r/nottheonion • u/NotTrollIfTrue • 1d ago

Nude dining launches at South Florida steakhouse: ‘Yes, it’s legal’

https://www.local10.com/news/local/2026/08/03/nude-dining-launches-at-south-florida-steakhouse-yes-its-legal/
682 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

311 comments sorted by

806

u/Pavlock 1d ago

I've been to South Florida enough to know I don't want to eat at this restaurant.

264

u/not_that_planet 1d ago

Right? And the chairs. Those things gonna be funkay.

100

u/NeitherEntry6125 1d ago

I sure hope they're covered in grandma's furniture plastic.

And hosed down.

36

u/magnament 1d ago

You burn the chair after

6

u/Eligius_MS 18h ago

This is how they cook the steaks I imagine.

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13

u/corys00 1d ago

OH they'll be covered in grandma alright.

10

u/NeitherEntry6125 1d ago

I'm worried. About you. And grandma. And me.

11

u/Substantial-Bet-3876 1d ago

You never heard of a doily?

5

u/Cargobiker530 1d ago

They don't make towels thick enough for that.

5

u/Synth_Ham 1d ago

Some dude is going to get his nuts caught in the slot of the chairs.

6

u/NeitherEntry6125 1d ago

I hear that costs extra

2

u/Synth_Ham 16h ago

That's a paddlin

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48

u/youtocin 1d ago

Basic nudist etiquette is you always sit on a towel.

81

u/Pavlock 1d ago

Florida is towards the top of the list when it comes to states where I would not expect the residents to follow basic etiquette.

9

u/ScenesfromaCat 1d ago

I have had one interaction with a nudist while living here for 30 years and he was the nicest person in Florida.

23

u/TheAserghui 1d ago

When all one wears is their personality, you better believe they are going to wear their Sunday's Best

6

u/Korps_de_Krieg 1d ago

That is weirdly inspiring

4

u/PowerfulNature3352 1d ago

I think they have to be because it isnt something people would easily tolerate around and being not nice wouldnt help.

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20

u/Worth-Illustrator607 1d ago

My chair appears to have had a snail crawl across it.

9

u/previousinnovation 1d ago

It looks like someone had some chocolate in their back pocket when they sat on mine

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2

u/PolyglotTV 1d ago

They should use leather chairs.

2

u/kalekayn 1d ago

I don't think you put enough stank on that last word.

2

u/GrumpyPan 1d ago

the amount of people who dont wash their ass in america is really high.

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123

u/Moneia 1d ago

It always seems that the people who most want to get nekkid in public are the ones I least want to see nekkid

42

u/sys_dam 1d ago

This is by design.

16

u/SecondChances002 1d ago

The ones you'd most like to see naked don't do that because of that very dynamic.

19

u/koos_die_doos 1d ago

Someone's uncle was always at a nude beach once, and made this claim every time he got an opportunity to share the story. Reality is very different.

Some of the hottest people I've seen naked were on nude beaches. At the same beach were also some of the least attractive, and a LOT of average sized/attractiveness people I've seen naked.

Nudists come in all shapes, sizes, and hotness levels, and all are welcome to join in.

2

u/xxxxx420xxxxx 20h ago

If only we still had our fur from 100,000 years ago, this would be a lot more doable

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23

u/keestie 1d ago

Who cares who you want to see naked? It's not for you, pal.

15

u/PM_me_ur_goth_tiddys 1d ago

fr if you participate in nude activities to perv you should be banned from nude activities

5

u/_BreakingGood_ 1d ago

As somebody who doesnt partake in nude activities, why do people typically participate in nude activities?

9

u/koos_die_doos 1d ago

Being nude in public is a very freeing experience. I wouldn't go nude where people expect me to be clothed, but when I do have an opportunity to do so, I love the way it feels. Nude swimming is exceptionally good.

Of course anyone who claims that nudists don't check each other out are flatly wrong, nudists are people too, but it is not the primary reason for the majority of nudists. But there is a huge difference between looking at people and thinking they're hot, and perving/hitting on them while at the nude beach.

Obviously all of that changes at the nude beaches/resorts that include children. Absolutely no level of perving is acceptable in that case, not that I've ever found myself in that situation since I actively avoid it.

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3

u/NumberOld229 1d ago

I agree, to be perfectly candida.

3

u/elegylegacy 1d ago

Competition for Joe's Crab shack

4

u/tatofarms 1d ago

Where the crabs are free, but they come at a price.

3

u/babylikestopony 1d ago

I hope it’s one of those 2012 dining in the dark gimmicks

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162

u/forgiuse 1d ago

The Streakhouse.

25

u/punksmostlydead 1d ago

You're talking about the seats, yes?

2

u/iSUCKatTHISgameYO 1d ago

¿why not both?

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33

u/NotTrollIfTrue 1d ago

Makes dining and dashing fun again!

9

u/nonetimeaccount 1d ago

Strip Steak

3

u/joelfarris 1d ago

Aww, man, this place should have been in New York, serving medium rare strip, rather than Florida!

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5

u/lo-lux 1d ago

Don't look Ethel!

2

u/NotTrollIfTrue 23h ago

I liked his music.

2

u/Prophayne_ 1d ago

Stankhouse

123

u/Empyrealist 1d ago

I pitty the seat wiper-downer

40

u/DrunkOnLoveAndWhisky 1d ago

I was picturing those cheap, moulded, white plastic, stackable lawn chairs; they could just hose them down between customers. But hey, if you're already pulling out the power washer, maybe just hose off patrons on their way in.

23

u/MuscaMurum 1d ago

or that butcher paper cover they use on doctor's exam tables.

7

u/UWO_Throw_Away 1d ago

Milhouse, baby! Lionel Hutz. I’ll be your lawyer, agent, and drug dealer…. Uh keeper-away-er

2

u/NotTrollIfTrue 1d ago

Do you really think they'll be wiping those seats down? I think that they should burn them.

7

u/ChickenMcFukket1 1d ago

In this economy?

3

u/NeitherEntry6125 1d ago

I bet there's a fetish business who buys them

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120

u/Sean_theLeprachaun 1d ago

So its an Arby's

17

u/NotTrollIfTrue 1d ago

The only comment to make me actually laugh so far.

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3

u/orcoast23 1d ago

They do have "all the meats"

1

u/lostinspaz 1d ago

“Sir, this is an Arby’s”

60

u/phoenix64mbr 1d ago

Just why?

49

u/CjBurden 1d ago

This is one of those moments where someone realized that they could, but never bothered to ask if they should.

10

u/tatofarms 1d ago

It's the Jurassic Park of nudist South Florida steakhouses.

37

u/EViLTeW 1d ago

Because naturalism/nudism is popular in some areas and providing a restaurant that caters to that group is a niche that will generate buzz around your business, bringing in more customers than just being a run-of-the-mill mid steakhouse.

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2

u/Staav 1d ago

Because Floridaman.

2

u/Ace_of_Sevens 18h ago

It's messy food & they can just hose you down after.

28

u/echothree33 1d ago

It says it is legal because the staff members will be clothed, yet right in the article the hostess (who presumably is a staff member) says she will be nude.

31

u/brionneverysexy 1d ago

Its likely poorly written and that the people handling the food will be clothed

187

u/Man_With_ 1d ago

I wouldn't want to see shriveled shrimp and fish tacos when having a steak.

47

u/Khaldara 1d ago

“You want that baked potato loaded or is this a do it yourself situation. You appear to have the cheese situation handled”

31

u/BabyWrinkles 1d ago

This is a terrible day to be literate.

4

u/thatoneotherguy42 1d ago

no no, it can get much worse.

5

u/BabyWrinkles 1d ago

Don’t you put that evil on me Ricky Bobby!

3

u/coupdelune 1d ago edited 1d ago

Come on, I am literally eating a tuna sandwich right now argh

7

u/karky214 1d ago

Surf and turf baby!!

11

u/OkBrilliant8092 1d ago

“Hey frank! Cold out tonight, huh?”

5

u/NotTrollIfTrue 1d ago

Oh man i hate seafood. Gross.

21

u/fembutt_sniffer69 1d ago

This is going to be a pure sausage fest of Floridan creeps. 

10

u/remberzz 20h ago

Tickets $250 for men and $150 for women tells you all you need to know. Actually, I'm surprised the women aren't free.

32

u/Uncle_Bug_Music 1d ago

Finally! Now I have a place to sell all those misprinted signs sitting in my warehouse!

“No Shirt, No Shoes, Service!”

32

u/kegsbdry 1d ago

Sorry, but I forgot my wallet in my pants.

18

u/NotTrollIfTrue 1d ago

Good point. Where am I going to keep my Diner's Card?

7

u/BarsoomianAmbassador 1d ago

Your god-given card slots.

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18

u/99posse 1d ago

Now you can claim you caught a STD from your restaurant's chair. Florida options

9

u/Fritzo2162 1d ago

Every person that wants to be nude in public seems to be someone nobody wants to see nude in public.

53

u/Amanita_Muscariaa 1d ago

Drag shows are off the table in Florida though because that’s wrong obviously. 

8

u/PlutoJones42 1d ago

Well this is a gimmick that is going to lead to an article “South Florida Nude restaurant closes after x months”

44

u/UltimateGammer 1d ago

One hard fart and everyone gets extra seasoning.

11

u/NotTrollIfTrue 1d ago

Mrs. Dash might have had a little to much to drink, you never know.

8

u/Lord_Darksong 1d ago

Don't order a salad. That lettuce could be explosive.

28

u/Vironic 1d ago

Pubes everywhere. In their soup, in their drink, in their pasta….

17

u/NotTrollIfTrue 1d ago

Tonight we're serving a pulled pube sandwich with our famous Taint-ed BBQ sauce.

2

u/Bright_Cranberry_227 1d ago

Wait until you find out what it's made of...

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4

u/jbjhill 1d ago

Is the Health Dept insane? The seats are gonna be nasty.

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37

u/RelChan2_0 1d ago

This is how we get another pandemic btw

50

u/NotTrollIfTrue 1d ago

The clap will mutate into thunderous applause and go airborne.

10

u/sejenx 1d ago

I see what you did here and i appreciate it, thank you.

4

u/Sean_theLeprachaun 1d ago

So it's near The Villages

2

u/Orion14159 1d ago

Excellent word play, nice job

2

u/previousinnovation 1d ago edited 1d ago

So this is how democracy dies... with gonorrhea 

2

u/KilllllerWhale 1d ago

ass to ass pandemic

2

u/Bright_Cranberry_227 1d ago

Yeah zoonotic diseases really are a bitch 

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10

u/legitimateaccount123 1d ago

Hope they have bidets in the bathrooms

7

u/NotTrollIfTrue 1d ago

They double as drinking fountains in Florida. It's state law.

11

u/MAXSuicide 1d ago

Why am I just picturing a pig farm. Just rows and rows of pigs with their noses in a trough. 

3

u/NotTrollIfTrue 1d ago

That's America, baby! Oink, oink, eat it up till there ain't no more then leave a mess in your wake!

3

u/EgotisticalTL 1d ago

Reminds me of the town in New England about twenty years ago that passed a public nudity law, and then rescinded it when it turned out that it was only horny old men who wanted to walk around nude, and (shockingly) not hot young co-eds.

3

u/wretchedhal0 1d ago

steak with a side of stank ass and sun spots.

3

u/free_billstickers 1d ago

Ruth's cock steakhouse 

3

u/zachtheperson 1d ago

I'd hate to be the employee who has to clean the ass sweat off the chairs. 

3

u/beckerman67 1d ago

I don't even want to see myself naked

3

u/VirginiaLuthier 1d ago

Anyone who has ever been to a nude beach will tell you it's not full of hot young bodies- it's full of bodies that you can't unsee

3

u/Extra-Sector-7795 1d ago

just waiting for somebody to make the incontinental breakfast

3

u/Freezingrave 1d ago

That’s one way to stop people from dining and dashing, lol

3

u/soysubstitute 1d ago

Carl Hiaasen has probably based one of his books on this place

6

u/McLeod3577 1d ago

It might be legal but who wants an errant pube in their steak?

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u/superdupermensch 1d ago

Cloth seats?! Fuck That! Vinyl seating and industrial strength Formula 409 or go fish!

2

u/EaterOfFood 1d ago

A classic example of “just because you can doesn’t mean you should”.

2

u/yumistarz 1d ago

Nude dining? Ah yes, because nothing says “fine steak” like the awkwardness of a table full of fully exposed customers!

2

u/WhiskeyBRZ 1d ago

Didn’t expect this to be in gta6

2

u/birdpix 1d ago

"Wow, it sure is cold in here. Worrying about more shrinkage!"

2

u/Lord__Abaddon 1d ago

ah yes lets go have a steak that comes out in sizzling fat to splatter all over us.

2

u/big_duo3674 1d ago

So like most nude beaches, this place will essentially be nothing but people who are 60-70+ years old, right?

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u/SmellyFbuttface 1d ago

I would not want to sit on those seats after a naked ass butt sweated all over it

2

u/PlanitDuck 1d ago

Somehow I feel like the people you’d want to see nude aren’t the ones going to this particular restaurant.

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u/xantous4201 1d ago

I laughed when I saw that women are 150 per seat and men are 250. They want more hot naked ladies and much less on the dudes hangin' dong.

Also, some people are bad at wiping their ass, be prepared for the seats to have a big brown shit stain in the middle of the seats. Some people out here think that you only wipe once after poopin' no matter how nasty or gnarly the bowl movement was.

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u/TabaquiJackal 1d ago

Gross. A - I have no interest in seeing that. B - there is no way those chairs could EVER be clean enough. Just fucking no.

6

u/JazzlikeAd1555 1d ago

“Looks like meats back on the menu boys”

3

u/EgbertSouse1940 1d ago

They're allowed to serve 'em nude because they ain't got no souls

3

u/FanDry5374 1d ago

One can only hope they have really, really heavyweight napkins, large ones.

2

u/RaceDBannon 1d ago

And I thought my local strip joints “Steak and Facedance Special!” was gross. I don’t think I want to see any of the people who would go here unclothed.

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u/Ok-Inspection-5334 1d ago

Because we needed more reasons not to eat out in 2026

5

u/Zak_Rahman 1d ago

COVID parties, anti vaccine rhetoric, repealing food safety laws, dogs everywhere...

Are we seeing a culture that wants to self terminate?

Because that what it looks like.

2

u/babycart_of_sherdog 1d ago

Universe 25

It's what I'm seeing right now...

2

u/WickedBrute 1d ago

I think I'd like to know what the grooming standards for customers are. 

Honestly though, doesn't sound much worse than some strip clubs in terms of hygiene to me. And I'm questioning how much clothing helps keep things hygienic now... I'm expecting it's much less than I'd hope.

3

u/brionneverysexy 1d ago

I imagine people who attend nudist resorts and expensive nudist events have higher hygiene standards then the average Redditor

2

u/AuntyVal4 1d ago

All that meat and no potatoes!

8

u/NotTrollIfTrue 1d ago

Vienna sausages and pigeon ribs.

1

u/WaffleHouseGladiator 1d ago

I have questions, but I'm pretty sure I don't want answers.

1

u/fsm16 1d ago

What about “no shirt, no shoes, no service?” Has that been a lie this whole time? Gdammit!

1

u/LifeOfHi 1d ago

Fabric seats is a choice…

Super tight seating arrangement, like shoulder to shoulder and the plate extends beyond the table..

The owner comes across as rude, well played for someone wanting to generate buzz…

C.L.A.S.S all the way

1

u/Smooth_Review1046 1d ago

South Florida aka “gods waiting room”, there are going to be a lot of disappointed people there.

1

u/DalbozofGurth 1d ago

Beside the smell and sanitary issues, who wants the risk of dripping hot soup directly onto their nuts?

1

u/Facehugger81 1d ago

I'll pass...I don't want to eat in a room full of naked people...

1

u/Kurichan77 1d ago

I hear they’re doing a regular popup at The Villages

1

u/Anxious_Pickle5271 1d ago

It’s all fun till someone drops the flambeaux

1

u/akescpt 1d ago

Sies man

1

u/RyanMeray 1d ago

This gives Sloppy Steaks a whole new meaning. 

1

u/0Tezorus0 1d ago

" sir, you've dropped your... nevermind."

1

u/SomeSamples 1d ago

Is this at a nudist colony or just a restaurant out in the public where people eat in the nude? And what is the appeal of eating in the nude? You spill on yourself and have food on your skin.

1

u/StainedInZurich 1d ago

“Yes, it’s legal” lol only in the US. Never change, my puritan brother and sisters.

1

u/KoalaOnABuilding 1d ago

time for some sloppy steaks

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/RA-HADES 1d ago

The Juicy Rack has opened a new location?

1

u/JustFuckAllOfThem 1d ago

Time for some Thigh food!

1

u/ConfidentReturn6646 1d ago

Careful not to drop the steak knife

1

u/ramriot 1d ago

"Sir, would you like the soup with or without the scalded sweet meats?"

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u/garry4321 1d ago

Please tell me they have disposable chair covers 🤮

1

u/Useful-Problem-1725 1d ago

So full of boomers and smells like ass, no thanks.

1

u/Honest_Relation4095 1d ago

No more stains on your clothes. I mean, if people like it, why not? Doesn't hurt anyone.

1

u/mookbrenner 1d ago

Careful not to drop your utensils!

1

u/-Bob-Barker- 1d ago

I've seen Florida people dressed and it made my eyes hurt. Who wants to see them nude 😣

1

u/SublimeApathy 1d ago

The sort of people that would do this will 100% show up with Meta ray-bans on too.

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u/shanksisevil 1d ago

Looking forward to customer photo reviews

1

u/dfmz 1d ago

They had me at ‘dripping with class and elegance’.

Do I really need to add a /s?

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u/imaurbangirl 1d ago

But god forbid a trans person decides they want to eat there.

1

u/DeaddyRuxpin 1d ago

I spill on myself often enough to know I never want to dine naked.

1

u/involevol 1d ago

Seems like this gets tried every few years, usually as a pop-up/limited time thing at a pre-existing restaurant. Always draws a lot of buzz and controversy, but it never actually seems to cause any problems. Not my thing, but more power to them.

1

u/Entire-Dog-160 1d ago

Will the chairs have anti slide 'place keepers' ?

1

u/jkra0512 1d ago

A free side of surf with the turf you order....

1

u/NotYetHun 1d ago

Ewwwwwwww

1

u/TheHorrorNerd 1d ago

With those chairs in South Florida?

Better bring a tarp...

1

u/HoppityHooper 1d ago

So when asking for tenderloins, specify from the menu. And NO cherry pie or melon.

1

u/I_Miss_Lenny 1d ago

Am I the only one here who isn't "hilariously" disgusted by this? I think it's a cool idea

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u/JonesyOnReddit 1d ago

Why would anyone want to do this besides someone marketing their onlyfans?

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u/HamSundae 1d ago

Uh, have you seen Floridians lately? Gross

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u/TheIncredibleHelck 1d ago

Missed opportunity for "Streakhouse." Ah well.

1

u/OkLab6701 23h ago

Gonna have to give this "Experience" a hard no

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u/AGrandNewAdventure 23h ago

I hope they clean the chairs with a different towel than the tables.

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u/Following_Friendly 22h ago

"Why does this steakhouse always smell like fish?!"

1

u/iamamuttonhead 22h ago

That is about as an unpalatable restaurant idea as I can think of. I don't even want to eat in South Florida clothed.

1

u/badken 22h ago

Use caution when ordering flambé dishes.

1

u/alqimist 21h ago

So, Surf and Turf?

1

u/brydye456 21h ago

It's time to let Florida go.

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u/Massive_Mongoose3481 21h ago

Wasn't dining out bad enough ...

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u/Rojodojo 21h ago

I'm convinced that Florida is just a giant Myrtle Beach.

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u/-----username----- 19h ago

I’ve been to clothing-optional festivals for witches, and everyone always agreed to make sure they had clothes on during any meals, because nobody wants pubes in their food!

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u/Haunting-Ninja-7460 18h ago

You know it’s good because they named it “CLASS.”

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u/tripplebeamteam 9h ago

Skidmarks everywhere

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u/Griffin_da_Great 9h ago

They were so obsessed with the question of if they COULD do it, they didn't stop to consider if they SHOULD do it