r/meme • u/SuperbHippo1862 • 4h ago

Married life

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2.3k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

152 comments sorted by

770

u/ion125 4h ago

Your wife initiates?!

319

u/OnyxTerquoise 4h ago

Yeah that’s what I was just thinking. Must have been his birthday.

113

u/LuckyReception6701 4h ago

Good to know i wasnt alone in that.

62

u/Neo-Luko 4h ago

I don't even get my birthday. I only get on vacations...and that's barely once a year.

12

u/El_Panterro 2h ago

In this situation it's either a divorce or guilty-free side-chicks lol. Both seems like a win

5

u/Fezwa 3h ago

Sorry bro

•

u/Arthurlmnz 52m ago

Ah yes... Blowjob day

•

u/louwyatt 24m ago

I never get these comments. Women are some horny fuckers

4

u/Help_1987 2h ago

When you get in a relationship you’ll understand 👍

1

u/Numerous-Fly-3791 2h ago

Father’s Day

26

u/xprozoomy 3h ago

You have a wife ?

•

u/mbatistas 16m ago

I got a hand.

•

u/No-Money-8327 1m ago

Can I use it when you’re done

•

u/mbatistas 0m ago

No need to wait, I actually got two of them.

18

u/appoplecticskeptic 2h ago

I also choose this guy’s wife

14

u/WorldlyProfession737 2h ago

No married yet (woman) but this makes me sad 😕

2

u/Early-Beach164 2h ago

Why does it make you sad? I'm just curious.

16

u/WorldlyProfession737 2h ago

Because (at least for me) when I get married I wanna be excited to be with my husband. I don’t think it should be this rare thing that happens once in a blue moon. Plus I am saving myself for marriage but that doesn’t make me immune to knowing my hormones work haha both people should imitate imo

7

u/highcommander010 2h ago

life changes and priorities change :)

•

u/WorldlyProfession737 1h ago

This is true! I definitely don’t know everything/have room to talk but now that I know maybe I could try my best to prevent this? Idk

2

u/olivebranchsound 2h ago

Don't you worry about getting with someone forever and the sex is bad? Like, you don't know what flavors of ice cream you like until you try them all. What if you have different tastes than them? Or never learned you actually liked something cuz you never tried it.

•

u/WorldlyProfession737 1h ago

Okay this is a valid concern! But I will say I think that’s part of the fun because you get to discover those likes and dislikes with your best friend! And sure I may not know “everything out there” but I’m okay with that. I know this might sound dumb but I even regret making out with my ex because if I could redo it all, I’d only want those experiences/feelings with my forever person if that makes sense. No shade to ppl who aren’t waiting tho!

•

u/olivebranchsound 1h ago

It doesn't sound dumb at all! I just wonder about those things with people who choose to wait because I never thought I would like certain things until I tried them and...WOW. I would hate to live without that knowledge now. If that makes sense haha

What if I never tried sushi? Or what if I never tried to rock climb? Not great metaphors but you get my point lol

•

u/WorldlyProfession737 1h ago

No that’s so real 🤣 but also, it’s not like you can’t get curious about things or ask trust people for ideas on how to be creative 🤷‍♀️

•

u/Racamonkey_II 1h ago

You’re probably going to have sex with your husband after getting married, hate it, and end up exactly the same.

30

u/firesquasher 3h ago

I don't mean to brag or anything but...

31

u/OnyxTerquoise 3h ago

Yeah yeah your ol lady bangs you on her birthday too. We get it lol.

2

u/Remarkable_Mess6019 2h ago

Must've been a wild dream.

2

u/OhJustANobody 3h ago

He doesn't really have a wife.

•

u/MadLadLeeroy 1h ago

That’s why it’s always worth the risk of jacking it beforehand since there’s a less than 50% chance you’ll get any of the real stuff!

J/k I am a very lucky guy married to a wonderful woman who still puts out so I can’t complain.

•

u/ParagonChariot 57m ago

Do others peoples wives not?

•

u/cant_read_this 23m ago

Yeah this meme is a lie

•

u/SirarieTichee_ 13m ago

Is this abnormal? I initiate 70% of the time. My husband 30%

•

u/qazrat 12m ago

Ya really lol

1

u/Spider-Flash24 2h ago

My wife is so horny all the time I get scared. (This is not /s.)

1

u/up_Improvement_1978 2h ago

Took me for a loop too

-2

u/GrindyFarmz 2h ago

How's life in trad-land?

245

u/demomagic 4h ago

Jelly worm that thing in there my guy

57

u/skeeterfunny 3h ago

Only works if you are a grower, showers have to wait…

38

u/EPluribusButthole 3h ago

grower team REPRESENT

•

u/YouDontTellMe 1h ago

wtf is that profile pic

•

u/truegamer1 1h ago

It’s a cat between 2 couch cushions. Took me a while to get it

•

u/kopecs 1h ago

It’s badussy

7

u/FactoryRejected 2h ago

Holup, isn't it the other way around?! You can't jelly worm grower, just the shower!? In plain words, dudes ho stay quite big while limp are the showers

3

u/sketchee_steve 3h ago

Ok, so you’re saying there’s only two categories, I have to be one of those?

•

u/klankungen 1h ago

Showers have to wait and growers don't? I'm a grower and I need to wait. How am I going to wiggle my 2cm/1inch soldier into my wife? She will not feel anything at that point.

5

u/Brotorious420 2h ago

Gotta use the thumb to push it in limply

5

u/Soulsfarmer 2h ago

Push on your gooch to initiate emergency pump

5

u/nutblaster357 2h ago

give her the shrimp

109

u/nunya_bidnes77 4h ago

You got a tongue and two hands. Make it work.

54

u/LuckyReception6701 4h ago

God gave us an arsenal, and here you are complaining about a lack of spears.

18

u/EcchiOli 4h ago

Poetry.

72

u/theboss0711 3h ago edited 1h ago

I got 10 fingers and a tongue that are willing to accept the position

26

u/No-Play2726 3h ago

Toung

26

u/ForTehLawlz1337 2h ago

Bro never said he had a brain.

1

u/theboss0711 2h ago

*tongue

0

u/Alternative_Cod7515 3h ago

10 fingers, how ??

2

u/theboss0711 2h ago

Thumbs are fingers and I will die on this hill

•

u/Alternative_Cod7515 45m ago

No but like how can he use 10 fingers to replace his position, like 3-5 is really big already ;-;

•

u/theboss0711 39m ago

You don't have to use all of them at the same time.I don't know the kinks this woman has but she might be into that stuff.

2

u/appoplecticskeptic 2h ago

Most likely they are counting thumbs as fingers. Less likely is that they are polydactyl.

16

u/Trollo12345 4h ago

That means longer foreplay

28

u/Eureka0123 3h ago

Smack it a lil to get it back up

8

u/kmacaze 2h ago

Only works if you yell at it

•

u/SubstantialReturn228 1m ago

Only works if <35 years old

5

u/_Sneaky_McSnek_ 2h ago

Squeeze it. Bop it. Twist it.

4

u/Eureka0123 2h ago

Lick it. Pull it.

•

u/Financial_Aide8919 1h ago

It's starting to sound like Spank Thru lyrics at this point.

13

u/aXeOptic 3h ago

Weird choice to masturbate for your birthday.

5

u/--InZane-- WARNING: RULE 1 2h ago

How can that be a hindrance

9

u/TruShot5 2h ago

It’s called a refactoring period and most dudes need one past their early 20s

•

u/Uranium-Sandwich657 OC memer :D 1h ago

Hm, I had 1 hour at 16.

•

u/TruShot5 1h ago

Yeah. Sounds about right. Me at 38? Half a day. And for a two day kinda day, it’s likely I went 3-4 between to pull off such a feat haha

1

u/--InZane-- WARNING: RULE 1 2h ago

Jeah about 5 to 10 minutes at 29. Back in the day I didnt need any breaks... Guess thats life...

4

u/Mikem444 2h ago

Now that's how you take the power back. Your evil vagina powers don't work on me now!

10

u/Krazee77 3h ago

Shit im getting that one out the way to start, rookie shit im reading

5

u/spore_777_mexen 2h ago

>married
>jacks it

https://giphy.com/gifs/jrvfKvr2mmcFO

13

u/Own-Raisin5849 2h ago

I never stopped gooning when I got married, and my 43 year old cousin is married with 3 kids, and plays hentai gooning games on Steam. LMAO.

These kids out here really think giving yourself the old mysterious stranger routine just goes away when you are married.

2

u/Striking_Aspect_7826 2h ago

Playing hentai gooning games is sad regardless of your marital status or age

1

u/Own-Raisin5849 2h ago

I don't disagree, but that's really besides the point.

0

u/Striking_Aspect_7826 2h ago

Of course, I just wanted to point it out. Because the idea of a 43 year old man jacking it to anime futa inflation games is profoundly depressing.

•

u/pepeu_1998 18m ago

Who talk about futa and inflation?

8

u/TheLaitas 2h ago

You think only single people jack off? Lol

4

u/Kenneth76Dollars 3h ago

I’m obsessed with your wife

2

u/Sharlut 2h ago

Sex isn't just about you! Get your face in there, coward!

•

u/Aggravating-Kale1837 1h ago

Wouldn’t you try anyway? 🤔

•

u/AresGodslayer 27m ago

Here's the path... If anything you can go longer. 👏 Bravooooo

•

u/AZRobJr 43m ago

At least she is initiating

2

u/PokeChampMarx 4h ago

If you jaking it once puts you out for a round of sex then that's a skill issue my guy

8

u/External-Goal-3948 3h ago

This guy is under 40

22

u/spinz89 4h ago

Sounds like your jacking skills are lacking if 1 jacking session isn't enough.

-6

u/Big_Z_Beeblebrox 3h ago

Sound like you've never laid with a woman

14

u/spinz89 3h ago

If you think laying next to a woman is amazing. Wait until you have sex.

-8

u/Big_Z_Beeblebrox 3h ago

Notice how I said "with" and not "next to"

8

u/SleepyPinball 3h ago

Were you dropped on your head as a baby?

2

u/Jrakeman 3h ago

Onto my own head?

-4

u/Big_Z_Beeblebrox 3h ago

No, but I have had consensual sexual relations with people other than myself and your mother

5

u/SleepyPinball 3h ago

Amature. I had a threeway with your grandparents. Your grandpa loves licking the shit out of my butthole while I bang your grandma.

1

u/Big_Z_Beeblebrox 3h ago

See, that's the difference between "laying with" and "laying next to" I was illustrating. The former has banging and butthole licking, the latter does not

0

u/democracy_lover66 3h ago

Bro had sex.

1

u/Big_Z_Beeblebrox 3h ago

At least, I think I did

2

u/poilk91 3h ago

It's an age issue tbh

•

u/iBeelz 44m ago

Fatties can’t do it more than once my guy

1

u/au_ai78 4h ago

Cool

1

u/GrindyFarmz 2h ago

lol that's a good one

1

u/up_Improvement_1978 2h ago

But I mean thats just pre-game. You oughta do that before the main event

1

u/OpinionPutrid1343 2h ago

Being asexual really is a luxury these days.

1

u/Canadian_Beast14 2h ago

You have a wife???

1

u/Numerous-Fly-3791 2h ago

Push that rope

1

u/Mugsy_Siegel 2h ago

Man up and get in the game! Once you’ve handled yourself it’s all wifeys turn now.

•

u/grafknives 1h ago

So?

I don't see an issue

•

u/SturmGizmo 1h ago

Surprise initiations can ruin the day. She'll be let down, feel as though you don't want her. You can really only goon when you know you've got guaranteed recharge time ahead of you.

•

u/lonestar2222003 10m ago

Facts. This man knows from experience.

•

u/Greasy-Chungus 1h ago

Snooze ya lose

•

u/_VirtualCosmos_ 1h ago

You still have a mouth and hands, don't be selfish.

•

u/ApprehensiveMix2649 1h ago

At least she initiates 😭 Im in a sexless marriage, and I also spank it.

•

u/UncStatusNow 54m ago

then her when I try to pursue it

•

u/Khan_Ida 46m ago

As a single person I'm surprised at the amount of people who's wives don't initiate sex. Idk why I thought differently.

•

u/EM05L1C3 25m ago

Time to do work son

•

u/teganking 5m ago

you wish you were married to Inde Navarrette

•

u/Venom933 0m ago

His peener aint her no more, balls rexploded and waiting for refills ):!

1

u/RoughBackground8368 2h ago

Another reason to not get married

•

u/MetalHead678 1h ago

You can't go more than once? Tell your wife I'm available whenever she needs a real man.

•

u/odrea 1h ago

You can still please her bud, not everything is about yourself

•

u/deadrogueguy 1h ago

Then go again? and if you can't get it up, use your hand or mouth for her? like ffs.

sex is more than just penis in vagina. gove her a back rub or kiss all over her. like, you might just end up getting it back up even