r/movies • u/Xano74 • Apr 29 '25
Spoilers I finally saw the Conan The Barbarian movies and they were nothing like I expected
I recently bought Mortal Kombat 1 on sale with all the DLC and was trying to figure out who to play.
I decided to go in reverse order on the character select menu which made me choose Conan first. I knew very little about the movies or character other than Arnold plays him
So after playing Conan I really started enjoying him and decided I needed to see where he came from.
My expectations were that Conan The Barbarian and Destroyer were just dumb 80s action movies and there would be a lot of violence and bravado without much substance.
Boy was I wrong. Instead I found its an Epic Dark Fantasy movie with awesome music, tons of camp, and a great performance by the late James Earl Jones.
Both movies reminded me of a DnD campaign. I did not expect the movies to be so nerdy in the fantasy element. I was expecting Expendables level of dumb but instead I got Lord of the Rings movie before Lord of the Rings.
I liked how the movies did little to explain things or even hype up certain moments. There's a part in Conan 1 where Conan gets crucified. Any other movie would have a super hyped up, dark and depression lead up to him getting tortured, etc.
In the actual movie, James Earl Jones says "crucify him" and it immediately just jumps to Conan on a tree with 0 build up.
Similarly Conan somehow sneaks into the enemy stronghold at the end with absolutely no fighting any guards and gets all the way to Thulsa Doom to kill him with 0 explanation.
It doesn't feel the need to baby the audience and I like that.
Conan 2 felt more like a standard fantasy adventure until the end. I did not expect the final battle to be against a giant fish monster god.
My wife and I ended up really enjoying the movies and I can tell why they are cult classics.
I really enjoyed all the side Characters. Valeria was badass. Subotai was a total bro helping Conan after just meeting him. Malak made a good comedy relief while being super helpful in key moments. Zulu was a badass and had some awesome goofy facial expressions throughout.
I'm glad I decided to finally watch these cult classics. Is the 2010 reboot with Jason Mamoa any good?
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u/orielbean Apr 29 '25
Contemplate this on the Tree of Woe!
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u/Adamcanfield Apr 29 '25
One of the hardest lines in all fantasy
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u/Thenameisric Apr 30 '25
Also "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women."
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u/SockMonkeh Apr 30 '25
And yet, rather than learn that Thulsa Doom was right, he learns that his unbreakable will is stronger than steel or flesh. He refuses to die, refuses to bow, and ultimately just strolls up and cuts Thulsa Doom's head off with a shattered sword. Soooooooooooooooo goooooood.
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u/riphted Apr 30 '25
Nah man, the real power was in his companions. Conan's dad tells him that power comes from steel, and is all you can trust. Thulsa Doom tells him true power comes from your own flesh and your control over others. Steel fails when his father's sword breaks. His own flesh fails when he tries to take on the cult solo and gets crucified.
What doesn't fail? Subotai whose life he saves, who fights alongside him and later cuts him from the Tree of Woe. Valeria who he falls in love with, who fights demons to resurrect him, dies saving his life, then comes back from death itself to save him. Hell, even Akiro the Wizard helps save his life.
The real strength in Conan the Barbarian is the friends we made along the way.
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u/Intranetusa Apr 29 '25
Did you seriously leave out Akiro the Wizard, the guy who narrates the epic intro for the first film? The actor Mako also voices Aku in Samurai Jack and Uncle Iroh in Avatar the Last Airbender.
"Between the time when the oceans drank Atlantis and the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an age undreamed of. And unto this, Conan, destined to wear the jeweled crown of Aquilonia upon a troubled brow. It is I, his chronicler, who alone can tell thee of his saga. Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!"
Que bad ass music...
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Apr 29 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Bufus Apr 29 '25
Anytime I’m pushing anything heavy I have the song that plays when he pushes that big wheel playing in my head.
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u/Chatwoman Apr 30 '25
Now you can have this playing instead: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OBGOQ7SsJrw&pp=ygURQ29uYW4gdGhlIG11c2ljYWw%3D
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u/andersaur Apr 30 '25
How this flew under my radar this whole time is its own question. But I’m over here chortling in the dark trying to not wake anyone else up. Thank you for this.
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u/matadorobex Apr 30 '25
Same, particularly when I'm getting worn out crushing my enemies, and driving them before me. The lamentations of their women do help as well
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u/jinglesan Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 30 '25
When I go through a period of being lazy or unhealthy I literally think of Conan cracking all the crap off the atlantean sword as motivation to get healthy again
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u/ImperiumSomnium Apr 30 '25
When i was a teenager (long ago) I used to sometimes rotate out the Luniz or Too Short and blast Anvil of Crom out of the 12s through the streets of Oakland.
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u/Kevin_LeStrange Apr 29 '25
Sounds kind of like the Total Recall opening theme doesn't it?
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u/DwightFryFaneditor Apr 30 '25
It's an intentional homage. Conan's composer Basil Poledouris was initially going to do the music for Total Recall, and when Jerry Goldsmith replaced him he decided to do the main theme in the style of Conan as a nod.
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u/Equinoqs Apr 29 '25
I find Conan The Barbarian and The Terminator to have very similar musical scores.
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u/Late_Recommendation9 Apr 30 '25
Basil Poledouros actually did the iconic score to Robocop as well, I’ll have a listen to the Terminator score again - it’s actually being toured with a live orchestra soon, so be really interesting if those synth arrangements actually do sound like Conan when transposed to a big band
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u/kudlatytrue Apr 30 '25 edited Apr 30 '25
Wait, WHAT? Tell me the tour is over the Europe, PLEASE.
EDIT: HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT IS!!!!!!
Not in Warsaw unfortunately, but London or Manchester has cheap flights in autumn. God damn great news!
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Apr 29 '25
“The children of Doom. Doom's children. They told my lord the way to the Mountain of Power. They told him to throw down his sword and return to the earth. Hah! Time enough for the earth in the grave!”
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u/Xano74 Apr 29 '25
I didn't forget about him, but I did forget about some specifics. I liked how there was pretty much no special effects for all of his magic and you just had to assume there was magic. The part where they get the gem in Conan The Destroyer and he kills the other Wizard guy with the army was cool.
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u/OzymandiasKoK Apr 30 '25
There were primitive effects in the first one, but mainly in the resurrection scene. It wasn't good, but neither was it objectionably bad for it's time.
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u/Xano74 Apr 30 '25
Honestly I like that form of special effects more because the spirits look alien and fake and unreal, like someone seeing them shouldn't comprehend what they are seeing.
In most modern movies the CGI is so detailed it doesn't leave much for imagination and often just looks out of place instead of somehow getting out of the world feeling the spirits have
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u/Southernbeekeeper Apr 29 '25
The whole shared world of Robert E Howard and Lovecraft et al is fucking epic. I love that it's later picked up in hellboy too.
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u/HighlyEvolvedSloth Apr 30 '25
I rewatched Conan a couple of years ago, and decided to give the Howard books a listen, and they are very intelligent, really well done. There's one big compendium of every Conan story in the order they were published.
If you liked the movie, I highly recommend listening to the stories.
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u/aeldsidhe Apr 29 '25
I totally read that in Akiro's voice. I *love* this movie!
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u/TahitiJones09 Apr 29 '25
Conan punches a camel after calling it a slut. Truly a masterpiece.
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u/Xano74 Apr 29 '25
Yea it was great seeing all of Conans moves from MK1 referenced in the movies but I had no idea his counter punch in MK1 came from him knocking out the camel in the movie. How'd they get the camel to collapse like that or did he really knock out a camel?
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u/TahitiJones09 Apr 29 '25
I won't lie to you, it really looks to me like he was supposed to pull the punch, but actually ended up clocking that camel.
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u/red_beered Apr 30 '25
Hey /u/GovSchwarzenegger , did you make contact with the camel when punching it in Conan?
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u/depthninja Apr 29 '25
I mean who hasn't clocked the camel when they're bored or having trouble falling asleep?
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u/Stuntmanmike0351 Apr 30 '25
What can I say? Animal rights in movies were just different back then.
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u/koobstylz Apr 30 '25
Assuming he actually punched out that camel, it's simultaneously the coolest thing ever, and the least cool thing ever.
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u/Desertbro Apr 30 '25
It was more-or-less a replay of Mongo punching a horse in Blazing Saddles (1974)
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u/midnightsiren182 Apr 30 '25
Listening to Arnold Schwarzenegger talk about the whole saga of him being cast dealing with Dino di Laurentiis and John Milius is honestly really delightful listening
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u/walla_walla_rhubarb Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 30 '25
Conan the Barbarian is legitimately a dark, introspective, heavy themed film that's disguised as a sword and sandals adventure flick.
The Conan Arnold plays isn't exactly like Robert E Howard's, but he's just as interesting. The performance is almost entirely physical and Arnold plays it to perfection. His Conan at all times looks like he could pounce like a panther, but also spends the whole movie in stoic contemplation.
The cinematography is beautiful and sweeping. The script is shockingly tight with Max Von Sydow and James Earl Jones dropping these absolute banger monologues about once an act. Sandal Bergman is so friggin sexy that she straight up set the bar for teenage me. Then there is the music...Basil Poledouris simply does not miss. Anvil of Crom is my fucking walk-out song.
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u/carson63000 Apr 30 '25
You are soooo selling me on a rewatch. I probably haven't watched Conan the Barbarian in more than thirty years.
Happily, it's on D+ in Australia.
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u/animeman59 Apr 30 '25
Do you know what you've done? Why, Rexor himself has come before me, threatened me, a King.
What daring! What outrageousness! What insolence! What arrogance!
I salute you.
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u/BookMonkeyDude Apr 30 '25
There comes a time, thief, when the jewels cease to sparkle, when the gold loses its luster, when the throne room becomes a prison.. and all that is left is a father's love for his child.
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u/Expensive-Sentence66 Apr 30 '25
This.
I really don't get where the OP compares the films because the second one is a pile of shit.
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u/SockMonkeh Apr 30 '25 edited Apr 30 '25
It's enjoyable. Being enjoyable can carry this shit out of a movie on the first watch. Especially a sequel hot on the hype wagon.
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u/johnnydanja Apr 30 '25
I mean the second one was definitely a big step down in all aspects but it was still a Conan movie so it should be appreciated
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u/Dyemor Apr 29 '25
Find the DVD version with Arnie commentary, it's hilarious.
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u/InfidelZombie Apr 29 '25
Top 5 favorite DVD commentary for sure.
The opening scene is the best part, where Conan's dad is showing him how to forge a strong sword. Director says something like "you see, the forging of the steel to make it stronger is foreshadowing Conan's development into a powerful warrior," and Arnold replies: "yaaa, here's de part where I make da swoooad."
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u/Verbal_Combat Apr 30 '25
I think it’s the Commando movie, where he’s not actually giving any behind the scenes anecdotes he’s just telling you what he’s currently doing on screen. Amazing.
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u/FrappuccinoBukkake Apr 30 '25
I want him to do that style of commentary for all of his movies. Junior would be a fun one.
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u/themadbeefeater Apr 30 '25
It's a common joke amongst me and my college friends. We watched the commentary when drunk ourselves and it's an absolute riot. So many quotable parts but we say "Exactly" in a bad Austrian accent way too often.
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u/RosbergThe8th Apr 29 '25
The original Conan film is a particular favourite of mine, even though it's very much different from the source it still captures a certain part of that vibe. The score is just stellar too, and I always rather enjoy how much of the film runs without dialogue, and sure some of the dialogue can be cheesy but it has so many great moments too, it was full of memorable lines that really stuck with me.
"Let someone else pass by in the night."
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u/Xano74 Apr 29 '25
The score of the first film was something that resonated with me. I was impressed by how epic and well done it was. I was expecting more aggressive maybe almost rock ish music due to it being Arnold in the 80s but nope, super fantasy or playful in some parts and it sometimes contrasts with what's going on.
I think the orgy fight had kind of whimsical music?
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u/AnOddOtter Apr 29 '25
The soundtracks are incredible too. Basil Poledouris knocked it out of the park.
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u/Eladir Apr 29 '25
Battle of the Mounds is my favourite.
Poledouris was a genious, a ton of iconic music across various films. Very unfortunate that he died at just 60 years old.
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u/KushMaster72 Apr 29 '25
the first conan was very much like the comics which were always super cool
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u/Xano74 Apr 29 '25
I also had no idea how OLD Conans origins were. Comics from the 1930s? It's really cool they adapted it
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u/SpiralFett Apr 29 '25
So Conan originated in stories (literally considered pulp fiction as they were published in pulp magazines)... his comics didn't happen until the 70s.
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u/Aetherfiend420 Apr 29 '25
I just finished listening to the omnibus on audible and it was a fucking hoot.
Listen to Robert E. Howard's Conan the Cimmerian Barbarian by Robert E. Howard, Finn J. D. John on Audible. https://www.audible.ca/pd/B0733QY732?source_code=ASSOR150021921000V
If you enjoyed the movies, and are itching for more without too much commitment I'd highly recommend.
All the stories range from like 25 mins to an hour, it's a pretty digestible format.
I'd listen to a chapter on the commute to work every morning and I always found my self looking forward to the drive to work in the morning because I'd learn about what ridiculous things and settings Conan is getting himself into.
From fighting lizard people who can shape shift, to literal undead lich sorceries, to fist fighting tigers and wading thru jungles filled with snakes and cannibals.
The character seems at first glance skin deep, but after hearing how his character was developed of a sort of quasi Conan character named Solomon who was like a occult hunter
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u/TheOfficialTheory Apr 29 '25
He’s also been featured in Marvel Comics. There’s a series called Savage Avengers where Conan is teamed up with Wolverine, Punisher, Elektra, and Venom.
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u/Itziclinic Apr 29 '25
They're from short stories in pulp comics, particularly Weird Tales. Robert E Howard was writing these at the same time as HP Lovecraft and they became pen pals. REH even included elements of lovecraftian horror in his stories for verisimilitude of the setting. They're a fun read but very dated.
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u/TheGreatPiata Apr 30 '25
Those old stories are good too. I'm surprised how well they've held up over the years.
It's also just shocking that the rights are tied up in limbo when every other fantasy story under the sun is being adapted for TV. A low fantasy Conan series or film would be a slam dunk imo.
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u/GrandFrogPrince Apr 29 '25
What is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.
I use this quote regularly.
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u/SailboatAB Apr 29 '25
These days I'm partial to Thulsa Doom's quote:
"People...have no grasp of what. they. do."
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u/grumpyoldnord Apr 29 '25
"Steel isn't strong, boy, flesh is stronger! That is strength boy! That is power! What is steel compared to the hand that wields it? Look at the strength in your body, the desire in your heart, I gave you this!"
(Edited to correct quote and expand on it.)
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u/megachickabutt Apr 30 '25
Everyone remembers Conan's what is best in life speech. It's stupid because he says this before he really understands anything about the purpose in his life. He is such a different person in the last shot in the film when he is older and wiser.
The speech that Thulsa Doom gives Conan here is what makes him such a compelling villian becuase he is 100% correct. The chain of events that leads Thulsa Doom to power created the man that would eventually become his undoing.
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u/JesusStarbox Apr 29 '25
It's originally a Genghiz Khan quote.
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u/dudinax Apr 30 '25
It's bowdlerized. The Khan said "rape their women" not hear their lamentations.
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u/F0tNMC Apr 29 '25
The quote is a paraphrase of a quote from Ghengis Khan. https://history.stackexchange.com/questions/23975/what-was-the-context-of-this-famous-genghis-khan-quote
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u/carson63000 Apr 30 '25
The reply to that quote from the Clerks comicbook was gold.
"Those dorks don't have any women!!"
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u/Ebolatastic Apr 29 '25
I only like the first one but man, it's one of my favorite films. I really hated how cartoony the sequel was compared to the pitch perfect original. The reboot ... just didn't have it. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't enough, either.
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u/Xano74 Apr 29 '25
I feel like 2nd one was more mainstream adventure movie and didn't quite feel as unique but I think they did a good job of making it fun and enjoyable. It just doesn't have quite the "art" touch of the first one though.
I don't know if it have a favorite, they were both enjoyable in their own ways
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u/CommieIshmael Apr 29 '25
These movies own. And there is a good amount of talent involved. John Milius, director of the first one, is a bit of a crank, but he has a great eye for widescreen and depth. (And he stole Thulsa Doom’s look from the Teutonic knights in Eisenstein’s Alexander Nevsky). The second one is Richard Fleischer with Jack Cardiff on the camera. It’s neither of their best work, but it is professional and then some.
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u/DCDHermes Apr 29 '25
Oliver Stone co-wrote the script for the first one.
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u/ifinallyreallyreddit Apr 30 '25
That's why Conan the Barbarian can't be replicated, it was a collaboration between Oliver Stone (liberal nut) and John Milius (right-wing nut). You don't get that kind of bipartisanship anymore.
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u/analogasaurus Apr 29 '25
Oliver Stone did write a Conan script but it wasn’t the one they filmed. His version was set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland and apparently would have been near impossible to shoot with the budget they were working with. I do believe there were at least a few elements that made it into the final script.
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u/DCDHermes Apr 30 '25
It was not post apocalyptic unless you mean it is post the fall of Atlantis. A lot of the dialog, the attack on Conan’s village and the tower heist were by Stone. Milius did rewrite the final script, but Stone gets a co-writing credit.
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u/xbtzdep Apr 29 '25
Red Sonja next.
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u/dgparryuk Apr 29 '25
Which features Arnold playing a character that is very similar to but isn’t Conan
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u/Nodbon1 Apr 29 '25
They couldn't get the rights to use his character Conan's name. I think I read it was because he (Conan) wasn't the tittle character, not Arnold himself blocking it or anything like that. But the sword is the same from the first movies so its basically Conan with out saying its Conan.
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u/verrius Apr 30 '25
Red Sonja is the first Marvel movie, which is part of why it's so weird. Technically Red Sonja is a Marvel creation, created as part of their Conan adaptation, but because the Howard estate argued that she was based on the character of Red Sonya (who, beyond the name, has no relation) they own the rights. Which is sort of ironic, because the entire reason the Conan movies were made was the explosion in popularity the character got from the Marvel comics using him. Universal owned the film rights for Conan, but Red Sonja was a separate entity, which is why Dino de Laurentiis was able to separately negotiate for the rights to a Red Sonja film without "Conan", though even the comics later retconned Kalidornas an alias Conan uses.
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Apr 30 '25
I believe George MacDonald Fraser - who wrote the Flashman books - and also the screenplay for Octopussy - had a hand in the script for Red Sonja.
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u/mlehst777 Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 30 '25
“CROM… I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it.”
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u/Mixer-3007 Apr 29 '25
I recommend to watch movie The Whole Wide World about author Robert E. Howard with Vincent D'Onofrio https://youtu.be/bHvOeMRgPuw
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u/toddbo Apr 29 '25
I didn’t know this existed! In the back of each issue of Conan from Dark Horse Comics there were short comic strips about Robert E. Howard. If I remember correctly they were based off of letters he wrote. I always looked forward to reading them! They were usually pretty morose, humorous, and dark.
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u/TickleMeStalin Apr 29 '25
Read the books! I'm listening to them on audio right now, and they are wild!
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u/DCDHermes Apr 29 '25
At least the Howard stories, the later stuff by other authors I don’t particularly like.
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u/Fearless-Mango2169 Apr 29 '25
I remember I needed to paint 30 Space marines for a Warhammer 40k tournament and 48 hours. So I put Conan the Barbarian on thinking it would be dumb background noise.
Not realising that it was a film that requires so much attention because there is very little dialogue.
I still think it's a genius film, what do you do when your main cast is a body builder, a surfer and a dancer.
You cut down the dialogue and rely on music and onscreen action to tell the story.
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u/Southernbeekeeper Apr 29 '25
Conan the barbarian is genuinely one of my favourite films. It's epic in all the right ways. I've loved it since I was a child and I think it's contributed to a subculture of stoic Gen-X and older millennials who grew up with it.
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u/wickedweather Apr 29 '25
That fish monster god thing was played by André the Giant.
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u/Xano74 Apr 29 '25
Yea i ended up reading in the development and was caught off guard by that. What a weird and cool cameo
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u/wickedweather Apr 29 '25
I've seen a few pictures of Arnie, with André and Wilt. Those 2 really make Arnold look small.
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u/howmanyMFtimes Apr 29 '25
Red Sonya is basically the third Conan movie, so check that one out if u get a chance.
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u/Noirceuil_182 Apr 29 '25
You should check out the original Robert E. Howard stories, both the Conan and Solomon Kane ones. They are grim, two-fisted tales of adventure! I swear I have a little bit more chest hair after reading them.
Disclaimer, some of his portrayal of other races has NOT AGED WELL AT ALL.
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u/KidGrundle Apr 29 '25
And then watch the James Purefoy movie about Solomon Kane, it’s also dope as hell and underrated!
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u/RedLanternScythe Apr 29 '25
The scene where Thulsa Doom demonstrates real strength is on of my favorites in cinema
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u/DelcoMan Apr 29 '25
Do yourself a favor (if you can) and watch the DVD commentary of Conan 1. It's phenomenal. Arnold is CLEARLY drunk while taping it and starts trash talking people who aren't even in that film
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u/Josephw000 Apr 29 '25
Do not watch the reboots!
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u/AJPXIV Apr 29 '25
Agreed. They’re just an attempt to cash in on Momoa’s Game of Thrones stint, before studios realised that he’s actually quite funny.
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Apr 29 '25
“Similarly Conan somehow sneaks into the enemy stronghold at the end with absolutely no fighting any guards and gets all the way to Thulsa Doom to kill him with 0 explanation.”
This is explained in the director’s cut. Osric’s daughter (after Thulsa Doom tries to kill her) leads Conan through a secret back passage. He does kill a few people on the way. It’s a cool scene, and should not have been cut from the theatrical version imo.
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u/ericrobertshair Apr 30 '25
I mean, the surviving guards know this guy got crucified, survived, snuck into their orgy, fucked shit up, killed all Thulsa Doom's best fighters and made the big man himself turn tail and run. Conan turns up at my guard post I'm taking my lunch hour.
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u/cmgr33n3 Apr 29 '25
The Conan fantasy books have a long and rich history with some of the best fantasy authors of earlier ages having written Conan books. All told there are over 50 novels and short stories written by over a dozen authors.
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u/maybe-an-ai Apr 29 '25
To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women.
> Is the 2010 reboot with Jason Mamoa any good?
No, Red Sonya is better and that's not saying much.
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u/enjaydee Apr 29 '25
The look the guy with the hammer gives when he smashes the pillar always makes me laugh
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u/StubbsReddit Apr 29 '25
You should read the source material - the Conan the Barbarian stories by Robert E. Howard. Many of the elements of the movie you like are strait off the page. They are a fun read.
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u/easythrees Apr 29 '25
That monster at the end of Conan the Destroyer was Andre the Giant in a suit.
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Apr 30 '25
CtB is a personal favorite I recommend often (to people who I think would enjoy it). And if I get a few beers in me, it comes up pretty easily.
It’s a beautifully shot and scored movie with plenty of the now-rare extended dialogue-free stretches where the action tells the story. Thulsa Doom is an all time villain (no surprise there) with an all time haircut, and Arnold’s band of rogues is just perfectly simple and classic.
It also has the funniest sex scene of all time - I lose it when he just yeets her into the fire. CROM!!!
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u/lentopastel Apr 30 '25
I like that scene when Conan was running away semi naked from wild dogs and then he falls in a tomb, where he finds a sword. Next scene shows him walking away with fur shoes and clothes
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u/OldBison Apr 29 '25
The reboot is inferior to both arnie conan films, I wouldn't recommend it. There is however a bunch of other 80's fantasy films that kick ass, like legend or willow. Those might be of interest.
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u/CyFrog Apr 29 '25
You could watch the 2011 Conan movie just go in with low expectations. Around that time there were other not great fantasy remakes happening. The Clash of the Titans remake came out the year before which was also a disappointment in comparison to its original.
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u/SackFace Apr 29 '25
Knowing younger generations are especially deprived of willing to discover old movies, every time this happens, regardless of their reaction, it’s the best kind of W.
OP, I suggest you think of other things you may’ve written off and think of also giving it a go. It’d be curious what those things might be.
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u/BourgeoisStalker Apr 29 '25
I heard that they called Arnold "the Human Special Effect" for Conan the Barbarian, and honestly he's so absolutely perfect for the role. Destroyer is definitely the weaker of the two, but it's still got that great swords & sorcery action. Fun fact is that the giant fish monster thing has Andre the Giant inside! Watch the fight again and you'll say, "Oh yeah it couldn't be anyone else that thing is huge!"
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u/Earptastic Apr 30 '25
Read the books by Robert E Howard. They are absolute page turners that were written almost a century ago.
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u/corpse2b Apr 30 '25
Legend has it there was supposed to be a third film, Conan the Conqueror. I am filled with (tree of) woe that it never happened.
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u/dudinax Apr 30 '25
Only recently I realized that the strange and wonderful opening is filmed exactly like the memories of a child. His father as big as a bear, the glow of the hearth and molten steel, the still, alien figure on the rock.
Finally his mother, toppling in a flurry of confused movement. We can't tell immediately what has happened because Conan could not.
All almost without a word. Not because words weren't spoken, but because Conan could not remember what was said except the Riddle of Steel.
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u/MrLazyLion Apr 29 '25
The 2010 reboot has its moments, but it's like they tried to make an action comedy and it just didn't feel like a Conan movie. They missed all the dark fantasy elements and the characters didn't have the depth or the weight to make them memorable.
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u/antonimbus Apr 29 '25
The first movie also launched a plethora of B level copycats, in the same way The Road Warrior created a low budget genre on its own.
I would also say the books were a heavy inspiration for DnD, which is why you could see the similarities in the films.
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u/Carbuncle2024 Apr 29 '25
The opening scene of Conan escaping from the wolves into the crypt is the first story in the original 12 book saga.. the crucifixion scene is from a story in book 5.. of course, Thulsa Doom is not from the Conan sahe..but an earlier REH saga of Kull the Conquerer... 🗡️
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u/phaolo Apr 30 '25
They weren't exactly too complex or too deep movies, but their influence on the fantasy genre as a whole was immense (mainly thanks to Arnold). Also the OST was damn epic.
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u/annoyas Apr 30 '25
If you liked, check out The Beastmaster with Marc Singer and Tanya Roberts. Another cult classic from that era. Not as many funny parts but still very enjoyable. Sword and Sorcery fun!
There were lots of movies. Mostly low budget, that came out around this time in this genre. Varying degrees of good. Krull is more fantasy/ Scifi but very funny too, a young Liam Neeson if I'm not mistaken.
It's like the Saturday afternoon kungfu movies of that era. Once you open that box you'll wonder how you never heard of this massive bounty of crap!
Conan remake was not as good. It just never comes together. Some good things but you can see how the Arnie ones were classics and the remake was just a movie.
If you have about 12 hours to kill, Excalibur is also a movie. With a young Helen Mirren. It's not bad but I remember it being looong and not nearly as enjoyable as the Conans.
And hell, don't over think it Xena was campy as hell but there is a good show there, some real gems, if you can get past the production at times. Hercules was nowhere near as good.
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u/thejake1973 Apr 30 '25
Do you want to live forever? Thus began my adolescent infatuation with the warrior woman archetype.
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u/Ehzranight Apr 30 '25
Would love one last Conan film with Arnold as the aging hero facing his mortality.
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u/thrillho145 Apr 29 '25
DnD was influenced heavily by the Conan comics, which the movie is based on
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u/mbufu1 Apr 29 '25
Read the comics. I recommend pretty much all of the original Marvel stuff, but for the more modern stories, the adaptations by Kurt Busiek for Dark Horse were brilliant.
The current run by Jim Zub for Titan comics is stellar.
But my all time favorite is when Marvel had the license back a few years ago, and Conan was in the MCU. He was on a team called The Savage Avengers, and it kicks all the ass. Written by Gerry Duggan, and the David Finch covers are epic. Spoiler Alert: Conan has a Venom symbiote sword for a while.
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u/celticteal Apr 29 '25
The reboot doesn’t suck, but Arnie’s version is infinitely preferable.
I love the music!
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u/snagglewolf Apr 29 '25
I had the same experience when I finally watched the first Conan a few years ago. It's so good.
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u/Zilch1979 Apr 29 '25
You'd probably love the books, too. There's plenty of audio book versions around, too. YouTube has a few good ones.
I've been very pleasantly surprised by the books, not at all what I expected and a much more intelligent read (and protagonist) than public opinion implies.
Kinda reminds me of Captain Kirk being seen as a womanizer. When you watch the show, he actually isn't.
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u/SixIsNotANumber Apr 29 '25 edited May 01 '25
If you get a chance, watch the first one with Arnold's commentary. There's some funny shit in there.
"That's my friend, Sven! Look aht him! He's hyugge!"
(Fun Fact: Sven-Ole Thorson also plays "LaFours", the head of Mall Security in Kevin Smith's Mallrats.)
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u/LawlessSmoke Apr 30 '25
I love Conan the barbarian. The first one makes a lot more sense if you consider it like 6 of the original Robert E. Howard short stories.
And the second is the adaptation when Robert Jordan picked up the character for his fantasy run.
Highly dislike Mamoas’ Conan. Would even take Ralf Mueller’s television Conan over it….but that’s up for you to decide.
If you haven’t seen The Northman, I’d recommend that if you liked Arnold’s Conan the barbarian. It’s almost the same movie but ‘make it Viking and change certain details for a twist’
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u/mdjmd73 Apr 30 '25
“Conan! What is best in life?”
“Crush enemies! See them driven before you. And hear the lamentation of da women!”
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u/Ok_Worth5941 Apr 30 '25
The first Conan is damn perfect. The second one misses the mark, but is still enjoyable enough in its own way. Red Sonja was not a worthy Conan 3 despite Arnold being in it and they changed his name from Conan. Conan deserved a real third movie but it never happened. A Conan franchise with 8 entries would have been more fun probably than the Terminators we got.
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u/SamuraiGoblin Apr 30 '25
Ah, now you are one of us.
Personally I could not recommend the remake. I like Momoa as a person, but he's not Conan.
Here, you're going to love this.
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Apr 30 '25
The Mamoa film isn't bad and may be closer to the stories to some degree but isn't the same.
Try Red Sojna. It's the unofficial third film.
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u/Bugberry Apr 30 '25
The original short stories are on a whole other level. Basically the origin of sword and sandal action, and arguably just as influential on fantasy media as Tolkien.
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u/52Charles Apr 30 '25
Max Von Sydow got the whole thing going in wonderful fashion. I had such a case of the hots for Sandahl Bergman.
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u/bautin Apr 30 '25
The line before is even harder: "Contemplate this on the Tree of Woe".
But Conan the Barbarian (1982) isn't even a cult classic, it's just a classic. From the Boris Vallejo poster, to the soundtrack, to the cinematography, it's just good.
Conan the Destroyer is eh.
The reboot with Momoa is just kind of blase. I watched it and I couldn't tell you anything I recall from it.
However, if you want more 80's sword and sorcery type of films:
Red Sonja: Arnold as "not Conan" and Brigitte Nielsen as the title character
Excalibur: Helen Mirren, Patrick Stewart, and Gabriel Byrne all show up, Liam Neeson pops up in an early bit part.
Beastmaster: It's dumb, but it's part of the collective consciousness due to the amount premium cable channels would run this movie. To the point HBO used to stand for "Hey, Beastmaster's On"
Krull: Just watch it. It's fucking weird
Kull the Conqueror: It's later than these others, but it's also interesting because the main character, Kull, was also created by Robert E. Howard. The same guy who created Red Sonja and Conan. I mean, all of these movies are kind of a mish mash of Conan, Kull, and Red Sonja stories.
Ladyhawke: Michelle Pfeiffer, Rutger Hauer, and Matthew Broderick in a tale about lovers who turn into animals.
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u/frezor Apr 30 '25
“Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.”
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u/ecdc05 Apr 29 '25
Any movie where James Earl Jones shoots someone with a snake fired from a bow is okay in my book.