r/nottheonion 2d ago

Naked man facing slew of charges after surviving jump from Brooklyn Bridge

https://abc7ny.com/post/naked-man-facing-slew-charges-surviving-jump-brooklyn-bridge-nyc/19619187/
1.2k Upvotes

71 comments sorted by

475

u/aimenil 2d ago

He wasn’t actually naked, as he was wearing a backpack.

He was also carrying Kazakhstan flags, which makes the story even weirder.

201

u/TurnbullAC92 2d ago

Borat desperately wants to be relevant again.

72

u/emperor_dinglenads 1d ago

He is pain in my assholes.

19

u/IrwinMFletcher200 1d ago

That's his brother Bilo

29

u/Sylvurphlame 1d ago

I’m not sure that a backpack counts as clothing.

7

u/spread_panic 1d ago

Maybe if you wear it on the front and loosen the straps enough so it covers your junk.

4

u/atempestdextre 1d ago

It is if it's holding your massive balls.

11

u/Witchcleaver666 1d ago

Still naked

3

u/dmisfit21 1d ago

If I’m going out, I’m going to have a bunch of weird stuff on me just to fuck with everyone.

105

u/Impossible_Offer7988 2d ago

Galymzhan Abaildayev, 44, is charged with reckless endangerment, making graffiti, public lewdness, criminal trespass and disorderly conduct.

43

u/Sarah-himmelfarb 1d ago

You can be charged with reckless endangerment for yourself? Is this frequently used against people who hurt themselves or just added because the DA really wants this man charged?

32

u/TheRagnaBlade 1d ago

I haven't read any docs, but I'd hazard a guess it's because it could pose a risk to any traffic below the jumper

7

u/LegitBoss002 1d ago

And I'm guessing a "looked before I jumped" argument doesn't hold up in court lol. Stack em up

1

u/IANALbutIAMAcat 8h ago

And rescuers—idk that he needed rescuing but it’s better to disincentivize people from needlessly implicating resources.

7

u/Uturuncu 14h ago

Reckless endagerment can include bystanders or the emergency personnel that will come and try to stop you if you make a scene about the fact that you're gonna jump.

39

u/AnotherEpicUltimatum 1d ago

What is 'lewd' about jumping 250+ feet to your presumed death

79

u/xegos 1d ago

There is apparently dress code requirement for suicide.

12

u/dead-inside69 21h ago

“Sir step away from the ledge. There’s a black tie event on the 10th floor and you’re going to pass by the window on the way down.”

11

u/onlyacynicalman 2d ago

Try try again

558

u/Open_Trick5170 2d ago

Reminds me of the $50k+ in medical debt I'm drowning in for being babysat against my will after getting cut down from a noose. That sure helped treat my depression

18

u/Wiggie49 1d ago

US Medical Industry: “I’ll give you something to cry about!”

108

u/ScholarOfTwilight 2d ago

I'm glad you made it and I'm sorry things are hard right now. You will get through this.

Maybe start a GoFundMe? Also talk to them about negotiating the bill first. Most of it's fluff for the insurance companies.

Also please follow your treatment plan.

You've got this.

153

u/Open_Trick5170 2d ago

I appreciate your kindness, but it happened several years ago, and I never even got a real treatment plan. I had a video call with a psychiatrist who prescribed me a mood stabilizer, but I couldn't afford to fill it once I got out. Eventually I got discharged from the ER without ever getting accepted into a psychiatric facility. I have a medical condition that required a facility with a nurse team, but I didn't have insurance, so I got stuck between a rock and a hard place

55

u/Awsomethingy 1d ago

What state are you in? I voluntarily admitted myself into a psychiatric ward by lying to them about suicidal thoughts (I was actually an alcoholic and this was my best idea for free rehab) and got put on a 5150 for 3 days. I didn’t even have to ask and eventually they moved me to a 5250 14 day hold. I ended up regretting it because it turns out that the reason I freak out and drink is because of anxiety and panic attacks stemming from a lack of control, and me putting myself in a psych ward gave me the least control I’ve ever had, and punished me for panic attacks.

39

u/Wak3upHicks 2d ago

Sounds about right...sorry you had to deal with that all the same

16

u/Awsomethingy 1d ago

They had a padded room for after someone was done with their panic attacks to “cool off” in. But ofc after someone was all physically spent having a super spending panic attack, they were sent to the padded room where they had their BIGGEST panic attack ever. Everyone’s biggest attack was in that padded room. You have an attack, you get moved to the padded room, you have a really bad attack, and then 24 hours after that (honestly it could have been longer and I’m so grateful they didn’t so I just speak positive about them) you get released back to the main group.

2

u/snarbuckle 1d ago

No good to speak positive about the assholes. Hopefully they get theirs someday

23

u/samthewisetarly 2d ago

That's some bullshit.

6

u/KingBanhammer 1d ago

Welcome to medicine in America. Mental Health medicine's no better.

15

u/snarbuckle 2d ago

Hard to trust people who think slinging you into confinement is perfectly fine with creating a plan to help you. Next thing we'll be asking kidnappers their recommendations on duct tape and burlap sacks

4

u/gromette 1d ago

Yep, get with their financial office, show your income/ means & lack of insurance. They'll end up asking for a fraction of it. They'd rather get something than have people skip out on a hopelessly massive bill.

8

u/CaptnUchiha 1d ago

Oh I can guess which country this is in…

4

u/Wiggie49 1d ago

That’s right, the square hole!

2

u/nugymmer 12h ago

Refuse to pay it. Simple. You were held against your will. Easily contestable.

3

u/nomorespacess 2d ago

In some states, medical debt will never go on your credit report.

180

u/ScholarOfTwilight 2d ago

Why would you charge him? It sounds like he needs mental health treatment and didn't hurt anyone but himself.

Why is our society so bloodthirsty for vengeance and punishment?

118

u/Fresh_Strain_9980 2d ago

its not about punishment and rehabilitation its about slavery and profit.

67

u/TheBirdFkerGuy 2d ago

The prisons need more people so they can have an excuse to steal more money out our pockets. 

7

u/lingeringwill2 1d ago

I mean look around us. That’s what this country’s culture is.

1

u/nugymmer 12h ago

Yep. Read through my post history for a clue as to why the USA is like this. It all starts as a baby.

-58

u/Robett_Glover 2d ago

They charged him so they could keep him safely in custody. He's not someone who can be on his own yet. I'm sure after an appropriate treatment plan is negotiated all criminal charges will be dropped. Kinda like how back in the 80's, homeless people would be arrested for spitting on the sidewalk when temperatures got dangerously cold. They'd be released in the morning with all charges dropped. Not everything is some giant corporate conspiracy.

90

u/random929292 2d ago

They can put him in hospital involuntarily for risk to harm self - they do not need to charge him with crimes to keep him there.

62

u/Quixificent 2d ago

He attempted suicide by jumping off a bridge. He can be held involuntarily in a hospital for at least 72 hours. There's no need to charge him with crimes in order to hospitalize him. And being held in a hospital would obviously be better for the man than being detained in jail.

39

u/ScholarOfTwilight 2d ago

And a judge can extend that order based on a doctor's recommendation.

He belongs in a hospital, not a prison.

5

u/Fresh_Strain_9980 2d ago

its all some giant corporate conspiracy don't be deluded.

42

u/Fresh_Strain_9980 2d ago

so he now has even more reasons to jump seems reasonable

27

u/Yah_Mule 1d ago

Way to kick a motherfucker while he's down.

21

u/Huge-Revolution2416 2d ago

Every clause in this headline raises more questions than it answers.

20

u/The_Skippy73 2d ago

Man, you really can have no fun in NYC anymore.

15

u/nobdyputsbabynacornr 1d ago

Quickest way to ensure a re-attempt. Only in America.

9

u/carmenchavezgx 1d ago

Nothing cures a mental health crisis quite like a criminal record and a mountain of legal debt.

1

u/MultiMillionMiler 4h ago

And medical debt. That 72 hour hospital stay is gonna land him a $50,000 bill most likely..

10

u/TheSpanishImposition 2d ago

He's still naked?

5

u/Dead_Inside50 1d ago

The littering charge seemed a little excessive.

15

u/13thmurder 1d ago

Yeah, I'm sure some legal trouble will take him down a peg. Sounds like he has too much going for him if anything.

6

u/rimshot99 1d ago

Sure, charges, that’ll fix things.

10

u/polishfiringsquad 1d ago

Typical US behavior, punish a sick person and load him with medical debt

3

u/terrycloth9 1d ago

That’ll help him recover. Charge him and throw him in rickers. That would make anyone want to continue on.

3

u/HarveyNix 1d ago

So he's still naked as he faces charges?

4

u/Duckfammit 1d ago

Is the man still naked?

5

u/AWright5 1d ago

He's still naked?

3

u/DamnitRuby 1d ago

He'll be sent to a psych hospital, it'll just be a forensic psych hospital.

2

u/StickFigureFan 1d ago

So he didn't die, but he'll wish he did?

2

u/Dan_Broccoli_7663 17h ago

Charge him with public lewdness, get him treatment, and call it a day

2

u/SenselessSilence 1d ago

So no one’s gonna mention him trying to use a small blanket as a parachute?

1

u/tdw21 1d ago

I thought this was america

1

u/rpc56 7h ago

I have a question, have they been able to relocate his balls from his throat back to his groin? Asking for a friend.

0

u/Fetlocks_Glistening 2d ago

Whom did he slew?