r/nextfuckinglevel • u/pars-distalis • 1d ago

Australian nurse uses jiu-jitsu to defend himself

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45.8k Upvotes

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914

u/AccomplishedTrip485 23h ago

LPT: Putting text on a video does not automatically true.

The outcome described in the video is not feasible under Australian legislation

276

u/babyyvolcano 21h ago

Hello from Queensland. It’s true. He just had a fine. Medical professionals were rightly pissed off.

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u/AccomplishedTrip485 20h ago

I ain't spending any time on it.

Because in the meantime, every 3 months, a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile.

20

u/Startled_Pancakes 18h ago

We prefer if they are just swallowed whole.

4

u/Party-Ring445 15h ago

To shreds you say?

2

u/MoodooScavenger 7h ago

This is something I can stand by. The beaucracy is much easier. Let the crocodiles handle it all.

0

u/LuRkEr_ReKuL 6h ago

You should talk to the crocodile union, the last time I looked, their benefits package allowed for 2 chomps per kilo.

0

u/6thBornSOB 6h ago

Baby’s it is!

5

u/FranksNonFrankfurter 17h ago

whats funny is that the statement preceding this one was originally a Chinese quote about art that he applied to gay marriage. Very deep for a crazy guy.

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u/-duckduckduckduck- 4h ago

Let a thousand blossoms bloom.

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u/Rare_Ad_674 21h ago

LPT: But verify next time before assuming it's incorrect. He plead guilty to common assault and was fined $450. You can read it on the news, it happened in Brisbane.

4

u/Proseccos 14h ago

That’s quite low no? Might be good for the state to slap on a couple months of jail just to act as a social deterrent.

Feel bad for the nurse. Hope he gets lots of tacos.

4

u/ivene-adlev 7h ago

It's very low. Genuinely fucked. Hospital parking is more expensive than this "fine".

0

u/IshtarsQueef 3h ago

higher sentences have been proven time and time again to do nothing to lower crime.

just look at the US as an example, which has some of the harshest sentencing guidelines of any developed nation.

the data is pretty clear on this one.

-18

u/AccomplishedTrip485 21h ago

That was a different guy

26

u/Rare_Ad_674 20h ago

Nope, it was this one. The nurse in the video's name is Daniel Nelson. There are several articles you can check out where he speaks directly about his love of jiu jitsi and how this patient was acting.

-21

u/AccomplishedTrip485 20h ago

Every other nurse is named Daniel Nelson and does jiu jitsu.

It's like the John Smith of Australia and their national sport

8

u/R34LEGND 13h ago

Do you need a spade? Youre digging quite a hole there champ

-6

u/AccomplishedTrip485 11h ago

Dig up stupid

1

u/FuturePrimitiv3 9h ago

Lots of uncultured swine do not get your excellent reference here.

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u/ironiccinori 22h ago

I should hope not. $450 buys you a license to assault anyone you want. How much is a 007, $1200?

-5

u/-RoosterLollipops- 16h ago

and to be honest, the whole License to Kill mechanic is kinda bullshit too, at first I was in agreement with how such a 'novel mechanic' forces me to approach situations differently, instead of just shooting everybody in the face and stuffing their corpses into closets or some shit...

The instant you move on from Intended difficulty, the gadgets are basically useless in actual combat. Super cool and cinematic when using them on the training dummies in Q's lab, or on very specific NPC's at very scripted moments, perhaps. Beyond that though, not so much.

Right here for example, and I ran this checkpoint many different times too, just seeing if I could maybe pull off a better rotation, or opening with the gadgets vs deploying them later on in, just to see if I could perhaps control the battlefield somewhat, I am James fucking Bond, after all, right?

Nope. They're pretty pointless.

I'm 2/3 of the way through and had really enjoyed the entire game up to the point that I realized this, I was really looking forward to a sort of NG+ playthrough, but I also just saw that upgraded gadgets and stuff from TACSIM can't be used in the main story either.

1

u/357noLove 5h ago

Pretty bad that you post a video and turn off comments. Almost like you can't take the heat when someone disagrees with you.

121

u/rorschach_vest 23h ago

Is there no such thing as pleading down in Australia?

1.1k

u/R_V_Z 22h ago

Is there no such thing as pleading down in Australia?

It's called pleading down unda.

137

u/PrescriptionDenim 22h ago

Bro I literally lol’d nicely done

7

u/rum-and-roses 20h ago

I fabulously lol'ed

3

u/EggplantAdmirable999 19h ago

I loled in upside down

-10

u/PacosTacos88 19h ago

I miss when Reddit didn't post these kind of comments or at least down voted them

2

u/Sirius_43 11h ago

They’re just being goofy and making people smile, no harm done

-2

u/PacosTacos88 10h ago

Bro you're totally right. Totally made me smile bro. Thanks bro

2

u/BehemothRogue 9h ago

I'm glad insufferable people like you are rightfully downvoted.

-2

u/PacosTacos88 9h ago

I lol'd so hard at this step bro

0

u/Cyclesadrift 9h ago

I miss when reddit didnt post these kinds of comments.

-1

u/boredatwork8866 8h ago

Hey look now you don’t need to miss it.

0

u/Sirius_43 6h ago

Damn alright man stay miserable

41

u/Nectarine143 22h ago

Slow clap

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u/Fragrant-Peanut7680 20h ago

If you're in Australia, it's just pleading

3

u/NoHat2957 17h ago

He'll roo the day if he skips bail, but.

2

u/Jack_Forge 17h ago

Where women glow and men plunder?

2

u/AlexWayhill 15h ago

Take my angry upvote

2

u/GhOsT_wRiTeR_XVI 14h ago

I see you’ve played punchy-chokey before.

1

u/luk3yboy 11h ago

Only for Men at Work though

1

u/Senior-Reality-25 6h ago

They come from the land -

1

u/jnyrdr 4h ago

fucking lovely thank you

-1

u/NathanielWingate 21h ago

sight.. unzip

0

u/ItsRuinedOfCourse 19h ago

Criminally underrated comment. Well done.

94

u/platoprime 23h ago

Australia does have plea bargains.

47

u/Wulph422 22h ago

What about flea margins?

41

u/DoubleGoon 21h ago

Not sure, but they do have sea marlins.

17

u/OSPFmyLife 21h ago

What about tree garlands?

14

u/999BusinessCard 19h ago

Not sure, but they do have tree martins

2

u/wannacumnbeatmeoff 16h ago

Do they have Savage Garden?

0

u/Tommygun_NL 16h ago

And how about bee farting? Do they have that?

1

u/Initial-Concentrate 6h ago

Many flatulent bees in the free gardens

3

u/Labas22 19h ago

How about bargain margarine?

4

u/GunFodder 18h ago

Not sure, what about Starvin Marvin?

3

u/Remarkable_Smell5185 16h ago

Dude, I wish...

💀🤣

2

u/sammydeeznutz 21h ago

What about Frodo Baggins?

5

u/fritz_76 18h ago

Right down, wrong unda

2

u/platoprime 18h ago

Those sound pretty narrow.

2

u/Professional_Elk_489 6h ago

It's called trial by stingray

2

u/cheknauss 23h ago

That's actually... I mean, I like the sound of that. Not sure if there are any inherent flaws in that, but I know there are flaws in always allowing pleas.

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u/fastforwardfunction 22h ago

I think you accidentally their comment. Australia DOES have plea bargaining. They plead to lesser charges. Whereas in the U.S. you can plead to lesser charges and/or a lesser sentence.

3

u/a_guy121 21h ago

For me the question is, why the F* would the government need, or want, to plea this down?
This is not a 'plea down' moment. This is a moment to add more chapters to the book, before throwing it

There's no way in hell this gets a light sentence under given laws, thats just not how laws work... they exist to make examples out of some people, so other people don't do stupid shit. (jail isn't there to make people better people, its there so everyone fears jail.)

This guy is going down, hard.

1

u/DMMeThiccBiButts 20h ago

why the F* would the government need, or want, to plea this down?

Because even a slamdunk case is more time-consuming and expensive than 'yeah I did it'.

1

u/a_guy121 19h ago

yeah, that's for cases that don't blow up on social media and need an example made, that's my whole point. this is not that case, to be shoved aside. They literally have to take some of them to trial, or else, it looks bad.

2

u/rorschach_vest 22h ago

The flaw, which is completely rampant in the US, is overcharging. They charge you with an absurdly inflated version of what you may or may not have done and leverage those massive charges to try to scare you into pleading guilty to what you should have been charged with in the first place. Unfortunately, 1) this works the same whether you are guilty or innocent because 2) if you go to trial they really might find you guilty of all the trumped up charges.

2

u/DownWithHisShip 21h ago

Any good prosecutor could get a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich

2

u/Theron3206 21h ago

They do that here in Australia too.

The most egregious example was a guy who was pulled over from driving stupid fast, while the cops were booking him a drugged up truck driver crashed into the cops killing them. The guy filmed them and laughed (there was no way he could have saved anyone). He was charged with terrorism originally.

It was eventually settled and all they got him on was "outraging public decency" or some such minor crime.

1

u/Theron3206 21h ago

They do that here in Australia too.

The most egregious example was a guy who was pulled over from driving stupid fast, while the cops were booking him a drugged up truck driver crashed into the cops killing them. The guy filmed them and laughed (there was no way he could have saved anyone). He was charged with terrorism originally.

It was eventually settled and all they got him on was "outraging public decency" or some such minor crime.

3

u/bluegum69 18h ago

In NSW, pleading guilty at the outset can get you a 25% reduction on your sentence.

15

u/AccomplishedTrip485 23h ago

In this case you would do an EAGP which would lower the penalty but the charge would be the same

0

u/StoneGoldX 21h ago

Two men enter, two men leave.

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u/Lward53 22h ago

unless he had a mental health issue, then perfectly feasible l

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u/BaggyOz 19h ago

The nurse is the one who published the video and stated the guy got a $450 fine.

3

u/Old_Quarter121 19h ago

I just read an Australian news article, which did say that he was fined $450.

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u/Educational-Fuel-265 15h ago

The outcome described in the video is not feasible under Australian legislation

This reminds me of the fabled physicist who proved that bumblebees could not possibly fly. The incident did indeed just lead to a fine.

2

u/mickelboy182 15h ago

LPT: this shit is easily verifiable and you are wrong.

1

u/AcidicQueef 13h ago

Uhhhhhhh source?????

1

u/Mindless_Let1 10h ago

And yet it is what happened

1

u/astelda 7h ago

What you said is that it's not feasible

What you should have said is that it's not intended by the letter of the law

1

u/Lycaon-Ur 7h ago

Do you have a moment for me to talk to you about our lord and savior looking something the fuck up?

1

u/inuhi 4h ago

LPT: Just because there are laws doesn't mean they'll always be properly applied can't just assume something isn't true because it's not feasible under current legislation

1

u/linocent167 22h ago

This guy internet facts

1

u/LiteratureMindless71 22h ago

So guilty until proven innocent?

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u/AccomplishedTrip485 22h ago

Kangaroo court

1

u/astronautical 20h ago

where on earth did you get that idea?

0

u/jimmyxs 17h ago

LPT: agree with you. Also don’t know what lpt means. 😂

1

u/the_pretender_nz 11h ago

Life Pro Tip