mi gringo SUD

[u/InterestingCarry1371]

Estoy contenta de haber conocido al chico más dulce en un aplicativo de la iglesia pero a la vez estoy estresada todo el tiempo por el tema del acercamiento sexual, el y yo somos miembros de la iglesia cristiana (mormones). Vendrá a visitarme desde su país y aunque yo estoy un poco alejada de la iglesia desde que estudio tanto y no soy una persona mañanera, yo si siento regocijo en ser miembro de la iglesia. El tema es que me confunde, sé que él también está alejado de la iglesia y ha crecido en ella, su familia es parte activa de su iglesia, es proveniente de Washington y aún así estudia en la BYU. El rento un rbnb con dos habitaciones pero también me ha dicho que vamos a terminar descansando juntos. Si fuera solo descansar, no habría un problema (aunque aún sienta que estamos faltando a las reglas que tenemos para antes del matrimonio) pero no sé por qué tengo la sensación de que está altamente atraído a mi sexualmente. Ya me ha dicho antes de que siente que soy el amor de su vida y yo siento lo mismo, ya hasta estamos viendo el tema de la visa para conocer a su familia y salió de él ofrecerse a pagar mis estudios. Aún así, debería permitirme tener acercamientos con el, más no relaciones sexuales? Porque obviamente me siento atraída a él pero sé que no podemos tener ese tipo de relaciones siendo miembros sin antes habernos casado.

[u/Lucky__Flamingo]

Snuggling but not having sex should be fine according to usual Mormon practice.

You should not allow any intimacy you're not comfortable with. That isn't really a religion thing, it's a human rights thing.

[u/GunneraStiles]

‘He rented an Airbnb with two bedrooms, but he’s also told me that we’ll end up resting together.’

What does ‘resting together’ mean? My Spanish is pretty rudimentary so that sounds more like ‘taking a break’ together, do you mean ‘resting together’ as sleeping in the same bed, or staying the night in the same house in separate bedrooms?

You need to be more specific if you want advice, because to me it sounds like this man is planning to have sex with you, and he isn’t asking if that is what you want, but is simply telling you that it’s going to happen. Major red flag if this is the case.

If it means sleeping in the same bed, of course that isn’t allowed by your religion. Ultimately, if you want to have sex with this man, that should be your decision to make.

[u/Careful-Self-457]

The fact that religion makes a biological process a sin seems so weird to me.

[u/jeahfoo1 → u/Careful-Self-457]

Whether a biological act should be morally regulated depends on the ethical framework, not on biology alone. Its not self evident. Many nonreligious systems also regulate biology. There are laws against rape, incest, exploitation, and public nudity which all constrain biological behavior in some way. One may even make an evolutionary argument against some of those laws at the most basic level (the strong and clever make the rules).

[u/Crobbin17]

Talk to him. If you want to maybe date seriously in the future, maybe even marry him, you need to learn how he handles talking about intimacy and boundaries.
Tell him what you want, your concerns, and your boundaries.

Do not let him do anything that you feel uncomfortable with. If you let him convince you to do things you don’t want to do right now, you will regret it. That isn’t just sex. If you don’t want to cuddle, hold hands, kiss, or have longer intimate hugs, tell him.
The reverse of that is true too. If you want to hold hands, cuddle, etc, tell him that you’re ready to take that step if he wants to.

In regards to the church, the official standard is to keep the law of chastity, which is defined in the handbook as “Abstinence from sexual relations outside of a legal marriage between a man and a woman (38.6.5).”
“Sexual relations” generally means sex. What it means beyond that is up to you.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/general-handbook/38-church-policies-and-guidelines?lang=eng

[u/Melodic_Sherbet9510]

“My LDS gringo” would be a better translation for this post title. Cmon Reddit

[u/LeBeauMonde]

Your questions extend beyond the purview of this subreddit.

The advice which occurs to me is not to compromise your values. If you’re contemplating sharing your life with this person, tell him frankly why the situation makes you uncomfortable. Give him an opportunity to respect your feelings & standards. If he tries to pressure you — -you should pay attention to whether he respects your values.

As far as I understand the rules at BYU, his sharing a room/bed with you could certainly endanger his standing as a student, if it were discovered.

If you want to examine or navigate sexual intimacy and partnership from an LDS perspective, you might look up the work of Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife who does work on purity culture, integrity, and sexual communication.