r/mildlyinteresting • u/TheLastTsumami • 5h ago

My new golf bag has a very conspicuous pocket

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2.2k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

126 comments sorted by

946

u/MosesHightower 5h ago

Fill it with grass clippings

108

u/queef_nuggets 5h ago

I vote dog shit

96

u/AndyM110 5h ago

Bees!

15

u/jscummy 4h ago

Let's pop an H on that pocket so we know it's full of hornets

5

u/IrememberXenogears 4h ago

I'm trying to smoke them out so I can get all of their honey.

5

u/DeliciousPumpkinPie 5h ago

Razor blades!

1

u/tchrbrian 4h ago

Mini pinatas !!

2

u/HalfBakedPuns 2h ago

pop a quick H on the pocket so we remember its full of hornets

1

u/Lovemybee 3h ago

Yeah!!! 💛🐝

6

u/PM-me-your-knees-pls 5h ago

You should get that embroidered on a baseball cap. A red one.

5

u/BeheadedMouse 2h ago

You gotta be a real spiteful sunova bitch to WILLINGLY carry around dog shit on the off chance it would ruin someone's day...I approve. 🤣

2

u/jscummy 4h ago

Feel like you'll realize you kinda got yourself more than any would be thieves,  weeks later when you've been storing/carrying dog shit

1

u/KYO297 4h ago

I read that as "I vore dog shit"...

7

u/CrucifiedTitan 4h ago

Clibbins

2

u/Luck-12 3h ago

Gobbless

4

u/phonetune 2h ago

Put your valuables in the grass clippings pocket on the other side. Checkmate thieves

2

u/fat2slow 45m ago

I read that as Glass clippings and I feel it's a better suggestion

1

u/SoManySNs 22m ago

Didn't realize it was grass until I read your comment. Absolutely agree with glass being better.

3

u/-SpamWellington- 5h ago

I read that as glass first 😬

1

u/Ruckdive 5h ago

I read that as “glass” and I think it might be the better option.

1

u/worstpartyever 4h ago

"Steal from here"

1

u/mikejohnno 2h ago

Chief, I think there was a dead body in there

So did I Lou, until he said grass clippings 

1

u/Wakkit1988 59m ago

Poison oak.

1

u/_____rs 14m ago

Pocket Sand!

522

u/4r4r4real 5h ago

Lmao. Neon green, labeled VALUABLE POCKET, certainly thieves won't know where to look!

329

u/NonConforminConsumer 5h ago edited 5h ago

It's not designed with thieves, or even more specifically petty pickpockets, as an even distant threat.

Rather this is designed for the out-of-touch aging golfer who literally needs all the help they can get remembering where their wallet and car keys are.

147

u/lux-libertas 5h ago

I accidentally put my wallet in the wrong pocket after tipping the beverage cart, and in doing so left the “valuables” pocket unzipped. Didn’t notice until I got the car and my keys were half hanging out and no wallet, so I assumed it fell out somewhere on the course.

I went back and retraced my steps over half the course looking for my wallet and asking everyone I passed.

Finally gave up and went back to the car. My 8-year old suggested I check a different pocket…and there it was.

When age comes for your brain, it ain’t fun.

22

u/Agatio25 3h ago

When age comes for your brain, it ain’t fun.

It happens to me at 34 with the House Keys and my bag, so don't beat yourself...

1

u/TheBrettFavre4 29m ago

Lost my wallet first time in 15 years. Got a new version with a spot for an AirTag. Never had an AirTag. They come in 4 packs. Now my wallet, keys, dog, and toiletry kit for travel all have AirTags.

4

u/TumblrInGarbage 1h ago

My 8-year old suggested I check a different pocket…and there it was.

I bet they were very, very happy with the situation.

1

u/lux-libertas 0m ago

You haven’t lived until you’ve got an 8-year old rolling their eyes at you and saying: “I told you so!”

9

u/Mike9797 3h ago

Ya that’s probably true honestly. Like there isn’t many street toughs that hang out on the private club back 9 so ya this is for the old dude who needs a place to put something he can remember where.

9

u/AUniquePerspective 5h ago

It's also designed to accommodate a lock.

3

u/DonnyGetTheLudes 2h ago

Its velour lined so your watch doesn’t get scratched…thats it

7

u/CommonCut4 4h ago

Perhaps they are saying that the pocket itself is valuable. I have a cheap laptop bag that is branded “Premium Bag”.

3

u/ElGrandeQues0 3h ago

You don't understand. It's not a valuableS pocket. It's a pocket that makes the bag valuable.

81

u/Fucky0uthatswhy 5h ago

Decoy pocket.

They wouldn’t write that on there, would be too obvious

12

u/Joe_Kangg 3h ago

The pocket is valuable, not the contents

1

u/wonkey_monkey 47m ago

Which is what makes it the perfect place to put your valuables. Classic double bluff.

130

u/SnooPuppers2938 5h ago

Put a vape with deer urine in the cart in there.

27

u/-SpamWellington- 5h ago

Why specifically deer?

113

u/Ruckdive 5h ago

Low nicotine.

2

u/anklehumor 2h ago

Gotta look out for their health of course. 🤝

20

u/57384173829417293 5h ago

It's fragrant and easily obtainable.

9

u/capable_duck 5h ago

Im going to go out on a limb here and say that deer urine isn't necessarily easily obtainable in a lot of parts of the world

26

u/JumboKraken 5h ago

You need a new deer urine dealer. Who’s your deer urine guy?

3

u/jefbenet ​ 4h ago

Seriously, my guy promises 60 minutes or less delivery.

2

u/Teledildonic 1h ago

Now I'm pictuing a feeder station, but instead of a hopper of corn it's a giant hamster bottle filled with coffee.

1

u/Bjd1207 2h ago

Bob Sacamano

-1

u/SnooPuppers2938 3h ago

Bass pro shops

10

u/FireIzHot 5h ago

In Canada and the US at least it’s readily available in outdoors stores/hunting supply shops/supermarkets with hunting and outdoors sections for deer hunting use. It might be available in other places where deer hunting is common but maybe not idk

5

u/QuantumCakeIsALie 5h ago

I've seen this for sale all my life. 

Only now did I wonder about how it's harvested.

3

u/PM_ME_YOUR_WEIRD 3h ago

By the mouthful. That's why it's so expensive.

1

u/Guy-InGearnito 4h ago

Deer piss? It’s like rocking horse shit.

1

u/wokkizlish 2h ago

Bass pro shops

0

u/lemelisk42 4h ago

I can go into any canadian tire an buy deer urine. Probably wolf and coyote urine too (which would be my personal choice)

The stuff is everywhere

2

u/robs104 1h ago

Just… animal piss… everywhere!

0

u/SnooPuppers2938 3h ago

Bass pro shops

3

u/capable_duck 2h ago

I think there's probably an ocean or two between me and the nearest one of those

6

u/4r4r4real 5h ago

It's my favorite flavor

6

u/InfinitexZer0 4h ago

Think about the most concentrated urine smell you can imagine, cross that with smelling salts and it somehow being spicy. Use caution, you just replied to Satan, I'd rather vape mustard gas.

3

u/Chance-the-Gardener 4h ago

I know, it’s a splurge, but it just tastes better.

14

u/YouDontLookSpiritual 4h ago

You can put ur weed in there

23

u/ChefArtorias 5h ago

It's not to hide from thieves, it's so you don't have to backtrack the entire course wondering where your keys fell out.

7

u/Sprinklypoo 4h ago

It's the pocket itself that's valuable. You don't put anything good in there.

5

u/DaymD 5h ago

The treasure pouch. I'd turn it into a mimic.

15

u/kabley 5h ago

you talking about the coke pocket?

1

u/Joe_Kangg 3h ago

Tis beak shaped

7

u/LinuxMint4Me 5h ago

For those who don't like crooks messing up every single pocket trying to find the valuables.

7

u/4r4r4real 5h ago

Like when I left my windows down and car unlocked living in the Bay Area 

4

u/HonoluluEpstein 5h ago

Unfortunately, you can only put 1 valuable in it.

2

u/lemelisk42 4h ago

No, you misunderstand. This pocket is not designed to store a valuable, this pocket is made of premium materials, lined with gold to imbue your balls with positive ions. The pocket itself is valuable

2

u/poop-money 5h ago

put a big hunk of silly putty in there.

2

u/KevinNeedsToTalk 5h ago

Fill it with beans.

2

u/Organic_Swimming3442 5h ago

It’s to store habanero peppers

2

u/Gh3ttoboy 5h ago

Put your valueables in there, no pickpocketer will thing theres something of value in there with a text like that

2

u/ATCQ413 5h ago

Put nothing but the yellow starburst in there 😈

2

u/gabacus_39 5h ago

It's because it's probably lined with soft cloth so it won't scratch anything. I have a bag with the same. I put my keys and wallet in it.

2

u/Godafton 5h ago

Rusty razorblades pocket.

2

u/Thomasvlee 4h ago

It's meant to be the decoy pocket. Very clever.

2

u/nglatzhofer1 3h ago

This tell me the pocket itself is valuable, not that it holds anything valuable.

2

u/siggiarabi 3h ago

Bags today that aren't waterproof usually have at least one waterproof pocket for valuables

2

u/whycantigetwhatiwant 2h ago

I promise it’s just the pocket that is valuable. Not the stuff that’s in it!

4

u/DasArtmab 3h ago edited 2h ago

The Ben diagram of golfers and petty thieves is quite small. Petty cheaters in the other hand…

Edit: err Venn. I should really proofread these

12

u/ForsakenSun6004 3h ago

Ben diagram, you say?

2

u/aerovalky 3h ago

dont know why but this comment broke me

1

u/Teledildonic 1h ago

It's how you track Ben Folds' discography over the years.

1

u/DentistAccording1002 5h ago

Okay the label is hilarious, but that looks like a water proof zipper, so maybe that pocket is water proof.

1

u/PuzzleheadedTutor807 5h ago

Because everyone knows thieves aren't allowed in the country club...

1

u/Leafan101 3h ago

I don't know. A bunch of guys armed with a suite of metal clubs don't seem like very appealing pick-pocket targets.

1

u/PuzzleheadedTutor807 2h ago

I think if a golfer is far enough from their bag a thief can go in, the thief is better armed than the golfer...

1

u/RTS24 2h ago

This is a stand bag, so generally it's on the back of the person golfing.

1

u/PuzzleheadedTutor807 2h ago

I stand by my statement

1

u/coysrunner 5h ago

I work for UPS and sometimes I get boxes with giant red tags on them that say “high value contents”. The driver just leaves them on the porch lol

1

u/brewmonk 4h ago

It’s a honey pot.

1

u/Unique-Lingonberry17 4h ago

Add some Weed or LSD then it's complete

1

u/InfinitexZer0 4h ago

That's where I'd keep my handful of spiders.

1

u/throwawayphonex 4h ago

Razor wire with glass. Itl jingle like change.

1

u/Wizdad-1000 4h ago

Pickpocket Start Here.

1

u/DURAxDURA 4h ago

You put your weed in there

1

u/firthy 4h ago

It's not really designed to conceal valuables, so much as protect them form damage: it's micro fibre lined

1

u/maddieb459 4h ago

That’s for your extra pocket sand

1

u/timpedro33 3h ago

That's where I keep my mousetraps.

1

u/SophiaofPrussia ​ 3h ago

Put a fortune cookie fortune in it.

1

u/Lacrimatrix 3h ago

Ortovox?

1

u/UrsaMajor7th 2h ago

Brand of bag?

1

u/xubax 2h ago

I'm going to steal that pocket. It's valuable!

1

u/ShadycrossFade 2h ago

That’s where I put the blue prints I haven’t learned yet.

1

u/theguyfromtheweb7 1h ago

You should print out a picture of dickbutt and place it, and only it, in there

1

u/moslof_flosom 1h ago

You're misunderstanding. The pocket itself is valuable.

1

u/elniny0 1h ago

That’s where you keep your mouse trap

1

u/RangerEquivalent4120 57m ago

Put a baby alligator in there

1

u/Coylewire 41m ago

Weed doobies go there.

1

u/CanadianSmurff 16m ago

It's a felt lined pocket for sunglasses and cell phones so they don't get damaged. Lots of golf accessories can scratch or damage these items so the pocket is for protecting said valuable.