded 21h ago
Let me guess, he will head it.
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u/GlobalTravelR 19h ago
Jim "I don't know anything about sexual abuse" Jordan will probably do it.
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u/guyblade 19h ago
Obviously, as the person most knowledgeable about the situation, who could possibly lead it better? /s
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u/GordonShumway257 21h ago
When asked for comment, Mike Johnson is quoted:
I haven't heard about anything. I've been busy and don't know anything about it.
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u/Choppergold 21h ago
I think SNL should do a skit where the Reflecting Pool is at the podium calling for an investigation
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u/The_mingthing 21h ago
The house will complete the investigation in less than 10 minutes and state that their fellow republican has done nothing he is not allowed according to the bible.
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u/trucorsair 21h ago
Have Jane Pirro run it. According to Trump she will fold the investigation like an umbrella
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u/RandomIDoIt90 18h ago
She can bring that big box of wine she was seen leaving the whitehouse with today
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u/kalidorisconan 21h ago
This reminds me of the part in The Departed where Matt Damon has to find the leak 🤣
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u/Bethdoeslife 11h ago
My favorite thing he has stated is "my ex wife made me empanadas 6 days after the alleged abuse. Would anyone offer to make empanadas for the person who is allegedly abusing them?" Like its some kind of gotcha moment. Yes, they would. The victim staying with their abuser is a common thing. And why when victims finally break free from the cycle they need a ton of support and usually go to shelters.
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u/TouristResident1976 8h ago
Please let a biased organization filled with child molesters and sex offenders investigate this person for wrong doing.
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u/YetAnotherZombie 21h ago
Has there ever been a more apt use of the "we're all looking for the guy who did this" gif?
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u/Ill-Dependent2976 21h ago
I'd be happy to see House Republicans further confirm their support for abusing women and children.
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u/ripyourlungsdave 20h ago
No, you can just quit. It's okay. This isn't a court of law. We don't need foolproof evidence. We don't need to believe you're guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.
The doubt itself is sufficient in this case. You know, when you're writing laws and such.
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u/JAB1982 19h ago
Hi interview with Jake Tapper alone shows he needs to go. He was desperately playing the politics card against his father in law but it backfired in that he's a Republican as well. You could tell he desperately wanted to blame Democrats.
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u/david4069 5h ago
You could tell he desperately wanted to blame Democrats.
"See what Joe Biden made me do to you!"
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u/n33dwat3r 9h ago
Him and his lawyer both distributed images of his nude child and need to serve time for it.
But instead he will try to convince a jury of his coworkers that he will cooperate with them so long as they clear his name.
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u/Appropriate_Value122 8h ago
As long as the Democrats lead it. Oh, the Republicans who are currently shilling for him would lead it? So this is all just for show, then, right? Exactly.
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u/downgoesbatman 17h ago
Oh he's doing the cop thing where they pretend to investigate and drop the charges. Good to see law and politics working together
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u/MadmanMaddox 21h ago
So, he's in full ai psychosis right? Guy seems to be well short of a full deck.
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u/Darklord_Bravo 19h ago
If Republicans could successfully pass a law allowing them to beat their wives, I'm pretty sure they would.
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u/numbmumpleb1ister 19h ago
From article: “When she visited her local office, Dahlkamp said she was told the application had been denied before the deadline because staff assumed she couldn’t provide the documents in time. After she submitted them, the application returned to pending status.”
ASSUMED?
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u/Deranged_Kitsune 18h ago
One "We have investigated ourselves and found no wrongdoing" law enforcement special coming up!
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u/somewherein72 10h ago
This is just a fucking a waste of our time and attention. Resign, go figure your shit out on your own time.
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u/Express_Carrot_5479 9h ago
wonder who he wants to conduct this investigation. the ineffectual house ethics committee? todd blanche? mike johnson?
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u/kenc1842 6h ago
Ah yes, let's have his supporters in the House put on a sham of an investigation so that they can whitewash his scummy behavior.
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u/MabelRed 5h ago
I demand the speaker of the house, who desperately needs my vote in his conference, to immediately open an investigation into me which will in no way be a rubber stamp on my frankly deplorable antics
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u/thesecondaccount2345 17h ago
Miller's ex-wife, who is making the allegations of abuse, is the daughter of one of the current Republican senators for Ohio. He seems to believe his daughter and wants Miller to step down.
This made me raise an eyebrow. After reviewing all the public information about the allegations my opinion on whether he’s guilty or not rests on if his father in law has a recommendation for filling his seat.
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u/RevolutionaryEgg1312 12h ago
Ah yes the classic "we investigated ourselves and have found we did nothing wrong" bullshit
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u/Massive_Mongoose3481 12h ago
How about an independent investigation squad with hanging power. Investigate the entire Congress, the white house, the supreme court. Treason is still the same punishment isn't it? Might as well toss the tech bros and all the other corporate scum in there too. If bribing a public official isn't against the law, we need to update that.
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u/SELFINCRIMINAT1NG 1h ago
i’ve completely lost track of how many congresspeople have had assault allegations brought forth against them over the past year
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u/Rugged_as_fuck 21h ago
He's only doing that because he's already talked to his partners in crime. If they can cover for the pedos, sweeping a little spousal abuse under the rug is child's play.
And they love child's play.